A new day dawns, with two left feet.

I ran out of observations about onomontoPOWia, so I bid that topic a fond farewell (at least as our staple on Fridays) and instead introduce you to:

Liefeld Follies Friday.

Yes, my friends, I have decided that I should not be the only one subjected to the eye-gouging agony arising from forced reading of Nineties-era Image comic books. So now you have to suffer too, because that’s how America works, you commie bastards.

And because I want to get things off on the right foot — or the left one, I don’t care really, as long as there are two of them on the same body — I treat you to this wonderful assortment of feet from the Rob Liefeld created, Rob Liefeld written, Rob Liefeld pencilled, Rob Liefeld inked, and Baboo the Blind Monkey non-edited/non-art-directed comic, “Rob Liefeld’s Youngblood” Number 2:

youngbloods-2-splash

Six figures, five visible feet. Well played, sir. And while I appreciate the nod to Jack Kirby, I am pretty sure a page like this is not the way to honor him. Brrrr.

Now that the tone is set — no more feet than absolutely necessary! — I give you Team TSTWTLFNRLTLFOROWDRC, “The Super Team With Two Left Feet. No, Really. Literally Two Left Feet. Or Right Ones, We Don’t Really Care”, featuring a cast of crazy, fun-loving super-mutants who all share a rare genetic modification (“Liefeldius Interruptus”) that gives them two of the same foot instead of opposites like us boring humans:

youngblood-2-twofeet1
youngblood-2-twofeet2
youngblood-2-twofeet3
youngblood-2-twofeet4

But those are just the regular members. When you need the best of the best, you have to build your own genetically modified No Feet Warriors!

youngbloods-2-nofeet2
youngbloods-2-nofeet3

I guess whatever goo that is they’re floating in either makes your feet invisible, or completely dissolves them. Handy!

But sometimes, despite TSTWTLFNRLTLFOROWDRC’s best efforts, a teammate’s feet are in danger of being exposed, which is why “Foot Hiding Head Girl” is such a powerful teammate:

youngbloods-2-nofeet

Rob Liefeld, keeping the world safe from the Non-Matching Foot Menace since 1992.

(All images and characters ©1992, Rob Liefeld, from “Rob Liefeld’s Youngblood” #2. Yes, every single image on this page is from one book. That’s a lot of missing and mismatched feet, my friends.)

17 Responses to A new day dawns, with two left feet.

  1. Maybe…just maybe it was after a humiliating experience at his junior prom (…effectively his last, BTW) that Youngblood decided that he was best suited for life in a para-military organization. Let’s watch how one man’s misery lead him to become a pistol-packin’ badass:

    Prom Date: “Geezus, Youngblood, watch my feet, ok?”

    Youngblood: Sorry, Pam, but…I have two left feet–”

    Pam: “Yeah-yeah, come on!”

    YB: “But I do! I really have two left feet. Look for yourself.”

    And of course, you can imagine the laughter, the jokes, and the emasculation that took place afterward. And as Youngblood ran– how is anyone’s guess– into the night, he ripped at his starchy, royal blue tux and cried into the night that he would turn his two, awkward left feet into the deadliest lethal footsies the world had ever gawked at!

    :)

  2. Well played, Jeffrey. Well played.

    The challenge, of course, when engaging in Leifeld mockery, is to keep one’s observations tightly focused on one aspect of Leifeld stupidity. Allow me to add an additional observation.

    In the panel with Dr. Wells and the strangely footed “experiment,” I will assume, based upon the caption, that we are seeing a scene from 1937. Please note: Rob Leifeld is so stupid, lazy, whatever, that he cannot be bothered to illustrate technology that looks remotely period-appropriate. Oh no. Why go to the trouble of actually *researching* period technology when just drawing what you always draw works just as well?

    And don’t get me started on that caption. Leifeld shouldn’t be let near a word processor, much less a pencil.

  3. I’m guessing they all have two of the same feet to keep the plots running in circles. :D

  4. I can’t draw to save my life and I don’t like Rob Liefeld’s artwork. Never have. He could learn a lot from studying the artworks of Steve Ditko, Neil Adams, and (my favorite) Rich Buckler. Buckler’s artwork in the “Astonishing Tales” featuring Deathlok the Demolisher is fantastic!

