Although my new full-time (non-HeroMachine) job might keep me from actually getting to these before this afternoon, it's time for another Open Critique Day!
If you have a HeroMachine illustration or another piece of artwork you've done that you'd like some help with, post a link to it in comments along with your thoughts on it -- what you think is working, what you're struggling with, etc. I will post my critique of the piece, hopefully giving some tips on how to improve it.
Of course everyone is welcome to post their critiques as well, keeping in mind the following rules:
- Make sure your criticism is constructive. Just saying "This sucks" is both rude and unhelpful without giving specific reasons why you think it sucks and, ideally, some advice on how to make it better.
- Each person should only post one illustration for critique to make sure everyone who wants feedback has a chance.
- I will not critique characters entered in any currently running contest, as that doesn't seem fair to the other entrants. You can still post it if you like for the other visitors to critique, but I will not do so.
That's it! Hopefully we can get some good interaction going here and help everyone (me included!) learn a little bit today.
Ok i Started for first. For some reason not hard to know it what i want to show it. So my open critique picture is my manga art concept picture.
I love the result, i love the full picture and the theme.
The last child of the Byakura samurai clan. She is an execelent Swordman and also play beautifully with the Samisen. Kasumi is a very rebellous person with her family, she don’t want to accept to she is the only person who continues the family traditions. With some reason to show her rebellous nature she paint her hair red and always wear boots for the kimono’s.
This is utterly Breath taking Tarkabarka!! If you were to silk screen that onto a T-Shirt or Jacket I would buy one in a heart beat!
I love Ireland and my wife and I have had St Patrick Day parties since we got married in 1989, although we are calling them Celtic Pride Day now since some of our past Circle and Coven members have a problem with celebrating a Saint who cast out the snakes (ie. pagans) out of Ireland.
However I have another friend who has some Scottish blood in him and he always gives me good natured grief about what is so great about Ireland, I should be celebrating Scotland.
Since his Birthday is March 21 soon after Celtic Pride Day I decided to surprise him with this Scottis Satyr for the two occasions.
I am pretty proud of it over all, particularly the bagpipes I made. but would love any suggestions to tighten the pic up if you have any.
I want it to look at good as possible, since I can’t afford to buy my friend a gift.
Tarkabarka this is a beautiful piece,
and I automatically hear this song when I look at it
It’s called Sakura Sakura by Rin
Way to start us off.
I´m going with poseidon this week.
Posting another of my entries from CC 77: Sporty! since the links were disconnected during the contest:
Les Jeux en Hiver (The Winter Games)
My most recent creation. Mostly I’m wondering about the background squares as a design element.
dont know if i have had this one done. the hair at least has lines…
dont often do bodies, nor shirtless males and in water color pencils
(ignore the charcoal thats around it, it came from another picture)
Cliff and Kaldath. I start to blush with your nice word.
Kaldath i send you the first piece if i make it.
Cliff i never hear that music, but that is very beautiful.
But back to critiques.
Great work with the bagpipe. I like if someone made a new item. Why because that shown the creativity and the determination to make what the creator want to shown it. I don’t know much for the irish and scottish things. I don’t know what more needed the picture but i think if you give a lake for the background is more shown this is a scottish picture. The satyr looks great and the cloth is perfect for to shown the origin of this picture.
Paragon is the character I’d like to have critiqued. If anyone can think of a way to improve him, go ahead.
2. Asder – Greek god of water. Nice coloring and item useage. I like the handguard and the triton. The body pose is very nice. I can’t give any advice only tell one thing SO NICE.
3. The Atomic Punk – One word, O.M.G. When it realised me what means your picture is start to laugh. (Very quietly, beacuse i’m in my work place) Nice picture, the girl face sell the picture. The scoring table is very nice. I very like this picture. Great work
4. HeadlessGeneral – Always not needed a hard and too much thing in the background. I think the few sometimes more enough. The pose and the clothing is nice. I like the belts in the legs. Give a little sm feeling for the character what i fit well. The face is brilliant, for me a little bit confused the paints, when i first see i think the upper is the eyebrow. Nice work
5. Zarae – Great hand draw. The pose and the body scale is perfect. I like the hair, looks naturally. For me a little bit confused the face, because when i first see i think it’s a female. (I know it the elfs have very silky features). Nice one, i know how hard to make a face (i remade Kasumi face six times.)
