If you can come up with the best replacement dialog for this ... disturbing ... panel from the pages of the excellent "All-Star Superman" trade paper-back #1, you'll win your very own custom black and white illustration of whatever you like (within reason) from professional illustrator Jeff Hebert!
Since this is the 52nd contest and (according to my leet math skillz) there are 52 weeks in a year, this is a very special edition of the contest. So this time, there are no rules. Make as many entries as you like of whatever nature you like. So long as it's funny.
I'll also be announcing a special "One Year Anniversary Prize" next week, so be sure to check in next Tuesday for that, too.
Good luck everyone!
1.OH…my back
No more playing… It’s nap time.
My head!!! Where’s my head????
those are two separate entries above. Forgot to number them
3. Is THIS where it hurts???
4. Who turned out the light?
OK, Lady! Where do ya want it?
Little help here? Jeez, where’s a skycap when ya need one?
:::giggle:: The princess will be so surprised!
1] Wilma! I’m HOME! And I brought takeout!
2] How the heck DO you gift-wrap one of these, anyway?
3] This is the last time I’m carrying you.
Hey Jeff, a thought today on HM3. What about more animal-related parts? You had plenty of heads in 2, but only a few hands and 2 sets of feet.
4] [singing] “I’m thinkin’ ’bout MEAT tonight, about MEAT tonight…”
5] “Cut your food. Use a knife. You eat like an animal…” Shut up, Mom.
6] If your tail trips me again, you’re walking.
7] Why is there never a bus when you need one?!
8] Gee, I wonder what the next “task of Hercules” she’s gonna make me do…?
9] This sucker’s a %$#@ to carry!
10] This pelt is SO going to go with my red tights!
1) I knew I was going to regret signing up for Demon Ballet.
Man, they’ll make a blow up doll of ANYTHING these days…
11] Will you shut up? I’m the one doing all the work.
12] “Carry me, I’m scared of the dust!” How do you get me to believe this crap?
13] Dude, seriously. You REEK.
14] [singing] Macho Macho Man, I get to be a MACHO-O-O Man!”
15] Ahnold, you suck. Check THIS action out!
16] Punch buggy red, punch buggy red. Wait’ll Lyogi see’s THIS!
2) Next time darling, it’ll be YOUR turn to change his diaper.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Hernia!
“Dinosaur Lifting to the Oldies”? Last time I fall for that one!
3) “During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you.”
(This may be sacrilegious, but I’m a fan of dark humor. The poem is Footprints in the Sand.)
I thought I TOLD YOU to get back in the house, boy!
1. Damn that evil wizard and his head-changing spell!
2.If that tail hits me in the nuts one more time I’m dropping you!
3.And now we’re going on our honeymoon!
4) Why couldn’t I have been partnered with Julianne Hough?
…Just three more to go! Now up, two, three, four!
5) You’re going to sit down and watch “Kung Pow: Enter the Fist” whether you want to or not, and that’s final, young man.
6) Stop your complaining. The WATCHMEN movie wasn’t THAT bad.
I (*slobber*) am not (*slobber drool*) an ANIMAL!
I finally found something Michael doesn’t have at Neverland…
Oh look, Narnia!
No, I don’t know what I’m touching! Do I look like Alan freakin’ Grant to you?
1). …and that’s how you properly administer the Heimlich to dinosaurs.
2). Well, it beats being called a horse’s ass!
2.I’m gonna win the gold!
3. I brought dinner!
4.JEFF PICK THIS ENTRY OR I THROW THIS THROUGH YOUR WINDOW!
5. Did my pants rip?
6. I hope you like this richard.
7.Since its our anniversary i got you this Jeff.
8.Telekinetic dinosaur beats Psychic Squid!
9.I choose you Kickassasaurous!
3). Face it, brother!– I, Hulk Hogan the 57th, am gonna win Wrestlemania 283!
You’re going on that blind date.
Vote or Die!
Remember when I said I’ll kill you last? I lied.
Let’s see colon… pancreas… Webster…ah here we go prostate.
1) This is not part of my job description!
2) You’re getting to big for these damn pigy back rides!
3) You better watch where you poke that tail!
4) They said I had to deliver a large package, they never mentioned this!
5) This will teach them to teepee my house!
1) Dibs on ribs!
1. “I’m sorry, but it’s cancer.”
2. “Don’t get a big head about yourself, they said!”
3. “He ain’t heavy – he’s my brother.”
“Quiet you. You’re extinct.”
“Wait for the backhoe pooper scooper. I can’t afford another fine.”
“Is that my jerrycurl or your jerrycurl getting in my face? Wait a minute, dinosaurs don’t have hair…..What?!!