  5. Well played, Whit, I laughed out loud at that one!

  6. YES! Finally a GOOD reason to go on a drunken stupor binge on Fridays! YES!

    Thank you! :D

  7. I wonder what was Liefield reaction when he learned that he would be a guest artist on a issue of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and that he would have to draw… Foot Ninjas!

  8. Pardon a few ignorant words from a comics noob, but . . . So Jeff, I’m assuming you don’t like this Rob Liefeld person very much? :)

    Seriously, dude, if he ever finds out the way you’re teeing off on him all the time on this blog, he’s gonnna sue your a** for defamation of character or something.

  9. I’m hardly the first to take a strong disliking to the artistic stylings of Mr. Liefeld, Niall :-)

    He was, arguably, the most influential comics creator in the Nineties, setting the tone for the direction of the industry for a good ten years. He made bazillions of dollars. He’s still very much a working artist, and he has gotten somewhat better in the seventeen years since the one above.

    I don’t know him as a person at all, having never met him. He might be a devil or a saint, I don’t particularly care. What I care about is comics, super-hero comics in particular, and he’s largely responsible for the (in my opinion) horrible wrong turn the industry took “back in the day”. I stopped reading them altogether until about four years ago, mostly because everything was in the Liefeld mold — stupid, knocked-off characters in violence-laden idiotic “plots” drawn in a hasty, lazy, amateurish, hackish, all-glitter-and-no-gold style he popularized.

    So yes, I’m a little biased where his work is concerned. Like I said, I don’t know him at all, he may be the best guy in the world as a human being. But his art and his impact on a medium I really love deserve to stand up on their own for judgment. And in my judgment, it was (and is) just awful in pretty much every way.

    Plus, come on, it’s fun to make fun of him. He’s richer than God, had more success than any ten other guys, and is pretty good-looking. If a guy like that can’t take a little mockery, then that’s pretty sad :-)

  10. ‘Good-looking’? I dunno, I always thought he looked like one of those little monkeys organ-grinders always have…

  11. I stopped buying, reading, and enjoying super-hero comics BECAUSE of Rob Liefeld and his friends. When the ‘biggies’ left Marvel to form Image, Marvel’s new employees were just copying Rob and his crew.
    Remember that Spike Lee ad featuring Rob after he created “X-Force”? That’s what they wanted: a recipe style without original substance. The creative process wasn’t as imporant as taking a buck from fanboys. It still isn’t, evidenced by the 21st century REVAMPires in the comics industry.
    I’ve pointed this out before; some fans may prefer their own idea of what a Superman or Spider-Man could be across the art board. However, Robbie the Copybot to this day is incapable of dedicating himself to grow as an artist.
    Okay, I just realized that Mr. Liefeld isn’t really a copybot. Otherwise he’d have learned something about “How to Draw Comics the Marvel Way”(c)(tm)
    As Bloodwulf,- I mean – LOBO would mutter, “Bastich!”

  12. (The independent, black and white titles can be quite good.)

  13. Besides, you can’t sue for defamation or the like unless you can prove the statements in question false.

  14. I’m beginning to think that’s why he tries to avoid drawing feet.

  15. William A. Peterson

    Jeff, Jeff, Jeff…
    What comes next?
    Shooting fish in a barrel?
    Stealing candy from Babies?
    Picking on Rob Liefeld’s hardly a difficult or courageous thing to do…

  16. Gosh Willie, you’re right, I should go pick some incredibly obscure publisher who never made a dime, struggling to pay the bills, but who has artistic aspirations, and crap all over THEIR product!

    Liefeld is still a millionaire, is still putting out product, and still has a pretty big influence on the industry. He’s fair game.

    Plus, he had an incredibly negative impact on a medium I absolutely love. I actually think delving into just what went wrong with the comics industry in the late Nineties — i.e. the Image Effect — is a very worthwhile thing to do, because it can easily happen again. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if comics are right at the edge of another bubble like that one, with the crowded marketplace, the dearth of good ideas in the mainstream books, and the state of the economy.

    Finally, since when is difficulty or courageousness a prerequisite to blogging?! I wallow cheerfully in the muck, and cast no aspersions on those who decline to participate. For those who do, come on in, the mud feels great!

  17. Down with the Image Effect!