Caption Contest 115: Toofless

Your challenge this week is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this comics panel:

The best entry (as judged by yours truly) wins the author’s choice of either any item they like or any portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3′s final release, or a custom black and white “Sketch of the Day” style illustration (you pick the subject, I draw it however I like).

All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post. Keep ‘em clean (appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show), but most importantly, keep ‘em funny!

This week we have a cap of no more than five (5) entries per person, so make ‘em your best!

About Jeff Hebert

Jeff is a 45 year old city boy who has somehow found himself located in Colorado, fulfilling his lifetime dream of making a living drawing super-heroes all day.

63 Responses to Caption Contest 115: Toofless

  1. alphaalpharomeo

    1)You got a purty mouth

    2)And on the 7th day god created the rifle to kill the homosexuals….and the dinosaurs. (Disclamer, I have no problems with homosexuality or dinosaurs)

    3)This one time a band camp I tried eating a tuba

    4)I swear the govornment is run by extra-terrestrials trying to steal my teeth, But they”ll never get them,,, NEVER!!!!

    5)Trust me I’m a doctor

  2. 1. “What? Do I have something in my tooth?”
    2. “There’s gold in them there hills, GOLD!!!”

  3. 3. “Mmmph mmph mmmmph mph? Mmmmph mmmph mph mhp!”

  4. 4. “I’ll have you know I have the best teeth in all of England”

    (No offense to HM’ers across the pond; I know it’s a stereotype, and that in fact, English people have, on adverage, the healthiest teeth of any country…)

  5. 1. Oh!
    The good old hockey game!
    Its the best game you can name!
    And the best game you can name,
    is the good old hockey game!
    (Note: I like hockey as much as the next Red Wings fan.)

  6. 2. 24!

  7. I love lamp.

  8. 1. JoBob! Get me my club!
    2. I just got me an edumacation!
    3. Who in tarnation is that?!
    4. Dang it, Jolene! I said I wanted it rare! Now! Who wants ta show me where the outhouse is?!
    5. You cain’t see it now, but I used ta be a han’some fella…

  9. (not an entry)

    I’m so jealous of some of the entries here. Wish I’d gotten on earlier.

    @alphaalpharomeo, I can’t pick one. They’re all awesome.
    @Gero, love #2.
    @BenK22, are you Canadian?

  10. 1: “did i ever tell y’all ’bout that one time…”
    2: “weel i’ll bee darned! that there feller’s got teeth!”
    3: “wadya mean ‘i gotta get dentures’?”

  11. 1) What to you mean I’m lyin’ to you through my tooth?

  12. Y’mind chewin’ ma food fer me? Tryin’ ta save ma last tooth!

  13. No way I’m milkin’ the cows again with cold hands!

  14. Got to stop openin’ the beer bottles with my mouth.

  15. TheAmazingFrank7

    1. Hey Irene! Am I missing a tooth?
    2. My sister’s husband has cheated on her with her sister who just happens to be my mother! Yeehah!
    3. I thought I’d dye my hair blue to look more sexy!
    4. Leakin’ on grizzlies is not fun!
    5. Haven’t y’all tried mule manure before?!

  16. 1. I’m sexy and I know it.
    2. I’ don’t bite… anymore

  17. …and that’s why you never try to hogtie a walrus with a rubber snake!

  18. that there is my zombie tooth

    pappy always said the tooth will set you free

    why do you think they call it a tooth brush

  19. “I say good sir, if you might point me to the nearest orthodontic specialist I would be much obliged.”

    “Loose ‘em? Nah, you got it backwards, I FOUND ‘em.”

    “Lorine! Git my gun! There’s a giant laughing nerd staring right at us!”

  20. 1. It sounds funny I know, but it really is so. Oh, I’m my own grandpa.

