Caption Contest 56: Golden Lad

Now folks, I'm going to be trusting you here to keep this clean, and to help I am re-instituting the "appropriate for prime time network television" rule, but I just couldn't pass this image up for our next Caption Contest:

golden-lad-1-1945-queer

If you come up with the funniest, best entry to replace the missing dialog balloon, you'll get to choose either a) any one item in any one slot to be included in HeroMachine 3 or b) an illustration of your head and face to be included in HeroMachine 3 so you can serve as the basis for millions of super-heroes across the world! The rules are simple:

  1. Keep it clean, appropriate for a prime time network television broadcast (this means no use of the Seven Words You Can't Say on Television);
  2. Your entry must be left as a comment to this post;
  3. Be funny.

On a personal note, I tend to find violent homophobic humor un-funny. VERY un-funny. I post a number of "queer" references from the Fifties because it makes for humorous reading in the modern usage of the word, given the fact that you've got a bunch of muscle-bound men in stockings running around beating up other men while being followed by young boys, but the spirit of the thing is important. I don't like implications of violence against homosexual people, and calling stupid, silly, or feminine things "gay" is just kind of lame.

So while technically that sort of thing isn't against "the rules", I don't find it very funny. And I'm doing the judging. Do the math πŸ™‚

Now, lecture over, start with the funny!

40 Responses to Caption Contest 56: Golden Lad

  1. 1) Who needs pants when you’ve got…UNDERPANTS!!!!
    2) Halt, villains, you face the Talking Arm!
    3) Yes, if you must know, my hair IS exactly the same color as my cape!

  2. You wanna know where my name comes from? Let’s just say that after a jury hears you beat the pulp out of a confused little kid in pajamas, who you claim was some kind of crazed vigilante, “golden” may be *my* status, but it certainly won’t be *yours*.

  3. 1. Twenty bucks. For fifty, you can pee on me.

    2. Wanna know how I make my cape flutter on demand? Huh? Huh? Do ya? Huh? Huh?

    3. They sent me over here for Robin tryouts. And for some reason, they said not to wear any undies.

  4. 1. Okay, boys! Let’s… REDECORATE THIS HOUSE!

    2. My mama always said my face would freeze like this, but did I listen? Noooo.

    3. Gee willikers! You guys got a bathroom I can use?

  5. William A. Peterson

    1. “Hi! I’m a Jehovah’s Witness! Have you heard the WORD of the Lord?”

    2. “Okay, team, let’s get out there and sell, sell, sell! Wait! Isn’t this the Amway Convention?”

    {Though I think RSC5 already has the winning entry…}

  6. @William: Thanks kindly, but I’m actually rather concerned that it’s too long…Also, your first one made me laugh pretty suddenly.

  7. Zorbas the Awesome

    1. HOLY GREEN UNDIES Catman! Im a Robin parody!

    2. You guy like my mini-skirt?!?

    *Those underoos look like a mini-skirt!*

    3. Hi im a Super-Scout! Wanna buy some cookies!?!

  8. gee mr Batman cheer up and smile

  9. 1. Did anyone see a giant farrot with sixteen tentacles go through here? no?
    2. Do i look like i’m kidding?
    3. Hey! Was that an ice cream van??? Wait for meee!!!

  10. β€œ Who wants PIE?! ”

  11. 1) Ok so the gold got tarnished and now i am green-boy
    2) Drats! Anti-Golden Boy stole my pants again, that’s three this week and its only Tuesday!
    3)Hey where is the DC-con i want to show off my home made robin costume, aint it swell?

  12. 1. I’m only laughing on the outside, my smile is just skin deep, if you could see inside…wait a minute! You CAN see inside! You can see my heart!

    2. I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.

    3. Well, they don’t call it a wind tunnel for nothing.

  13. 1. Don’t make me use my ultimate power the GOLDEN SHOWER!

  14. “Behold! I am a time traveller from a more innocent era!”

  15. Too much fun to pass….

    1) Strnagely dressed? Whaddaya mean, strangely dressed? These are the clothes *you* gave me!

    2) And his loyal sidekick, the talking arm-ferret! You’re history, gangsters!

