Geek gone wild

I had the best comic-book-geek weekend. First I went to "StapleCon", a convention here in central Texas for independent comic book publishers, where I met some outstanding talents working to make their dreams come true. It was as inspirational as it was costly, since of course I couldn't resist buying one of everything. Plus, I got a lead on a new gig just in case this UGO thing doesn't work out:

Lord Vile Henchmen Wanted

I also got a book signed by Mike Baron, which was pretty cool. But that wasn't the end of my comic-buying adventure, my friends, oh no! For I still had money in my account, and there's nothing more dangerous than a geek with disposable income. So after the convention, my friend and I headed to Half Price Books to trade in a huge stack of old sci-fi novels that had been gathering dust. I put my box on the counter, and spied from the corner of my eye a gigantic stack of comics being bagged by one of the Book Dudes.

"Excuse me," I said politely, "but can those be purchased now or do I need to wait until you've processed them all?"

"You can look through the bagged ones, they're in lots of ten for a dollar," he said.

"A dollar apiece?" I replied, thinking that wasn't a bad price, since on the top of one stack was a Number 1 issue of "Cadillacs and Dinosaurs", one of my all time favorite comics.

"No, a dollar for the whole stack of ten," he corrected me.

Blink. Hang on, ten for a dollar that's ... no, wait, don't tell me ... "Hey Dave," I finally said to my math-major friend, "how much is that apiece?"

Voice heavy with despair for the future of our math-illiterate nation, he said "That'd be ten cents apiece, Einstein."

My eyes goggled at the large stack already bagged, and the even larger stack still waiting to be processed. "I'll take 'em all!" I heard myself say.

"Even the ones I haven't done yet?" the Book Dude said. At my nod, his face beamed. "You're my new favorite customer!"

And so, awash in the glow of geek gone wild, I returned triumphantly to my home with this enormous box of comic books:

Box of comic books

The "Bone" and "Concrete" collections didn't come with it, those were separate. But still, that's a big stack! Unfortunately my wife wasn't quite as impressed with my geeky haul as I was. "Didn't we just sell a ton of books to make more shelf space?" she asked shrewdly.

Instantly my brain went into husband overdrive. Superman can have his super-speed and ice-breath, I'll take quick thinking any day of the week. It's the one indispensable survival tool for any married man. "Yes, but these ... aaaahh .... these are for ... um ... work! Yes, work, that's it!"

"You mean the same way it's for work when you stare at good looking women, so you can 'draw the human form better'?"


So as you can see, I had a problem. A gigantic, enormous, profound, disturbingly massive stack of comic books that I need to figure out some sort of work-related use for. And so, starting tomorrow, I will be introducing a new feature here on the HeroMachine Blog -- Mashup Mondays. Each week I will take one panel from each of the ten books in the randomly collected bags. I will try to assemble those panels into an order that almost seems like a story. It may suck, it may be funny, it may accidentally unlock the secrets of the multiverse, I don't know. But it will definitely make it seem like those books are, in fact, needed for work, which is all this husband is really looking for at this point.

11 Responses to Geek gone wild

  1. Ashton Jakobson says:

    That sounds really sweet… know another thing you should do?

    Take one cool looking panel, and let us think of a caption for it, kind of like the “New York Times” caption contest…
    PLEEEEEEEEASE think about it, that woud be an insainly cool idea……

  2. Jeff Hebert says:

    Funny you should say that, Ashton, I am probably going to be doing exactly that. I saw it on another blog a few days ago and thought it was a really neat idea.

    What kind of prize should the winning entry get, do you think?

  3. Ashton Jakobson says:

    maybe if you do the caption contest once a month, you could do a charicature of the person’s favorite superhero or something….good prize?

  4. The Doomed Pixel says:

    Yeah, a once a month thing sounds good.

    And may I add that you sound a lot like me. Book buying seems great at the time, doesn’t it?

  5. Ashton Jakobson says:

    Yeah man….it does, it’s really snowy and cold in good ol’ Wyoming at the moment. I recently re-read the book, Ender’s Game, and, read for the first time the Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series. Great bunch of books.

  6. EnderX says:

    This is admittedly a tangent, but:

    If you do end up trying that new gig you showed us, please at least try for a ‘Trusted Lieutenant’ position; the average henchman has a lifespan about the same as the average mayfly.

    Don’t go for ‘fully trusted’ in the lieutenantship, though; most of those are awarded posthumously.

  7. Ashton Jakobson says:

    Wow dude, way to take a funny thing that Jeff said….and turn it un-funny. You get the “Wow-What-A-Wierdo” award of the year…

  8. Mark says:

    Dude, I’ve met your wife. You got all the inspiration you need for the ‘human form’ right there.

    On another note, have you ever read Allan Mott’s ‘House of Glib’ blog? He often writes about his discovery’s in the discount bin of his local comic shop. You might enjoy.

    You’ll find all of his Bin Adventures linked near the bottom of the the right column in the menu labeled ‘Bin Adventures.’

  9. Jeff Hebert says:

    Who do you mean, Ashton, EnderX? I thought that comment was pretty funny, actually, especially the posthumously part — actually laughed out loud at that.

    The ad in the photo is for “Lord Vile”, a group of Austin guys who go around doing pranks and such. When they handed me their flyer and gave me their spiel, I said “Does Henchman mean the same thing as Cannon Fodder? Am I going to have to wear a red security guy shirt?”

  10. Jeff Hebert says:

    Thanks for the link, Mark, I’ll definitely check that out.

  11. Denise Adams says:

    Awesome! Cannot wait for the randomness to begin! What a deal you got!