6. Alphaalpharomeo. – Simple desing. The coloring work is good. The upperbody looks good, but i think a gloves, boots, and a armor for the lower body needed. I think the weapons are no needed.
7. Vampyrist – Nice picture, a real superhero in my eyes. I like the mask and the upperbody work. The arm design is fenomenal. The color choose is great. I think if you made the arm desing in the legs shown more cooler, but i think now is great picture.
I forget to tell it. This is my personal thinkings. Wait for Jeff what advice give him. I only tell what i think if i make the picture. My english not good, and sometimes i don’t find the perfect words.
Asder – Posiedon.
The only thing I would change is give him a bigger beard, And that is just a personal preferance. Great work on Him, colors and elements, the background works well as not being distracting.
The Atomic Punk –
Les Jeux en Hiver (The Winter Games) This is too darkly funny. Love how it tells a story. Don’t know of anything I would change.
Headless General – Damian. Great design all around if ya ask me. Great character, and I love the 2 rectangle back ground! I wouldn’t change a thing.
I think he is rather lovely.
alphaalpharomeo – Gold Ranger
Simple but very effective.
Vampyrist – Paragon
I love this costume design. the white edge on the black “points” and red tights is just awesome.
I’d just like some feedback on a little thing I’ve been working on: http://i295.photobucket.com/albums/mm156/Tuldabar/Heros/EarlyTraining.png.
Before you say anything; yes I realize there’s a circular backround that has a claw masked to it that I haven’t made transparant yet (I do that to make more backround choices easier to handle).
This is basically my “Conner” character in the early stages of Ninjutsu training, and I wanted to give a sense of motion. I know the pants are weird (masking issues), and the legwraps look a bit wonky. Other than that I really don’t know what to do backround-wise.
Any thoughts/comments/critiques at all?
Doku Chushaki, from the same world as my previous two, Shi and Dianzi, is the villain of the world, which I shall dub ‘Gibberdoodle’.
Here are some cybernetic/robotic legs for HM that I made at the request of the esteemed Myro as part of his DAMN! award. Color 2 hasn’t been added yet but this should give you an idea of how they will look.
Thanks, i´m glad you like it. I tought about the beard when i was doing it, but i didn´t settle with anything i did, so i shaved him.
I agree, it’s lovely! Pretty amazing work there, T.
I think it looks good, Cliff. I like that you didn’t use black for the lines on the mountains in the background, that helps sell the illusion that they’re way off in the distance. The bagpipes are outstanding, they look as if they were a hand-drawn image from the app that I’d drawn. They’re especially awesome because I can’t HEAR them. I kid!
The only minor nit I might pick (and it’s pretty minor) is the white lines in the clouds. They don’t quite seem to mesh with everything else up there. I’d play around with either making them invisible or the same color as one of the interiors to help it seem more misty.
Very nice! You know, you and AMS have very similar styles, it’s interesting.
I love his big trident, you did a great job putting that together. The coloring is also excellent, with great use of the colored-line technique. The design overall is excellent and really helps tell the story of who this character is.
This is one of those cases where I think it would be fun to see various background treatments, like bubbles and/or a graphic element like a box or circle. I feel like since the composition is very wide with the trident, it might be nice to have something that helped recenter focus on the character’s body.
But either way, great job!
Cute! I feel like maybe I am missing the joke a bit, as I don’t quite understand what’s happened. She looks like she has a black eye? And I guess maybe they are a Russian team who was terrible, earning low scores from everyone but their countrymen and leading him to … well, go for the big Triple Axle in the Sky.
But then I thought maybe he hit her, since I can’t quite figure out how else you get a black eye from skating.
Anyway, as an image it’s nice, and I’m probably just too dim to get the joke.
LOVE the character! Very very cool looking dude.
The background squares don’t quite work, for me. The problem is that since the outlines are big and the same color (or close enough) to costume elements they come very close to (like the boots and the gloves), visually it makes them seem like not a design but an actual physical object. Which makes you wonder why he’s holding up big picture frames.
Just my opinion, of course. Again, fantastic job on the figure!
