Caption Contest 55: Badgering the witness
No, that’s not a euphemism, it’s the subject of this week’s triumphant caption contest return! Come up with the best replacement dialog for the empty word balloon below and you’ll win* either a) your choice of three items to be included in HeroMachine version 3 (subject to copyright laws) or b) I’ll draw your face and put it in HeroMachine 3 for all the world to make into super-heroes! Here’s your challenge:
(Edited to Add: Keep it clean, folks. We’re going back to the PG-13 ratings, stay within the bounds of what you’d hear on a network TV sitcom. Innuendo is one thing, but outright four-letter-wording and such is going to get your entry discarded. Remember, kids read this.)
Leave your entry or entries in the comments to this post and next Tuesday I’ll pick a winner. Good luck everyone!
*I’m not doing the custom illustration this week because I’m swamped and all my drawing energies are going into HeroMachine 3, so apologies if that’s a disappointment, but it’s the way things have to be for a bit.
(Image and characters ©2009 by Bill Willingham and DC Comics, Inc. from “Fables” number 82.)
April 14th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
1 no no no you turn out fine! its your kids some things got to be done about your kids!!
2 yes yes im a talking badger now give me all your cash now!
3 wow white whitch you let you self go affter the first war .
April 14th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
1] Now listen here, Aunt May–give me what I came for or I gnaw off something important! [YES, I know it's not Aunt May...]
2] I’ll show you how much wood a woodchuck can chuck!
3] Excuse me, but do you have any place to hide a hairy four-foot pianist?
[we're still on unlimited entries, right?]
4] Lady, that wig you’re sporting is made of MY hair–and I want it back!
5] My, grandma, what big glasses you have!
April 14th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
1)No! It’s my word! I had it first!
2)I’m an early settler. Get it? settler…oh,never mind.
3)Why are you so surprised? All animals talk in fairytales! Come to think of it, they talk in English too!
4)I’m from Badgers’Drift. (Fans of Midsomer Murders will know what I’m referring to).
5)I’m lost. Do you know the way to Ratty and Mole’s house?
April 14th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
1. Look! Invisible flute! *pllll*
2. See? The cheeseburger was thiiis big!
3. Never eat yellow snow.
April 14th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
1. Let me test these for freshness… good enough!
2. Pardon me, bestiality. for or against?
3. Do you have any idea what I could do with these whiskers? Let me give you a hint….
April 14th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
1) Seriously … the blue pill?
2) Hey grams did you eat those mushrooms of mine?
( sorry if #2 that is out of bounds )
3) Let me show you the true power of the dark-side
4) Like you have never seen a beaver before?
5) ….. and this is where you are supposed to say “My Word” ACTION!
6) Look lady i know what you are after, i am NOT your next handbag ? UNDERSTAND!
April 14th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
(Deleted by Jeff for inappropriate content. This is a family-friendly blog, mostly, and almost all of these were over the line. Sorry Danny.)
April 14th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
1. Honk,honk!
April 14th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
1. Either tell me where Liefield is or ill BADGER YOU ’till you DO!!!!
2. (Deleted by Jeff for inappropriate content.)
*discredit #2 if thats a little to much*
3. Have you heard, The Good News?
4. I know, 11 INCHES
April 14th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
1. I won’t let it get weird, mama…
2. No way these are fake!
3. …So then I told him, Jerry, it’s never gonna work, we’re from two different worlds.
4. Wipe that smirk off your face or I’ll wipe it off for you!
5. Whose word was that again?
April 14th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
I’m sorry, you must be looking for that Geico lizard. He’s down the hall.
April 14th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
I’m gonna mention this since Jeff apparently forgot to mention it this week–but generally this is a family-friendly blog. You need to keep this PG-13 or lower, please!
April 14th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Thanks Damien, good call.
April 14th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
1) So, yeah, the paternity test results came in, it turns out I’m not Peter’s real father.
