Caption Contest 20: Pulp Edition

This week's Caption Contest is co-sponsored by "The EvilDM" (warning: some content not quite safe for work), Jeff Mejia, creator of the fantastic sword & sorcery / movie pulp adventure RPG system "Legends of Steel". He selected the following Conan panel as our jumping-off point this week. So after you come up with the funniest caption for it, thereby winning your own custom black and white illustration of whatever you like, head on over to Jeff's place and check out his great gaming commentary.


As always, here's how the contest works. Put your best funny caption that would fill the word balloon in the comments below, up to a maximum of three entries. Keep it relatively clean (i.e. suitable for a prime-time broadcast TV sitcom, only funnier). And that's about it! Here's an example:

Maybe next time I'll just fill out the comment card, but that meal really sucked ...

Good luck everyone, make the Two Jeffs (and Robert E. Howard!) proud.

70 Responses to Caption Contest 20: Pulp Edition

  1. Avatar EnderX says:

    Please. Just because I’m a barbarian warrior does NOT mean I have serious body odor problems!

  2. Avatar Hades says:

    You call THAT a brothel?

  3. Avatar Katana12 says:

    1. Ha! I’ll told you people would fall for me!

  4. Avatar Katana12 says:

    2. He-man, schme-man! I look nothing like him!

  5. Avatar Katana12 says:

    3. I told you I only use PANTENE conditioner!

  6. Avatar DJ says:

    1. That…was a crazy party.

    2. I just KNOW I’m going to get blamed for this.

    3. I knew my dance moves would drop em’ dead!

  7. Avatar The Doomed Pixel says:

    1) Dang it, he’s looking at my butt, isn’t he?

    2) Chuck Norris needs no guardsmen…

    3) I stormed this castle and all I got was this crummy shirt…I was really hoping for some pants.

  8. Avatar Patrick says:

    Just because I have an earring and no pants, doesn’t mean I’m easy!

  9. Avatar HeroComplex says:

    1) Who do they think they are callin me fat.

    2) whait for the punch line! get it? punch?… oh nevermind

    3) funny thing is, I don’t even LIKE video-games.

  10. Avatar collex says:

    1. Damn Paparazzi! WHen are they going to learn!

  11. Avatar collex says:

    2. That wasn’t a 20th level dungeon. I’m gonna show you what 20th level means!

  12. Avatar HalLoweEn JacK says:

    I’d light a match before going in there, if I were you.

  13. Avatar jonnydemon says:

    thats what you get for buying the last two cher tickets

  14. Avatar jonnydemon says:

    you will proclaim me the winner or your next

  15. Avatar kaufkin says:

    bad brothel, No soup….

  16. Avatar jonnydemon says:

    If its called the Blue Oyster they should at least serve seafood

  17. Avatar Tjgrs says:

    sleeping on the job? tisk tisk

  18. Avatar Ian says:

    1. “I just saved a whole crapload of money on my car insurance!”

    2. “I’m gonna KILL the guy who stole my pants!”

    3. “I have that not-so-fresh feeling!”

  19. I think I’ll try this. Here’s my three.

    1. No one kicks a puppy on my watch!

    2. Not having to say you’re sorry? Priceless!

    3. I told you. I’m not gay.

  20. Avatar Bill Cavalier says:

    1. C’mon you pansies…it didn’t smell that bad!
    2. Mac! Billy! Get to duh choppa!
    3. Worthless valets lost my horse!

  21. Avatar Corsgt says:

    I will try this:

    1- Used car salesman never learn.

    2- I hate the DMV!

    3- No, I dont want my legs waxed!

  22. Avatar Frankie says:

    “I told them that I’m not wearing a dead animal over my crotch. I European. But would they listen? Noooo.”

  23. Avatar Frankie says:

    “When they say they want to give Conan ‘two thumbs up’, I think it good for publicity. But then I found out it mean something completely different.”

  24. Avatar The Grizz says:

    It was a tough battle, but I finally slayed the dragon called Barbara Walters and her evil “View” witches.

  25. Avatar HalLoweEn JacK says:

    Worst. Dungeon. Ever.

  26. Avatar HalLoweEn JacK says:

    Nobody sticks a twenty into my furry underwear!

  27. Avatar Danny Beaty says:

    1. This is what I get for using Rogaine on my crotch!
    2. Gay marriages in Texas, I don’t think so!
    3. Screw Simon Cowell, I know I can sing!

  28. Avatar Darklight says:

    I was told there would be “pie”

  29. Avatar the creator says:

    will i EVER find sone Epic leggings…….

  30. Avatar Fleck says:

    1. Hey, you’d be grumpy too if it suddenly started raining inside a dungeon.

    2. Why does this always happen when I tell the guards that I’m a thief?

  31. Avatar Runt82 says:

    1) No one kills the Metal.