Very nice! I like the movement and grace of the pose, the figure looks realistic and fluid. The hair works, the flute looks convincing, and I get a good emotional connection to it.
I like the overall look and design of the character, but I feel like there’s a disconnect between the upper part of the body, with all its nice gear and details, and the very plain lower body. I immediately wonder where he puts his gum, for instance, or how he hangs on to the rifles. Plus it makes him look top-heavy — with the sleek legs you think he’s built for speed and nimbleness, but then the upper part has heavy armor and makes him look like he’s more of a bruiser.
So I guess I’d say, either slim down the trappings on the upper body or add a few details to the lower body to help bring the whole design into balance.
I like his collar, that works great. The colors are good too, I’m a sucker for black and red. I also like the way the diamond in the chest insignia is mirrored in the forehead piece, that’s a nice touch and helps unify the whole thing.
I’m probably going to repeat my last comment here, which is that I feel like he needs some kind of black element in the costume below the waist to tie it all together.
Good job, though, he looks interesting!
I do think you’ve gotten the motion down well, the pose works. You’ve also got the nina training style vibe, so you’ve scored on the major points.
I agree the pants are masked a bit oddly, but you’re aware of that. The other bit that jumped out at me was the nose, which seems to not fit with the 3/4 alignment of the head, quite. It also looks like maybe there’s another nose beneath it? Regardless, at first glance I thought the animal nose lower part was a mustache and I couldn’t figure out why it was so high.
But, nice job!
Trying to work out a few characters for something I want to start writing again. This is Marshall Rutledge, a computer genius turned magic novice, practicing a spell he’s recently learned (and programmed into his spellbook, which happens to be an iPad).
Not sold on the hand I have holding the iPad though, and willing to accept any other input about the character.
Love the idea of an iPad spellbook! “I want to turn you into a newt. There’s an app for that!”
I actually really like that part, I think the hand is holding it well and it’s fine as-is. In fact the whole thing looks good. It did take me a moment to decipher that there was some sort of spell effect coming out of the other hand and not something burning his chest, which I guess could be tweaked a little, but it’s fairly minor.
The Cold War era atomic-powered supervillian known as Plutonium Man:
I wanted to make it look like illustration from my childhood favoured author Jules Verne books.
Nifty! The outfit’s great and the green radiation glows come off well. I want to say maybe they’re just a touch too opaque, but if so it’s not by much.
Love the vessel itself, it looks great! The environment is spot-on too.
My only hesitation is with the thickness of the lines on the netting over the blimp. They’re so thick they almost look like cables or big straps instead of rope, you know?
Pretty amazing job, though, I can’t imagine how long that must’ve taken.
Man, participation in these has really fallen off in the last few months :-/
This isn’t artwork, but I created a character sheet via the forum for my characters and was wondering what you thought. Is there any more information you would suggest? or remove? or suggestions in general?
EDIT* I may attach an appendix thingy at the bottom, listing the threat levels and points for each
Looks pretty complete to me, good job. I’ve tried to make character sheets for various RPGs in the past and it isn’t easy.
After playing Final fantasy 13-2, I wanted to try and make Lightning. Below is the result of my efforts. I would love any advice on it. The sword in particular is nowhere near looking like hers, but I wasn’t sure how to make one like hers, so I just tried to get something cool looking together.
So… thoughts? Opinions? Advice?
thanks Jeff, I don’t know how well it would work for an actual RPG, but at least it’ll help me stack my characters against one another.
Thanks Jeff. Maybe a glow effect and some shading might help settle that problem. I’ll play with it a bit when I get back to my computer.
GilaMan can regrow limbs and organs.
his bio & stuff are on the forum(FYI)
Hey, Jeff? You know you may critique mine?
Here is a shot of my characters, Yurko (super strong and nearly invulnerable villain) and Romulus (3,000 year old werewolf, hero and original founder of Rome.) http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&global=1&q=Romulus+yuriko#/d4r8it0
The “man” wants participation, The “man” gets participation.
Here is my latest, a hero called OUTLANDER.
Give me full guns a blazing critique. Open fire!
