I love this panel. Love love love love it. It's from Image's "Prophet" number 5, and while I had to edit out two editor-text boxes in the lower right, it's totally worth it because surely there can be no more cliched image in all of comicdom. I cannot wait to see what you all come with for captions on this bad boy:
If you come up with the best/funniest dialog to for the balloon, you'll win your very own custom black and white illustration of whatever you like (within reason) from me, Jeff Hebert, professional illustrator and full-time bald guy. You can't beat that with a stick, folks!
As always, no more than three entries per person, left in the comments to this post, with said entries not to exceed the bounds of what would commonly be seen on broadcast television.
Good luck everyone!
Edited to Add: OK, I can't let this go. Let me count the Image-y goodness in this panel. Gross, bulbous thighs. Bizarre padded wrestling helmet. Massive gun across the back. Massive ammunition belts across ... well, everything. Huge, bulging, vein-filled arms. Strange, tiny fists. Lots an dlots of grenades. Shuriken belt buckle. Sitting in flames and yet not burned. Bald head with tubes sticking out. No feet. Unbelievably wrinkled and massive crotch. Blood everywhere. Phlegmings in the mouth. Massive grimace. No pupils (time is money here, people, if we leave out the pupils we save a hundred man-hours in the course of one year!). NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Upside-down mini-machete sheath with bullet loops on top, because every square inch must be taken up with ammo. Leg shadows that are filled with both color and lines.
Ok, now I'm done.
1. She’s Pregnant!
2. I DONT HAVE ENOUGH AMMO!
3. That pizza HAS to be delivery!
NO YOU DID IT! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU ALL TO HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
1. No fair kick in guts! (You have to see Mortal Kombat for this one…)
2. Niet. (You have to see the Russian dubbed version of Highlander for this one…)
3. Sorry. Beans. (You have to… appreciate the dire truth of this one.)
1) I’ve swollen, and I can’t get up!
2) I–I can’t see my feet!
My name is Squat, and thanks a lot.
IMAGE CLICHE LEVELS — RISING — APPROACHING THE LIEFELD EVENT HORIZON!
3) Why are you complaining? The doc said your crotch might talk.
“They’re out of chalupas!”
1. I forgot to turn off the gas!!
2. Another blind date gone wrong!
3. What do you mean “Mission Accomplished”?!!
(I am so glad that the Bush years are finally over ;D )
What do you mean “double bean burritos?”
1. Johnny Alpha’s gonna kick my ass for ripping off his costume!
Damn you Simon Cowell!!
1. Thighs so huge…head so tiny…must ignore their taunts!
2. How could I have lost the dance off?
“My feet! WHERE ARE MY FEET!?”
1) “Shut up at the upstairs!” (…just see where the bubble connects…)
2) “Eruption is imminent.”
3) “Love is a burning thing…”
1. Calgon, take me away!
2. KEANU REEVES AS KLAATU?
3. I’m all fired-up!
These aren’t for consideration:
1. Talk about roasted nuts!
2. I am Godcrotch! Obey me! (Look where the dialog balloon originates.)
The cake is a lie!!
1. To much ammo…need…MORE POUCHES!!
2. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FEET!!!
3. OH NO, not enough Image cliches!!
2.WHY DID I GO INTO BODYBUILDING?
I thought with Beano there would be no gas!
Man what was in your surprise soup? Cause I got the worst part of the surprise! UGHHHH
#7 wins hands down. I can’t even compete in this one.
“Don’t worry, man, Hitler was missing his right nut too, and look how evil HE was!”
1) Get me the Pepto!
2) FEEEEEEEEEEEL the BUUUUUURN!!!
3) sTRAIN HARD!!!
2. (For Call of Duty fans) Well, you DID say you’d give your right nut for the bandolier perk.
1)What the heck is on my face!
2)Why did I pull his finger?
3)Pants too tight. help!
My balls have shrunk!!
This is not a caption, but in the military knives are often carried in inverted sheaths.
I CAN’T REMEMBER WHICH BULLET GOES TO WHICH GUN!!! HOW DOES A’NALD DO IT!?
1. It smells like Corn Nuts!!
2. No quiero mas Taco Bell!!
3. Put a little more ass into it! I did!
1) OH GOD IT BURNS! WHY DID I EAT THE BURRITO!
2) They grafted my top half on to the Hulk’s bottom half!
3) I wanted the last cookie!
1. It was Earth all along!
2. There’s a speech bubble stabbing me in the crotch!
3. I ran out of ammo!!!
1. DAMN YOU LIEFELD!
2. THEY SAID I WOULD BE IN WATCHMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. (from the crotch) OH GOD! SOMEONE HELP ME! THIS MAN IS AS GENTLE AS A JACKHAMMER!
they cancled prison break nooooo
1. Don’t do it, Donna! He’s your brother!!!
2. *grunt* I… gotta… MEDITATE!!!
(off topic: This reminds me of those old I Spy books. I am trying to spot all the 90’s cliches. (without Jeff’s edit.) Wow…just tons of…crap)
1. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO – actually, put me down as ‘undecided’.
2. Lots of men think with their dick – it’s just that usually it doesn’t make them smarter.
3. THIS ANGER MANAGEMENT COURSE DISPLEASES ME!
 I prophesy… ‘ROID RAGE!!
