Category Archives: Super-Hero Stuff

Super-hero comics and soap operas have the same problem -- they stick around so long, through so many writers, with so many unbelievable, Earth-shattering plot twists, that after a while they start to collapse under the unbearable burden of their history. Part of what makes a story powerful is the sense that the events within it matter to the characters. That's easy to do the first time a soap-opera star or super-hero faces a deadly illness, or meets their evil twin, or saves the world, but after the third time? Or thirtieth? The effort of keeping the past straight, of having to deal with the (lack of) repercussions of all of those major life events acts like a sort of air-brake, dragging the stories down into complete irrelevance.

The big publishing companies are, of course, aware of this problem, and unlike soap operas they have the luxury of just snapping their fingers and "ret-conning" the entire universe back to zero and starting over, making the characters once again interesting as they face "new" challenges and stories.

At least, new this time around.

As an added bonus, they've been able to expand their franchises to an entirely new audience via the movies, where once again the characters get an entirely new treatment by an entirely new writing crew, reinventing the entire concept. In a weird kind of feedback loop, the energy from the fresh audience and story of the movie revitalizes the comic, and vice versa, so you have Bob Kane's Batman inspiring the insipid TV Batman inspiring Frank Miller to go back to the original Dark Knight inspiring Tim Burton's darker movie version which inspired Bruce Timm's darker animated series which gave rise to ... you get the picture. Literally.

But the older you get as a fan, the less power this bait-and-switch has. We've been through so many Infinite Ultimate Multiple Crises on Every Earth And Then Beyond Again massive multiverse-ending crossovers that having to sit through one more seems like a joke. Batman gets another partner again, again; Spider-Man's a teen again again, then married again again, then not married again again ... stop already!

At some point the weight of the canon cannot be offloaded onto us any longer. Enough is enough.

Which brings me to "Invincible".
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It's easy to get caught up in Superman's many physical powers. He's got them all -- strength, speed, invulnerability, vision powers, super-cold breath, you name it and he's there.

But what's always set him apart from any other character is his unwavering sense of personal honor and his code of conduct. Mirroring his physical prowess, he has all of the great virtues -- humility, compassion, sincerity, honesty, you name it and he's there. More than the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound, it's Superman's ability to hew to his own high standards that inspires.

It must be tempting, for this son of an alien world, to look down on us mere mortals. And yet he yearns, more than anything, for the same things the least among us does. To be loved. To be human. To be accepted.

He has these enormous powers, and uses them for good. But is that bravery? Or does the fact that he can't really be hurt sever the very basis of bravery? Cowardice is a refusal to act out of fear for your own safety. But if you are always safe, can cowardice even be a consideration?

On the other hand, how many of us, given those powers, would be as willing to get up every day and fight the latest Lex Luthor-inspired giant robot rampaging through the city, even if we knew we couldn't be hurt?

In many ways Superman really is the best symbol of 20th Century America, or at least how most Americans want to view themselves. As a mighty nation, impervious to all harm (physical or otherwise), willing to come to the defense of the defenseless, bringing hope and freedom to people desperate for its taste.

I can't help but wonder, though, how much of that integrity and compassion exists only because of that sense of invulnerability? If he were deeply, grievously hurt, as America was on 9/11, how would he react? Would the code against killing, the honor of steel, withstand the enormous pressure of a wounded pride and heavy heart?

I like to think he would. Even if he went off the deep end, I hope he'd come back to what really makes him a hero. Not his muscles, but his heart. Not his powers, but his ideals. Because really, that's what makes him super.

Random thought: Is Catwoman essentially a Furry stand-in, and is that why she's so popular?

Negative corollary: If this were true, Tigra would be more popular, and she's not.

(Image ©2007, Marvel Entertainment Group, Inc.)

Positive corollary: Catwoman is teh hawtness:

(With apologies to Neal Adams; to make up for my theft of the image go over to his site and buy it!)

Further discussion: Furries have become the designated punching-bags of the geek community. It reminds me of a story a Ph.D. friend of mine told about researching her dissertation. She was interviewing some Star Trek fans, and she asked them, "Do you think you're geeks?" They said, "Well, yes, but we're not as bad as those guys over there, who know every line from every show." So she went over to those guys and asked them the same question, to which they also responded "Well, yes, but we're not as bad as those guys over there, who go to conventions." She then asked the convention-goers, who pointed to the people who dress up at conventions, who in turn pointed to ... you get the idea.