2) Whatever you do, don’t let Jeff test out the new Heromachine on you!
3) Little Jimmy has fallen down the well again!
4) Run! Save yourself! I’ve… Got… Fleas…
April 14th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
@Jeff: No need to be sorry. It’s just a contest.
April 14th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Imp, your #1 had me rolling! Classic!
April 14th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
wow Martha Stewart, even you can’t outrun aging, That’s why I’VE got WRINKL-X !
April 14th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
wow Martha Stewart, even YOU can’t outrun AGEING, that’s why I’VE got WRINKL-X!
April 14th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
sorry for the double post my computer isn’t feeling good so sorry.
April 14th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
EHH! BABE….you are 3 puffs from a FRUITCAKE!
April 14th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
A) Don’t worry, the kings and queens of Narnia will grant you safe passage!
B) How many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon?
C) How many times do I have to say it lady!? I’m a BADGER not a RABBIT!
April 15th, 2009 at 2:16 am
1.”GRANDMA!”
April 15th, 2009 at 6:13 am
m’lady there is something that I must tell you. For years I have watch your quiet beauty in solid silence but no more! I love you! I can’t live another day without you! If you say no, I will crawl into my hole and die a slow painful death. Please….. say you love me
April 15th, 2009 at 6:47 am
1) Listen lady for the last time I am not the gopher from Caddy Shack!
2) Hey grandma do you remember the game “Tune in Tokyo”?
April 15th, 2009 at 7:58 am
“Not in those shoes lady. We have a strict dress code”
April 15th, 2009 at 10:44 am
Well I may be 49 years old but I’m not the oldest beaver here!
April 15th, 2009 at 11:11 am
1) I iz hungreh. I can has cheezburger?
April 15th, 2009 at 11:21 am
2) Badger…Badger…Badger…Badger…Mushroom…Mushroom!
April 15th, 2009 at 11:27 am
1. You’ve got a lovely buncha coconuts.
2. Don’t worry, I’ve been practicing.
3. The word of the day is ALZHEIMER’S, can you say ALZHEIMER’S?
4. Did you hear that Jeff is censoring the posts again? Freakin’ kids!
April 15th, 2009 at 11:37 am
1. (Edited for inappropriate content)
2. …and so THATS what they call a Prince Edward.
3. …and that’s how I won the fair maiden’s heart and saved the world!
4. …that’s when I took off his mask, and revealed that it was really Old Man Winters!
April 15th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Warning: Massive Explosion of Cheesy Pick-Up Line Ahead.
3) Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he’s missing an angel!
Your name must be Mickey because you’re so fine.
4) If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
5) Was you father an alien? Because there’s nothing else like you on Earth!
6) Your daddy must have been a baker, because you’ve got a nice set of buns.
7) Your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all day.
9) Your daddy must be a hunter because he sure caught a fox!
10) Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be what they call FINE PRINT!
11) If you were a bag of chips and I was a car battery, you’d be Frito Lay and I’d be Eveready.
12) I’m a Love Pirate, and I’m here for your booty! ARRRGGGHHH!!!
13) You must be a magnet, because it looks like you are attracted to my buns of steel.
April 15th, 2009 at 11:39 am
I did it again…
is supposed to be #8.
April 15th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Madame, you are *not* crazy! your in Disneyland!
April 15th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
you see Alice, even rabbits change species here in wonderland!
April 15th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Badger? I don’ need no stinkin’ badger!
April 15th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
I don’t know how to say this, Granny, but you’ve got a lump on your breast.
April 15th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
“Vote for Willy Weasel! If I get elected mayor, I promise that my first act is to kill the whole lot o’ ya, and burn your town to cinders!”
“Lady, do you know what kind of animal I am, because I sure as hell don’t!”
“Help, help, Rob Liefield is drawing again! Soon everything will be horribly out of proportion and no one will have feet!”
April 15th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
1) How much for three hours?
2) Badgers!? We don’t need no stinking badgers!