    3) Ever heard Wierd Al’s version of Gangsta’s Paradise? Well, this is my version of Gangsta’s Perdition!

    4) Before we start fighting, don’t forget to buy the VARIETY GOLD HEART for children’s charity! I wear mine proudly!

  16. The Doomed Pixel

    1) I’ve got a herpes outbreak. Right now. But you wouldn’t know it.
    Thanks, Herpicol!

    2) I’m also a ventriloquist! Observe how I throw my speech bubble several inches to the side!

  17. Dan Gonzalez

    1) Some people wear their hearts on their sleeve. I wear mine on my chest, it’s my second mouth that’s on my sleeve!

    2) “If you can dream it, you can do it!” they told me, so here I am with fabulous abs, a winning smile, and a can-do attitude. Let’s fight some crime!

    3)Last week you gangsters meet in a sauna and I sweat all over the place. This week I dress for heat and it’s the meat locker. Golden Lad’s skin is pink! Can I get a schedule or something?

  18. The Dudemeister

    1. You boys look like you’ve been Golden BAD! Whose ready to DANCE?

    2. Golden Dad! Golden Dad! I know I’m not supposed to bother you at work, but the Dentist said NO CAVITIES!

    3. This Lad is GOLDEN BAD! Straight up Gangster! Got room in your gang for one more?

  19. 1. I need your protection. Do you think you guys can get Mr. Jackson to leave me alone?

    2. So, about those tax deductions you guys filed last month…

    3. Umm, yeah, so, what part about “I’m Gonna Need Those TPS Reports on My Desk by Monday,” did you guys not understand.

    4. Is this the NAMBLA meeting? The lady up front gave me a safe word, but Im still not sure why I cant wear pants.

  20. Zorbas the Awesome

    Steve that last one was funny as HELL!!! AHAHAHA!

  21. Zorbas the Awesome

    4. LEEEEEEEERRRRRROOOOOOOY JEEEEEEEEEEENKIIIIIIINS!!!!!!!

    *have to play WoW to get that one*

    *Maybe*

  22. 1>”One yellow towel: $2.69 on Debit Card. Green leotard: $18.99 on Debit Card. Leather gloves w/ matching boots:$67.99 on Debit Card. Striking fear into the hearts of evildoers dressed like this: Priceless.”

    2> “First up in our sidekick fashion show….summer wear for those sidekicks whose limbs need that freedom of movement while keeping cool in the warmer months.”

    3> *Cue music* “I have a mansion, forget the price. Ain’t never been there they tell me it’s nice. Live in hotels, ter out the walls, I have accountants pay for it all. Life’s been good to me so far.”

  23. 1. Hi! I’m Colossal Ker-Pow, Golden Lad’s left bicep and I’ll be the narrator of this story!

    2. I get the feeling i should NOT have listened to my rice krispies this morning…

    3. Gee wilikers! I sure do hope these drawn-on abs fool those nefarious gangsters!

  24. That first one was great John D
    πŸ˜€

  25. 1. Wait, what do you mean? Hey! My suit does not resemble Robin, and it was not bought of his fan site!

    2. Wow! Sure I had to run nintysix blocks, have a bum steal my wallet, and then loose my pants whilst running from a rabid pitbull! But at least I found your lair Mr.Evil, wait a second, this is my house!

    3.Time to meet your worst fear… The TERRIBLY DRAWN CRUSADER! Dum Dum Dummmmmmmm!

  26. 1β€” (post #10)

    2β€” That’s right, eyes above the waist, wiseguys!

    3β€” First day on the job and all the clean spandex is at the cleaners.

    4β€” No gawking hoodlums, this caped crusader is going to filling up the slammer!