 The safety was on, sarge! The safety was on!!
 ALL will be assimilated! Resistance is futile!
When I find out who lit that match…
1. Help! I’m trapped in this guy’s pants!
1: THEY’RE OUT OF ‘TWILIGHT’ BOOKS! I WILL NEVER KNOW IF SHE GETS EDWARD TO STAY! (I hate that series.)
2: I AM RIPPER, TEARER, SHREDDER. I AM THE TEETH IN THE DARKNESS. I AM BEOWULF!
3: LEECHES! ON MY FACE! I HAVE NO WAY TO DEFEAT THEM!
I fight my way thru hell, and all you have is light beer?
1. Good lord no… who did you say created me?
2. Too much thrust in my squat!
3. Take all the roids you want, I’m still the head in charge!
Your worst nightmare, Butt-Horn!
I left all my guns at home!
“Wait. Um, yes.”
“Damn. I thought I could get this red dot off of my shirt by SHOUTing it.”
1.) Random Drug Testing??!!
2.) A New Street Fighter movie??
No Ablo Espanyooooooooolllll!!!!!!
“Woah. I was expecting a KA-BOOM!!! That smart bomb spoke.”
1. Where’s my marbles? I can’t find my marbles.
2. Magic 8 ball. Do you think they will ever make my comic book into a movie?
3. Gigantic muscles, packing lots of ammo on my suit,. How did you figure out I’m not packing in my pants?
Loki it should be No hablo espanol. But I’m sure Jeff will edit it if you win. Unless you were trying to make it more reader friendly, in which case sorry.
this one is the best!!Dave Says:
OH GOD IT BURNS! WHY DID I EAT THE BURRITO!LOL u rock dave
(not part of the CC AKA Caption contest) Jeff look….his crotch has eyes!
1) …I mean yes!
2) Body knows the trouble I’ve seen…
3) Soylent Green is people!
Man, you guys are on FIRE! Very impressive entries so far, this is going to be a very tough one to call.
1.(sings) …body does it quite the way you do… Baby you’re the best…
2. Thunder! Thunder! THUNDERPANTS…
3. So that’s why I have no eyes! I’m the lovechild of Little Orphan Annie!
1. “ehh stop crying im the one suffocating down here”
2. “I SHULD HAVE SWITCHED TO GEICO”
3. “I CANT REACH THE ICH ON MY HEAD”
1: Life gave me lemons… AND I BLEW THEM MUTHERS UP!!
2: These aren’t my Party-Boy pants! I can’t rip them off (can do without the last sentence)
3: THIS IS SPARTAAAAA!
1 Honey, i burned the pizza.
2 Morphing… damn, i’m stuck halfway.
3 Big macs do go strait to your thighs!!!!!!!!!!!
Good God ,I should have read the instructions on the Colon Blow bottle first!
HABANERO ENEMA BAD!
Maybe the jet engine anal implant wasn’t such a good idea!
What?! The boulbous thighs and pouches aren’t in anymore?! Oh, the humanity!
Man, I could have done SO much better as Anakin than that Hayden Christensen guy!
“I forgot to TiVo Rachel Ray!”
2) JESSICA SIMPSON TELL ME IT ISNT SO!!!!
3) NOT MY CHIHUAHUA!!
NOOOO, MY WAFFLES, MY BEUTIFUL WAFFLES!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY WAFFLES!!! WAAAAAAAAAA!!!
1. To much ammo…need…MORE POUCHES!!
2. NO ONE CAN EVER SEE MY FEET!!!
3. OH NO, not enough Image cliches!!
1)… means yes.
2) Crotch: owww owww god, what are you doing to me??
1. Somebody stick a fork in me. I’m done.
2. You would not BELIEVE the chafing I get…
3. Boxers… so unbelievably… TIGHT!!!
1 – C’Mon Ice Cream!
2 – Well, Maybe.
3 – Spontaneous Bowel Obstruction…Heat…Rising…Must..Find…Release….
1 MY CONTACT!
2 THEY CANCELLED THE TICK!
3 I’ve run out of scotch in my tubes!
1.(Crotch) THE CROTCH HAS SPOKEN!!!!!!! AND IT SAYS YEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!
2.DAMN YOU TWINKIES!!! YOU RUINED MY THIGHS!!!!!
3. THERE’S NO MORE CANDY!!!!!
Srry messed up n entry 3. it should say
3. THERE’S! NO! MORE! POWERTHIRST!!!!!!
I’m not compensating for anything, why do you ask?
Gun!? I just throw the bullets.
1.) “Damn it!! This happens every time–5 hours to put all this $#%& on, and now I hafta go to the bathroom!!”
2.) “Bah–this puny word balloon is much too small for me to properly encapsulate my feelings of anger, pain, and frustration! How’m I supposed to scream like a raging lunatic if I can’t fit my dramatic wailing within this tiny, useless bubble?”
3.) “They just sold the last copy of ‘Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2’… so NOW what am I gonna do this weekend?”
NO! I CAN’T believe it’s NOT BUTTER!
I NEVER should have ordered that INDIAN CURRY!
In the dire heat of deadly flames—
I become the dreaded WERE-TANK-MAN!
2. I can’t believe Marsha is sleeping with Dan. She’s carrying Josh’s child.