Poll Position: The Buddy System

I always loved "Marvel Team-Up", which would pair up one well-known character with a lesser light for some good four-fisted action. So it got me to thinking:


Discussion after the jump.

The complicating factor here is that you don't know what your super-powers are. You could be any power set from Namor to Matter-Eater Lad, or anything in between. (And yes, I know Matter-Eater Lad is a DC Character, so flame off fan boy. This is what we call a humorous blog, accuracy is definitely second to comedy, and if you don't find the concept of Matter-Eater Lad funny, you're just dead inside.) So do you choose someone with a very wide set of abilities to increase your chances of compensating for any deficiency on your part? Or do you go more for personality and creativity? Or do you say, "To heck with thinking, KITTY FREAKIN' PRYDE!"

  • Captain America: You gotta love Cap. He brings a lot to the table, from his extreme athleticism and tactical skills to his commanding presence. On the other hand, he's probably hard to get along with in the field, always barking orders and treating you like enlisted scum.
  • Hulk: Hulk featured in a number of team books over the years, which frankly always puzzled me. He's the embodiment of uncontrolled rage, which makes him a bit hazardous to have by your side, you know? I mean, let's say you're sauntering along, trailing the Bad Guys, and you make an off-hand comment about a disgusting wad of used Double-Mint gum on the sidewalk, and Ol' Green Eyes decides you're talking about HIM and next think you know, WHAM! Guest-star putty. No thanks. On the other hand, you're extremely unlikely to run into anyone who he can't turn into paste, which is a plus.
  • Iron-Man: If you get the movie version of Tony Stark, you have an excellent chance he'll say "Screw this" to the whole fight-the-bad-guys thing and instead jet you off to some ludicrously expensive pleasure dome in the middle of paradise. Which is kind of nice. On the other hand, you could get Silver Age Iron Man, whose suit was always running out of juice at inopportune moments, leaving you high and dry. Plus that version of Stark would drink all your booze and nail your girlfriend while you were getting pummeled in the secret base, so it's a bit of a toss-up.
  • Kitty Pryde: Two words: Hubba. Hubba. Two other words: Completely. Useless.
  • She-Hulk: All (well most) of the Hulk's strength with none of his rage-induced fits of "Turn Your Friends Into Brightly Colored Spandex Smears." Also, see Pryde, Kitty (above). Finally, her ability to get you out of the traffic ticket you'll inevitably incur as you race to the scene of the crime would be handy.
  • Silver Surfer: Great power set, lousy personality. I'd be all "Cry me another river about Shangri-La, you silver-pated loser, then surf your mopey ass down it and away from me." And then he would kill me because Herald of Galactus.
  • Spider-Man: Fun guy to hang out with, unlikely to drink all your beer, and good in a fight. You get the feeling he'd let you crash on his futon after the battle.
  • The Thing: Much of Hulk's upside, but served with a side of self-pity instead of vengeful unreasoning wrath.
  • Thor: OK, yes, he's a god, and that's nothing to sneeze at. On the other hand, he's a god, what the hell are YOU gonna do during this little caper besides look pathetically mortal?
  • Wolverine: Wolverine's awfully good to have around for a lot of reasons, but it's damn hard to "star" alongside the most popular character in the universe because let's face it, who wants to read about YOUR pasty ass when they've got Wolverine to ogle? No one, that's who.

So looking over the list, I'd probably end up going with either She-Hulk or Spider-Man. They're fun to hang out with, and great in a variety of combat situations.

But that's just me, who would you pick, O Budding Super-Hero Guest Star?

16 Responses to Poll Position: The Buddy System

  1. William A. Peterson says:

    Captain America NEVER treats anyone like “Enlisted Scum”, Jeff! Who do you think is responsible for that Plaque calling the Porcupine “an Honored Foe of the Avengers”?
    And, Kitty is FAR from useless! You got a Computer you want reprogrammed, security you want bypassed, or Electronics you want scrambled? She’s great for those, and a pretty good conversationalist, to boot! “Hubba, hubba”, on the other hand, are not words I’d use…
    She’s Cute, not Drop-dead Gorgeous…
    Tony’s got Skills and Powers, but he’s really an incredible Jerk…
    She-Hulk’s good, Thor can be useful on occasion, but give me that old-fashioned Power Cosmic when I’ve got to deal with the complete unknown!
    Make mine the Silver Surfer!

