Caption Contest 115: Toofless

Your challenge this week is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this comics panel:

The best entry (as judged by yours truly) wins the author's choice of either any item they like or any portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3′s final release, or a custom black and white “Sketch of the Day” style illustration (you pick the subject, I draw it however I like).

All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post. Keep ‘em clean (appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show), but most importantly, keep ‘em funny!

This week we have a cap of no more than five (5) entries per person, so make 'em your best!

62 Responses to Caption Contest 115: Toofless

  1. alphaalpharomeo says:

    1)You got a purty mouth

    2)And on the 7th day god created the rifle to kill the homosexuals….and the dinosaurs. (Disclamer, I have no problems with homosexuality or dinosaurs)

    3)This one time a band camp I tried eating a tuba

    4)I swear the govornment is run by extra-terrestrials trying to steal my teeth, But they”ll never get them,,, NEVER!!!!

    5)Trust me I’m a doctor

  2. Gero says:

    1. “What? Do I have something in my tooth?”
    2. “There’s gold in them there hills, GOLD!!!”

  3. Gero says:

    3. “Mmmph mmph mmmmph mph? Mmmmph mmmph mph mhp!”

  4. Gero says:

    4. “I’ll have you know I have the best teeth in all of England”

    (No offense to HM’ers across the pond; I know it’s a stereotype, and that in fact, English people have, on adverage, the healthiest teeth of any country…)

  5. BenK22 says:

    1. Oh!
    The good old hockey game!
    Its the best game you can name!
    And the best game you can name,
    is the good old hockey game!
    (Note: I like hockey as much as the next Red Wings fan.)

  6. BenK22 says:

    2. 24!

  7. Sarah R. says:

    I love lamp.

  8. Jessica says:

    1. JoBob! Get me my club!
    2. I just got me an edumacation!
    3. Who in tarnation is that?!
    4. Dang it, Jolene! I said I wanted it rare! Now! Who wants ta show me where the outhouse is?!
    5. You cain’t see it now, but I used ta be a han’some fella…

  9. Jessica says:

    (not an entry)

    I’m so jealous of some of the entries here. Wish I’d gotten on earlier.

    @alphaalpharomeo, I can’t pick one. They’re all awesome.
    @Gero, love #2.
    @BenK22, are you Canadian?

  10. FRM says:

    1: “did i ever tell y’all ’bout that one time…”
    2: “weel i’ll bee darned! that there feller’s got teeth!”
    3: “wadya mean ‘i gotta get dentures’?”

  11. MrMikeK says:

    1) What to you mean I’m lyin’ to you through my tooth?

  12. ams says:

    Y’mind chewin’ ma food fer me? Tryin’ ta save ma last tooth!

  13. ams says:

    No way I’m milkin’ the cows again with cold hands!

  14. ams says:

    Got to stop openin’ the beer bottles with my mouth.

  15. TheAmazingFrank7 says:

    1. Hey Irene! Am I missing a tooth?
    2. My sister’s husband has cheated on her with her sister who just happens to be my mother! Yeehah!
    3. I thought I’d dye my hair blue to look more sexy!
    4. Leakin’ on grizzlies is not fun!
    5. Haven’t y’all tried mule manure before?!

  16. Rick says:

    1. I’m sexy and I know it.
    2. I’ don’t bite… anymore

  17. maniacmick says:

    …and that’s why you never try to hogtie a walrus with a rubber snake!

  18. Vengeance says:

    that there is my zombie tooth

    pappy always said the tooth will set you free

    why do you think they call it a tooth brush

  19. Joel says:

    “I say good sir, if you might point me to the nearest orthodontic specialist I would be much obliged.”

    “Loose ’em? Nah, you got it backwards, I FOUND ’em.”

    “Lorine! Git my gun! There’s a giant laughing nerd staring right at us!”

  20. mashlagoo says:

    1. It sounds funny I know, but it really is so. Oh, I’m my own grandpa.

  21. Kaito94 says:

    1. “…and that’s why most of my teeth are black and why my hair’s blue. Blasted space monkeys, it’s all their fault.”
    2. “I just invented awkward non-silence!”
    3. “Got one toof lef and the firsht thing you ashk ish why my hair’sh blue?”
    4. “Really? No wonder the dentist charged so much for that tooth-pullin’!”
    5. “They called me One-Tooth Wonder! Never knew why till I looked in the mirror last night!”

