Shamelessly, I present the following Poll Position holiday-themed Wolverine question, pushing the boundaries of how shamelessly I can exploit a popular character to further my own popularity:
Forthwith to the rolling in the muck!
- Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein": Smart, strong, and utterly amoral. He's certainly got the personality profile to at least hang with Wolverine for a while, at least until the claws come out. I don't recall any of the grotesque pastiche of convict bodies used to give Frank physical form again were adamantium-proof, but then again, it's been a while since I read the book.
- Hollywood's Frankenstein: Stronger and more relentless in some ways than the original, nonetheless I'd think the use of the abnormal (or "Abby Normal") brain would make this version of Frankenstein little more than the featured ingredient in a future mincemeat pie. On the other hand, this IS Hollywood, capable of performing such super-hero related feats as making Michael Keaton believable as Batman, so nothing is impossible.
- Malevolent ghost: So the conundrum here is, how do you slice someone into bits with your shiny sharp claws when they're incorporeal? Conversely, how would the ghost in turn affect Logan? Perhaps a guest appearance by the Ghostbusters would make this readable, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
- Wicked Witch: I like the idea of a magic-wielding sorceress type going against Wolverine. A non-physical opponent would be the most likely to give him trouble, possibly including the "Summon Monster IV" spell to bring in a rustmonster.
- Hannah Montana: Admit it, you would buy this. I know I would -- I'm not proud.
- Super pirate: I know there must be pirate-themed super characters out there (Psycho Pirate comes to mind, but that's not quite the same thing), but I can't think of any off-hand. Some sort of super saber, lots of acrobatics, a swashbuckling, devil-may-care attitude, those could go a long way to making for an interesting fight. Plus the scene where Wolverine slices a cannonball hurtling at him into ribbons before it can impact would be cool.
- Fairy princess: More magic, with a different emphasis. I also like the idea of this itty-bitty Tinkerbell flitting around while Logan swings like a Yankees batter against Cliff Lee, looking both frustrated and lost.
- Sinister ninja: Wolverine has battled ninjas before and come out just fine. No contest here.
- Jedi: Now this I'd like to see. You get the pseudo-magic powers of a witch or fairy, with the cuts-anything light saber physical confrontation aspect.
- Brick & Brick Layer: A perennial "couples" costume favorite, I admit I put it on the list just for the mental fantasy of Wolverine slicing this tired old idea to shreds, literally. Ah, joy.
I think the only real question here is, "Could you successfully sell any random pile of crap as long as it had Wolverine's name on it?" I won't know for sure until next week when the vote totals are in, but judging from the 1990s I am going to go with a tentative "yes".
Having said that, while I would like to see Wolverine crash a Hannah Montana concert and go to town, I think the honest answer here is that the Jedi vs. Wolverine matchup would be the most fun. I wonder what would happen when his adamantium claws met a light saber? I suppose it would depend on who was producing the movie, LucasFilms or Marvel. Either way, good times.
What are your thoughts on this pressing matter of national concern?
Just say no.