  2. Jeff Hebert says:

    I know, I know, Cap’s a good guy. But what the heck else can you complain about with him? I guess it would have been better to say he’s so noble you’d feel like a scum bag no matter what you do, because he’s just so GOOD and NOBLE.

    I guess Kitty’s sort of a matter of personal taste, but I always liked her looks.

  3. Darth_Neko says:

    Jeff, I would have to agree with you on the ‘Kinky’ Kitty Pride part. I too ‘like’ Kitty Pride, but I would not be able to come close to her because of Piotr… He scares the shit out of me. Anyway, I chose Spiderman. I really like the way the writer’s write Peter Parker off as this Super-uber geek that out of luck gets accedently biten by a radio-active spider that grants him epic spider-powers. Plus Peter is funny is hell in a lot of the comics I read today.

    But one quesion I must ask, Why the hell is Deadpool not on the list?!?! I would chose him over any of these ‘Sell-outs’ any day of the week… Although, She-hulk is tempting…

  4. TopHat says:

    Spidey and Cap would be pretty fun to hang out with,but I’ll take Surfer and his Godlike powers.

  5. Tristan says:

    I’d chose the Hulk as long as he was at the time Joe Fixit (the Grey Hulk). Fixit is still as powerful as the Hulk but he has less anger and can hold a conversation. at one time he was a gang enforcer and very smart.

  6. kingmonkey says:

    She-hulk! That’s 7 or 8 feet of sexy green woman right there.

  7. Dennis says:

    I chose Wolverine. Because I’m unoriginal. Then again, he’s pretty tough to kill and has a strange haircut 😛

    Either that, or the movie version of Iron Man. That house was awesome!

  8. Ky2030 says:

    I went with Thor…I know he is a god and all but could you imagine the tales down the pub “Free rounds for anyone who has hung with a god lately”

  9. Jose Inoa says:

    I vote for She-Hulk because she is the strongest smartest sexiest paradox magnet in the Marvel Universe!

  10. dementedtheclown says:

    I’d Be Hitting Iron Man Up For Money

  11. remy says:

    i’d choose Cap or Kitty. Cap would be useful with that shield of his, not to mention his ability to adapt so well to any situation. As for Kitty….well, if a dude fires a shot at you, all she has to do is grab our hand and you’re safe. Plus, I’ve always wondered what it was like to phase through something

  12. Al says:

    I went with Spidey. As long as he’s not the whiny version, he’d be fun AND a great ally to have.

  13. RitoruBushi says:

    As was posted in the opening of this thread, I too actually had to break things down to make a justified choice.

    Captain America: A stout-hearted man if there ever was one. Didn’t he die recently, though? Even if he was revived through the mystical powers of ink & paper, he has a mild case of super strength, a nifty yet functional outfit, and his shield. All fine AND dandy, but there’s just too many ways to eliminate him and I’d be left with my PDA and arsenal of sanitary defenses. I’d be toast… clean and well organized, but toast. NEXT!

    Hulk: “Hulk SMASH!!!” thanks for squashing the building that the kidnappers were hiding in, Hulk! Did you manage to get the children that were being held as hostage before you demolished the building? Oh, you’re having trouble with big words like “the”? NEXT!

    Iron-Man: Super guy, with a drinking issue, with lots of money and a plethora of suits for any occasion. Can you get any better? What would happen if you caught him in his regular Iron Man suit and shot him with a massive EMP field while tricking him to follow you in a fake dogfight over the ocean?NEXT!

    Kitty Pryde: Cute as a button, if you like that type. She can walk through walls and can allow solid matter to phase right through her. Can she throw enough punches lay out a small 3rd world army? NEXT!