“I’m confused. Did Liefeld draw us? Cuz either I’m a giant, or your a dwarf dinosaur.”
“What do you mean you’re not a dragon? Damn you Gandolf!”
1. HELP! MY HEAD’S TURNED INTO A DINOSAUR!
2. Why are you complaining? I’M the one doing the heavy lifting!
3. You have beautiful eyes…
1. Hang on, I have another call.
Someone’s already kinda done my No. 1, so I’m switching it for:
1. Man, I HATE prehistoric ballet
“Just tell me left or right. Between this oncoming dust storm and your collosal butt, I can’t see a thing.”
“Knock it off up there, or I swear to god, I’ll turn us around and head straight back home.”
“Are you kidding me? In this post-apacolyptic world, there is no way I’m going to be the new Eve.”
“Relax.”
The above post is why I call myself Frankie in these posts.
“Denver, the last dinosaur…”
1. Up yours!
2. I’m Mr. World!
3. Catch!
4. Are we there yet?
5. Pizza delivery!
6. Stupid nupital customs…
7. Feel the burn!
1. OH SHIT…NOT AGAIN!
2. I hope my insurance covers dinosaur bites…oh, wait…ha, I’m Superman…nevermind.
3. I thought you said that you LIKED being on top?
4. RUMPLESTILTSKIN!
5. YAHTZEE!
6. That’s not what you said last night!
7. I thought you said that you WANTED to meet my parents!
8. OOOH, a penny!
1. Damn, I knew I should have stayed with Lois.
2. I bet Batman doesn’t have to put up with this shit.
3. You remind me of Green Arrow, cuz you NEVER SHUT UP!
(@ 1, 2 and 3 I KNOW that its NOT Superman in the picture..)
4. By the Power of Grayskull..oh, wait.
5. Wonder Twin Powers Activate!
6. At least your onomotopoeia isn’t ridiculous.
7. Maybe if we take things slowly, you’ll learn to love me someday.
8. You talking to me? Cuz I don’t see anyone else around.
4). You know, Carrie, this is the last time I go antiquing with you.
Crap…it ISNT Superman….I just realized that…:( oh well
9. For the LAST time, its NOT delivery!
10. Is this the Jackson-Weber wedding? I brought the entertainment.
11. Im gonna love him, and squeeze him, and never let him go!
I will hug you and squeeze you and call you George.
“Notice how your tail forms an S? That’s so the readers know they are still reading a superman comic.”
“I love you. You love me. We’re a cross species fam-i-ly.”
1) …and now my head’s stuck in a dinosaur. Mondays *sigh*.
2) Who ordered the extremely rare ‘Dino-to-go’?
Heh, Dave is gonna be SOOO jealous!
“RRRRUUAAAGGG! My back!”
1. yeah I know those margaritas are a real killer.
(the above was number 3)
4. Oh quit complaining, you shouldn’t have eaten the whole thing anyway!
5. Did you fart?!?
6. I still don’t believe you sprained your ankle.
7. Damn it! Every time we’re alone together it’s the same Alien death cloud!
8. GED YOUR DAIL OUD OF MY NODE!
9. Does my head look big in this?
10. My Brain Hurts!
1. I’m sick of hearing you moan about your upset stomach
2. Honey, I know this is a custom for newlyweds, but…
3. The mouse is gone. And so is my back.
4. Next time, I’ll ask what the pregnancy craving is for, before I agree to get it.
5. Does this dino make my butt look big?
ZOMG! Okay, I’m only going to do one since everybody else is doing a hundred. *Lays it all on the line*
“Tonight, on a Very Special Episode of Diff’rent Strokes…”
2. Playing the tuba is hard!
3. Are there any other…nnnngh…pets in the building, ma’am?
11. Look what I found! Can I keep it?
4. Well SOMEBODY has to sign for it!
5. Sorry we’re late. Where does Noah want these dinosaurs and unicorns?
6. Dude, bongasaurus is kicked.
7. Go home, Dave…you’re wasted.
8. I hate being the designated driver.
9. Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ aliiiiiiiiive!
1. I feel like I’m losing my head doing this!
2. Aw, shut up you litt’l crybaby!
3. Fusion… Ha!
4. Quiet, Mr. Dinosaur! We’re going to… Candy Mountain!
1: Stop yer whinin’, ya big baby!
2: It plumps when you cook it!
3: That’ll teach ya to shoplift ankle bracelets!
4: Where the hell did I put that garbage can?
12. 3 points!
13. Mom! I think we have an infestation! Look what I found in the closet.
“Stop tickling my nipple with your tail.”
“Don’t my head!”
“When they say, don’t feed them at midnight they mean it.”