  32. Avatar Free2Ryhme says:

    “I’ll be Back!!!”

    “Darn Japanese film makers.”

    “Note to self, never eat Beans before meeting the Queen.”

  33. Avatar DungeonScout says:

    1) “When Conan cuts wind, everyone suffers.”

    2) “I just want some pants! A decent pair of pants!”

  34. Avatar Collex says:

    3. No… Sleeping Beauty not my kind of girl. So, who’s next on the list?

  35. Avatar Runt82 says:

    2) King Arthur, come with me if you want to live.

  36. Avatar J.D.B says:

    Okey dokey here i go:

    1.Solem Grundy want pants too!

    2.”Go see Mamma Mia” Steve says. I soo want my money back. WHich way do i go to see The Dark Knight.

    3.These guys are such drama queens.
    All i said was that they were using too much sauce.

  37. Avatar Bixlord says:

    Taking over California will be easier than I thought.

  38. Avatar Bixlord says:

    Welcome to greatcleave-ville population you.

  39. Avatar DAn says:

    Stare of death!
    Note to self;no more chili

  40. Avatar ADRIAN!! says:

    1) What a party!

  41. Avatar Mike says:

    I’ve had enough of this lousy pirate scene, I’m going to be a ninja from now on.

  42. Avatar Greg says:

    1) I told you guys to wait a half hour before going in the bathroom!

    2) Damn Jehovah’s Witnesses!

    3) Well, EXCUSE ME for farting.

  43. Avatar Neil Leslie says:

    No way they were gonna stick ME with the check!

  44. Avatar Xstacy says:

    Let me guess. The princess is in another castle.

  45. Avatar Syzyx says:

    And my three cents-equivalent:

    1) I don’t care if arrow collars aren’t in fashion yet!

    2) It’s my pin and I do so think we should save the whales!

    3) Why does Bill always clobber the doormen? I am so going to get blamed for this…

  46. Avatar Rick says:

    Crom! To many swords in there!

  47. Avatar Joe says:

    1. Come on, if you guys are up for a movie, I got Titanic at my place.

    2. A nice, relaxing bubble bath. That’s what I need.

    3. Gaylord is a darned fine name. It means “spirited”, I’m spirited.

  48. Avatar failboat_x says:

    1.) Jeez…they said they would help me with my IRS problems…

    2.) I told them I was a great lawyer!

    3.) I AM YOUR FATHER!!!

  49. Avatar Loki says:

    so…what I miss?

  50. Avatar Al says:

    I told them to le’go my Eggo.

  51. Avatar Al says:

    THIS…WAS…SPARTA! Until I killed them all.

  52. Avatar Al says:

    That’ll teach them to steal my crayons.

  53. Avatar Jester says:


    2. “Pfft… newbies…”

    3. “Okay, I know I’m supposed to be controlling my anger, but… those guys hurt my feelings…”

  54. Avatar Runt82 says:

    3) As you can see, the “carpet” DOES match the “drapes.”

  55. Avatar Redd Fox says:

    Tough stains on the floor? Try the advanced cleaning power of OXY-CLEAN!

  56. Avatar jimmy says:

    1. I HAVE THE POWER! To kill you.
    2. You have been terminated.
    3. Now for Kenny.

  57. Avatar Darklight says:

    2. So what if I shave my legs? …sniffle…

    3. bean burritos, bad idea

  58. Avatar Ballin' Boy says:

    1. Bad boys, bad boys Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you

    2. And walk and walk. Tyra Banks I am America’s Next Top Model, and I am fierce

    3. Fools. You should of known they gain superhuman strength during the after-Thanksgiving day sales. Your just lucky to still have all your limbs.

  59. Avatar Rick says:

    Ha-HA Papa Spank!

  60. Avatar Awesome says:

    1. You have gained 12 geek points for playing 12 hours straight! Now go get a life!

  61. Avatar Awesome says:

    2. Look at this haircut! I’m never giving THEM a tip again!

  62. Avatar Nombo says:

    1. That’s all from the Jerry Springer show.
    Take care of your self… and each other.

    2. No i do not need double glazing.


  63. Avatar Rob Rogers says:

    Conan has no need for your extended service plan!

  64. Avatar Frankie says:

    “I can’t believe they don’t have wi-fi access in this place.”

  65. Avatar Rob Rogers says:

    “Urinal etiquette really isn’t that hard, people!”

  66. Avatar Darkplanet01 says:

    1)Lawyers… I hate ’em
    2)I told them time and time again, there’s nothing wrong with wearing a bearskin loincloth
    3)WHAT did you say?

  67. Avatar Awesome says:

    3. I would have pants! If it weren’t for those meddling kids!

  68. Avatar Hades says:

    Come on, Mamma Mia wasn’t that bad.

  69. Avatar Bixlord says:

    Without the lamentations of the women, it’s just not the same.