Re: Herr D’s CFLs

[Herr D]

THE VERY CROSSE KNIGHT Chapter VI: The Foe

Sir Schultz, Knight of the Power to See Evil, on reaching the bottom of the hole, saw a short tunnel leading straight at a glowing orb.
“This is why I couldn’t see it!” said Schultz, “It was underground.” It was so painful to look at. It strobed between evil and good.
And then it spoke in a bone-deep voice. “I AM THE REMAKER. YOU HAVE COME TO CHALLENGE ME?”
“I have.”
“I AM TIRED OF LIFE. THE MOMENT YOU BEGIN FIGHTING ME I WILL REMAKE THE WORLD AS YOU SEE IT.”
“What?”
“IT IS MY NATURE. I HAVE HOPE THAT YOU WILL SUCCEED WHERE NO ONE ELSE HAS.”
Schultz was alarmed. “Why have they failed?”
“BECAUSE I REMAKE MYSELF AT THE MOMENT OF DEATH.”
Schultz thought about that for several seconds. Killing it doesn’t kill it? Reduce the world to near-blindness like himself only able to see evil? Even winning the fight would be losing! How cruel it would be– “I am on a quest to vanquish you, but I pass this fight on to another.” A strange sound emerged from the Remaker. Schultz walked out and grabbed the net. Herr D pulled him up and lowered Glancelot.
Sir Glancelot, Knight Who Sees Nudity, on reaching the bottom of the hole, saw a short tunnel leading straight at a glowing orb.
It spoke in a bone-deep voice. “I AM THE REMAKER. YOU HAVE COME TO CHALLENGE ME?”
“Yes, I have.”
“I AM TIRED OF LIFE. THE MOMENT YOU BEGIN FIGHTING ME I WILL REMAKE THE WORLD AS YOU SEE IT.”
“Why?”
“IT IS MY NATURE. I HAVE HOPE THAT YOU WILL SUCCEED WHERE NO ONE ELSE HAS.”
Glancelot was confused, so to buy some time, he said, “I cannot see clothes. Do you wear any?”
“NO. CLOTHES ARE FOR SPECIES THAT HIDE OR DENY THEIR TRUE NATURE. SPECIES THAT LIE OR TRY TO LIVE IN PLACES THEY SHOULD NOT LIVE.”
Glancelot suddenly had more to think about. So he tried to stall again. “Why do you fight underground?”
During the ensuing lecture about how dead things belong to the dirt, since that is what they make, etc., Glancelot did some serious thinking. A world without clothes! Nudity all the time might be a great blessing. Of course armor would have to be rethought. He’d have to remove his own armor before fighting. Without clothes underneath he probably wouldn’t be able to fight well. He was just about to remove his helmet when he realized how many people would die in the coming winter. He couldn’t let that happen. Quite surprising himself, he said, “I must pass this fight on to another.”
[Aboveground, Herr D sighed with relief. This was the one that might’ve gone wrong.]
A strange sound emerged from the Remaker. Glancelot walked out and grabbed the net. Herr D pulled him up and lowered Emnoonbrashone. Sir Em, as his friends called him, saw a short tunnel leading straight at a glowing orb.
It spoke in a bone-deep voice. “I AM THE REMAKER. YOU HAVE COME TO CHALLENGE ME?”
“Yes.”
“I AM TIRED OF LIFE. THE MOMENT YOU BEGIN FIGHTING ME I WILL REMAKE THE WORLD AS YOU SEE IT.”
“WHAT?”
“IT IS MY NATURE. I HAVE HOPE THAT YOU WILL SUCCEED WHERE NO ONE ELSE HAS.”
Sir Em’s eyes grew big and round with the thought of causing all people in the world to be dead. He choked. He started tearing up and quivering with fear at what he had almost done. “I must,” he breathed deeply, “I must–“
“YES?”
“I must pass this fight on to another.”
A strange sound emerged from the Remaker. Sir Em whirled around and grabbed the net. Herr D pulled him up.
Sir Schultz had his arms crossed. “You still glow with mischief, champion or not. I suppose you’re going to go down there and fight it now.”
“I am,” said Herr D.
“You’re sure we can’t go with you?” asked Sir Glancelot.
“You cannot. You must wait here and lift me out if I return.” Herr D grabbed the net and Sir Schultz lowered him down. As if to prove a point, Herr D pointed something up at them and a sort of portcullis closed behind him.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/The%20Very%20Crosse%20Knight/AcmeDoorCloser.jpg
As he turned, he said: “There is no need for you to introduce yourself as I have had my ear to the ground up there many times now.” He leaned his Staff Of Being Underrated against the wall of the tunnel. “In fact, your last three opponents are the ones I promised you. They have fantastic fighting skills and much greater honor than mine. Do you remember I shouted that down here to you?” He drew four surewecans from his pouch, waiting.
The Remaker spoke sharply. “I REMEMBER YOU PROMISED ME COURAGEOUS FIGHTERS! NONE OF THEM EVEN TRIED! YOU SAY THEY ARE BETTER FIGHTERS THAN YOU? ALL FOUR OF YOU ARE WORTHLESS! NOTHING! FIGHT ME YOU COWARD!”
And Herr D threw the four surewecans. He picked up his staff, went back the three steps to the opening, pointed the object, watched the portcullis retract, and stayed expressionless as Sir Schultz pulled him out. “All explanations,” he said blandly, “are in the letter I have written. You will find it between two trees on the path in that direction. Please read it and deliver it to the proper authorities. I will wait for a reply.” And he walked into a meadow in the other direction and sat down.