1. It is implied that I can hardly lift you!
2. It’s days like these that are why I wish I’d invested money in Children’s Card Games instead of dinosaurs.
3. GGGAAAUURRRR yourself!
4. See how far that belly-achin’ will go, then! One more and I’m spray-painting you green, throwing grass on the wet paint and naming you “Yard-Zilla”.
1. HERCULES AINT GOT SHIT ON ME!!!!!
2. I will SURVIVE i wil SURVIIIIIVE AS LONG AS I KNOW HOW TO LOVE I KNOW ILL STAY AL—-OOOOW MY FACE!!!!!!!!!!!
3. Hows this for a new position!
4. Is that Your tail or are u just happy to see me?
5. I DONT CARE!!!! IM FLYING WHETHER YOU BARF OR NOT!!!!!
6. SCREW WOMEN’S BASKETBALL!!!!!
7.—LIC BREATH
*get it? GARLIC BREATH!!!!*
8. NO! IM NOT STOPPING FOR A 5$ FOOTLONG!!!!!!
*look at the dino’s hands!*
9. Mel Brook’s “History Of The World Part I” COMING SOON!!!!
10. MOMMY LOOK ITS MY GOLDFISH!!!!!!! I FOUND HIM IN THE SEWER AFTER I FLUSHED HIM!!!!!!
1.”Dress Power! ACTIVATE!!
2.”I AM PRETTIER THEN YOU!!”
3.”Lift the monster he says, it’s easy he says…”
Zoonks! Like Scooby! When did turn in to a dino!?
5. Stop GGGAAAUURRR!-ing, we’re going to SNEEZE NOW!
1) You’re going to the vet whether you like it or not!
2) And I’m sure I’ll still get a 4.8 from the Russian judge.
3) Oh, I so cannot wait to get you back to Texas. New boots!
4) Just because I was the designated driver did not give you the right to do that to my car. Or the pub.
1. These Barney toys just keep getting bigger
2. Breath in my super-guff!
Fido, Bath time!
1. Voted most likely to get my head stuck in the back of a dinosaur… what are the odds?
2. I hate my job…
3. Okay, maybe I AM too good at carnival games…
4. HA! Soon basketball, mini-golf, and Quidditch will ALL be forgotten! For now comes the rise of… DINOSAUR PUNTING!!!
5. I really don’t think membership is worth the initiation…
6. Stop gaurging at the mist! Didn’t you see the movie?!
7. This cabbage would be alot easier to carry if it had a handle…
3. They’re right, they aren’t slimy
4. Well you dropped it, stinko!
5. Hey, the view’s not so good down here either
6. I’m still winning
7. So soft, and yet so strong
8. Hey, look what I found in the mist!
9. I guess, technically, this isn’t bestiality
Om Nom Nom
7) Dino Riders: We’re doing it wrong!
8) Sorry Dinosaucers, Genghis Rex is a little too drunk…and naked…right now to fight you. I’ll just put him back in bed.
The smiley was supposed to be “8 )”.
OMG!! I cant use that as an eye hole.
1. FFFfffAAAaRRrTttt!
I’m sorry i can’t come along with anything more intelligent right now 😛
10. King me!
11. Knight to Queen’s Bishop!
“I know it hurts. That’s because you don’t have an anus.”
“Really? She said that about YOU?
“Damn it. My award winning strawberry has mutated.”
“D’oh! What’s the first thing they tell you in superheroing 101? Rescue the people, not the horrifying monsters. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.”
Cocaine is a helluva drug.
Had to add this one:
8) Jeez, Atlas had it easy.
Runt82’s applies in the previous.
Sorry, and this:
9) For the thousandth time: dinosaur, not gaur!
6) This is the last time I lose a bet to Jeff Hebert.
“Gay City, here we come.”
If this one is the winner, Jeff, you can spell that last word any way you like. Wink. Wink.
14. Yes, cheeseburgers and lonliness are a dangerous mix.
15. I DON’T CARE! We’re NOT going back for your left arm!
16. KITTY!
Sooo the special competition has no censorship restrictions eh?…
17. You anatomically incorrect SLUT! I can fit my whole head in here!
18. We’re almost at the hospital, but YOU’RE explaining how it got stuck in there!
GET IN MY BELLY!!!
Dwarf bowling was easier.
Goldfish,shmoldfish,watch me swallow this!
One dino special, rare ,coming up.
What did you do with Moon Boy!
Damn, this zit is out of control!
Shaken, not stirred.
1) RRRRUUAAAGGG!!!
2) For the last time, I’m NOT Little Johnny Paper!
3) Good news…your prostate looks normal.
