Rob Liefeld can even humiliate a GOD

You might think that mortal man cannot hope to tangle with a deity and come away the victor, but you are wrong, for you have reckoned without the awesome power of Rob Liefeld’s suckage:

onslaught-reborn-2-2006-thor.jpg

Here’s how I imagine the conversation going in Rob Liefeld’s brain as he was working on this redesign:

La la la, I am sooooooo rich, I cannot even count all my dough, ha ha! Man, these legs sure are long. And boring. I’ll add some muscle-y types of things in there, that ought to be fun. Hmm, nope, still bored. Still more leg to go, jeez, how long are these suckers, anyway?! Boredom sapping my will … got to … break up … monotony … I’ve got it, metal bands! Made out of leather! And some glowy things, ooooooo pretty!*

Seriously, if I didn’t know better I’d have said you couldn’t really screw up Thor. Norse guy, silver helmet with wings, big ol’ gnarly hammer aaaaaaaand scene. But no, Rob Liefeld’s suckage cannot be so easily thwarted. He courageously decided to keep the silliest element of the whole original design — the circles on the blue onesie he wears — and extend it all the way down his legs! Which will be made out of metallic leather bands! Which will (whew!) hide his feet! Man, this is easy. Now that he’s extended the bad stuff, he takes it to the next level by getting rid of the cool stuff. Neat-o cape, gone. Big ol’ knee pad boot thingies, gone.

Of course then it looked too plain, so he took a step that only Rob Liefeld could take. He added … well, let’s see, how to describe this on a family blog … he added an object in the groinal area that is, ahem, “ribbed for her pleasure.”

Folks, I challenge you to name me another multi-million-dollar artist who would dare to go there. No, I won’t wait, because you ain’t gonna find one, only Rob Liefeld could pull off the greatest Bad Costume Redesign in history by putting one of those onto a god.

Finally, to cap it all off, you have the other trademark Rob Liefeld touches. The crazy, corona-like hair with extraneous braids flopping about. The senseless, needless lines running all over everything. The obnoxiously large and completely impractical mile-high headgear (apparently doorways in Asgard are really tall). The pinched parrot-beak mouth, gaping open in a wordless yell. The background consisting of nothing but lines and a color gradient. The hands that aren’t really holding whatever it is they’re supposed to be holding.

Seriously, look at Mjolnir; it’s coming out of his hand at an angle to the upper right of the page, while the hand holding it is angled to the upper left. Unless Thor’s developed a new grip that involves the weapon sitting cock-eyed in the hand while the handle juts out between the middle and ring fingers, that’s just wrong.

The only thing missing here is some spittle and a band of pouches to really finish this sucker off in true Liefeldian fashion. Although given the pose, it’s possible the newest Asgardian belt-wear is festooned with the suckers but, like whether or not the new Rob Liefeld Thor has feet, we may never know for sure.

*Not an actual transcript.
(Image and characters ©Marvel Entertainment Group, Inc.)

32 Responses to Rob Liefeld can even humiliate a GOD

  1. And teeth! Do not forget the Teeth of Doom!

  2. You know Liefeld was pissed when after drawing Captain Americas feet they got covered! My favorite part of that drawing is his mouth though! It looks like he is letting out HUGE belch.

  3. HalLoweEn JacK

    The hulk has feet – aparently Liefield is comfortable with drawing huge, mutated feet that have a mandate to bear no resemblance to reality.

  4. I have this issue. I bought it from a hobby shop several months before it went out of business.

  5. Someone needs the grab Robby boy by his cabbage handle and say “HEY! QUIT DRAWING FOREVER!”

  6. If there were truly a Thunder God, he would strike Liefeld down for this blasphemy. Since he’s still alive and drawing, I am an atheist to Asgard.

  7. Does anyone else thing that one of The Hulks feet is bigger then the other? I think the one on the right is much larger then the left one…

  8. Wow. I am browsing Liefelds personal site and …WOW.

    http://robliefeld.net/nm6.htm

    Is it just me or is the Blobs head sliding off?

    http://robliefeld.net/titans4.htm

    Why is Cyborgs ARM larger then Kid Flash? I know Cyborg is big but…not a giant!

  9. Yeah, freakish size difference on Hulk’s feet for sure.

    I’ve heard that Liefeld’s more recent work actually has not-terrible hands and feet–because he just pencils to the wrists and ankles, then lets the inker finish the drawing. But I’ve no urge to flush my money down the toilet on Liefeld’s work, so I’m not sure how to find out if that’s true.

