Death Hulk

When last we left our Lone Wolf, we had decided to walk forward with our hands up towards some soldiers. In other cultures this stance would be known as “surrendering”, but since we are a Kai Lord we get to just say we happen to be walking unarmed towards potential enemies with our hands up, completely unarmed. That’s totally different. So here’s what happened:

There are no good omens, Lone Wolf. But it’s really cute that he thinks so. It’s far more likely the dream means he’s going to wake up with his throat being slitted by “Lord Axim of Ryme” with the aforementioned Sommerswerd. Let’s see:

Wait, does this mean we’re about to switch to the movie “Legend” starring Tom Cruise and Tim Curry as the horniest little devil in the universe?!

WAHOO!! Get us out of this text-heavy and random-deathly schlep and into some giant red-devil horned-guy faerie dream! Alas, as it turns out it’s just more exposition:

Hey, wait, we DO have Sixth Sense! When the hell did THAT happen? I don’t know, but it’s on our character sheet, so I’m going with it.

Now, why does it take Sixth Sense to figure that out? Wouldn’t it just require that our benefactors not be complete dicks? You’d think this information would come with the sword, like in a little instruction manual or something, but barring that surely the people who’ve been guarding it for however the hell long would know what the damn thing does. What a waste of a decision point.

In other words — and you knew this was coming — we see dead people.

Oh goodness, a random roll. My sphincters all slam shut when one of these come up, because it usually is something like “You rolled a 1 so you discover that meal you ate in Section 45 was actually a bomb. BOOM! You and everyone around you is dead, thank you for playing.”

Will this interminable stretch of text never end?!

Finally, some action! And what action it is — am I the only one who thinks “Death Hulk” is probably Marvel’s next major event?

Have at it, folks!

About Jeff Hebert

Jeff is a 44 year old city boy who has somehow found himself located in Colorado, fulfilling his lifetime dream of making a living drawing super-heroes all day.

23 Responses to Death Hulk

  1. Let’s jump onto the ship with the evil phallus and slay them all! We’ll teach them not to buy us a drink first!

    Sorry, I just had to go there. Been working too hard lately, I guess.

  2. Let’s jump onto the ship with the evil phallus and slay them all! We’ll teach them not to buy us a drink first!

    Sorry, had to go there. Been working too hard, I suppose.

  3. Oh perfect, a double post. Sorry everyone, it gave me a 404 message the first time.

  4. Fight! Fight! Fight!

  5. I’m tempted to say swim actually, just because it’s fairly close to running away and we’ve done a lot of that in this adventure.

  6. Uh, Trekkie, that was the *previous* adventure. We’ve done well so far on this one at *not* running away.

  7. Fight! There’s no point having all this new kick-ass magical weaponry if we’re not going to get it out (as it were).

  8. Let’s just fight anyway and test out our cool new sword. We might die in some horrible way, but at least it’ll be awesome (hopefully).

  9. Jump on the ship. Remember, we’ve got full HP + 5, can’t be harmed (directly, at least) by magic, and that fancy glowing doo-dad we picked up ought to do double damage against the crew.

    Plus, odds are that the source of that ‘great wizardry’ that called these things up will be on the flagship…and if we try to swim for it, we’ll probably just watch as all the other ships suddenly become doomships as well.

  10. I agree with EnderX. The baddies are undead, and our new sword is extra-effective against them. Let’s try to take over the boat…

  11. In the immortal words of George Nada (Roddy Piper in “They Live”: “I’m here to kick-ass and chew bubblegum, and I’m all out of gum.”

    FIGHT!

  12. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

  13. TONIGHT WE DINE IN DEATH HULLLLLLLKKK! FIGHT!

  14. Of course we’re fighting; this is finally getting epic!

    And I did think this was about the Incredible Hulk. Almost skimmed right past it in the news feed.

  15. God, after reading through ALL that, I nearly got bored. Might as well spice things up with a bit of combat. Go for it.

  16. Hmm… Time to try out the sword with benefits to fighting the undead!

  17. We just got a nifty Sword of Undead Ass-Whoopin’. I want to swing it around to see if it’s magic!

  18. Can’t swim carrying all that magic crap anyway. BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL…or something.

  19. Let’s do this. I’ve been itchin’ for some combat. Though the last time we were all behind fighting, we ended up gettin smacked on the nose like a dog who pooped on the carpet. But hey, at least this time we have a nice magical sword that we can hold while we are forced to run away.

  20. “Let’s do this! LEEEEROOY JENKIIINS!!!!”

  21. There’s a one to five chance we could meet Jack Sparrow on that ship.

  22. @thejay (21): Is that good or bad? I.e. are you going for it?

  23. The man comes out alive from everything. If I meet him, I’ll just do what he does. Unless he’s got plot armor and I don’t, which would probably get me killed. Oh well, I want an autograph :-).