2. Yeah, I’m a thrill seeker, but crikey, education’s the most important thing!
(Steve Irwin 🙂 )
1. Time for bed Senator McCain.
2. Dinosaur Delivery Service!
3. “Gggaaauurrrr” your head off! You’re going to bed!
4. Do you have this in blue?
5. I’m really “dragon ass” today.
6. I’m practicing my scales!
7. Who’s daddy’s little sack of taters?
8. Lousy bar bets!
9. CAN’T…BREATHE!
10. Damn thing ran out of gas!
11. Where the hell are we?
this dino REALLYneeds to hit the tredmills
HEY! That’s the first time I broke a bone! Yaaa! Ouch!
This fatty-dino REALLY needs to hit the tredmills!
(Holy cheese on ice, Jeff… you’re gonna have take an additional week to read all these comments… and another one to sort through all the good ones :))
8. …I never should have left him alone with a dinosaur egg and an incubator…
9. I SAID NAVIGATE, NOT FLATULATE!
10. Ok, Greg, so Jurassic Park didn’t want us… But as soon as I get some purple paint, its off to PBS Kids!
11. You know, its time like these that make me wonder exactly where I’m going it life…
1. Who’s the cutest little dinosaur in the Jurassic period? You are! Kitchy koo!
“Stop with the stuttering already. Now let’s try this one more time….Seseme Street was brought to you by the letters….”
Ow, I’m chafing! What possessed me to put my bra OUTSIDE my tights?
“Get ready for an atomic drop, Ultimate Saurus.”
All right, this is the last time you drink THAT much beer!
19. I told you we should have used lubricant.
20. Why so serious?
Why’d they hafta put the parking lot so far away from baggage claim, that’s what I’d like to know!
1.and here’s your winner of strongman 2009
2.so much for 20 miles per gallon
3.I SWEAR TO GOD IF TICKLE ME ONE MORE TIME I’LL RIP OFF MORE THAN JUST YOUR HEAD AND IT WONT GROW BACK!!
4.and i thought they smelled bad when they were alive
5.that’s what you get for sneezing with your eyes open
6.i told him not to mix pop rocks with diet cola and mentos
This fat-ass dino REALLY needs to hit the treadmills!
Hey dino, If I die, Stay away from my funeral!
OH NO! CRAMPS!!!!
I can make it! No I can’t! Yes I can! You shut up! No you shut up! Alright, talking to myself just got boring.
I AM STRONG! Oh no! I’ve ran out of talcum powder! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
THIS IS GOOD! Oh no! My crotch is itching! I’ll have to put down the dino for a sec to itch like MAAAAAAAAAAAAADDD!
THIS IS GOOD! Oh no! My crotch is itching! I’ll have to put down the dino for a sec to itch like MAD!
OH LORD! YOU’RE HEAVY!OOOOOOOH! I’ll call you Jimmy! Yo yo yo Jimmy!
I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO CARRY YOU ANYMORE! YOU’RE A BIG DINOSAUR NOW!
“Mmmmm. Nothing like freshly squeezed dino juice.”
7.i sure showed ozzy
Hey, look, everybody! I made a balloon . . . something.
“I can’t believe I had to carry my zord all the way to Los Angeles. The Green Power Ranger will never let me hear the end of it.”
“I wonder if Hannibal had days like this.”
The general ofcourse, not the character from the lame movies, which were inspired by books.
12. Crap, you’re a LOAD-BEARING dinosaur???
13. NOW can we teach evolution, y’all?
14. Be a roadie for the STONES, they said. It’ll be FUN, they said.
15. Let’s get you on that plane, Mr. Jagger.
16. Hi, I’m a Mac, and this is a PC.
Can’t…find…the finish line…
21. For show and tell today I brought my pet…
22. ANOTHER restaurant we’re banned from. The waiters AREN’T APPETISERS!
“Dinosaurs on faces. Hands in unusual places. These are a few of my faaa-vor-ite things.”
Just noticed the missing dinosaur arm, so:
10) OMG! Your arm!
and…
11) Hold on, Barney!
or…
12) Bad Barney!
1. T-REX SUPLEX
2. ME Grimlock SorrY!
3. Of All the partners Dancing With the stars gives me Dino
YABBA DABBA DOH!
1.no more barney the dinosaur
2. look at my new hat
3.im carrying Barny home
4.fatty fatty fatty
5. im the worlds Dino weightlifter.
6.yes you have put on some wight
7.dude have you gotten strong
8.time for you flu shot
9.time to go to the dentist
10. let me guess you wigh
11.im stronger then superman
12. i dont ear anything
13. say that you will do
14.this the most weirdest toupee ever