Caption Contest 64: Headliner!

We're going to do something a little different for this week's caption contest. Usually I put up a comic book panel with the words whited out, and you have to try to come up with the funniest or best replacement dialog. But this week, you're going to do what I do with the Daily Random Panels -- come up with the best headline to make the comic book panel below perfect:


So for instance, some possibilities I thought of for this one were "This is the worst fantasy ever!"; "How can I with all this pressure and shouting?!"; "Bad days to forget your thumbtacks"; "Bob's Last Day as the Green Masked Bulletin Poster"; etc.

The rules are simple:

  1. All entries must be left as a comment or comments to this post;
  2. Only three entries per person;
  3. Keep it appropriate for a general audience, which I usually describe as something that would pass network censors for a prime-time broadcast television program.

The winner will receive either a portrait of their head or any one item they like to be included in the HeroMachine 3 final version. You have one week, so good luck everyone!

46 Responses to Caption Contest 64: Headliner!

  1. Avatar Danny Beaty says:

    1. What the new guy in prison should never say.

    2. Followed by “Squeal like a pig!”

    3. How can I when you’re pointing a loaded gun at me!

  2. Avatar Patrick says:

    Tonight on Larry Flint Radio Theater!

  3. Avatar Tim says:

    Three little words to make an conversation awkward.

  4. Avatar Tim says:

    Three little words to make a conversation awkward.

    ^^^ Grammar fix πŸ™‚

  5. Avatar Hammerknight says:

    1.You know the Economy is bad when heroes read for parts in porn movies.

    2.While posting fliers for Hair Club for Men.

  6. Firecracker Firecracker says:

    1. I know there’s something wrong with this announcement but…

    2. I know there’s something wrong with this ad but…

  7. Avatar DerKork says:

    1) Death threats at the tax offices getting more common
    2) Busting a communist undercover agent redhanded – A McCarthy story
    3) So you made the photocopier run out of paper?

  8. Avatar Dan Gonzalez says:

    The amazing Compliant Man!

  9. Avatar Gero says:

    1. I think you mean “give”…

    2. Another hero succumbs to the powers of Dr. Cialis

    3. “I’m too busy reading the script to my new movie”

  10. Avatar NGpm says:

    All arguments must be preceded by form ARG250ez to be filed in triplicate.

  11. Avatar Dennis says:

    Someone always has to ruin it by not wearing a hat.

  12. Avatar the creator says:

    why employers cancel casual fridays

  13. Avatar Pyrate Hyena says:

    3 big pieces of toilet paper…

  14. Avatar Bael says:

    I’ve heard of shotgun weddings, but this is getting ridiculous.

  15. Avatar johny says:

    a hero forgetting his lines

  16. Avatar Mr. Q says:

    Just a typical day at the Glenn Beck Show on Fox News.

  17. Avatar PhoenixTalion says:

    Meanwhile, at the Corleone Sperm Bank…

  18. Avatar Hammerknight says:

    3.A day at the office with Jeff.

  19. Avatar johny says:

    Just a typical day at the Keith olbermann show msnbc.

  20. Avatar kyle says: with the revolver in the alley

  21. Avatar Niall Mor says:

    Still waiting for the Viagra to kick in.

  22. Avatar TheNate says:

    Study: 99 Percent of Superheroes Not Bullet-Proof

  23. Avatar PhoenixTalion says:

    Deep down, the Green Bandit knew someone was going to try to make a political joke out of this.

  24. Avatar PhoenixTalion says:

    They really were ugly recruiting posters. But who was he to argue with the Mob?

  25. Avatar Jake says:

    1. Jack’s latest adult film adopted a new style of shoot and run, though Jack didn’t intend for it to be so literal.

  26. Avatar TheNate says:

    Why superheroes shouldn’t play “Simon Says.”

  27. Avatar Montana Player says:

    1. Inner monolouges gone wrong.
    2. And the number one thing a super hero doesn’t want to hear in the bedroom…!
    3. 24 goes porn

  28. Avatar Loki says:

    Ahh, super-porn, good times, good times.

  29. Avatar Loki says:

    When Saying Things Out Loud is Horrid Thing to Do.

  30. Avatar Jake says:

    2. Freud would say that he is also attracted to his mother.

  31. Avatar The Imp says:

    1. Awkward Moments in Gun Robberies
    2. Priorities, Priorities
    3. Things You Never Want to Hear when Holding a Guy’s Hand.

  32. Avatar Nancy says:

    “Hey,that’s what my wife said last night.”

  33. Avatar Nancy says:

    “Book Publisher’s Gone Bad”

  34. Avatar Nancy says:

    This advertisement is brought to you by GlueGoo Paper.
    “Don’t let your Office Hero be without it!”

  35. Blue Blazer Blue Blazer says:

    That’s What She Said

  36. Avatar MartianBlue says:

    1.) Failed Bat-Signal Projectioist

  37. Avatar MartianBlue says:

    2.) Failed Self-Kidnapping Attempts

  38. Avatar Loki says:


  39. Avatar Brad says:

    Random Panel: When buying a drink beforehand would’ve helped the situation.

  40. Avatar Hakoon1 says:

    When ‘Superheroes’ soil themselves.

  41. Avatar Jesterthegreat says:

    1. Great Moments in Two-Sided Negotiations

    2. Eleven-and-a-Half Reasons Why You Should Surrender

    3. It’s the [I]Perfect[/I] Time for an Argument!

  42. Avatar Brad says:

    Hey Jeff, since I peg you for the kind of guy who gets a laugh out of Tom Waits (or at least someone old enough to know about him in his heyday), here’s another one:

    Random Panel: It looks like the Piano isn’t the only one that’s been drinking around here.

    For the rest to make sense of that, just watch the amusing song at this link:

  43. Avatar song_bird2103 says:

    1. What heroes have to do if they want to survive in Hollywood.

  44. Avatar Meg says:

    1. Great moments in subtle diversions.

    2. For everyone who wondered why Mr. Anderson got fired as the debate coach.

    3. Although he tried his best, Gay Charlie just couldn’t get into the gangster racket.

  45. Avatar Matt says:

    “Pimp my Zoro discusses viewer ratings.”

  46. Avatar Jake says:

    3. Johnny the Hampster starts arguments about poster placement with his gun.