I am honored to welcome the fabulous "Amber Love" of the great "Amber's Fashion Tips for Superheroes" blog as the guest host for this week's Caption Contest. She's a natural for HeroMachine since she is the queen of super-hero costuming, and a funny writer to boot. She's selected the following caption to kick off Year Two of this weekly insanity:
Next Tuesday she'll select the winning entry from those left in the comments to this post. With some trepidation, I'm going to go ahead and waive the "three entries per person" rule again this week, as I think last time had some great ones around that might not have made it otherwise. So enter as many times as you like, but do please try to keep them relatively clean, especially considering the subject matter of the panel in question. Ahem.
The winner, as selected by Ms. Love, will receive a free custom black and white illustration by Bertram-famous artist Jeff Hebert (that's me) OR (as someone suggested last time) they can instead choose a set of items to be included in HeroMachine 3. For example, the winner might decide that they want a set of "Three Musketeers" style swashbuckling adventure items -- a cool hat with a big feather in it, the classic draping poncho, the puffy-sleeved shirt, gloves, and floppy boots, along with the requisite rapier. They could choose that instead of a drawing, and that set of items would appear in HeroMachine 3.
So if you win, you might get to help shape the course of the greatest super-hero costume generator in HISTORY!! Plus, of course, you might impress the fabulous guest judge who, if I haven't said it before is a lovely woman who loves super-heroes, and impressing someone like that -- well, let's just say it's pretty much the Nerd Holy Grail.
So what are you doing still reading this, get into the comments and make with the funny! After, of course, visiting Amber's Fashion tips, that's key as well. I'm not saying she's going to know if you cam and read her site when she's picking the winner or anything, I'm just saying it can't hurt.
1. “I shouldn’t have had that second bean and spinach burrito.”
2. “If only he wasn’t dead, we could cuddle.”
3. “I ate his face off…and yet I’m still hungry!”
*sigh* Sharing a room with my brother wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for THAT DAMN BLUE NIGHT LIGHT!
1: He was okay, but he’s no Joker.
2: I thought painting the room blue would be relaxing, but I was wrong.
3: Should have expected a bad night when I accepted Flatulence’s advances.
1: ‘Erections lasting four hours’ my ass…
2: Oh mom, why didn’t I listen to you?
3: Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far away.
1. Why did he need my lotion?
2. Was it really razor burn…
3. I wonder what kind of medicine Valtrex is…
1. Dear God… what’s that smell?
2. If he kicks me again I am going to gut him him like a pig.
3. Pete? no that’s not it.. Paul? no… Larry?
Me! It was me who suggested it! 😀 *khm* Now that the shameless self-promotion is done, without further ado…
1) “If he loves me so, why do we sleep in separate beds? What is that strange sound I can hear coming from his bed? Do I dare to turn my head and look? Why did I find Fluffy drained of blood last week?”
2) “I really shouldn’t have eaten beans tonight.”
3) “Now I know why they call themselves Minutemen.”
1. Ok… he’s sleeping in the OTHER bed, so WHAT THE HECK IS CRAWLING UP MY LEG?!
2. *sigh* Should have went with Superman when I had the chance…
3. There are some things I just wish I could forget… Tonight is one of them…
1)”He just doesn’t get it. The ‘5 decond rule’ is only for food.”
2) “Just what did he mean by ‘It rubs the lotion’?”
3) “Dick van Dyke is right. Whoooo-eeee!!!”
in the third response…mr. van Dyke’s first name should be in all capitals: DICK
“I can’t stop thinking about Tony, wondering where he could be, who he is with, what is he thinking, is he thinking of me, and whether he’ll ever return someday.”
Whee! Welcome back!
Since the farting part is well covered by now, I’ll take another tack:
1) … That was it?
2) I had a nightmare about being married and living in a blue bedroom… Oh no!
3) Eh, I’ll take out the body in the morning.
4) Next time I’m charging 300$, cash.
5) EARTHQUAKE! Oh, whew, just his snoring.
1) How am I going to get any sleep? If I put my head down I’ll ruin my hair and makeup.
2) Must not sleep. The clowns will eat me.
3) But will he still love me when he finds out I’m his arch-nemesis?
(I find it odd that we’re now allowed more than three entries, but we’re all still just putting in three.)
1). I need to tell him I have crabs.
2). Splinters in my unmentionables! I knew I shouldn’t have signed up for those new anatomically correct, “Woody the Sex Doll” trials!
3). Wait till I tell the girls at the office about Jim’s boner of the year…that and the sex is so-so.
1) Did I turn the stove off?
2) It’s amazing how he can believe I have a headache for three weeks in a row.
3) If only I’d knew that Pym’s Growing Particles didn’t affect EVERYTHING.
When he said he wanted to sleep with me, sharing a hotel room isn’t what I thought he meant at all.
1) Heartburn, indigestion, upset-stomach, DIAHEREA! YAY! PEPTO-BISMOL!!!!
2) I never thought of how annoying it would be to sleep with Glow-Man!!!
