Poll Position: Scary!

(Look at the size of that baby!)

With Halloween coming up, I thought it would be fun to explore what might come about if you were bitten by a radioactive shop attendant while wearing your favorite costume:

  • Dracula: I tend to think vampires-as-super-heroes don't really work, partly because they already pretty much have the powers (invisibility, strength, polymorph, dematerialisation, etc.) and partly because they get all burnt up in the sun. Unless you're talking about "Twilight" vampires, in which case their only real powers are to a) sparkle in the sun and b) woo innocent virgins without ever defiling them. Which seems more like a super weakness to me, but whatever. I just have trouble getting past the "undead bloodsucking predator of humans" aspect of things, I suppose.
  • Frankenstein: Lots of strength, very little in the brains department, unless you're going with the old-school original Mary Shelley version. In which case you're going to be spending a lot of time sulking in the Arctic, which isn't terribly appealing.
  • Ghost: Since we're talking about a super-hero BASED on the costume, hopefully in this case you'd be able to change back and forth from ghost form to human. In which case the ability to walk through walls and turn mostly invisible would be pretty fun.
  • Gorilla: Big, strong, hairy, smelly, loud, prone to fits of rage ... wait a minute, I think this might be what happened to me at some point! Can gorillas go bald?
  • Hannah Montana: Just ... no.
  • Neytiri (Avatar): I get that lots of people love the blue skinned people from "Avatar", I really do. And they're tall, strong, athletic, nimble, and can plug their tails into any local network connection for, like, awesome download speeds. They're just not for me.
  • Pirate: What super powers would a pirate have? Probably you'd be built along the Daredevil type of model, with some sort of keen danger sense, lots of acrobatics, and of course awesome swashbuckling skills with a cutlass. This could be fun.
  • The Situation: I don't actually watch "Jersey Shore", but the combination of killer orange tan, loud mouth, and prominent muscles with a Trump-sized ego surely must count as a super power already, no?
  • Tinkerbell: Shrinking, flight, light-production, and ... um ... a sparkly glitter contrail wherever you go! Much better than what usually goes shooting out my ... well.
  • Witch: The ability to work magic would be pretty cool. The green skin and wart, not so much. Hopefully I'd at least be a sexy witch, because I kill in high heels and a push-up bra.

I'd probably go with Ghost or Pirate, because they seem to have power sets that would be both applicable and fun in the real world.

What about you?

8 Responses to Poll Position: Scary!

  1. Myro says:

    There’s only one answer for me. Aaaargh, matey!

  2. Ners says:

    The Situation was appealing… but I’m Pirate !

  3. I wanna be like, totally a ghost!! 😀 😀 😀
    ~Cpt. douchy away!!!

  4. MetallicaFan says:

    Witch – more along the super-powered-Wicca lines of Charmed or even Buffy than the green skin/wart type. Let’s face it, Prue’s powers were awesome.

    On Hannah Montana – I thought we were voting on super heroes not Devil Incarnates.

  5. Sean Murphy says:

    I’ve read the Mary Shelley book – the nameless creation of Dr Frankenstein was highly intelligent, and had attitude. As well as being explicitly superior to natural humans in every physical particular. Strength, speed, durability hard to beat. Tinkerbell was actually a little tempting – Robin Williams referred to her a Mighty Mouse before he cold see her properly, and she in fact was considerably stronger than he was. Magic, flight, and superstrength? Not bad. But Frankenstein’s monster was cooler.

  6. kingmonkey says:

    Yeah, I went with Hannah Montana. The power to control the minds of the nation’s youth? A hefty paycheque from Disney? I think that would be enough to help me sleep at night after being forced to play some crappy bubblegum pop music and “act” on a dumbass sitcom.

  7. Myro says:

    Jeff, I would also like to point out the “gorilla” you are describing is actually, according to The Simpsons, a “Kwijibo.”


    You’re welcome.

  8. berserker says:

    i had to go with the mary shelley frankenstien, a because i really dont mind the artic weather cause im descended from vikings and b i agree with sean murphy,