Caption Contest 123: Not for Teacher

Your challenge this week is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this comics panel (courtesy of the Mighty God King):

The best entry (as judged by yours truly) wins the author's choice of either any item they like or any portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3′s final release, or a custom black and white “Sketch of the Day” style illustration (you pick the subject, I draw it however I like).

All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post. Keep ‘em clean (appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show), but most importantly, keep ‘em funny!

No limit to entries, but please, self-edit and only put up ones you genuinely think are good!

76 Responses to Caption Contest 123: Not for Teacher

  1. alphaalpharomeo alphaalpharomeo

    You’re all expelled

    I’m a man hating lesbian

    My milkshakes bring all the girls to the yard

    You shall all be zombies right now

    Due to budget cuts, the school is shutting down….go home

    all of you shut up or leave

  2. 1) Greedo shot first

    2) I’m Batman

  3. I just took a job as a stripper!

    I picture all of you naked when I teach!

  4. 1. God people it’s called Twitter! Look into it!
    2. They’re real. End of debate!
    3. Mama Spank!
    4. Yes! I am Reggie’s Baby Mama!


  6. Avatar Dr. Shrinker

    When I snap my fingers you will no longer be bees!

  7. You kids do know he’s not a REAL Space Ranger, right?

  8. Avatar Patriot_Missile

    1) “Wa-wa, wa-wa-wa waaa… D- !” (ala Peanuts trombone)
    2) “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!”
    3) “If the answer was 42, you’d have graduated by now!”

  9. Avatar SpellCheckingQuill

    “That’s it. Tomorrow, I’m bringing my taser.”

  10. “Alright, I’m not allowed to discuss certain things that buzz, but I know one of you stole mine!”

  11. 3) What’s the buzz, tell me what’s a happening

  12. 1. I apologize everyone, I had Taco-Bell for lunch…
    2. Chris we all know you’re a woman just come out with it

  13. Avatar Gargoyle323

    “You have been around since 1941 and you’re all still virgins!”

  14. Avatar Gargoyle323

    “How come you are the only comic book property nobody wants to make into a movie?”

  15. Avatar madnesslover629

    1) (stricken for inappropriateness)

    2) alright everybody class is dismiss and don’t forget get to make your own nuclear bombs

    3) (stricken for inappropriateness)

  16. !: We’ve been bought by Disney and your services are no longer required!
    2: Classes this small are called “Special” for a reason, you retards!
    3: Your homework assignment is to strip naked and binge drink!
    4: We have just declared war on Iran, and you’re all being drafted!
    5: I hit the lottery, bought Riverdale, and I’m kicking everyone out!
    6: Now that the South Park kids have hit puberty, you’re being replaced!
    7: You sound terrible! Everybody go home until your laryngitis clears up!

  17. Avatar Bryce Wasley

    1. Give me your all your honey and I’ll give you all an A+.
    2. I take it you’re all enthusiastic about the spelling bee?
    3. No wonder we’re bee-hind all of the other schools!
    4. You’re not bees! You’re hornets! Bee-lieve it!

  18. 1. I just took bath salts, and somebody’s going home without a face!
    2. Halle Berry was a GREAT Catwoman!
    3. My Pokemans, let me show you them!
    4. Survey says…Richard Dawkins is dead. (too soon?)
    5. None of you understand the true comic genius of Gilbert Gottfried.

  19. NOTHING FUNNY?! Your homework, then, one paragraph describing the readers of this comic strip. Go look!

  20. @Ian: Just so I’m clear on the subject… Do you care to clarify your #4?

  21. 1) Who let the dogs out! Roof, roof, roof, roof, roof!

    2) ….You’re all a waste of space, You big disgrace, Guess I better show you who rules this place…. I will, I will, flunk you! (singing to the tune of Queen’s “We will rock you”)

  22. Do your late homework now or ALL OF YOU ARE EXPELLED!

  23. Avatar ProwlerKnight

    1. Why can’t you all be the students that text each other!!!

    2. You all don’t shut up you’re gonna up living in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!!!


    4. You know what else Buzzes….a TAZER!!! and I just so happen to have one in my desk drawer

  24. 8: Okay, it’s true, I AM carrying Mr. Weatherby’s love child!
    9: If you’re all buzzed, then it’s drug tests for everyone!
    10: A writer’s strike has been declared! No more dialogue!
    11: This is NOT what Public Speaking class is all about!

  25. Alphaalpharomeo Alphaalpharomeo

    This one time at band camp…..

  26. Avatar Dan Gonzalez

    Your Hive Queen demands that you go out and make honey with a stranger!

  27. Avatar darkvatican

    If you don’t shut up now, I’ll make the lot of you take turns massaging my feet.

  28. 1. Listen up turdlings! My Martha Stewart bookmark is missing. Class is dismissed until I get back from the store.

    2. Holy macaroni class! The schedule says it is Gay Pride Day. Quickly now, everyone head to the flag pole!

    3. Who took the weed out of my book? That stuff will turn you into a zombie!

  29. I hope you’ll be more polite during my sex ed demonstration with Mr. Weatherbee tomorrow.

  30. alphaalpharomeo alphaalpharomeo

    Dumbeldore’s gay

    I’m really a man

    Todays lesson….My sex life

    The score to last nights game was 35-2

  31. alphaalpharomeo alphaalpharomeo

    There’s blood in my stool

  32. alphaalpharomeo alphaalpharomeo

    I would sleep with all of you

  33. 1) I’m not wearing underwear.