    5β€” Why, yes, Jim Dangle *is* my son from the future! (small)how did you know?(/small)

    6β€” Ho-yeah, these are comfy shorts! (small)Had to fight the Heroes Union to let me wear them on the job(/small)

  27. Who’s ready to parrrtey!

  28. That’s right! I’m ten and I have rock hard abs!

  29. * I find it hard to believe that the Gangsters eyes were ‘amazed’ by anything…. the ‘LAD’ is obviously too petrified to realize that his ARM is talking..and his shadow is doing some sort of jig behind him…now, if he had a couple more pouches, his feet were obscured by an unnecessary object and big burly muscles accompanied thos scrawny forearms of his…we could probably just chalk this up to a failed Liefeld wannabe…but im not sure what this kids REAL problem is…

  30. 5. HI! I’m part of the Jason Todd fan club! We’re going door to door to make sure you guys vote to keep Jason Todd alive in the upcomi…are those guns!?

    (Narration on Next Page: Sadly, Jimmy was never seen again, therefore Jason died thanks to Jimmy’s incompetence. Jason died because of you Jimmy….way to go…jerk)

    (entry stops before narration)

  31. 1 Its a brand new day the sun is high and then angels sing your gonna die

    2 pray for mercy from a wuss in boots

    3 oh funny a heart on like i havent heard that one befor

    4 A mans gotta do what a mans gotta do dont plan the plan if you cant fallow threw

    5 i am just seven hours old truly beautiful to behold.

    6 hey is the the place for the rocky horror try outs?

  32. 4. Prepare to meet your doom, for I am Robins twin brother, you can call me. errr… The… Yellow Robin?

    5. What?! You want to know my powers? well errrr… I… I can err… I’m good at sewing if that helps.

    6. Give me back my pants now! My keys are in them.

  33. StrangezThingez

    1. So what that I have patellar dislocation?
    2. Do you like my pincers, guys?
    3. Well I’m not George Nelson, but I sure have a baby face, eh?
    4. I can defeat you simply by smiling in a disturbing manner!

  34. Zorbas the Awesome

    5. WRONG MOVIE!!! THIS ISN’T MYSTIC-RIVER!!!! ITS GOLDEN LAD!!!! Sooooo GIVE ME BACK MY PANTS!!!!!

    6. NO IM NOT ROBIN……I’m DUCKY!!!!!

    7. FEAR THE POWER OF MY SUPER-ONESIE!!!! Now where’s the milk-maid??!??

  35. The Dudemeister

    4. That’s right boys, it’s me- THE GREEN UNITARD! I’ve taken over this small boy, and now I’m taking over this outfit. We’re in charge now, see?

    5. *SIGH* Just look at the way they’re staring. I was supposed to be worn by the male lead in the Metropolitan Ballet! I just hope the unitards back home don’t hear about this.

    6. PLEASE DON’T SHOOT US! I realize this kid is asking for it, but I’ve got two little unitards at home, and my wife is pregnant with a tutu.

  36. You won’t be laughing when the Golden Eagle drops behind you and gives you a thrashing!

    Yup, any minute now.

    Just wait for it.

    Um, Eagle?

  37. … and so this guy has a contest where he asks people to submit captions to a random cartoon with a speech bubble! I mean can you believe it? I know!

  38. 1. Looks like my (bold)girlfriend(/bold)gave me the right address! You creeps don’t stand a chance against Golden Lad and his (bold)girlfriend(/bold) ! I’m getting set to smack you all to perdition, so that I can get right back to my (bold)girlfriend(/bold)!

    2. SHIVER, PUNY MORTALS! You should be honored to be the first victims of my CAKE RAY! Once transformed, you will be EATEN! I will slide among you like a great evil CAKE LAMPREY! MUA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAA!

    3.DAD! DAD! I met a man with his mouth in his belly! It was really weird and gross and cool!

    I’d like to thank you for your comments in the contest rules. It makes me angry to see the descriptor “Gay” used in place of “lame” “stupid” or “tacky”. It makes me want to hurt, ravage and kill, and only the tiny drag-queen on my shoulder holds me in check. I fear that one day the tiny drag-queen will fly away, and then the screaming will begin.

  39. 1-I teach criminals the Golden Rule, treat others the way you want to be treated, or I will pee all over you!

    2- I’ve got a heart of gold, but I could care less about you.

  40. “Halt! I am the Keeper of the Dark Abyss. Before you may enter, answer me this…How many fashion don’ts can you find on my costume?”