Our Poll Position for this week asks you to put yourself in the position of a super-joiner:
Discussion after the jump.
Once you’ve got super powers (not hard, I mean you just need mutant parents or a spider and some source of radiation), the difficulties really begin. What kind of costume should you wear? What kind of adventures do you want to go on? And most importantly of all, do you want to be a solo hero or would you rather join up with other like-minded folks? The people you hang out with say a lot about you, and no one wants to be the Wendy and Marvin of their universe’s Super-Friends equivalent, you know? There’s a reason the Defenders were never invited to Opening Night at a new ballpark, after all — nobody wants the foul stench of Loser hanging off of them.
Bearing that in mind, here are my thoughts on the various super-team choices in the offering:
- All-Star Squadron: A good fit for those who like living in a simpler, cleaner, purer time, the All-Star Squadron is DC’s home for 1940’s-era costumed crusaders. You’ve got a guaranteed group of truly deserving enemies to beat the crap out of (no one ever got pelted with rotten vegetables for shooting Nazis, after all), and a great buy-low opportunity on the Japanese stock market. Most of the people on the team were good-natured and fine teammates, as well, as you’d expect from the nostalgic view of How Things Used To Be.
- Alpha Flight: On the one hand, you have hands-down the best-designed team uniforms out there. On the other hand, you have to live in Canada. I kid, I kid! As Kathleen Madigan said, Canada is like the United States’ attic. Once you remember to poke your head in there, you’re all “Man, it’s a lot bigger than I remember, and look at all this cool stuff!” Plus, if things go too horribly wrong, you can call on the RCMP. Ahem.
- Avengers: The undoubted king of super teams, with all the prestige and renown that implies. You get your own mansion, your own robot butler system (which only occasionally tries to kill you all in your sleep), god-like (literally) teammates, super fancy jets, top-secret government clearance so you can finally expunge that embarrassing item from your Permanent Record, etc.
- Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense (BPRD): Getting to hang out with Hellboy would be fun, as I’m pretty sure he gets all those beers for free. However, you would constant be running around fighting slimy things that could steal your soul. If you’ve got an affinity for horror stuff, this is the best choice.
- Green Lantern Corps: Interstellar travel, good health benefits (“We even bring you back after you’re dead! Several times!”), cool costumes, and awesome powers. This is a pretty attractive group, were it not for their habit of getting completely annihilated from time to time.
- Guardians of the Globe: From the pages of “Invincible”, I mostly have this on the list because I wanted an option for people who want to be part of a team that not only will be killed to the last man (see Corps, Green Lantern), but in the bloodiest, messiest, most gore-festooned way possible. Because that’s how I roll.
- Justice League: The kings of the DC Universe, with all the perks that implies. Big space-borne satellite station, teleportation wherever you want to go, Superman backing you up, there’s lots to like here. However, they seem like they’d have a lot of rules. And you have “Watch Hours” which is irritating any time after college and you’re no longer an RA. I bet Batman doesn’t have to sit there in front of the computer playing Solitaire and hoping nothing blows up in Namibia. Plus, have you seen some of the hosers they let in this group?
- Legion of Super-Heroes: I’d love to see the future. On the down side, Matter Eater Lad might take a fancy to your iPod for a between-meals snack, which is never fun.
- X-Men: You have to have mutant powers, your boss can read your mind (“That’s not an educational film you’re downloading and we both know it.”), everyone not a mutant wants to kill you, and every adventure ends in some kind of misery. No thanks. Plus I wouldn’t want to have to put up with cleaning out the drain after The Beast showers, that’s just gross y’all.
So, looking over the list, you have to say that prestige-wise, the Justice League and the Avengers come out clearly on top. But, if you like space travel and sci-fi stuff, the GL Corps and the Legion are strong contenders, just as the All-Star Squadron is for your Golden Age types and the BPRD for horror fans. Since I’m a fan of the powers, the costumes, and the mission, I’d probably go with the GL Corps. I like that they don’t need fancy machines to do all their work, that they get to see space, and that if you line up all their enemies you get a pretty rainbow.
How about you, what team would you want to be part of?