Thanks, Jeff! I think I’m with you on the squares. They don’t quite work for me either. This is the sixth in a series of pictures I’ve done of an eight member team of mine where I’ve only used simple shapes in black and white for the background. I really like how the first few turned out(one was even a finalist in your “lithe” contest”) but the last couple, including this one, haven’t been as good. I have a couple of ideas how to fix this one. Maybe one big square around the wings that only touches the character in the hip area? I don’t know. Well, back to the drawing board!
Oh yeah, thanks Tarkabarka and Cliff for your comments and compliments! I really appreciate them.
Thank you much. The lion’s nose, incidentally, is masked to an oversized regular one. (The tag is that Conner, being a werewolf, retains some wolf-like features in human form when relaxed; nose, ears, claws, and eyes. No tail though). This is a relatively easy fix: move the wolf nose a couple inches to the right while leaving the under nose still.
I still don’t know what to do to make the trousers convincing. I used the same method as the upper left arm straps (minus the size change), but the underlying lines bleed through and make it look wierd.
Still have no idea what to give him as a backround… But thanks for the feedback.
Here’s how I imagined a character created by a fellow player in a Pathfinder campaign. His name is Serazon, and he’s a Magus, which is a class designed to be a blend between a fighter and a wizard. As far as his personality goes, all I know of the character is that he’s Chaotic Good (and yet he worships the god of Civilization for some reason), but he hasn’t had any real profound moments in which he’s shown a lot of personality.
I did ask the player of Serazon if the picture is at all accurate (it is, after all, how I imagined him), and he said it was pretty accurate. The only issues I can see that need fixing are perhaps the proportions of his legs (in my outline drawing, he ended up being too tall and thin, and so I made his legs and torso shorter, but I think I overcompensated on his legs), and the shape of his right arm, due to the fact that I’m not used to drawing arms in that position.
The red machine:
I’ll admit right off that I haven’t played the game, so I can’t comment on how close it is or isn’t to the original. I’ll just talk about this as a standalone illustration.
I like the design of the character and your item choices. Overall a solid piece.
Most of my suggestions are fairly minor. I like the gold in the leg armor, for instance, but I’d like to see it repeated in more places, possibly in the shield trim.
The top armor arc tangents against the bottom line of her chin, making for some visual confusion. I think there needs to be a bit of space there so the lines don’t intersect.
In terms of the pose, I’m not sure why she’s holding the shield out like that. It seems uncomfortable. I would think it might be better if her arm were more held at her side, as if she’s at parade rest or somesuch.
Good job, even if I don’t know anything about the original, which I don’t!
I like that he’s stockier than the standard body, that gives him some personality. The outfit and the coloring are also solid, good job on those.
My main concern is the hair, which looks like a bad toupee that is a hair away from sliding right off his head. That needs some work, definitely.
I appreciate the effort on the left-hand gun, but it doesn’t quite work for me. It looks more like he’s holding some tubes rather than a weapon.
That aside, nice job!
As you know, I don’t tend to offer much in the way of character development, just the illustration itself. With that said, he looks good — the outfit works well and he’s appropriately menacing. The needle glove is awesome.
My only suggestion would be to maybe add some slightly darker greens to parts of the armor as maybe shadowed or highlighted bits, to add some dimensionality as overall it looks a bit flat.
Nice Photoshopping with the background!
I like her pose a lot, she has tons of dynamism and action. Very cool. The scene overall is very good, too, you tell the story well.
Mostly I feel like it’s too dark; I have trouble making out a lot of the details. I mean, it’s night time so what are you really gonna do, but that’s the first thing that came to mind when I was looking at it.
I think it’s a good scene, though, with two interesting characters!
I love this dude; I think I saw him on the Facebook page and thought it was fantastic. I particularly appreciate the work you put into giving everyone distinctive faces, they always look different and unique.
You’ve balanced the colors out nicely. The highlights are appropriate and not overpowering, which I know is a temptation.
Great job! I can’t think of anything I’d change, it’s pretty freaking good as-is.
It looks great! Wonderful pose, he has a good sense of brooding power about him. The clothing details and facial expression are excellent as well. I’m impressed as always!
I think you’re right that the legs got a little bit short. The arm looks good to me, though I think you could probably make the hand a fair bit bigger and it would resolve the reservations you have about it. My art teacher always told me, if you’re going to go wrong on the hands, it’s way better to go big than small.
Good drawing, I’m so happy you’re doing things by hand in pencil!
