Remember when walruses were cool? Me neither.

If ever an actual published comic book sounded like a truly bad "Champions" scenario, this is it:

Meanwhile the Beast's lecture was interrupted by a super hero wannabe, the bumbling Frog Man. Angel and Iceman came to Beast's side after the interruption and asked what Frog Man wanted. Frog Man told them he wasn't there to cause any trouble but wanted to join the Defenders.

I can see the earnest, sweaty GM huddled behind his screen, eyes peering out anxiously as he describes that scenario to his players. He can tell they're not really buying it -- Frog Man? All these people just happen to show up at a lecture at the same time? Pull the other one! -- so frantically he whips out his ace in the hole, the clincher he knows will bring his skeptical crew around to how awesome this campaign really is:

Hubert was excited to have his new powers and became the goofy menace known as the Walrus. He wanted to be the best mass destructionist in the world and started off by causing havoc at a Kwikkee Burger joint. His Uncle Humbert told the Walrus to head his way to Brooklyn University and destroy the world-famous Beast in combat. He wanted the Walrus to prove that he was the greatest product of modern science and the both of them would be famous.

With a trembling voice, he whips out the full color visual and announces "That's right, gentlemen, your awesome foe leaps from the shadows and announces, 'Beware the awesome menace of ... The Walrus!'"

Cue gales of laughter.

I'm glad the artist included the completely random rainbow coloring on the chest "W", as I don't think the "special" helmet, socks-as-mitten-gloves, furry unitard, and webbed claw booties quite nail the concept on their own, especially given how wrongly named he is. Because if any big, hairy, "proud" character were going to grace the pages of the comics, let's be honest -- he'd be The Bear, not the Walrus. And if you don't get that reference, good for you; stay sweet, kid.

(Image and character © Marvel Comics, Inc.)

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