The person who can come up with the best dialog posted to the comments below for the following comic book panel will win a free black and white custom illustration of his or her choice by yours truly. So put on that thinking cap and start with the jokes already!
Be sure to indicate who is saying what in your submission. For example:
Chimp: See, I told you, all you have to do to get this monkey off your back was to take me to see the "Ya Ya Sisterhood" movie marathon!
Android: Just please tell me those are tears I feel streaming down my neck ...
Good luck! I got a bit behind on the winner from last week but I'm working on it now, and will post it as soon as it's done.
Monkey: Hey Doc, we better back up. We don’t have enough road to get up to 88.
Android: Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need…roads!
Intellectious George: “There, do you see it, my bio-mechanical friend? Behold, in all it’s shining glory, the Eye of Sim Ractu. Ah, yes. Never again shall I be ridiculed for lacking the simian prowess to get around without the aid of some sort of sci-fi based transportation. Mm, and my clothing will no longer be tattered and worn surragate hand-me-downs. No, I’ll have a new, extensive wardrobe designed to my liking. For, the Eye of Sim Ractu will grant its possessor anything he so which desires…”
Androgynous Android: “From here it looks like someone has merely left their computer moniter on in the dark. Probably downloading human porn. This is a college dorm after all.”
Chimp: AAH! It’s Hillary Clinton!
Android: Please, it’s just an urban legend.
Chimp: Hey guys! Who wants candy from my giant Pez dispenser?!?
Android: *sigh* It’s a living.
Chimp: I didn’t realize that they were called mad scientists not just because they were nuts, but because they’re generally PO’d at their henchmen.
Android: Peeing in his coffee didn’t help any.
Chimp: “Tally ho old boy! let’s ip & at ’em! We got’s ta do sum head smackin’ , teeth grindin’, all out out streetside smackdown. Evildoers, here we come.”
Android: ^I cannot wait for mecha to arrive. I want this monkey off my back.^
Chimp: Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto!
Android: Shaddap!
errr Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto .. domo domo .. domo domo…
Prime-8: “Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! EEE–EEE!!! EEEEEEK! EEEEEK! HooHooHooHoo Eek EEK EEK EEK Ahh Ahh AHH! OOOoooooo…”
D4QP: *Bzzt* “Translation: ‘No.'”
Chimp: Do you want me to cook something for you? After all, you did order the George Foreman Gorilla!
Android: *sigh* I should have read the small print…
Chimp: Wow! Geico.com now insures androids too!
Android: So easy, a monkey can do it.
Chimp: Onwards to the banana factory, Android! I must possess the Banana of Zarkon instead of Dylon!
Android: Yes, master…You know, one day I’m gonna have you removed from my head, primitive ape.
Chimp: Yes, finnaly, the shiny banana will be mine!Onwards, Mr. Roboto! We need to get to that banana before the others.
Android: I can’t believe I ended up in “Planet of the Apes”. “Star Wars” seemed so fitting. Damn you C3PO, damn you to hell!
Monkey: This play, “Much Ado About Nothing”, is it? It’s AMAZING!!! Who wrote it?
Android: I think they stuck a large group of monkeys in a room with something known as typewriters, which where 19th centurytyping instruments. Then out of that came what they call “Shakespeare”.
Man I love e-bay, hey, look a gorilla costume for you for only 99 cents. Ooooo!
I do belive a ~used~ gorilla costume for only 99 cents is not even worth that, some things are not really bargins.
Monkey: Oh…My…God! Look at that banana plantation QN-54!
QN-54: Yes Mr. Tickles. The ultramegatron 3000 transported us to Hawaii. Time to get my bathing suit…
Chimp:”Look COP2 it the ripe Verbatim banana! I must have it so I can claim victory over Gorgilla and his mass army of spider monkeys.”
Android:”You know you are not Indian Jones so you probably wont get through all of the traps, pulls, swinging blades, quick sand, spikes, and the wall you need a key for! LOOK OUT GIANT SPITING FIRE ANTS!!!!”
Android: “Get your stinkin’ paws off me, you damn dirty ape!”
