Re: Herr D’s CFLs

Home Forums The HeroMachine Art Gallery Herr D's CFLs Re: Herr D’s CFLs


Herr D

David Birnham was unfortunate enough to be born with osteogenesis imperfecta, a very serious condition. (Mr. Glass in “Unbreakable” had that.) Not to be outdone, he grew up to be a software designer and hardware inventor. He invented a brand-new device that repels biohazard waste like blood and saliva electrostatically. This invention brought in enough money for his entire family’s medical bills for life, and a small lifelong income. He promptly started adding the ‘StayClean’ to all of his latest work.
He’d always loved country line dancing and fantasized dancing the ‘Boot Scootin’ Boogie’ but never dared even practice once. He suddenly realized one day that VR gloves could be reversed. VR gloves could always be padded–but they could be IRL gloves! If maglevs can hold up entire trains, then they could repel and attract boots from and to gloves. So all he needed was a program to convert footage to computer directions to a wireless network within magnetic emitters sewn into padded, mechanized gloves and boots. He made them himself. Just because he could, he added the ‘StayClean’ module to it. Then he got a friend to stream footage of all the dances he wanted onto a tablet, networked it to the ‘DanceSet’ prototype, and arrived in the underground parking garage for a country dancing club. He was all ready for a risk-free, non-embarrassing, perfectly-danced night with no broken bones. He HAD included in the software modules showing the computer to keep the same distances from others shown in the footage . . . so no problems, right?
Ahem. Well. It all would have gone fine if a local hacker hadn’t at that very moment illegally streamed a Jackie Chan movie. At the EXACT SAME frequency as the prototype’s wireless network.

There were no survivors in the parking garage. A week-long investigation figured out what happened. The ‘DanceSet’ is still just as clean as ever. The hacker has been arrested on charges of voluntary manslaughter.