Human projectiles

Having a big gun is great if you’re a comics fan because big guns are cool. But guns can be taken away, which is not cool, because then how can you shoot things? Luckily a grateful comics nation long ago arrived at a solution for this conundrum — make a gun out of yourself! The glorious breakthrough is exemplified in this Guy “Extreme Nineties Spokeslantern” Gardner cover:

This isn’t really a “costume” per se, but it’s definitely “bad” and he’s a “super” if not necessarily a “hero”. And “scare” quotes are “scary” and “irritating”.

But aside from the obsession with guns so intense it causes you to actually become a gun, and ignoring the spikes (EXTREME!!) and Unhinged Giant Snake Jaw (©Image Comics), what really bugs me about all of these integrated biological firearms (get it, fireARMS?) is, what do they shoot, exactly?

I’ll pause while you think about this.

The only stuff it can fire is stuff that the body itself creates. So at the end of an extended firefight this guy ought to be a withered husk lying smoking on the ground. Granted, there is precedence for humans creating excess material but most of it is disgusting. Which is a nice way of saying that if Guy Gardner comes after me with his giant gun arm shooting snot bullets at me, he wins on gross-out points alone. But I’d sure kick his ass first, because that’s just wrong.

About Jeff Hebert

Jeff is a 44 year old city boy who has somehow found himself located in Colorado, fulfilling his lifetime dream of making a living drawing super-heroes all day.

13 Responses to Human projectiles

  1. When one refers to “projectile vomiting” this is hardly what I invision!

  2. Can you say “projectile vomit”?

  3. Uh, yeah, those bullets are gross but, I wouldn’t mind the snot bullets so much, considering what ELSE they could be made out of…..

  4. Take a look at where that bio-hose leading into the gun is coming from. YUP.

  5. Wait, is the one foe he can’t defeat Richard Blackwell’s Top Ten Worst Dressed list?

    I’m not even going to comment on the turning body parts into guns thing. That crossed into territory I was actively trying not to think about, but now that the elephant’s presence in the room has been brought to our attention, I’m pretty disgusted.

  6. I remember he once morphed his hand into a nail-gun so he could do some construction. How that was supposed to work has always bothered me.

  7. Gabe Puratekuta

    Is that tube leading to his…? Yeah, I’m just going to back away after fixing his jaw via kicking

  8. Could be worse. He could morph himself into a big bomb. That would be more gross.

  9. That may have been the worst character update ever. I sometimes get annoyed with the comic folks’ return to the status quo of characters after years of development, but after his yellow ring phase and this Warrior phase, I was so happy to see the original Guy return. I have a soft spot for lovable jerk heroes.

  10. He just return from a trip to Washington DC, so he has more then enough ammo to go around.

  11. Yeah, but how much more EXTREEEEEME awesomeness would this be if it were a topless chick in a thong with…wait for it…BOTH ARMS as guns! Dude, that would be EXTREEEEEEMELY awesome!

    …oh, wait. They already did that.

  12. Well is true that when one stop to think Bio-weapons ARE gross(jeepers creepers level of gross, snot, teeth, bone, tendons and else).(Only biologica weapons done right i’ve seen in manga Guyver , still gross sometimes, and some example bioweapons are in recent Alita Manga…but focus on Wester Comic) Generally in western comic the Bio part is more Biomechanical, handwaved as nanomachine synthesized(as we all know nanomachines in comic/fiction can do pretty much everything). What puzzle me is why is physical bullet? Claws, blades and spines? Ok I can see it as bio arsenal. Horns? very natural. Poison or some odd chemicals? Possible. Even fire breath is kind of ok(bio-napalm and else). electricity? electril eel say its ok, as well as a sort of high pressure attack(Pistol shrimp forever!!). But why Bullets?

  13. Patriot_Missile

    Marvel Comics’ mutant, Random… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Random_(comics)