    2) I know why he’s really called Jughead

  34. No seriously it’s only a back massager. You try to sit in this seat all day!

  35. 1: “The birds and bees are NOT literal!”
    2: “Never gonna give you up! Never gonna let you down!”
    3: “!zzuB”
    4: “Class is dismissed until the custodian can clear those wasps out!”
    5: “Field trip! Everyone to the Magic School Bus!”

  36. Avatar madnesslover629

    1) people class was dismiss like 4 hours ago get out!

    2) alright everybody class is dismiss and don’t forget get to make your own nuclear bombs


  38. “Ahh, whenever I hear the sound of chainsaws I’m reminded of my wedding.”

  39. “Oh, did I mention that today’s lunch will include Soylent Green?”

  40. 1. “There’s not enough racial diversity at Riverdale High. You’re all being replaced by visible minorities tomorrow.”
    2. “Why are you losers still in my class? You graduated years ago, get a job!”

  41. Shut up or I`ll start talking about sex education!!!!!

  42. “There’s no talking in Fight Class! You’re all expelled!”

  43. Avatar The Atomic Punk

    1. The first rule of Fight Club: Never talk about Fight Club!

    2. Alright, I do like Adam Sandler movies! You happy now, you little pukes?

    3. Which one of you is wearing my knickers?

    4. Who wants to stay and get weird?

    5. Horses and hoops! Balls and bears! Elephants and lions!

  44. Kristen Stewart has been nominated for best actress!

    Clooney is the best Batman!

    Quiet or I’ll show you pictures of Rosie O’Donnell in a thong!

  45. Jesus was black, 9/11 was a conspiracy, and Ronald Reagan was the devil.

  46. Silencio Bitches!

  47. Avatar Hammerknight

    “It’s true, my real name is Jeff and I did create Hero Machine.”
    “They do not touch my knees, my dress has padding.”
    “Who took my Jeff Hebert Play Girl?”
    “Tomorrow you enter the real world.”
    “Who did it raise your hand.”
    “Class this is me nude.”
    “Yes you heard me right, Home Work.”
    “We once used books in school.”
    “See what happens when you wear you pants to low.”
    “Turning your phone to vibrate and using call back will no longer be allowed in class.”
    “Sixty years and still in the same grade, really?”

  48. “Buzz, bzz, buzz, buzz. That’s what you all sound like. Someone owes me a new hearing-aid.”

  49. “Class has been over for fifteen minutes. What are you idiots still doing here?”

  50. YES I’M A MAN now leave!

    no im not an alien now stop trying to call the men in black

    shut up damn bees

  51. Avatar madnesslover629

    does anybody want to go out with me

    alright class prepare to see my true form

    this is me back in high school (scars the students for life)

  52. Avatar madnesslover629

    students prepare for your enlightenment

  53. god hates #@&$!

  54. barbario:
    god hates #@&$!

    fyi thats not a view i support

  55. I used to be a student like you , but then I took……………………………………


  57. 2) Garfield told Odie to shoot JFK.
    3) Dust in the wind. All we are is dust in the wind. Dust in the wind. Everything is dust in the wind.

  58. BUZZ OFF.

  59. alphaalpharomeo alphaalpharomeo

    I don’t believe in Superman, Frankenstein, or Peter Pan


  61. alphaalpharomeo alphaalpharomeo

    the Avengers movie sucked1 (real life response of whomever I say that too)

  62. I’ve secretly been making amateur porn with all your parents for years.

  63. Come in tomorrow, when I reveal which of you gave me the clap!

  64. Avatar DiCicatriz

    None of this is real. Me… the classroom… nothing! Wake up!

  65. Avatar mr.keating

    [Redacted for poor taste. And spelling. — Jeff]

  66. Avatar ProwlerKnight

    1. Ok so you’re homework tonight is to write a report on everything I just read from this book to you.

    2. Everything I just told you guys is on the finals, and I won’t repeat myself, so good luck.

    3. No wonder you guys are still in high school!!

  67. Get back to work you lazy drones! I am the queen here!

  68. Avatar mr.keating

    I started my period today…
    I ain’t afraid to shank a bitch

  69. do you have enough vibrators to share with the class?
    A dingo ate my baby!
    yes I have male genitals
    Veronica is a redhead
    Jughead is the Valavictorian
    You are all going to hell
    my feet smell like fish
    I hate white people
    I rode a pig to work today
    My farts whistle

  70. whats a hashtag?
    who stole my stash?
    I will see you at the club this weekend
    I own a sex swing
    Archie has no penis
    I just sharted
    I love cheesy poofs

  71. Unless you behave yourselves, I will spread a rumor to the other students that you all DID behave yourselves.


  73. 1. now witch one of you kids did i have a kid with
    2. who are these children and how did they get here
    3. are all of you my sons and daughters?

  74. 4. shut up or i will take your soul

  75. 1. Unless you can all say something other than “Buzz Buzz Buzz” get out of my classroom!

    2. If I keep hearing how good “Battleship” was, GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM!!!

    3. I just farted

    4. I can clearly see that you’re all leaving school in the next panel, so just go.

    5. I want all of you out! Except you Jughead, close your eyes.

  76. OK folks, contest is over. I’m putting together the winners’ post now.