Caption Contest 64: Headliner!

We're going to do something a little different for this week's caption contest. Usually I put up a comic book panel with the words whited out, and you have to try to come up with the funniest or best replacement dialog. But this week, you're going to do what I do with the Daily Random Panels -- come up with the best headline to make the comic book panel below perfect:


So for instance, some possibilities I thought of for this one were "This is the worst fantasy ever!"; "How can I with all this pressure and shouting?!"; "Bad days to forget your thumbtacks"; "Bob's Last Day as the Green Masked Bulletin Poster"; etc.

The rules are simple:

  1. All entries must be left as a comment or comments to this post;
  2. Only three entries per person;
  3. Keep it appropriate for a general audience, which I usually describe as something that would pass network censors for a prime-time broadcast television program.

The winner will receive either a portrait of their head or any one item they like to be included in the HeroMachine 3 final version. You have one week, so good luck everyone!

46 Responses to Caption Contest 64: Headliner!

  1. Danny Beaty says:

    1. What the new guy in prison should never say.

    2. Followed by “Squeal like a pig!”

    3. How can I when you’re pointing a loaded gun at me!

  2. Patrick says:

    Tonight on Larry Flint Radio Theater!

  3. Tim says:

    Three little words to make an conversation awkward.

  4. Tim says:

    Three little words to make a conversation awkward.

    ^^^ Grammar fix 🙂

  5. Hammerknight says:

    1.You know the Economy is bad when heroes read for parts in porn movies.

    2.While posting fliers for Hair Club for Men.

  6. Firecracker says:

    1. I know there’s something wrong with this announcement but…

    2. I know there’s something wrong with this ad but…

  7. DerKork says:

    1) Death threats at the tax offices getting more common
    2) Busting a communist undercover agent redhanded – A McCarthy story
    3) So you made the photocopier run out of paper?

  8. Dan Gonzalez says:

    The amazing Compliant Man!

  9. Gero says:

    1. I think you mean “give”…

    2. Another hero succumbs to the powers of Dr. Cialis

    3. “I’m too busy reading the script to my new movie”

  10. NGpm says:

    All arguments must be preceded by form ARG250ez to be filed in triplicate.

  11. Dennis says:

    Someone always has to ruin it by not wearing a hat.

  12. the creator says:

    why employers cancel casual fridays

  13. Pyrate Hyena says:

    3 big pieces of toilet paper…

  14. Bael says:

    I’ve heard of shotgun weddings, but this is getting ridiculous.

  15. johny says:

    a hero forgetting his lines

  16. Mr. Q says:

    Just a typical day at the Glenn Beck Show on Fox News.

  17. PhoenixTalion says:

    Meanwhile, at the Corleone Sperm Bank…

  18. Hammerknight says:

    3.A day at the office with Jeff.

  19. johny says:

    Just a typical day at the Keith olbermann show msnbc.

  20. kyle says: with the revolver in the alley

  21. Niall Mor says:

    Still waiting for the Viagra to kick in.

  22. TheNate says:

    Study: 99 Percent of Superheroes Not Bullet-Proof

  23. PhoenixTalion says:

    Deep down, the Green Bandit knew someone was going to try to make a political joke out of this.

  24. PhoenixTalion says:

    They really were ugly recruiting posters. But who was he to argue with the Mob?

  25. Jake says:

    1. Jack’s latest adult film adopted a new style of shoot and run, though Jack didn’t intend for it to be so literal.

  26. TheNate says:

    Why superheroes shouldn’t play “Simon Says.”

  27. Montana Player says:

    1. Inner monolouges gone wrong.
    2. And the number one thing a super hero doesn’t want to hear in the bedroom…!
    3. 24 goes porn

  28. Loki says:

    Ahh, super-porn, good times, good times.

  29. Loki says:

    When Saying Things Out Loud is Horrid Thing to Do.

  30. Jake says:

    2. Freud would say that he is also attracted to his mother.

  31. The Imp says:

    1. Awkward Moments in Gun Robberies
    2. Priorities, Priorities
    3. Things You Never Want to Hear when Holding a Guy’s Hand.

  32. Nancy says:

    “Hey,that’s what my wife said last night.”

  33. Nancy says:

    “Book Publisher’s Gone Bad”

  34. Nancy says:

    This advertisement is brought to you by GlueGoo Paper.
    “Don’t let your Office Hero be without it!”

  35. Blue Blazer says:

    That’s What She Said

  36. MartianBlue says:

    1.) Failed Bat-Signal Projectioist

  37. MartianBlue says:

    2.) Failed Self-Kidnapping Attempts

  38. Loki says:


  39. Brad says:

    Random Panel: When buying a drink beforehand would’ve helped the situation.

  40. Hakoon1 says:

    When ‘Superheroes’ soil themselves.

  41. Jesterthegreat says:

    1. Great Moments in Two-Sided Negotiations

    2. Eleven-and-a-Half Reasons Why You Should Surrender

    3. It’s the [I]Perfect[/I] Time for an Argument!

  42. Brad says:

    Hey Jeff, since I peg you for the kind of guy who gets a laugh out of Tom Waits (or at least someone old enough to know about him in his heyday), here’s another one:

    Random Panel: It looks like the Piano isn’t the only one that’s been drinking around here.

    For the rest to make sense of that, just watch the amusing song at this link:

  43. song_bird2103 says:

    1. What heroes have to do if they want to survive in Hollywood.

  44. Meg says:

    1. Great moments in subtle diversions.

    2. For everyone who wondered why Mr. Anderson got fired as the debate coach.

    3. Although he tried his best, Gay Charlie just couldn’t get into the gangster racket.

  45. Matt says:

    “Pimp my Zoro discusses viewer ratings.”

  46. Jake says:

    3. Johnny the Hampster starts arguments about poster placement with his gun.