"Feral" means "Big Hair"

Marvel can teach us many things about the wonderful world of being feral:

  1. Metal is out, because feral animals don’t smelt.
  2. Claws come out from between the fingers, not from the tops of the hands, because that’s how it happens in nature. To feral things.
  3. No clothing. I mean, when was the last time you saw a beaver in a yellow spandex costume? No, wait, don’t answer that.
  4. Except for loin cloths. Loin cloths reek with feral-ness.
  5. Hair takes on the shape of whatever hat you would be wearing if you were not feral. Only more so. Thus we have the ten-gallon-hat shaped pit viper of the lower Colorado River Valley. It’s both feral and an excellent rancher.
  6. Being feral means your lower teeth are enormous.
  7. Feral things drool. A lot.
  8. Going feral can turn your deltoids into mushroom caps. So don’t do it, kids.

I think we can all be thankful that comics still has so much to teach us. Thank you, comics!

11 Responses to "Feral" means "Big Hair"

  1. Oh ’90s, everything about your comics sucked.
    You know what was really horrible about Liefeld being the most popular comic book artist of that decade was? That other artists decided to draw just like him, because that’s what they thought they had to do to be employed. I’m not a big fan of Dietrich Smith’s work, but he doesn’t draw like this anymore. Characters he draws now look reasonably normal, not with biceps bigger than their head, or lower jaws and teeth that look about the same size as the forehead.

  2. This is bad, but doesn’t Wolverine always had hair the same shape of his mask?
    Also, if the TV shows based on the comics were so popular during that decade why the F Marvel and DC kept turning out such ridiculous artwork that is so alien to kids in those years?

  3. Aaargh!!! The horror!!! The terror!!! My mind reels under such a visual assault!

  4. Haxxx5: This is bad, but doesn’t Wolverine always had hair the same shape of his mask?

    True. It’s more the epic scale of this iteration that caught my eye.

  5. It’s EXTREEEEEEEME!
    I can’t believe no one said it yet.

  6. Remember when he devolved even further and somehow wound up with no nose? Because if there’s one thing feral canine creatures don’t use at all, it’s their nose. I mean it’s not like an enhanced sense of smell was an intrinsic part of Wolverine’s character and he went around talking about ‘scents’ all the time… Wait a sec…

  7. Who SCRATCHED UP this piece of crap?

  8. Words cannot describe how bad this is. I could ignore the mega-arms and the terrible hair. What I can never excuse is the lower teeth and even worse claw placement. Also, he goes all feral, but is actually LESS hairy feral. Come on! So you are too feral to wear pants but civilized to shave your arms? The only explanation is they were on some XTREEEEEEEEEEEM drugs!

  9. Did wolverine and the Hulk have a child? O.o I mean they’re always fighting and everything and you know what usually happens when two opposite people spend too much time together XD.

    In all honesty whats the point of having Wolverines Bone claws if you already added Sabertooths bag-lady nails.

    Also anybody else notice the cheetah spots on his ribs?

  10. Wow another “Knight” using HM. Okay what I wanted to say before I was side tracked. In comic books and also TV, why is it that they want to change a good thing? Example season 1 of a show is great and has really good ratings, so it comes back for another season, but for some dumb a** reason they changed half the actors and rewrote the story line sending the show to sh*ts. Same way in comics, they are selling great and some jerk has the idea to change the costume, rewrite the story line and change the characters race. What is up with that. Example Nick Fury, how many fracking (sorry just got done watching the new Battlestar show on Netflix, all four seasons) years was he a white man? Come on someone needed to pull their heads out of the split were you sit and just ask the people if they want change or not. Put out a web site and ask how many people like it, what changes are needed and so on. How many times has there been a show or comic book out that you love, but some mindless over paid dung for brains decides to pull it. Sorry for the soap box preaching, it’s late and it’s been a long day(full of pain) and I needed to vent. The old Battlestar is still the best. Good wishes and happiness to all. HM is a great family.

  11. @Hammerknight

    XD i’ve been here for a couple months now, throwing out ideas and random stuff all over HM lol and you NOW notice me!!? lol jk jk