OCD (Open Critique Day) #28

How this goes:  You post a work of yours, finished or WIP, and then others give you critiques on your work. I do not mind if you post non-HM pictures or piece of writing. Just make sure that you only post pictures that are your own design and not any that are copyrighted or based off of copyrighted characters. 

Also, if you post a work, it is highly recommended that you also give someone else a critique.

Even this is called Open Critique Day, I allow (even welcome!) for you guys to post and discuss on this for the weekend until 11:59 pm Sunday.

15 Responses to OCD (Open Critique Day) #28

  1. Howdy,

    This one is a result of me catching up on my high school reading – one flew over the cuckoo’s nest

    http://hermansmellville.deviantart.com/art/It-s-for-your-own-good-Mr-McMurphy-535791453?ga_submit_new=10%253A1432764389

  2. Nick Hentschel

    Hello, everyone:

    it’s been a long, LONG time since I was back here to post anything, but this drawing is hitting a bit of a standstill, and it’s also cool enough that I’d like to share it.

    I’d like you too meet Rosanna, a half-Chinese girl from Toronto. She lived not too far from where “Kung Fu: The Legend Continues” was filmed, and saw the filming crews all the time as a kid. As a result, she became a huge fan of the *original* show, and was inspired not only enough to take martial-arts classes but, when she grew up, to go to Hong Kong to learn kung fu and Chinese Medicine. This is a few pictures of her, all dressed up for a public demonstration in some public park there:

    https://www.flickr.com/photos/huskybike/shares/3uiw61
    https://www.flickr.com/photos/huskybike/shares/6845Rw
    https://www.flickr.com/photos/huskybike/shares/3g4sQV

    This is important, since it’s for a story I’m trying to work up. I’m particularly eager for opinions from anyone who knows the subject matter: Hong Kong, kung fu, Asian culture, or experience with Asian an half-Asian people. Does her face look right? Should I change her skin tone?
    I’d also like to hear about the uniform. For example, I’m kind of proud of the way I made her Shaolin leg-wrappings, but is it too much? (I have a picture of her wearing simple pants, just for comparison.) Or should I chuck it all for a more Southern-looking uniform?

  3. Hi Nick! No commentary here since I’m at work, but I just wanted to pop in and say welcome back!

  4. Sorry, Nick. Don’t really know much about the culture. :/ Though it is a cool character.
    As for Ken, the only thing I can think of is that his head looks a little too big.
    So, what about my Ranger? Just a generic fantasy class.
    http://cbhawk007.deviantart.com/art/Ranger-527501576

  5. Nick Hentschel

    Jeff Hebert:
    Hi Nick! No commentary here since I’m at work, but I just wanted to pop in and say welcome back!

    Thanks: I was worried that no one would remember me!

  6. Nick Hentschel

    Ken Weaver:
    Howdy,

    This one is a result of me catching up on my high school reading – one flew over the cuckoo’s nest

    I see that Nurse Ratchet has shown her true, monstrous colors: this could easily have been one of her patient’s nightmares!

    Having been in a psych hospital myself (as a teenager), I can relate all too well.

  7. Ken Weaver Ken Weaver

    Thanks, Hawk. I like the ranger quite a bit. My only feedback is that the large sword and quiver seem functionally improbable.

    Nick, thanks for the comments. My only advice on Rosanna is that getting the right skin tone is ROUGH. I’d go more caramel if possible.

  8. Nick Hentschel

    hawk007:
    So, what about my Ranger? Just a generic fantasy class.
    http://cbhawk007.deviantart.com/art/Ranger-527501576

    Dear Hawk:

    I’ve given this a bit of thought before I start writing. Let’s divvy it up by category:

    COLORS – the basic color scheme is good, and your use of shading is excellent (it’s a trick I haven’t learned). You don’t have to be completely monochromatic, though: not only does more color make it more entertaining, but monochrome sticks out a bit in the woods. That’s why they invented camo patterns. 😉
    Try experimenting with some subtle shades of grey, tan, beige, or green, maybe even some dull reds, for things like the trim on his costume. (Think “autumn colors”.) This would be particularly appropriate for the leather in his quiver, or the wood in his bow & arrows.

    One place where I will insist on some brighter color, is in the arrow feathers (aka “fletching”): archers commonly make these quite bright, in order to be able to *find* the arrows in the woods, after they shoot them. (Arrows are expensive, and hard to make.) It also helps them tell each other’s arrows apart at contests.

    SWORD & QUIVER – I don’t agree that the quiver is too big, but maybe the sword is. He needs something less like a scimitar, and more like a machete. (They had something like this in the Middle Ages, btw: look up “falchion” or “messer.”) This would serve him as a camp tool, as well as a weapon.
    In any case, move it a little farther down, so that it’s hanging off his belt, instead of his back. Otherwise, he can’t grab it easily.
    The colors for it are good, though. It actually makes sense to have a knife with a white handle, because you can see it after you put it down. (A lot of real outdoorsmen carried bone-handled knives for this very reason.)

    OTHER DETAILS – I’m intrigued by the fact that you used two different styles for his arm bracers, as if to imply that they look different from the top and the underside. If this was your intention, you’re on to something. Keep tinkering with it.

  9. Wow, dude, thanks! 🙂

  10. @hawk007: The camo pattern might be a good place to start, but I would suggest weathering, staining, and tearing as well. He didn’t just walk straight there from the mall, after all, right? Right hand probably needs swapping out. Hold a pencil up by the end in front of a mirror, and you’ll see what I mean. Those bracers are the best part of the clothes. Knife in the boot?
    @KenW: If you’re showing a delusion, you may want something inconsistent in the pic, like a regular woman’s shadow. If this is what REALLY is, you may want to put in shadows of your biohazard suited lovely.
    @Nick: You should probably consider whether the leg wrappings were too much money or time. Good look so far, though. As to the skin tone, your saving grace is her mixed heritage. That’s a bit less predictable.

  11. Ken Weaver Ken Weaver

    Thanks, Herr! I didn’t even think of a shadow 🙂

  12. Nick Hentschel

    Herr D:
    @hawk007: The camo pattern might be a good place to start, but I would suggest weathering, staining, and tearing as well. He didn’t just walk straight there from the mall, after all, right?

    I’d thought to suggest that, too, but I figured that my suggestions were extensive enough, as it was.

    @Nick: You should probably consider whether the leg wrappings were too much money or time. Good look so far, though. As to the skin tone, your saving grace is her mixed heritage. That’s a bit less predictable.

    As a matter of fact, those wrappings can be rather a pain (so I’ve read), and a lot of people don’t know how to tie them correctly. In fact, only one group consistently wears them: the monks of Shaolin. But I was going for a full-on “Shaolin Temple” look to her uniform, and I got very wrapped up in perfecting it.
    What she’s more likely to wear in Hong Kong, is a tracksuit (a la Bruce Lee), or a T-shirt and sweats, maybe one of those button-up-the-front uniforms or a “cheongsam” top for demonstrations. But that means starting almost from scratch . . . YECCH!

  13. @Mason: No flat tires, dmg to the vehicle? There’s an insignia for bullet dings . . .
    @Nick: No scratch, man. Use this one as her dream sequence and give her a more realistic look while fighting ‘IRL.’

  14. Nick Hentschel

    Herr D:
    @Nick: No scratch, man. Use this one as her dream sequence and give her a more realistic look while fighting ‘IRL.’

    I do have a concept for her “civvies,” which invovles her either wearing a denim outfit or a tracksuit.
    I also had an idea for her as a kid: when she was a Girl Scout who knew kung fu . . . 3:-)