3)About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him — and I didn’t know how potent that part might be — that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.
4) I feel so violated………
1. I think I really like Vanilla. (Props to Gary Larson)
2. Damn his paranoia! Now *I* feel like I’m being watched…
3. I missed Survivor for THAT?
Trying to take over the world was much easier before I married Captain Boring and had to be in bed by ten.
When will he realize the baby can’t possibly be his?
4. I hope I’ll still respect him in the morning…
5. WHAT’S THAT MOVING UP MY LEG?!?
6. Oh this is so awkward. I really shouldn’t have laughed at it.
7. I hope he doesn’t figure out this is a wig.
8. Oh no. Windows has crashed again.
9. That wasn’t what I expected when he offered to take me ‘around the world’.
10. Well, I suppose this passes the time til Heromachine 3 is finished.
11. That’s what I get for lowering my standards!
1. Where the hell am I?
2. Why do I feel so blue?
3. I am REALLY cramping!
4. Is there any Haagen-Dazs left?
5. He actually thinks I wear size 14 panties!
6. He never asks for a second cup at our house.
7. Since he started using HM3 he no longer has time for me!
8. Why is Amber Love’s lipstick on my husband’s shirt collar?
9. My period is three days late!
10. We’re getting married in two days. How can I tell him I’m really a man?
12. Oh dear! I left my icepick in my other handbag!
***Observation: I only just noticed that they’re actually sleeping in two single beds – look at the odd dark blue shapes in the background. There are two distinct bed heads and a lamp between the beds! ***
13. Wow… Liefield’s anatomy is REALLY unusual…
14. Small, boring and now he’s snoring. WHY do I keep trying to pick up at GOP conferences?
15. What an idiot! What sort of maniac would willingly work for the Joker?
16. I wish I had superpowers. Like teleportation…
17. Oh my goodness, the CHIPS! (anyone get this reference?)
18. NO! I think I have an erection!
19. I am SO angry with RSVP.com right now!
20. Dear God, what a n00b.
21. AH! TARANTULA! Oh wait, it’s my hand. I’m so stupid.
22. I *think* playing hard to get is working… i can almost feel his longing gaze boring into my back right now!
24. I wonder what Superman would look like dressed as a musketeer… mmmm….
1: “Thank god for those acting lessons!”
2: “…Then after Tom is Pete…and after Pete is…”
3: “mmmm…wheres that creepy music coming from?”
25. I only agreed to no sex before marriage. This is ridiculous!
26. What’s that blue light… is that a webcam?
1. Looking at his neck just scares me.
2. I married a life-sized GI Joe doll… why am I so desperate?
3. Damn… I forgot my birth control pill.
4. That’s what he calls a good time? I didn’t feel ANYTHING!
1. I knew it… he only loves me with the wig on.
2. I guess I over-spiked his drink.
3. Damn! I forgot his name already!
4. “Was it good?” How should I know?! It only lasted 2 minutes!
5. If I sneak out now, dye my hair, change my name and move to another state… maybe he won’t ask me out on a second date.
6. I can’t believe he got home early today! How long will Joe be able to hide in the wardrobe?
7. Like mother always said: “Close your eyes and think of England”
8. What will he do if he realizes I’m Jimmy Olsen in disguise?
“What is it that men have that I don’t which appeal to him so much…?”
“When they nicknamed him ‘Wonder Man’, they forgot to add the ‘One Minute'”
hey i knew you will read this and i didnt find any other place to put this stuff, but there is something wrong on hm3 the chest is kind of cutted on the center, have a good look on the just bellow the neck, thx, srry for posting smthing not related to the topic, my apologies.
4. I know Wally is supposed to be fast… but that was ridiculous…
5. I wonder how long it’ll take him to realise that I’m not his wife…?
6. …What kind of burglar breaks into someone’s house, raids the fridge, and falls alseep in the bedroom? Oh, shoot, he’s my husband…
UH OH, this acid is starting to kick in.
*Wait till he finds out I’m “Octomom”
*This is it, Jane. This is the night that you suggest that we push the beds together. Who knows, we could end up starting a whole new fad.*
*I wonder how long this seperation is supposed to last?*
*So this is what hubby meant by your place or mine. I thought he was joking, so I said both.*
*Why did I ever suggest we see a marriage counseler? I hate these new sleeping arrangements.*
*’What if one of the kids comes in’ he says. ‘We wouldn’t want to traumatize them ‘ he says.*
*Even with this sexy lingerie, I couldn’t get him to take off his shirt. I’m so depressed.*
*I hope one day that they will find a cure for the blues.*
*His mother’s lamp keeps coming between us. I wish I could just talk to him*
*Maybe if I hadcuffed him to myself and bit him, we’d finally be able to work things out.”
1) Did I turn off the oven?
2) Now I wonder: Where’s Waldo?
