No one likes to be unemployed, and with jobs crashing faster than NASCAR drivers on ice skates, a good position is hard to find. Luckily super-villainy never goes out of style, so you've got your choice of employers as a low-level gang member. Rent's due in a month, so who would you sign up with?
Discussion after the jump.
First, boundless thanks to super-genius and good buddy John Hartwell for thinking up this week's Poll Position while I was creatively bankrupt. I think it's a beaut, and I can't wait to look at my exciting opportunities in the fast-paced world of criminal mastermindery.
- Cobra Commander: On the plus side, COBRA is clearly a large organization, and you're likely to get some decent benefits. On the negative side, Cobra Commander is pretty demanding, and seems like the kind of boss who wouldn't think twice about sending you out to do their laundry or whatnot, and he's likely to kill you for defiance if you get the wrong kind of starch for his jodhpurs.
- Dr. Doom: Working for a monarch has some great perks, like the right to boss servants around the castle and probably to get your tavern tab comped at the Latverian Inn. On the downside, he's likely to kill you for offending his ego, which is despairingly easy to do.
- Galactus: Galactus doesn't really have a "gang", just a Herald, so in that sense you're in the money -- free super powers! However, he's likely to eat your planet and, should you protest, you as well, which is a bad way to go.
- The Joker: They say a good sense of humor is one of the most important attributes a boss can have, and you're definitely covered on that score. However the "Employee Handbook" indicates he's like to kill you at any moment just, and I quote, "for the hell of it".
- Kingpin: You want a boss with a strong head for business and a proven track record of bringing in the cash, which Kingpin definitely has. However if you mention his wife, or women in general, or carbonite, or Walt Disney being cryogenically frozen, he's likely to kill you in a heartbeat.
- Lex Luthor: When considering a career in low-level thuggery, you want some sort of retirement plan in case you ever "go legit". LuthorCorp certainly offers an abundance of such opportunities, which is great. However, he's likely to kill you without warning if you scuff one of his shiny new inventions.
- Two-Face: Your odds of catching him on a good day are fifty-fifty, which is a heckuva lot better than it is with most bosses. Unfortunately if you get him on a bad day, he'll kill you.
So there you have it, some really golden opportunities for a life of thuggish crime. I'm tempted to work for Cobra Commander, because at least you get some good weapons training and the basics of a military education, which would serve you well if you needed to leave for another job with, say, a third world country or at the Post Office. I like the idea of super powers inherent in being a Herald of Galactus, too, plus you can't beat the chance ot travel to strange, exotic, exciting new worlds and eat them. It'd be awfully lonely, though.
Ultimately I think I'd have to go with Kingpin for job stability. Plus I hate cold weather, so I would be unlikely to make unfortunate references to his frozen wife.
Who would you rather work for?