Sports Illustrated it ain’t …

With heartfelt thanks to Chris Sims for burning out my retinas with his retrospective of the Marvel Swimsuit Edition comics of the morally turgid Nineties, I present to you what is possibly the worst costume ever. Anywhere. In this, or any conceivable universe:


Seashells on man-parts is wrong. Just wrong. Let's not even get into how staggeringly uncomfortable that thing must be to wear, with the ridges and the coral and the sharp bits ... man, talk about "shrinkage". ::shudder::

Here's how bad it is. It's so bad that just wearing it has turned Namor into a walking, noseless, undead mummy aqua-zombie. With incredibly viscous water oozing down his disturbingly ribbed musculature. It's either that, or the sight of his skimpy shell-Speedo got the local sperm whale a little too excited.

(Image and character ©1995, Marvel Comics, and the responsibility of Joe Quesada, who should be ashamed. Forever.)

15 Responses to Sports Illustrated it ain’t …

  1. This is almost as bad as naked Spider-man.

  2. @Loki: Naked Spider Man? Never mind, I don’t want to know πŸ™‚

  3. GAAAH! MY EYES!!! X__X

  4. Well, if the Little Mermaid can wear a seashell bra, then I guess Namor can….wear…a…forget I said anything

  5. I’m sure this would be pretty hot if Namor looked like himself. πŸ˜›

  6. I like Nova’s and Boom Boom’s the best πŸ˜€

  7. I gotta tell ya…this just pisses me off. I’m ashamed that Marvel ever had this idea in the first place.

  8. Is it me, or does this look like the handy work of one Mr. Rob Leifeld to anyone else?

  9. It looks like someone tied Namor’s chest with hemp rope. Muscles are never that corded.

    Swimsuit issues… The things we try and forget. I never understood why my friends actually bought them. Didn’t Image end up doing the same thing at one point?

  10. I bought them, along with the Year In Review. Of course, I subscribed to the original Excalibur, too, and I think those things are related. In the 90s it was kind of hard to find anything that didn’t take itself way too seriously.

  11. By Thoth I don’t even want to see the butt floss in the rearview! ROFL, the local sperm whale. HEY! FREE WILLY!

  12. Okay, I saw that Liefeld didn’t do this picture. He IS however credited with the Boom Boom picture. When I saw it, the first thing that popped into my head was “where are the pouches? Liefeld puts pouches on EVERYTHING.”

  13. I’m kind of glad that he didn’t do this one, then…Just try to imagine where this guy might be hiding a pouch o__O

  14. Birth of Venus it ain’t either.

  15. Best thing of that Swimsuit Special was iron Man wearing shorts over his armor.

    You just can’t beat that silliness!