3) See hellion dimensions, defeat unspeakable evils, save all of humanity – you know, it sounded so good in the brochure…
4) Onemilliontwohundredeightythreethousandsixhundredseventynine sheep – Onemilliontwohundedeightythreethousandsixhundredeighty sheep – Onemilliontwohundred…
I know it’s too long, but meh.
I have a blue house with a blue window.
Blue is the colour of all that I wear.
Blue are the streets and all the trees are too.
I have a boyfriend and he is so blue.
Blue are the people here that walk around,
Blue like my corvette, it’s standing outside.
Blue are the words I say and what I think.
Blue are the feelings that live inside me.
I’m blue da ba dee da ba die…
1) *He promised me pearls…..I just had no idea…..*
2) *When he said his name was Trace I never assumed, but when he wore the belt to bed I knew he meant Tracey*
3) *I hope he didnt notice when I took my teeth out….*
4) *I wonder if he was serious when he said he laid beartraps to make sure I was still here in the morning*
5) *It was so quirky and romantic…..and then I realized….that was MY makeup!!*
1. I cant wait to see Amber’s new fashion tips…
2. If I kad known we’d start fighting I would have agreed that Hulk could beat Superman…but Nooo..I had to tell the truth…*sigh*
3. Never did I think I would WISH Galactus would eat our planet so I could get away from him…
4. Damn you Chris Brown…
5. Yeah, Drill That Pierces the Heavens my ass…nice going “Kamina”
6. If I had a dollar for everytime he pleased me in bed…I’d need a new job…
7. …and to think I missed Heroes for that…
8. wow, I STILL cant believe its not butter.
*He said that if I slept with him, I would know the secret identity of the Blue Phantom. Now I wonder if it was all just a ploy to get me in bed.*
1. Hmm…I really COULDN’T stop the Coletrain…
2. I can’t believe he said Wonder Twin Powers Activate as he finished…I want a divorce.
3. Would he be mad if I ordered a pizza?
4. Damn…my pimps gonne be MAD
5. They’re creepy and they’re crawly…damn, I forgot the words…
6. I thought they said counting sheep will help me get to sleep, not find myself in a strange blue room with a snoring midget.
7. Im NEVER drinking again…
8. If he didn’t have an extra copy of Issue #1 of Superman…I’d leave him in a heartbeat…
9. God? Please turn me into a lesbian…I need the improvement to my love life.
1. This alternate universe where Obama won really sucks…oh wait…thats right…he DID win…shit..
2. I have skinny fingers…
3. Damn, not even the LSD made that sex good…
4. I think he has a gun in the table drawer…if I could only reach without him knowing…
*Maybe I should have waited till after to tell him I was faking it.*
*observation number 2: The woman is clealry holding her pillow under her head and partially under her torso, yet the shape behind her hed, between her cemented head and the beadhead, looks to be the corner of a pillow with it’s little nipple-esque tip of pillow cover jutting out. Is she sleeping on a MASSIVE pillow? or is it a superpillow that bends time and space to be in all places at once? or does she perhaps have 2 pillows!*
27. Noone’s ever asked me to do THAT before!
28. Is that a Grover nightlight?!?
1. Oh Clark, years of sexual tension for that!
2. Boy Wonder, no more!
3. Man of Steel, surely a misnomer?
4. Why do Iknow all of the Superbowl winners since 1962?
5. I only asked him to his mask on
6. Batman forgot to mention he also knew 12 moves that would disappoint from this position
*I’m an 88 and he’s a 32. How I long for a bed that is comfortable for two different mattress number people.
*Finally. I thought he would never fall asleep. Now All I have to do is quietly sneak out. The perfect crime.*
4. Next time, I’m using the red kryptonite. The blue one really sucks.
5. Hmmm. I wonder if he would be more excited if I had a cool Starfire costume .
6. Is Captain Marvel considered to be my son in the eye of the law ???
(And yes, the fifth one is a shameless plug of the guest judge 😉 )
*So that’s was he was so elated when I told him that I do like the color blue.*
Mother must never know.
1. Are we really saving THAT much money with Geico?
2. The blue light I can understand. The annoying theme music that hangs over his person? Not so much.
3. I wonder what new song Jon Lajoie is putting on YouTube tomorrow.
4. Hopefully the blue light coming from my BlackBerry won’t wake him while I text all my friends about how bad in the sack he is.
5. We might be out of coffee. He’s going to kill me in the morning!
6. Note to self: Taco Bell is on the list of restaurants we will NEVER eat at again. EVER.
Now, if youre blue
And you dont know where to go to
Why dont you go where fashion sits
Puttin on the ritz
*This lights out hour seems to be lasting an eternity.*
29. Ouch! That DID stimulate my liver!
30. No… surely he meant he was looking forward to having me AT breakfast. Yes… at… not for…
31. Well, I don’t know who Stacey slept with, but I didn’t find Stephen King’s Dark Tower to be all that long OR enjoyable…
32. That was amazing! Would now be the right time to tell him I think we’re long-lost twins?
7. Voodoo, where are you?
“I’m laying in something wet!!!”