"Feral" means "Big Hair"

Marvel can teach us many things about the wonderful world of being feral:

  1. Metal is out, because feral animals don't smelt.
  2. Claws come out from between the fingers, not from the tops of the hands, because that's how it happens in nature. To feral things.
  3. No clothing. I mean, when was the last time you saw a beaver in a yellow spandex costume? No, wait, don't answer that.
  4. Except for loin cloths. Loin cloths reek with feral-ness.
  5. Hair takes on the shape of whatever hat you would be wearing if you were not feral. Only more so. Thus we have the ten-gallon-hat shaped pit viper of the lower Colorado River Valley. It's both feral and an excellent rancher.
  6. Being feral means your lower teeth are enormous.
  7. Feral things drool. A lot.
  8. Going feral can turn your deltoids into mushroom caps. So don't do it, kids.

I think we can all be thankful that comics still has so much to teach us. Thank you, comics!

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