Re: Herr D’s CFLs

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Herr D

THE VERY CROSSE KNIGHT Chapter VII: The Explanations

The three knights, baffled by all this, looked at each other and walked in the direction Herr D had pointed. In short order, they found the letter. It read:


I, Sir Herr D, The Very Crosse Knight, Knight of the Third Choice, must admit to certain deceptions. This may be considered a full confession. First, the Remaker, as it called itself, I pursued here by luck entirely. It has caused many people grief, including myself, and so I was partially motivated by revenge. Second, I failed to protect your world and most of the challengers that came against it before you. They have caused your entire world to be radically altered several times while I made my preparations, usually in a negative way. I rigged up the Acme Portcullis Closer, but it took much time. (You may consider it and the underground dueling place a gift to your world.) Third, I knowingly and deliberately captured multiple Crystal Draconis and scared them into the Remaker’s tunnel, knowing most of them would likely die, for the purposes of altering your world back in a positive direction. It DID work. I do not regret my decision. Only the cost. Fourth, I did not ACTUALLY slay the Remaker. Surewecans merely reduce the power of their target to the level of their opinion of their attacker. It was already intangible and, in it’s own way, immortal, so I reduced it’s power by deceiving it into thinking that you all were cowards. It should never be able to alter anything on it’s own or even act on it’s own again. Fifth, I am not a knight at all, and from your perspective, perhaps not even a man. Glancelot and Schultz could hardly see me at all as I am beyond their experience. Emnoonbrashone saw my gloves and mask and so properly realized I am alive. Please donate the belongings I have left behind to the poor. As by your law I am facing multiple death sentences, I am leaving immediately through the Gate of Realms. (Sixth, I lied when I said I would wait.) Even if stripping slows me down, none of you will be able to catch me for the reason I could attack the Remaker harmlessly at all.
I see the world just as it is and so no one can easily see me as I am.
Nice knowing you,
Herr D

P.S. If Hastings comes by, tell him I luckily did not need to call him. —And under
no circumstances try to ride him or depend on him. He’s not actually tamable, just
an associate who sometimes comes when I call him.

The three knights ran as fast as they could. Halfway there Schultz swears to this day he heard the Gate of Realms open and a voice say “THANKTH! I WUTH–HEYYY!” but of course no one knows what that means. The Gate of Realms opened again, and just before Glancelot came within view of it, Herr D was gone. A mask fell to the ground. Everything else he had worn or been carrying except the surewecans he’d used and the mysterious staff he’d borrowed were collected to one side.
“I KNEW there was mischief about!” Schultz said,”I suppose I’d never seen mischief for a good cause before. . .”
They collected Herr D’s things. After a quick discussion they decided to skirt the royal forest and so found a most peculiar creature. It looked VERY powerful and dangerous, but Schultz said it was not inherently evil and walked up to it.
“Are you Hastings?” Here the creature nodded. “Herr D said he was lucky he didn’t have to call on you?” The creature nodded, twitched it’s massive nose, and disappeared. And so the three knights returned home to the Nabooian castle.


Author’s Note: Hastings is a tangible manifestation of the power of humor. He is named for an occurrence mentioned in old Ripley’s Believe It Or Not literature. Supposedly at ‘the battle of Hastings’ sometime in the 1100’s, two entire advancing lines of men fell back without striking a blow after seeing a frightened rabbit run between them. If a rabbit could save hundreds of men from death or terrible injury, it makes me wonder whether a camel could’ve stopped WWII . . . ah, well. Hope you enjoyed it.