    She-Hulk: If this was a poll on who’s the top of the line hottest female in the Marvel-verse, yes, She-Hulk would be my pick. As a child and early teen I would dream of her saving me and then a celebratory hot tub session (the hot tub part came in at puberty hehe). She’s hot, well “built” 😉 and she’s got strength for days (and the occasional fetish 😉 ) But she’s still vulnerable to many things. Unfortunately for my emerald goddess… NEXT!

    Silver Surfer: THE POWER COSMIC!!! He’s also uber shiny. Real handy on a night mission. He can travel the entire universe on his mystical surf board! Dude! No Way! Anything empowered by another factor can also be unplugged. NEXT!

    Spider-Man: He got taken in by the symbiont, and his own lust for revenge, his self-pity, and a long list of other things. The guy has saved unrealistic amounts of lives in the Marvel-verse. He’s super strong and agile, and he can spin a nifty web. He’s just too vulnerable to just about anything, though. NEXT!

    The Thing: Same as Iron Man, but obviously via different methods, say a watercraft capable of carrying his weight, and manage to toss him into the ocean. He’s a rock. And what do rocks do in water? NEXT!

    Thor: The embodiment of a Norse god. And a god with a BIG hammer. But have yu checked his full-length bio? His ONLY weakness is that he can no longer turn back time? His list of powers and strong points is just way too unrealistic. NEXT!

    Wolverine: I’ll cut to the chase. He can regenerate, has an unbreakable skeleton, unbreakable foot-long blades he can protrude at will, heightened senses all around, retarded aging, sick military and tactical skills, superhuman strength/agility/reflexes/stamina, he’s a FREAKIN’ samurai, and he’s also a polyglot (in 12 languages). He’s as realistically close to god-like status as a character can get without the “I can do everything and I’m completely invincible” childhood attitude. His major weaknesses is a sword which has his soul tied to it during its construction and if he gets his head lopped off. He gave the sword to someone he know he can count on to make the hard call in case he gets way too far mental, and his superhuman agility and reflexes make it extremely difficult (but not impossible) to get beheaded. DING DING DING!!!

    In all honesty, Wolverine is probably the most logical choice to make for a partner on a Marvel Mission. Sure, he’d tease you till you wet yourself from humiliation or just the pure comical value of the things he says at times, but if you get captured, who else could you count on to rescue you at all costs with the precision of a neural surgeon? He takes his heroics and his partner’s lives very seriously and very personaly. [got logic?]

  14. Xstacy says:

    I went with Kitty, because phasing can get you in (and out) almost anywhere and avoid the sort of brawls that I (a minor character with random powers) might not survive. Plus, in the hands of a writer who likes her, her hyper-competetence in martial arts and all things technical is beyond handy. Of course, the same could be said for any character in any medium–in the hands of writer who likes them, all characters are strangely well-suited for whatever might come up.

    I can’t comment on the cute thing. The last thing I regularly read that she was in was the original Excalibur, and she was still a minor then. Which didn’t stop Pete Wisdom, but that’s a pretty low standard.

  15. Gene says:

    WHAT? Useless? Miss Pryde can Phase, Has been trained by a Ninja..and Wolverine, and is really, really good with Computers and electronics. Plus, she’s a looker. Always been a fan of hers.

    Iron Man would be good for access to resources. And probably chicks.

    Wolverine would get you in. And back out of any jam out there.

    I guess it would depend n the mission, but I’d go with one of those three.

  16. RitoruBushi says:

    I went with the most logical choice of any of the selection that could be considered a uni-sol. Wolverine can get in and out of any place one way or another, and by any means necessary. He always has weapons, including his ages of hand-to-hand combat. And he has an extremely high sense of “No man left behind”. He’s a soldier, a samurai, a covert-ops specialist, a spy, an assassin, a ninja, and let’s not forget, he’s also an X-Man. He has extensive training with close-combat weapons and bladed and blunt weapons, long range weapons, and guns of many types.

    Let’s see… weapons expert: check, combat exert: check, hand-to-hand combat expert: check. He’s almost the perfect universal soldier. Sure he’s got a gruff exterior, but he almost never fails to get any job done.

    Picking a character based on their looks just seems like a pointless choice. Take Jenna Jameson into combat and see how ya do. 😛