Poll Position: Tis the season …

A bit on the grim side, but also fun after the dying part, so here goes:


Let's take a closer look at these exciting options.

  • Captain Marvel (Shazam): Plenty of powers to make it possible -- after all, hitting every single house of every single "good" Christian child in the world is a tall order. Sure, it's likely that Santa's got magical goodies that make the whole enterprise workable, and those goodies could be used by his replacement, but just in case it doesn't hurt to have the speed of Mercury. Plus, Captain Marvel is also Billy Batson, young boy, so he would have first-hand knowledge of the Christmas spirit and the joy children take in getting gifts.
  • Darth Vader: "Feeeeeel the POWah ... (whooo haaaa) ... of the DARK SIDE! Lego set, I mean. And, um, the Feed Me Susie Doll. Oh screw it ... " (whoosh whoosh, light saber cutting down Christmas trees and stockings). Money, baby, pure money.
  • Dr. Doom: Doom would use the power of Santa to take over the world, and if that doesn't spell "Christmas Joy" to you, nothing will. Plus the "Bad List" would be excellent fodder for Doom's Army of Doom.
  • Hulk: If you liked the green-skinned Grinch, you'll LOVE green-skinned Hulk Santa!
  • Superman: Like Captain Marvel, but with even more super-powers to make the job work. X-Ray vision would be an invaluable aid to the "He sees you all the time" requirement.
  • Wolverine: "Why did Santa bring everyone confetti this year?"

The "serious" answer (if such a thing has any meaning with a question this stupid) would be Captain Marvel. The "fun" answer would be Wolverine, because he'd do the job but be grumpy about it. And the "best" answer is, of course, Doom.

I look forward to your answers and suggestions!

28 Responses to Poll Position: Tis the season …

  1. PCFDPGrey says:

    Well, how about Doom, but after he’s stolen Vaders dark-side powers?

  2. Ian says:

    I nominated Lobo, because I will never forget that one-shot where the Easter Bunny hired Lobo to take down Santa. It just seems that the Last Czarnian would be a perfect replacement. He’s jovial, motivated, and won’t be denied in completing something he says he’s going to do, because he’s the Main Man.

  3. TheNate says:

    In honor of the Christmas edition of his comic, I have to nominate the wrestler formerly known as the Ultimate Warrior.

    If you don’t know what I mean – check this link and you’ll quickly wish you still didn’t:


  4. William says:

    I nominated Captain Marvel because, heck, he’s already got the red suit. And, he’s got the speed of Mercury or whatever. You know. Lightning powers. So he won’t get to the houses late.

    But then again, Superman would probably be more appreciated by the kiddies. Cap isn’t as possible as he used to be.

  5. William says:

    Oh hell, did I say “possible?” Damn, the word I was looking for was “popular.” Captain Marvel isn’t as popular as he used to be.

  6. John says:

    Bulletman! Like, duh!

  7. Worf says:

    @TheNate: All I can say is WTF????? that last “pinup” is seriously disturbing. Scratch that… it’s indescribably disturbing.

  8. The Imp says:

    I thought it said SATAN is dead. And I still picked Superman. What does that say about me as a person? 😀

  9. Jeff Hebert says:

    It says you’re a WONDERFUL person, Imp!

  10. gero says:

    I chose Captain Marvel, since he has about the same number of powers as Superman, but wears red and gold, which are Christmas colours. I would have picked Duffman, but I think he’d tramatize the kiddies, “Duffman is thrusting towards your presents! All of you are getting cool, refreshing Duff beer!”

  11. Hammerknight says:

    I think Beast would make a wonderful Santa.

  12. cavalier says:

    Voted for Beast because:

    a. not given enough attention

    b. a fun guy

    c. climbing up the chimney is cooler than flying up.

  13. TopHat says:

    Doom, for the sheer hilarity I can imagine.

    “But I didn’t ask for a bike Robo-Santa”
    “Wretched child! You shall take this bicycle and you shall like it!”.

  14. knight1192 says:


  15. Hakoon1 says:

    Beast just seems like the nice kinda guy who’d make a great santa.

  16. Kaldath says:

    LOL @knight1192 – For Christmas, Merry you will be!

  17. Loki says:

    I’m…going to choose…William Shatner! Do…you…concur Mr. Spock?…I mean…Jeff!

  18. Darth_Neko says:

    And I went for my favorite Merc With a Mouth, Deadpool! I just love the Merc as much as possible, to the point where I want to have his children… And I think I threw up in my mouth a little… XD

  19. MegaGoober says:

    “Your presents. Are. Here, children! Beam. Me up, Rudolph!”

  20. WebGames says:

    Hulk obviously!

  21. Loki says:

    Rudolph, with. Your. nose so bight! won’t, you. Dive the. Spaceship, tonight?

  22. mercwithamouth2 says:

    fine you creepy little sith cat get in line. Your behind Bob, the ghost of Bea Arthur, Sandy, etc.

  23. Gero says:

    @Dark Neko: But..but, he’s all covered in tumors, and he was created by *shudder* ROB LEIFIELD!!!

  24. William A. Peterson says:

    I had to go with Billy Batson (SHAZAM!) over Supes…
    BOTH have the power suite, and the kind of attitude you want for the job, but Cap adds in the Wisdom of Solomon, which I kind of figure is more useful than X-Ray Vision for figuring out who’s been ‘naughty’ or ‘nice’…

  25. Not on the list, but I feel compelled to mention Terry Pratchett’s Hogfather, where Death has to take over for the Discworld’s Santa-analogue.

    Also, I voted for Darth Vader. Because it amuses me.

  26. Darth_Neko says:


    Hey from great despair and tragedy there is always one underlining, feel good type thing…. And Deadpool was Rob’s only good creation. And I mean his ONLY good one!


    Sith? Yes. Creepy? I guess. But Cat person?! I Think not good sir! Now if you excuse me, I’m in some dire need of a nice glass of milk, my favorite scratching post and a nice warm nap! 🙂

  27. knight1192 says:

    Laugh Kaldath all you want. But I still say Yoda. I still remember the Star Wars Adventure Journal cover with Yoda dressed as Santa with a sack of toys across his back on the cover. And he wouldn’t try filling in for Santa either. “Do or do not. There is no try.”