3) Oh…uhhhh…this is how badgers…um…say hello?
April 15th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Change my #2 to “Have you accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your savior?”
April 15th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Its my word against yours!
April 15th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Oh and here’s another one. Maybe a bit of an obscure reference but it’s one I’ve never forgotten…
“Wait! That is no orc horn! Open the gates!”
April 15th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Im mad that you edited my #1 Jeff…it was hilarious…or so I thought.
5. …and thats when Sarah decided that Timmy just wasn’t fit to be the father!
6. Just throwing it out there….but Im pretty good with my tongue…
April 15th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
1) You are NOT hallucinating.
2) Pardon me, does this happen to be your word?
3) Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down…
4) This is my house and you follow MY rules, granny!
5) There’s some dirt on your clothes. Here, let me just sweep it off…
6) I don’t know, but I feel so intense right now…
April 15th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
And I said to Jeff: All those animal heads in HeroMachine 3, and you couldn’t include a badger?
April 15th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
I’ll punch you straight in the boob
April 16th, 2009 at 10:44 am
… and it’s because of my grandfather that they call that scam a “Badger Game.”
April 16th, 2009 at 10:46 am
But most of the people at Tax Day Tea Parties don’t realize that they will actually pay less under Obama’s plan.
April 16th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Then he says, “We call it the Aristocrats!” and King Peter struck him dead. Just absolutely smote him!
April 16th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
1) Lady, you do not wanna go in your toilet.
2) For the last time, you don’t say “My word” you say your words!
3)My fantasy mind warriors will protect us from harm!
4) No! It’s MY WORD!
April 16th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
1, … and that’s when they realised I wasn’t actually the Marquiss, and they threw me out of the ballroom!
2, … but even once I took off my mask they STILL didn’t believe that I was a badger.
April 16th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
3, …so there I am falling to my death when I see this other badger. I yell out “do you know anything about parachutes?” and HE yells back “NO! Do you know anythign about gas cookers?”
April 16th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
4, I’m sorry to say, this doesn’t look good. The Judge won’t stop laughing when I object to prosecution badgering the witness.
April 16th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
5, …Actually I’m a kind of Chimera. Body of a badger, brain of a human, and with you around, part of me resembles a horse!
April 16th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
6, Look snow white, the dwarves are dead, SOMEONE has to wear the clothes!
April 16th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
7) Ma’am, I’m paying you $30,000 so that I can touch you real good. Okay?
This is an offer you can’t refuse! Has anyone come up to before to tell you that they’re gonna give you children?
9) Sometimes meeting youngsters slows the juices… If you know what I mean.
10) Don’t mean to be offensive, but you seriously need LifeAlert or no one will know when you croak.
11) I’m gonna take you on a ride tonight, baby!
April 16th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
6) (To paraphrase a line from Fiddler on the Roof)
So? Am I so much to look at? The way you see, and the way I look, we’re a perfect match!
April 17th, 2009 at 8:32 am
You heard 50 Cent got shot nine times? I’m the bad-badger who did it.
April 17th, 2009 at 8:56 am
Aunt May got quite a shock when she saw uncle bens reincarnation
April 20th, 2009 at 11:03 am
7. So online you said you looked like a mix of Carmen Electra and Gina Gershwin…but honestly…you look too old.
8. Ok, face it, we both lied about our appearances, but I thought you said you were a cougar!
9. (Variation of
Hey babe, I know we stretched the truth about our appearances a little bit, but at least I TOLD you that I was a filthy animal.
10. I want to father the demon spawn inside you!
April 21st, 2009 at 2:09 pm
[...] am happy to announce that the winner of Caption Contest 55 is … [...]
October 24th, 2009 at 11:22 am
[...] A whole new set of items called “Head-Winners”, including caricatures of me (MartianBlue’s prize for winning Character Contest 6); Imp (Character Contest 15); and Hakoon (Caption Contest 55): [...]