The thong is strong on this one

What we have with Polaris Spanner from DC's "Spanner's Galaxy" is a fundamentally decent costume horribly betrayed by one small but crucial element:

spanner

Although I hesitate to say it considering the location of the area in question, this is definitely a case of a small thing making a huge difference. I am talking, of course, about his crotch, which for some reason is bound to the open-flap tunic top like some kind of cosmic onesie. The urge to check underneath that thing for quick-release snaps is almost irresistible, and may in fact be why he was the most-hunted criminal in the galaxy. They took their fashion seriously back then, folks.

The other elements are mostly blah (with the exception of that white-fur collar which ought to be illegal in any century), but that simple decision to continue the tunic down to his hoo-hoo just ruins the entire thing. The headband transforms from a semi-neato sci-fi doodad to a hippie doofus accessory, the boots look like he's smuggling baby hippos, and let's not even get started with the bizarre galactic howler monkey.

Just remember kids, when it comes to fashion, particularly in your nether regions, just say "no" if any seamstress asks you if you want to span anything. Maybe if Polaris Spanner had learned that lesson, he'd be a free man today. Or at least, not in a canceled book.

(Image and character © DC Comics, Inc.)

15 Responses to The thong is strong on this one

  1. Come on! It’s not that bad. And isn’t it some kind of genre convention that the crotch area has to be highlighted in some way? Or why do so many comic book heroes wear undies over their tights(!) ?

  2. Full-on briefs are fine. but this one has the sides cut away, so all you have is the French-style crotch-only area going all the way up. And that’s just wrong, y’all.

  3. Have the collar match the button flap, change the tights to pants, and get a useful belt, the boots might make sense then, if he were a cheapie version of Marvel’s Corsair. Who is not a space pirate. (Spanner wrench, my warp drive)

  4. Love this entry, Jeff. Too funny!

  5. William A. Peterson

    Hey, Jeff! Have you seen “Super Young Team” from Final Crisis (and “Final Crisis Aftermath: Dance”)?
    I REALLY want to see your take on Most Excellent Super Bat (or, MoSexBat, for short)!

  6. First I’ve heard of it, WillyPete, is there something online I could look at? My Google-Fu blows.

  7. I’m a bit confused, Jeff–you called the costume “fundamentally decent” but then picked it apart. Which are the “fundamentally decent” parts?

  8. It’s all just ok — “blah” is how I described it. Perfectly serviceable if unexceptional — tights, floppy-toped boots, piratical type open-flap shirt, etc. Decent.

    And then you add the French-cut cosmic onesie and it drags what would have been ok if unexciting down into ruin.

    Hence the opening sentence, a fundamentally decent costume betrayed by one awful element. Which then makes all the stuff that otherwise is decent look like crap.

    In other words, that one little white triangle took this costume from something I would have leafed over without much thought into something I felt compelled to mock.

  9. I hate those godawful boots! How could anyone run in those things?

  10. His boots is horrible.

  11. @Fabien: Great minds think alike!

  12. Legatus asked:

    And isn’t it some kind of genre convention that the crotch area has to be highlighted in some way? Or why do so many comic book heroes wear undies over their tights(!) ?

    Dunno, Leg. I’ve wondered the same thing. Maybe it became a convention because Joe Shuster drew Superman that way. Or maybe, when we look at the image, our brains are expecting some kind of dividing line between the upper and lower half of the body–a belt, undies on the outside, something.

  13. William A. Peterson

    Will do, Jeff!
    In the meantime, feast your eyes on THIS exquisite Ditko Character!
    http://www.thrillingdetective.com/eyes/odd_man.html

  14. William A. Peterson

    Sorry, it’s not a great pic, but he’s the one at the front, standing next to Shiny Happy Aquazon!
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_Young_Team
    (The entry for MoSexBat only showed a small head shot…)

  15. And he talks in a squeaky, high pitched voice, like the villain at the end of Roger Rabbit!!!