Caption Contest 117: The Vow!

Your challenge this week is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this comics panel (which comes to us courtesy of the always awesome Glenn3’s “Say What?” PhotoBucket site):

The best entry (as judged by yours truly) wins the author’s choice of either any item they like or any portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3′s final release, or a custom black and white “Sketch of the Day” style illustration (you pick the subject, I draw it however I like).

All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post. Keep ‘em clean (appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show), but most importantly, keep ‘em funny!

We’re going to mix it up this week and say there’s no limit to entries, but please, self-edit and only put up ones you genuinely think are funny!

63 Responses to Caption Contest 117: The Vow!

  1. I will make this face until it freezes this way!

    I will use the power of my incisor filled mouth to bite my way to vengeance!

  2. So many things I could put down here but I’m not going to. I seen to many things when I was a prison guard, and heard a lot more.

    “As long as I’m behind this bars I can talk trash all day.”
    “Hey we’re next for commissary,twinkies here I come.”

  3. “If I keep rocking this prison all day it will fall to its side and I’ll get out.”

    (NOTE: I mean rocking as in “rock the boat”, for those who are not familiar with this use of the word.)

  4. 1) I’ll keep stroking this bar until the guy across the hall kisses me!
    2) I will get some dentures that fit!
    3) I will find a level cell without a porthole!
    4) I’ll get a lower plate for my dentures!
    5) I’ll stop making fun of Bubba after he’s done back there, ow!

  5. “If I had a nickel for every time someone dropped a dime on a Coyne…I swear I’d be a millionaire!”

  6. “I do!”

  7. 1: I WILL CHEW THROUGH THESE BARS IF IT TAKES ME THIS WHOLE COMIC STRIP!
    2: JOHNSOOOOOOON!! I TOLD YOU TO MAKE THE SPACE BETWEEN THE BARS THINNER! THINNER! I COULD DRIVE A TRUCK THROUGH THIS GAP!
    3: I’ll figure out this stepladder if it kills me!
    4: I’ll become a Batman supervillain! Just you wait!
    5: Don’t make me open my mouth any wider!

  8. *I swear, they’ll never catch me heads down, tails up again.*

  9. *They will pay dearly for giving me lock-jaw.*

  10. 1). I won’t rest until I’ve escaped and replaced Alex Trebek!
    2). So help me, Andy Dufresne, I’ll have a Morgan Freeman of my own!
    3). The Prison Revue is going to love our performance of “The Full Monty”!

    …and finally:
    4). Never again will “Jailhouse Rock” be sung in these hallowed halls!

  11. I will floss twice a day! I WILL!

  12. and I would of gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for those meddling kids and their dumb dog!

  13. I’ll get you next time, Rob Liefeld!!!

  14. “KHAN!!!!!!!!”

  15. Watson Bradshaw

    My Movie The Artist will win every award, you’ll see!!!

  16. 1) I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too.

  17. “I will not rest until my eyeballs return to normal!”

  18. I vow to flip my way out of this hell! …. Did you see what I did there? Coyne. Flip. Really, nothin’?

  19. 2) I vow to stop shaking at some point in the future, maybe.

  20. 1) I vow to use my left hand… only!
    2) I vow to come up with an even more diabolical plan that will fail!
    3) I vow to grow my nose hairs so long they curl!

  21. 1. I didn’t say “vow!” I said “bowel mov… aaaaaaahhhhh!”

    2. Never again will I touch these electrified bars!

    3. No time off for good behavior!

    4. I’m going to dance that Green Mile.

    5. See you in Hades, Ryan Reynolds!

  22. When I get out, I’m changing my name to something that won’t tie me to a lame gimmick!

  23. “I knew I shouldn’t have gotten Rob Liefeld to be my dentist—He stole my incisors and put them on Hawk!”

    Seriously now, where are this man’s pointy teeth?