  22. Frankie says:

    “There’s a tooth in my mouth, dear Liza, dear Liza. There’s a tooth in my mouth, dear Liza, dear Liza. A tooth!”

  23. Tuldabar says:

    1: “Battery acid?” BATTERY ACID?! You told me that was the new “Colgate Plus!!”

    2: Great… Now I’m going to find an orange rind for the school picture…

    3: Dang it all, Jimmy! I told you to KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL!

    4: “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. My two front teeth, YES! My two front teeth.

  24. Frankie says:

    “Dees here stretchy-straps are doing a mighty fine job o’ holding my shirt down. But, hows ’bout sum’tin to hold my pants up?”

  25. Frankie says:

    “Hey, Maw! Mister Hebert’s got his own computer show and he’s a-coming
    back to Texas! Yee-haw!”

  26. Hammerknight says:

    “No I’ve never been in prison, why do you ask?”

  27. BenK22 says:

    (not an entry)

    I’m so jealous of some of the entries here. Wish I’d gotten on earlier.

    @alphaalpharomeo, I can’t pick one. They’re all awesome.
    @Gero, love #2.
    @BenK22, are you Canadian?

    Nope. Just a hockey fan from Michigan.

  28. Hammerknight says:

    No Santa didn’t bring me what I wanted again this year.

  29. 1rd2th3st says:

    1.” …Long story short, I really like taffy.”
    2. ” Hey got some meth…or maybe some meth?”
    3. “VOTE RON PAUL!”

  30. TOOL says:

    1. Isa gunna go bac hum to git my tooth brus befur we go to the famlee reyounun, my second cus may be there this year.

    2. Whoowe that moon shine shure hits the spot!

    3. That’s the last time I make a bet against the Patriots.

    4. What you talking about willis?

    5. They call me tater salad!

  31. Frotality says:

    1. The world has finally witnessed Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick vs Bruce Campbell’s boomstick. Guess where he kicked me.

    2. This ‘ere is my cute toof. Ain’t it adorable?

    3. I wanted my 2 front teeth for christmas, but in this economy…

  32. SpeedyJester says:

    That’s right the tooth fairy was a hobo.

  33. FRM says:

    4: “it happened back when i was a young lad with a full mouth o’ teeth, an’ New York was a little town with a well.y’naw back when there was still gold in them thar hills!”
    5: “there’s a storm comin’! i can feel it in me toof!”

  34. 1. Whooooo-eee! Look at da mudflaps on her!
    2. What? I got mustache up my nose?
    3. Just take the picture already. I don’t got no good side.
    4. Rectum? Dern near killed ’em!
    5. Mais oui, maman, je me suis brossé le dent. (Bonus points if you get the syntax!)

  35. adolfo-carpio says:

    1-como sabes que juego hockey?
    2-tu crees que necesito un dentista?

  36. BenK22 says:

    3. “Mesa day startin’ pretty okee-day with a brisky morning munchen, then boom! Gettin’ berry scared and grabbin’ dat Jedi and pow! Mesa here! Mesa gettin’ berry, berry scared!”

  37. Mr.MikeK says:

    2. If it wasn’t for the dental plan, I wouldn’t have Ol’ Chopper here!

    3. She’s still a virgin? If she ain’t good ‘nuf for her kinfolk she ain’t good ‘nuf for you!

  38. Joe says:

    1. I look bad? I look bad?! you should see the guy who did this to me, he’s missin’ his nose, an eye and his hair is green!

    2.All this talk from a man who can’t see!

  39. TheNate says:

    1. I just can’t take it no more, doc. I came all the way from Alabama with this banjo on my knee.

    2. Dirty mouth? Try Orbit!

    3. Four out of five dentists say you should brush after every meal. I had the fifth dentist.

    4. It sure is an honor to be inducted into the NHL Hall of Fame.

  40. Debochira says:

    “I remember back in the old days when you could get a comic book for a persnickity nickel instead of your fancy credit cards and Podis or whatever conflabbit contraption they are!”

  41. Frankie says:

    “Hey Jedthro, Ida-Mae, Junior, Charlette, Stinky Bob, Brently, Varn, Junior-junior, Cleo. Come lookit dis. There’s a black man on the teevee. He says George Dubbl-ya ain’t the prezeedent no more.”

