I bet SUPERMAN never had to wear crotchless pants

I almost can’t put into words how awful both of these outfits are:

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As far as I know, the purpose of a brassiere is to lend support to a woman’s breasts. So they don’t flop around, banging painfully. Not, you understand, to squeeze them from top and bottom so they spurt out aggressively with absolutely no support at all. That would be like an anti-bra. An Arb, if you will. But if you’re going to go out in public wearing an arb, the last thing you want to do is to spread gauzy yellow snot all over your breasts, which is all I can assume that stuff is, since no fabric ever known to humanity — thankfully — has ever behaved like that, clinging to the skin like a Playtex glove on the breasts, while hanging limply between them.

But given the treatment the rest of her body has to endure from this hideous getup, maybe her boobs are lucky.

How in the name of Odin’s Spear is that leather harness thingie supposed to operate? Surely it would just hang there, unless she uses some sort of spirit gum to adhere it to her body. And are the two outside, bottom ends of it actually bolted to her hip as it appears? If not, what are those things doing there?

And then the piece-de-resistance, the final cherry on the sundae, if I can use that saying with regards to such a delicate area. The final little touch that pushes this sartorial assault up from simple chubby-panted fanboi lust to full on psychosis:

The crotchless leather vee-cut panties.

Sheer crotchless leather vee-cut panties.

Which are, sad to say, a vast improvement over the sheer leather vee-cut panties with attached “teeny weenie rubber weenie” model her teammate is sporting.

You wonder why I hate Rob Liefeld’s art? Look no further than this abomination of feminine super-wear, my friends, and realize that he made this sort of thing the rule in super-hero comics for almost ten years, thus making it impossible for me to open one without my brain exploding. Which would be very unfortunate as it would doubtlessly soil my crotchless leather vee-cut underoos, and we can’t have that, can we?

(Image © Rob Liefeld.)

About Jeff Hebert

Jeff is a 44 year old city boy who has somehow found himself located in Colorado, fulfilling his lifetime dream of making a living drawing super-heroes all day.

11 Responses to I bet SUPERMAN never had to wear crotchless pants

  1. Plus, Domino’s boobs are lopsided. Good job, Liefeld! *sarcasm*

  2. Meanwhile the local S&M group just received a box of spandex and capes.

  3. Wait wait…if those are crotchless like they appear then Domino has a sideways…well you get the picture.

  4. Augh augh augh augh augh augh augh augh augh augh augh.

    My brain hurts in a non-fun non-consensual way.

    I had nearly forgotten this godawful picture. Nearly.

    Also, I once made the observation that Liefeld’s men aren’t “packing”, whereas his women are. If you know what I mean. I even collected pictorial evidence of the said areas to prove it to those who disbelieved it.

  5. Hmmm, I wonder wear she had been keeping her hands to make them so shiny that they appear to glow.

  6. dear god what awful art. how did this guy get a good career

  7. You are absolutely right, Lyogi. Liefeld’s into BDSM.
    You are totally right, Skiriki. it’s the women in Rob’s world that are packing heat.

    Speaking of which, looks lie Robbie actually took his two whole weeks to draw Domino’s finger holding a trigger.

    Damn you, Liefeld. MEET a woman.

  8. Tristan:

    He has very soft lips.

  9. The costumes are stupid! They’re just stupid!

  10. I have nothing good or wholesome to say about this picture.

    Ohhhhh God but I sooooo have to say something…

    Must rsist urgee to scream it loud….

  11. This piece make me want to gouge my eyes out, period.

    The piece has badly done costumes, badly done outlining and badly done composition.

    Enough to make me totally and completely retch!