  24. If only I could yell properly instead of using a thought balloon!

  25. I loved you Morticia! Why did you leave me for Tim Burton?

  26. I swear if I get caught with my pants down one more time in this place…

  27. hyperanthropos

    The vow, that they (sadly) never make in a comic book:

    “I will serve my time and become a functioning member of society again and I will work hard to earn forgiveness for my crimes!”

    And here is bit of breaking the fourth wall:

    “I swear, I will get out of here and kill you, you peeping tom!”

  28. 1)”Nom!Nom!Nom!”
    2)”i swear, if you call me ‘Horse-mouth’ one more time i will bite myself! so there!”
    3)”I SCREAM FOR ICE-CREEEEAM!!!”
    4)”WHY…DO THESE FLIES…ALWAYS…GO FOR MY MOUTH?!!?!!!?!! pht!ptah!”
    5)”Maeya-hee! Maeya-ho! Maeya-ha…”

  29. “Blast all of you! When I get out of here I will demand that hack of an illistrator finally draws in my pupals!!!”

  30. “When I get outta this joint me and my boys are gonnna start an auto parts racket! We’ll call it Pimp Boys! Or something…”

  31. “I swear – I’m not one of the Daltons!”

    “One day I will return as Rhett Butler and I will conquer the hearts of a generation of your women!”

    “One day I will find the cure to return “wind-stuck” faces to normal and I will have a regular life again…”

    “That’s the last time I’ll bite my dentist’s fingers… Unless he has had KFC again – Mmmm Finger Lickin’ Good”

    “Okay, okay.. I promise not to have any more teeth enhancements”

    “I will behave like a lunatic until they believe I’m not crazy”

    “I swear, this is the last time I’ll pretend I’m Charlie Sheen!”

  32. 1) “I’ll learn to breath through my nose if it’s the last thing I do!!!”

  33. “I vow to move my mouth like I’m talking whenever I’m thinking!”

  34. 1. I’ll never drop the soap again!!

    2. I promise to welcome the guard like this every morning.

    3. . . . And I will eat it with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti!

  35. 2) I vow to floss after very meal!!!!
    3) I vow that children are our future/Teach them well and let them lead the way…

  36. 6: I swear to change my name to Cesar Romero and play the Joker!
    7: I promise I’ll never watch Mr. Sardonicus again!
    8: From now on, I’ll beg for my food like a baby bird!
    9: I’ll re-open my case and plead insanity! Better practice…
    10: I WILL find that mule and swap our teeth back!
    11: When I get out, I’ll get a first name other than 1649!

  37. 1. I’ll get you Batman! If it’s the last thing I do!!!!
    2. If you don’t save me from the big black man, I swear I’ll tell him YOU dropped the soap!
    3. THE HILLS ARE ALIIIVVVVEEE WITH THE SOUND OF MUUUUSIIICCC!!!!!
    4. I swear I’ll get you, Tiny, for giving me more crack than I need!
    5. Damn you, Howard Chaykin! I’ll get you for making my mouth bigger than my eyes!

  38. 6. “Mix-and-match Mondays” will now be “Grecian Formula Fridays!”

    7. Next time… a tetanus shot before Tijuana.

    8. Food King… Food King! Food King! Food King!

    9. Only one scoop of raisins, you lousy sons of…

    10. Never again wear “tighty-whiteys!”

  39. William Peterson

    {I can’t believe I’m the first one to come up with this…}
    “One day, I shall make an insipid Romantic Comedy starring Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams! And then, they’ll pay… OH, how they’ll pay!!!” :D

  40. 11. I’m going to let go of this bar and pop Prisoner #1649 square in the mouth!

  41. 1. “No one will ever want for cheeseburgers AGAIN!!!”

    2. “No more Mafia dentists!”

    3. “I will never be separated from my fluffy bunny slippers!”

    4. “One day that plastic surgeon will pay! ‘You’ll look like Clark Gable’, my ASS!”