The point is that people instinctively look for someone lower on the social ladder to make themselves feel more normal. Those of us in the geek culture (and I certainly include myself in that group) have at least some stigma on us, so we dump on people who are even geekier. But look, being different is part of what's good about being a geek. That reflexive denigration, in my opinion, weakens one of the core pillars that make geekiness attractive, that sense of inclusion and tolerance for -- even celebration of! -- weirdness and difference.

People make fun of Furries, while at the same time gobbling up Catwoman merchandise like no one's business. And if you think Playboy Bunnies have rabbit ears and a cotton tail by accident, you've got another think coming. And that was thought up by Hugh Freakin' Heffner, the King of Cool!

So get out there and hug a girl in a cat costume today, you'll make the world a better place.

Comic book artists often leave out complicated crowd shots in their books for a reason -- drawing crowds is both difficult and time consuming. Everyone has to be in perspective, everyone needs to look different, there are tons of details, and it all takes forever to do.

Luckily the fact that I both understand their plight and share their reluctance to draw such things does not in any way prevent me from mocking them. You gotta love the democratizing power of the Internet.

As Exhibit A, I present this opening panel from "Guardians of the Galaxy", Marvel's attempt to project its financially successful modern characters forward ten centuries so they could squeeze even more money out of the likes of me and you. The heroes are being attacked by a gang called "The Punishers", modeled after the fabulously popular anti-hero of the same name.

I can't decide if this is a deliberately post-modern ironic tweaking of the gun-toting, kill-em-all mentality that pervaded the industry at the time, but regardless, I love this panel. The massive weapons that make no sense, the ominous guy in the Old Navy hoodie, the cheap skull t-shirts, this gang has it all. Here are some of the highlights as I see them:

On the bottom left, I think maybe this young lady has dropped her loaded blaster, which given its size isn't surprising. Either that or her hand's rapidly moving up and down, indicating that she's using the "Masturbatron 4000", a devastating weapon that fires deadly wads of acidic goo after stroking it.

In the middle, the mass of this gun has sadly severed this woman's head from her torso, shoving it back at least a foot from where it ought to be. Remember kids, guns don't kill people, head-severing gun butts kill people.

Finally, I don't know if the guy on the right is using a cannon or a giant leaf blower, angled at the bottom for maximum foliage-clearing effect. Guns don't bend, people!

I also love the massive mustachios on some of the people in the crowd. Apparently in the future, they can't make proper weapons but they have made huge advancements in the facial hair-care industry, so that's encouraging. Not having read the rest of the series, I can only guess that Tom Selleck is their god.

(Image from "Guardians of the Galaxy", Vol. 1, No. 20, ©1991, Marvel Entertainment Group, Inc. Jim Valentino, writer/artist; Ken Lopez, letterer; Steve Montano, inker; Evelyn Stein, colorist. Note that editor in chief Tom DeFalco is credited as "The Beaver", which possibly is a harmless pop-culture television reference but which I prefer to read as the most blatant attempt at calling your boss a p**** that I can remember.)

While making my way through the Great Random Comic Book Pile, I've been struck a number of times by the ads that fill these things. Often these inserts take the form of a comic book, and sometimes (like when reading Rob Liefeld) seeing good art can be a refreshing change of pace.

But it's always a bit strange to see characters you're used to knowing in a super-hero context suddenly step a bit out of their usual role to endorse a product and talk directly to you. I can just barely swallow Spider-Man using Hostess Twinkies to capture The Vulture (which is more than I can say for the Twinkies themselves), but sometimes it goes a bit too far, like in this Silver Surfer-themed ad:

See, he's a surfer, so they have him endorsing a jet ski because both usually are found on water, see, only in this case he's taking it into space just like when he's Heralding for Galactus! Which makes you wonder why the kid on the back is wearing a life jacket, of course, and oooh look something shiny! Ads like these are like staring into the sun, you have to look quick and then look away before they blind you.

My biggest question, though, isn't what good a foam-filled nylon vest is going to do to Little Bobby when Galactus comes looking for his errant herald, it's what in the hell the winner of the contest is going to do with 1,000 Silver Surfer watches. Is the assumption here that once you win a jet ski, you'll have thousands of people wanting to be your friend, and by giving each of them a watch you can tell who's loyal and who's to be eliminated before the planet gets eaten? Or do they honestly think that your average comic-book-reading kid has a thousand friends to his name? If so, they've clearly misunderstood their target audience.

I also can't wait to see the scene at the local beach/water park/lake resort when Happy Harvey the Jet Ski Winner shows up on his personal water craft emblazoned with a giant Silver Surfer logo. I'd estimate the TTCWI (Time To Complete Watery Immersion) at under 3.5 seconds as the local aqua-bullies pummel him mercilessly before taking his Crocs and throwing him in the drink.