  21. 1. “…and that’s why most of my teeth are black and why my hair’s blue. Blasted space monkeys, it’s all their fault.”
    2. “I just invented awkward non-silence!”
    3. “Got one toof lef and the firsht thing you ashk ish why my hair’sh blue?”
    4. “Really? No wonder the dentist charged so much for that tooth-pullin’!”
    5. “They called me One-Tooth Wonder! Never knew why till I looked in the mirror last night!”

  22. “There’s a tooth in my mouth, dear Liza, dear Liza. There’s a tooth in my mouth, dear Liza, dear Liza. A tooth!”

  23. 1: “Battery acid?” BATTERY ACID?! You told me that was the new “Colgate Plus!!”

    2: Great… Now I’m going to find an orange rind for the school picture…

    3: Dang it all, Jimmy! I told you to KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL!

    4: “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. My two front teeth, YES! My two front teeth.

  24. “Dees here stretchy-straps are doing a mighty fine job o’ holding my shirt down. But, hows ’bout sum’tin to hold my pants up?”

  25. “Hey, Maw! Mister Hebert’s got his own computer show and he’s a-coming
    back to Texas! Yee-haw!”

  26. “No I’ve never been in prison, why do you ask?”

  27. Jessica:
    (not an entry)

    I’m so jealous of some of the entries here. Wish I’d gotten on earlier.

    @alphaalpharomeo, I can’t pick one. They’re all awesome.
    @Gero, love #2.
    @BenK22, are you Canadian?

    Nope. Just a hockey fan from Michigan.

  28. No Santa didn’t bring me what I wanted again this year.

  29. 1.” …Long story short, I really like taffy.”
    2. ” Hey got some meth…or maybe some meth?”
    3. “VOTE RON PAUL!”

  30. 1. Isa gunna go bac hum to git my tooth brus befur we go to the famlee reyounun, my second cus may be there this year.

    2. Whoowe that moon shine shure hits the spot!

    3. That’s the last time I make a bet against the Patriots.

    4. What you talking about willis?

    5. They call me tater salad!

  31. 1. The world has finally witnessed Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick vs Bruce Campbell’s boomstick. Guess where he kicked me.

    2. This ‘ere is my cute toof. Ain’t it adorable?

    3. I wanted my 2 front teeth for christmas, but in this economy…

  32. That’s right the tooth fairy was a hobo.

  33. 4: “it happened back when i was a young lad with a full mouth o’ teeth, an’ New York was a little town with a well.y’naw back when there was still gold in them thar hills!”
    5: “there’s a storm comin’! i can feel it in me toof!”

  34. 1. Whooooo-eee! Look at da mudflaps on her!
    2. What? I got mustache up my nose?
    3. Just take the picture already. I don’t got no good side.
    4. Rectum? Dern near killed ‘em!
    5. Mais oui, maman, je me suis brossé le dent. (Bonus points if you get the syntax!)

  35. adolfo-carpio

    1-como sabes que juego hockey?
    2-tu crees que necesito un dentista?

  36. 3. “Mesa day startin’ pretty okee-day with a brisky morning munchen, then boom! Gettin’ berry scared and grabbin’ dat Jedi and pow! Mesa here! Mesa gettin’ berry, berry scared!”

  37. 2. If it wasn’t for the dental plan, I wouldn’t have Ol’ Chopper here!

    3. She’s still a virgin? If she ain’t good ‘nuf for her kinfolk she ain’t good ‘nuf for you!

  38. 1. I look bad? I look bad?! you should see the guy who did this to me, he’s missin’ his nose, an eye and his hair is green!

    2.All this talk from a man who can’t see!

  39. 1. I just can’t take it no more, doc. I came all the way from Alabama with this banjo on my knee.

    2. Dirty mouth? Try Orbit!

    3. Four out of five dentists say you should brush after every meal. I had the fifth dentist.

    4. It sure is an honor to be inducted into the NHL Hall of Fame.

  40. “I remember back in the old days when you could get a comic book for a persnickity nickel instead of your fancy credit cards and Podis or whatever conflabbit contraption they are!”