  42. 4) I vow to be the best me I can be!
    5) I vow to have these parentheses tatoos removed from my knuckles!
    6) I vow to be the best Eliza Dolittle they’ve ever seen in this year’s production of “My Fair Lady”!

  43. TOOL:
    and I would of gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for those meddling kids and their dumb dog!

    IMNSHO, THE WINNER!

  44. 1)BRUSH YOUR CLEFT EVERYDAY!!!
    2)I VOW TO NEVER AGAIN OPEN MY MOUTH MENACINGLY WHILE THINKING TO MYSELF!!!
    3) YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE MY WRATH DENTINE WHITENING STRIPS!!!
    4)IT’S MY MONEY AND I NEED IT NOW!!!

  45. 1. HEEEEREEEES Johny
    2.If I hear so much as a mouse fart in here the rest of the night I swear by God and sonny Jesus you will all visit the infirmary.
    3. Nooooooooooo, I’mmmmmm missssing Gleeeeeee

  46. NOM! NOM! NOM! LOOK AT MY TEETH!!! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! (So on and so forth)

  47. 1rd2th3st:

    4)IT’S MY MONEY AND I NEED IT NOW!!!

    Win. :D

  48. 12: I’ll convince them I’m an Osmond Brother and escape!
    13: I MUST get Pluto reinstated as a planet!
    14: From now on, I vote the straight Tea Party ticket!
    15: I’ll get my ear moved up to where it’s supposed to be!

    and last but not least…

    16: I WILL win Jeff’s caption contest one day!

  49. I promise I will use my key after one more round of torture. JUST ONE MORE.

    I WILL find the son of my late dentist, who made me promise to keep my mouth open before his coronary–to release me from my promise–right after parole.

    I WILL stop yawning.

    [skybandit--your #16 beat me to it.]

  50. 1.”I’m going to stop talking like a James Cagney gangster, see? Then those coppers will never get me!”

  51. Prison? Damn, I am never doing shots with Deadpool again!

  52. 6. I WILL WIN THE MISS UNIVERSE PAGEANT! I WILL WIN THE MISS UNIVERSE PAGEANT!
    7. Damn you, Doc Buzzsaw! I’ll make you pay for not making my teeth look natural!
    8. HERE COMES THE BRIDE, ALL DRESSED IN WHITE!
    9. Damn you, Salazar! DAMN YOU, SALAZAR!!!!
    10. A plague on you for messing up my hair!

  53. I’ll discover the secret of how they get the caramel in the Caramilk bar if it’s the last thing I ever do!

  54. 1. Dang i miss the cast for the Jaws role in the James Bond film.

    2. More bananas and i’ll be so nervous.

  55. 2. “I’ll get you next time, Gadget! Next time!”

  56. Wait, I got one more.

    3.”When I get out, I’m gonna get the band back together. This time we’ll call ourselves “Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem.”

    I’ve got to find time this week to rewatch the original Muppet Movie.

  57. “Oh no, I’m, actually Charles Manson, you want cell 4B, this is cell 4D.”

    “If it takes me a thousand years I shall get out of here before next Friday!”

  58. “I swear if someone makes ONE more money related joke they’ll have to add another 10 years to my sentence.”

  59. “I SHALL SWALLOW THIS PRISON WHOLE!”

    “THEY CANNOT HOLD PACMAN!”

    “I WILL remember to get the groceries on the way home tonight!”

    “I shall eat my way out of this joint! LIKE AN EVIL COOKIE MONSTER!”

  60. I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States!

  61. 1.Damn you khaaaaan!
    2. I’m Tony Stark!
    3.winning
    4.Sinestro who?
    5. I’m not thinking hard enough!
    6.Frankly i don’t give a damn!
    7.I will hide behind my thought bubble!

  62. “Hehe, jokes on you, it was a vow of silence.”

  63. (not an entry:)

    I love you X-stacy