    At any rate, this cover is rated “T+”, for “Extra Terrible!”

  10. for a moment, when i was scrolling down i tought it was that bad guy from the spiderman comics who has that fur around his vest, hunter i think.

  11. @DJ: Curse you for giving me that web site. The stupid, it burns!!

    @Xstacy: I love it! I am totally going to steal that line with no accreditation, because that is how I roll super-villain-plagiarist style.

  12. Not even The Joe Kubert School of Cartoon and Graphic Art can help Liefeld. Uhm, why does this guy still get hired, anyway?

  13. Not just HIRED, but paid MILLIONS. Of dollars. AMERICAN dollars. It’s unreal.

    However, having said that, clearly someone and something so popular must have SOMETHING going for it, so I should probably take a post at some point to talk about what Liefeld et. al. did to help the industry.

  14. Jeff: You may be a super-villain with plagiarist style but with my super power of “Linkage to bad art” I BURN EYES!

  15. @the creator:
    I think you’re thinking of Kraven the Hunter.

    @Jeff:
    There’s actually a legitimate position the hammer’s handle could be in and look like that. It’s clearly only being held by the thumb, while the other side of the handle is resting against the fingernails of the other fingers. Admittedly, anyone actually holding one that way in a fight would either quickly lose their grip, or else almost as quickly end up with at least three broken fingers (the pinky might escape), but it’s still theoretically a valid pose.

  16. EnderX, stop giving Liefeld too much credit.

  17. i dont see anything wrong with this design really. I thought the big red cape was stupid looking and so were the big long kneepad boots.

  18. It’s more the drawing than the design, although I don’t like that either. The giant dildo loincloth is the worst bit, it’s just weird. And I hate the glowing circles on the legs, there for no reason whatsoever. It’s just a lazy, uninspired design.

  19. Those famous extra lines of rob’s that are on the Blob’s bare shoulders make him look like he’s made out of a beanbag chair or something.

  20. I think I found the ultimate “wtf why is that like that” picture by Robby boy.

    http://robliefeld.net/rg6.htm

    Who the hell wears undies in the shower?

  21. And does anyone know if the comic Re:Gex was supposed to parody X-Men universe or something? Because looking at this picture I see Wolverine,Sabertooth,Magik,Apocalypse and I think Dazzler.

    http://robliefeld.net/rg13.htm

  22. I sure hope that girl doesn’t cube the soap.

    Is that Liefeld’s own personal website? If it is, he even puts extra lines on his name.

  23. “Who the hell wears undies in the shower?”

    If Liefeld was watching me shower, I sure as hell wouldn’t be naked.

    “And does anyone know if the comic Re:Gex was supposed to parody X-Men universe or something? Because looking at this picture I see Wolverine,Sabertooth,Magik,Apocalypse and I think Dazzler.”

    Wasn’t practically everything he did at Image a rip-off of the X-Men?

  24. True but that is just…so…OBVIOUS! I mean…Look at “Genie”(girl with horns name) and compare that to “Magik”. It has to be on purpose.

    and yes…I don’t blame you for not wanting be naked around Liefeld…he may try to draw lines on you!

  25. “I should probably take a post at some point to talk about what Liefeld et. al. did to help the industry.”

    That’s gonna be a pretty short post, right? ;)

  26. Heh. First, he has to think of something to put in it.

  27. Well, Rob Liefield showed us that Todd MacFarlane was the only Image co-creators with real business skills. Who would have known?

    Does that count as something he did to help the industry?

  28. Oh oh oh! I know what he has done for the industry!

    “You don’t have to know anything about anatomy, perspective, dialogue writing, plotting or any of that tedious stuff: all it takes is some sh*thot marketing and you’re good to go, kid!”

  29. But the Golden Age already established that comics could be sold in spite of poor art, stupid plots, and bad dialogue.

    (Don’t hit me!)

  30. Yes, Xstacy, but that was the childish fun of a medium in its infancy. Liefeld lowered the bar and, since he ripped off Alan Moore, hurt those who wanted to make comics better.

  31. liefeldhatesfeet

    MMMM No, that’s not the hulk

    http://img4.imageshack.us/img4/3411/hulksmashlg0.jpg

    Come on, really

  32. wow! hulk is wearing adult undergarments!