Poll Position: Slice and dice

Your Poll Position question this week deals with one of Marvel's most-beloved characters and the things that make him go *POP*:

{democracy:101}

Discussion after the jump.

Would a rose by any other name smell as sweet? Would any old character with Logan's claws be just as cool? These are the kinds of questions that keep nerds tossing and turning all night long. Alone in their beds with nothing but their Spider-Man underoos for company. But I digress, because come on, any thoughts of nerds in bed in their underwear is a grievous blow to all that's good and right in the world.

So, yeah, Wolverine -- his claws are awesome, who else would you want to see have them? For what it's worth, here are my thoughts on the matter.

  • Frank Castle (Punisher): Here's what Frank would say if you asked him if he wanted Wolverine's claws: "Can I fire them from a gun? No? Forget it." But I bet he'd take the skeleton because come on, pecs and a skull t-shirt can only stop so many bullets.
  • Matt Murdock (Daredevil): I have to say, the thought of DD flipping around the rooftops of Hell's Kitchen with something a wee bit more impressive than a sawed-off stick makes me feel all tingly. The metal bones would also be a big help when the Kingpin beats the tar out of him again, as seems to happen every so often.
  • Peter Parker (Spider Man): Like Daredevil, I like the thought of an acrobatic type of character having Wolverine's offensive firepower to back up their ninja-like reflexes. Spider-Man's another one of those guys who doesn't have a lot of in-your-face badness to bring to the table, so beefing up that aspect would be most welcome. On the other hand, it's probably hard to be all stealthy when your feet go CLANG every time you crawl a wall ...
  • Scott Summers (Cyclops): I'm just gonna flat-out say it: Cyclops is a weenie. I hate his power, I hate that he can't turn it off, I hate that he's a whiner, and I hate that he's in charge of a group when I am 99% sure that deep in their heart of hearts, every X-Man wants to kill him. I automatically veto anything that would enhance his survivability, therefore.
  • Steve Rogers (Captain America): "Screw defense AND the vibranium shield, I wanna cuts me up some Reds!" To quote South Park, "America, F**K YEAH!"
  • Sue Richards (Invisible Woman): "Seriously, Reed, I am NOT in the mood, and if you think stretching it through the locked door's keyhole is funny, you've got another think coming. SNIKT!"

I have to say, I have tempted myself mightily with this selection. From a geeky fanboi standpoint I'd love to see Daredevil or Spider-Man get the nod. But I have to say, I'd probably actually go with Sue Richards. I'm tired of her having to just cushion falls and employ delaying tactics. For once I'd like to see her go invisible, sneak up on someone, and just eviscerate his ass. GIRL POWER!!

What would you like to see if you were in charge of Marve's "What If?" desk?

14 Responses to Poll Position: Slice and dice

  1. dementedtheclown

    My 1st choice would be captain america, but punisher would be more inclined to you them.

  2. I’d give the power to Sue for the sole reason of wanting to see her get pissed off while owning such an ability. Be careful not to try to get too dominant in bed, Reed. SNIKT, SNIKT! :p

  3. to have sue richards have it would be like the predator: he can go invisible and skin you alive. i vote not.
    it won’t do well for spidey – his assets are more in the area of speed and agility rather than endurance or extra muscle. that skeleton would probably double his weight and slow him down.
    Cap’s icon is the shield – he protects, not attacks. it would send the wrong message.
    and cyclops?! just do an x-men 3 on him and have phoenix kill ‘im.
    I would like to see Murdock have it though. It’d mess with his senses at first, but he’ll get used to it. Wouldn’t it be easier if he doesn’t have to try and dodge bullseye all the time?

  4. Definitely the Punisher. Simply because he would be the only one listed to use the claws the way they were intended. Everyone else would wuss out.

  5. Yeah, I have to agree with you guys. I voted for Sue, but I got thinking later on and remembered that she doesn’t need them at all AND she wouldn’t use them either. IF she ever wanted Sue could make her force fields as sharp and as hard as she wants, plus they could reach distances that the claws will never be able to. She’d just never be inclined to use them.

    As far as the others… Cap just would appreciate the skeleton, but would never use the claws just based on principle. Cyclops is just a wuss. Spidey would, sadly, use the claws the first time out thinking: “look at the cool new appendages I have”, and proceed to accidentally kill someone. He then would spend 3 years trying to get rid of them riddled with guild because of that kill, so NO. DD, I think, would go the same route as Cap. Which leaves the only one on the list that would make effective use of the claws and skeleton, Frank Castle.

  6. Spider-Man doesn’t have offensive power? He has Incredible (40!) strength. 😉

    Hey, if Wolvy’s entire skeleton is coated in adamantium, why doesn’t he have metal teeth?

  7. I voted Cyclops because, as much as he gets a bad rap, he’s still supposed to be one of the best hand-to-hand combatants in the X universe. His biggest problem is his lack of durability. Given just the skeleton and wolvie’s healing factor, I’d give Cyc the win over a great many of the X universe’s biggest and most dangerous baddies.

  8. I just can’t decide….
    Heck I don’t even remember when Wolverine got the metal back after Magneto ripped it outta him so long ago!

  9. Frank Castle would be the only one on the list that would actual use the claws. None of the others go for lethal attacks so they would go to waste.

    If it was just the skeleton, like Bullseye has, it would be between Daredevil, Spiderman, and Captain America. They are all focused on close combat, where the advantages of the skeleton would be at it’s best. In that case I would give it to Steve Rogers, as he’s simply the best and most useful in this list.

  10. Hold on! The best choice for admantium bones would obviously be Aunt May. Let’s see Osteoperosis give her any problems then. 😉

  11. Skeleton I’d probably give to Spider-man. Peter spends (or at least at one time spent) so much time getting beat up, he needs the extra strength…although frankly, Wolverine’s healing factor would probably be better. Claws, though…during the run of, what was it, “The Other”?…anyway, during a previous run, Peter already had some kind of wrist-mounted biological spikes…I distinctly remember him wondering if it was some kind of ‘Logan-envy’ the first time he popped them (without realizing it). Presumably, these disappeared along with the rest of that storyline.

  12. Punisher doesn’t need claws, he is already good with guns. Cyclops, Invisible woman, Captain America and Spider-man have no use for claws. Each of them already has destructive abilities powers that they neglect to use to lethal effect. That leaves just the Daredevil, since he can do ninja crap, he can cut stuff up.

  13. I think Daredevil would be the best choice. Bullseye has an adamantium skeleton, so it would be useful if dd had one

  14. I almost went with Sue Richards, then remembered that when she was Malice (Possessed? Brainwashed by Psycho-Man? I can’t remember), she was really, really annoying. A Sue who wants to hurt people is just no good; she’s annoying enough normally. Plus, when she’s bad, her fashion sense is super bad.

    So, like most folks, I ended up with the Punisher, because he’s the only one who would use the claws for more than opening his soda. Assuming he could move fast enough to actually swing fast enough to connect with all that extra weight, of course.

    (Out of curiosity, does the healing factor come with the skeleton? Because I kind of thought having metal coating your skeleton would kill you if you didn’t have mutant healing, but if Bullseye’s got one, there goes that. If the healing factor goes along, then I’d give the whole package to poor Daredevil instead.)