  41. “Hey Jedthro, Ida-Mae, Junior, Charlette, Stinky Bob, Brently, Varn, Junior-junior, Cleo. Come lookit dis. There’s a black man on the teevee. He says George Dubbl-ya ain’t the prezeedent no more.”

  42. Nick Hentschel

    “I say, old fellow! Fancy a spot of Earl Grey?”

  43. 1. Maw, Ah jes’ found the den’al floss!

    2. Ah’m storin’ this sugar cube in ma mustache fer later.

    3. Jeff! Jeff! I seem to be seeing a strange and wonderful picture of the past!

  44. 1. I’z drunk, met Shuperman, an’ offered to take a bite outta crimefightersh! 2. So there’s this hooker I know bathes in maple syrup– 3. I need more batteries. (ref. to “Tommyknockers”) 4. She SWORE a car! No keys under the pillow! Just 20 dimes! 5. Did you know fewer than 1 in 10 million men are allergic to toothpaste?
    Jeff: I’d really like a torso w/hips facing away, top facing to side. . .or maybe multiple simple knots.

  45. 1) ‘Ey Cletus! Play some a dat dare “Dullin’ Banjos” would ya?!?
    2) Tarnation Bill! would ya please stop a’ stealin’ mi Teef ya darn galoot!
    3) You may not believe me, but I do have a doctorate in astrophysics and and an MD in Nerosurgery!
    4) So Uncle Jesse. When dem Duke Boys comin’ back to Hazard?
    5) Seriously Officer it ant no still it my water purificatieon tank!

  46. ….and that’s how I invented the toothbrush.

  47. 1) No, Ah ain’t no superhero, jest a mean drunk.
    2) So Ah asked, “whut in tarnation is a Leatherboy?”
    3) Found out ya ain’t s’posed ta call ‘em “Negroes” no more.
    4) That’s muh sweet toof!
    5) Ah needs me sum “Obamacare!”

  48. Look, I know my online profile said I was an 18 year old cheerleader, but we’re here, so…

  49. 4. Get punched in the face by Superman. We’ll see how you look.

  50. “I’m just a stereo-what now?”

    “You think THIS looks bad, well you should see the other guy……he thinks so too.”

  51. My teeth haven’t gone! They’re just invisible.

  52. 2. i’m SuperHillbillyMan! Didn’t you know that?
    3. This is what happens when you throw rocks at Superman!
    4. Just because I’m just that sexy doesn’t mean you have to stare!
    5. Well I’ll be darned, I didn’t think he’d take it that bad if you called him fatman.

  53. Eh? Oh hey, the printer`s outta line again!

  54. All You no good punks on the internets! Ya Dun Goof’d! I backtraced ya! CYBERPOLICE!

  55. 1) “Taffy is delicious. I LOVE TAFFY!!!”

    2) “You got a purdy mouth!” (Deliverance quote)

    3) “Hey Bubba! Go an get yer uncle-grandpa!”

  56. Probably going to be my only entry this week:

    “What do you mean “toofless,” Mr. Hebert? I still got ol’ Chomper here!”

  57. I am wearin’ muh denture!

  58. “I used to be an adventurer like you…”

    Yep, that’s right. A Skyrim arrow joke. You may all hate me now.

  59. oh my god! is that one of them fancy new umm whatch call um uhhh uhh tooth brushes yeah thats the words…

  60. ‘I’m savin’ a mint on dental bills!’

    ‘I decided to eat a steel bar for breakfast. In reterospect, I should not have been surprised by the result.’

    ‘Who needs a dental plan, huh?’

  61. 2)I used to have a purdy mouth like you once… BUT THEN I TOOK AN ARROW IN THE KNEE

  62. Revising my original entry:

    “Who you callin’ toofless, Mr.Hebert? I still got Ol’ Chomper here!”

    Also, stop telling “arrow in the knee” jokes, Naturezilla. They’re not funny anymore, and they weren’t that funny to begin with. I’m almost ashamed to say I know you. :P