Monkey: Sorry, pal. Wrong movie. It’s been done.
Niall, I like that one, but the dialog’s in the wrong order. Comics panels are read top left to bottom right; the monkey’s speaking first, not the android. If I put your words in there, it won’t read correctly. I’m not saying this idea will win, but for it to even really qualify as an entry it needs to be reworked so the monkey speaks first.
OK, Jeff, How about this:
Monkey: I know what you’re thinking! ‘Get yer stinkin’ paws off me you damn dirty ape!’ You really shouldn’t leave your DVDs in the player like that.
Android: So that’s how he does it!
Monkey: Your problem is obvious, Commander.
Robot: Stop talking.
Monkey: … so as I was saying, it seemed like an ordinary morning, but we woke up and found this massive black obelisk in the middle of all the rocks! Well, I screamed, and then henry screamed, and then James picked up this bone and just started hitting things, next thing you know the whole tribe is beating Alan with bones…
Android: That reminds me of a story my mother Maria once told me…
Monkey: I appreciate the thought, but when I said lets blow this joint I didn’t quite expect the whole ‘atomic death ray’ treatment! At the risk of sounding paranoid, I don’t think you’re as confused about colloqiual language as you say. I’d even go so far as to say I think you enjoy blowing stuff up…
Android: ooh, what’s that glowing? Is that Mr. Vandersluis?
Monkey: Thanks for inviting me to the movies. I’ev been spending so much time at home alone these days I’m beginnign to feel like a bit of a shut in, and I’ve already flung poo at all the walls in my appartment…
Android: I bought two tickets so you could have your own seat…
Monkey: I appreciate your enthusiasm, but when I say ‘lets blow this joint’ I really don’t expect the whole ‘atomic death ray’ treatment! Call me crazy but I dno’t think you’re quite as confused over colloquial speech as you claim. Hell, I think you enjoy…
Android: Ooh – what’s that glow? I think it’s Mr. Vandersluis!
Chimp: Thanks for inviting me over to watch football. I gotta admit I get kinda lonely at home by myself. The bachelor life just isn’t what it cracked up to be, you know? One monkey with his own cage, flinging his poo wherever he wants, but then you really start to miss some regular huma… social interaction, you know?
Android: Firstly, this sofa is a six seater, how about shooching over a bit? And second, no matter how lonely you get, the I/O socket at the base of my neck is FOR DATA CABLES ONLY!
Chimp: Wow. When you said you’re dad was going to blow up if he ever found out about us living together I didn’t even think to take it literally!?!
Android: *sniff* me neither. I was only expecting a critical software failure.
***ARGH*** I can’t believe I mixed up ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ in that last post… please edit.
Chimp: Now THAT’S a blue screen of death!
Android: m…mother?
Monkey: When I read the warning that said “cooking eggs in a microwave may cause explosion” I assumed it was the eggs that were going to explode. I mean, that would have been cool! Oh… and sorry about your kitchen.
Android: From now on, I do the cooking, you do the vacuuming.
Monkey: That’s the last time anyone ever pays out on “Droid and Chimp: Crime fighters”. Heh – look at their faces, they know it was us getting payback. Thanks for letting me use your spare power source, by the way. Aaanyway, we better go see the captain and get our next assignment…
Android: I don’t know if the captain will accept a radioactive explosive device as payback for a little first day hazing…
Chimp: Is there anythign more majestic than a sunrise over a mountainous landscape? The colours, the epic grandeur of the scenery, the confirmation of the natural beauty of celestial forces that inspires the mind and uplifts the soul…
Android: ***Solar Batteries at 6%. Load primary mission… Crush, Kill Destroy***
Chimp: Man! Political correctness is ruining art. Just cause some sentient robtot plugged a blue lightbulb into a meat pie doesn’t make it worthy of gallery space! No offence to android artists, but…
Android: Hey! I didn’t pay out on that “Poo flung at canvas” exhibition we went to last week, so back off!
Chimp: So, even if I sit on your shoulders…
Adriod: Yes, you’d still be a pain in my arse.