That’s really good! I love it when people make big complicated mechanisms from bits and pieces of other stuff.
I love the decals on the windows, those are an awesome touch that really help nail down the sense that this is a real guy in a mech. I like the little details as well, like the green hose on the arm. That kind of stuff very much helps “sell” the concept.
About the only thing I can think of to suggest for improvements is to maybe add a little more variation in the red tones you use in the mech itself. For instance, go a shade darker on the dark red in the legs, to make it seem as if they’re slightly behind the level of the cockpit. Do the same in some of the arm areas or shoulder pads to add some depth. That will help the illusion that it’s a big complicated piece with various layers.
Great job kyle, this is one of my favorite things you’ve done!
OK folks, I think I caught everyone. Thanks so much for participating!
Awww mannn I really wanted to participate, i was too late 🙁
I hate my schedule now…I can’t be a part of any HM stuff.
you did that in heromachine? no way
You’re right, I didn’t. I did, however design the characters in hero machine and then paid someone to draw them digitally, which is what you see here.
1.meniukas: WOW. . . uh . . . harpoon gun? 2.Tuldabar: y’know? the wraps didn’t bother me like his wrists did–work to realign?3.Asder:add asymm. element to body below waist–worked VERY well up top.4.DBLADE! STR. EDGE!? WHY aren’t the joints PHILLIP’S HEAD!? ;^> jk-I like. 5. CLIFF: you might do many things–solid gray maidens dance/flee/hide way off in distance, ruins, lochs, heather, but I would, as a priority, lighten the hooves and make them dirty. Translucent brown for washed out mud. 6. MYRO:Is he a technomage? Most traditions say magic/tech interfere, so you might add, for those who care, a copper bracelet to the tech arm-Custom color?
Jeff: I realize that it’d probably take you a while to choose, but is there any character that you have created that you’d like us to critique. It doesn’t have to be this weekend or anything, but maybe on the next sharing or critique day we could see some of our “fearless leader’s” characters.
jeff, is this better for the hair? i dont know what to do about the gun.
I hope this help you a little
Honestly, I never make characters with HM, other than to test out a new item or feature.
It does look a lot better, yes.
thanks, tarkabarka! it didnt load right, but i think i did an ok job of re-creating it.
Everyone’s been really busy. I know that I have been!
@Tarkbarka & Cliff: Thanks for the feedback. I was really enjoyed making “Les jeux en hiver.”
@alphaalpharomeo: I like Gold Ranger but he could use something for legs. Maybe tone down the black on the gun. 100% black makes it flat.
@ams: Outlander is real good.
@Zarae: Nice drawing. My drow tend not to be musically-inclined. ;>
@Captian Kicktar: Love the right glove the left not so much.
@Cliff: Yes, a loch are some crags in the background would pop.
@FRM: Yes, the last version of Gilaman works best.
@headlessgeneral: I like Damian. The boxes don’t quite work, though.
@Jadebrain: Neat drawing as well. His feet are stubby.
@LadySkylar: Nice design. Maybe add gold to the top or switch her legs from gold to an off-set gray.
@Meniukas: Great design
@Myro: I like Marshall. Great color scheme.
@Asder: Your Poseidon is great. I like the fins on the gauntlets.
@Sutter Kaine: I think I found a new nemesis!
@kyle: Awesome! My only nit is the insignias. Maybe make them more opaque.
@Tuldabar: I like the pose. The nose could use some tweaking.
@Vampyrist: I like Paragon. Not quite sure what his insignia is supposed to represent. The white lips throw me off a bit. The costume overall is really solid.
@McKnight57: Yuriko is really good. I like the cocky look on her face.
I know Im a bit late but I have been gone about a week taking care of somethings with the funeral of my dad. I am catching up on posts and wanted to show off a character I made before I went on leave. Its kind of a alien space dog type thing.
First of all, I’m sorry to hear about your dad. Hopefully you can find some closure with this.
As for your character, very cool. Looks like something you’d see in Heavy Metal. The color pallette is good, nothing seems to run in with the other objects, although a splash of something brighter might help break up the greys and dark reds, and draw attention in. That’s about all I can really offer.
Also, that armored dinosaur in the background is several degrees of awesome.
Overall, I’d say good job.