  42. Nick Hentschel says:

    “I say, old fellow! Fancy a spot of Earl Grey?”

  43. spidercow2012 says:

    1. Maw, Ah jes’ found the den’al floss!

    2. Ah’m storin’ this sugar cube in ma mustache fer later.

    3. Jeff! Jeff! I seem to be seeing a strange and wonderful picture of the past!

  44. D says:

    1. I’z drunk, met Shuperman, an’ offered to take a bite outta crimefightersh! 2. So there’s this hooker I know bathes in maple syrup– 3. I need more batteries. (ref. to “Tommyknockers”) 4. She SWORE a car! No keys under the pillow! Just 20 dimes! 5. Did you know fewer than 1 in 10 million men are allergic to toothpaste?
    Jeff: I’d really like a torso w/hips facing away, top facing to side. . .or maybe multiple simple knots.

  45. punkjay says:

    1) ‘Ey Cletus! Play some a dat dare “Dullin’ Banjos” would ya?!?
    2) Tarnation Bill! would ya please stop a’ stealin’ mi Teef ya darn galoot!
    3) You may not believe me, but I do have a doctorate in astrophysics and and an MD in Nerosurgery!
    4) So Uncle Jesse. When dem Duke Boys comin’ back to Hazard?
    5) Seriously Officer it ant no still it my water purificatieon tank!

  46. Tj says:

    ….and that’s how I invented the toothbrush.

  47. skybandit says:

    1) No, Ah ain’t no superhero, jest a mean drunk.
    2) So Ah asked, “whut in tarnation is a Leatherboy?”
    3) Found out ya ain’t s’posed ta call ’em “Negroes” no more.
    4) That’s muh sweet toof!
    5) Ah needs me sum “Obamacare!”

  48. Dan Gonzalez says:

    Look, I know my online profile said I was an 18 year old cheerleader, but we’re here, so…

  49. BenK22 says:

    4. Get punched in the face by Superman. We’ll see how you look.

  50. Joel says:

    “I’m just a stereo-what now?”

    “You think THIS looks bad, well you should see the other guy……he thinks so too.”

  51. KingSuperior says:

    My teeth haven’t gone! They’re just invisible.

  52. KingSuperior says:

    2. i’m SuperHillbillyMan! Didn’t you know that?
    3. This is what happens when you throw rocks at Superman!
    4. Just because I’m just that sexy doesn’t mean you have to stare!
    5. Well I’ll be darned, I didn’t think he’d take it that bad if you called him fatman.

  53. Syntax says:

    Eh? Oh hey, the printer`s outta line again!

  54. Naturezilla says:

    All You no good punks on the internets! Ya Dun Goof’d! I backtraced ya! CYBERPOLICE!

  55. Aren Triffo says:

    1) “Taffy is delicious. I LOVE TAFFY!!!”

    2) “You got a purdy mouth!” (Deliverance quote)

    3) “Hey Bubba! Go an get yer uncle-grandpa!”

  56. Myro says:

    Probably going to be my only entry this week:

    “What do you mean “toofless,” Mr. Hebert? I still got ol’ Chomper here!”

  57. X-stacy says:

    I am wearin’ muh denture!

  58. Luclucluc says:

    “I used to be an adventurer like you…”

    Yep, that’s right. A Skyrim arrow joke. You may all hate me now.

  59. duncan durham says:

    oh my god! is that one of them fancy new umm whatch call um uhhh uhh tooth brushes yeah thats the words…

  60. E350 says:

    ‘I’m savin’ a mint on dental bills!’

    ‘I decided to eat a steel bar for breakfast. In reterospect, I should not have been surprised by the result.’

    ‘Who needs a dental plan, huh?’

  61. Naturezilla says:

    2)I used to have a purdy mouth like you once… BUT THEN I TOOK AN ARROW IN THE KNEE

  62. Myro says:

    Revising my original entry:

    “Who you callin’ toofless, Mr.Hebert? I still got Ol’ Chomper here!”

    Also, stop telling “arrow in the knee” jokes, Naturezilla. They’re not funny anymore, and they weren’t that funny to begin with. I’m almost ashamed to say I know you. 😛