Killraven? Or Killfashion?

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you what may be the worst costume in the history of super-hero comics:

As you can see from the cover, that’s Marvel Comics’ “Killraven“, sporting a San Francisco Gay Pride Parade-worthy outfit featuring leather suspenders AND leather hot pants AND leather thigh boots AND a mini-corset string set AND an Eighties workout headband AND a mullet AND roll-top gloves.

That’s a lot of suck to go into a costume that contains a total of, at the outside, three square inches of fabric.

Why would you even need suspenders to hold up those short-shorts? Did the copious use of alternate-future Nair-like hair removal products result in a man-region so slick it sheds clothing like water off a duck’s butt?

I’ll give him this, though — he’s a lot manlier than I am, because if I tried to wear leather suspenders with no undershirt, my nipples would be chafed absolutely raw. But not Killraven; sore man-nips or not, he’s as bold in his fashion sense as he is in combat, what with his innovative “swords versus laser beams” strategy and all.

I said he was manly, not smart.

(Image and character © Marvel Comics.)

21 Responses to Killraven? Or Killfashion?

  1. Maybe he’s one of those aliens who have no nipples. Maybe that’s his superpower.

  2. Me, Myself & I

    I tell you he sure wouldn’t make it long up here in Canada in the winter. Chaffing would be the least of his concerns when he’s suffering from frostbite on 90% of his body.

  3. I would personally prefer killraven in his winter “suit”. If he even has one.

  4. That outfit is SO lame! As battle gear, that outfit makes no sense! I hope the Martians win.

  5. Is that a Tateroid from the previous character contest in the background?

  6. It’s a shame that Killraven is still under Marvels’ copyright because that costume screams for a redo!

  7. I’m wondering if this is what Conan would wear if he were gay?
    Also, why is he facing to pose in front of a camera instead of fighting the aliens like everyone else behind him?

  8. I just realized something: if those shorts ride something awful then where is the bulge? This guy has no junk!

  9. Watson Bradshaw

    so much fail in one image. head band? thigh high pirate boots? and a leather chastity belt with matching straps!? Here’s hoping the Aliens take one look, Laugh uncontrollably and fly away.

  10. If it wasn’t for that outfit, how else would you know he was a Zardoz rip-off?
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zardoz

  11. @TheNate: Please don’t remind us of that movie. Sean Connery may be one of the world’s greatest actors, but the man-kini/suspenders/gunbelt/ponytail thing is just terrifying…

  12. Me, Myself & I

    Yup, I agree with Gero (10), I could have gone my entire life without knowing that movie existed and been happier for it. :)

  13. And yet, it wasn’t Sean Connery’s least dignified acting job. That would be this:

  14. Is this better or worse than his old costume? I can’t tell. Both are full of so much awful.

    http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090415234119/marveldatabase/images/d/d6/Jonathan_Raven_%28Earth-691%29.png

  15. William A. Peterson

    Better! Much, much better!
    Which is not to say Jeff is wrong about the newer one, but the older one is THAT awful!

  16. @Jeff: I hope you’re just guessing at what leather suspenders would do to your man-nips. If this is from actual experience, I really don’t want to know.

    @Nate and Gero: That movie was fodder for my buddies and I to have our own MST3K type parties (before the show). Easily one of the worst movies ever. But still, even in that absurd garb, he’s still more of a man than most of us will ever be!

    In the original costume, he looks a little too friendly with his sword.

  17. MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!! AAAAAAAHHH!!!

  18. This is why I never was good at putting a costume to a character… If I got too overboard with it, I would’ve created something like this, so most of my homemade heroes run around in normal everyday clothing … and trenchcoats, mainly because they were based in Philadelphia. But, yeah, this is by far one of the worst costumes I’ve ever seen!

  19. Watson Bradshaw

    just thought I would try to update old Killraven’s look a bit.
    A little armor goes a long way
    http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o240/watson_kaboos/killraven.png

  20. @Myro: I think the pose makes it look worst than it actually is. If you cut off the top parts of the boots and coloured the rest of the arm it wouldn’t as stupid. It would look stupid, but still I think your pic is much better than the one above.

  21. I can’t help it. For some reason, Zardoz keeps coming to mind:
    http://digitalmedia.arts.ufl.edu/gal/d/2580-2/zardoz.jpg