In the land of bad haircuts, bad costumes are even worse

In a scene with three haircuts this bad, you know a costume has to be pretty darn epic to stand out as the worst. Luckily, Supergirl delivers:

Either out of envy for Superman's super mullet or sympathy for Lex Luthor's hair fleeing from his gnarly scalp like rats deserting a sinking ship, Supergirl has accompanied her heavy metal album cover costume with a set of thrasher hair right out of a "White Snake" video. Maybe she's hoping it will prove so distracting that no one will notice how her outfit is.

Get ready to have your hopes dashed on that score, my friend!

I cannot imagine how applying gigantic metal spikes to your upper arms could help you in a fight, even if you weren't super strong or invulnerable. Assuming you can keep your cape from hanging up on them (or flat out getting cut to shreds), what kind of bizarre WWF hold do you have to get someone in for those things to even come into play, much less be effective?

Although, maybe that's why her hair is so ragged. Maybe she's flying around at super speeds, long blonde tresses wafting about, when suddenly SNIKT! The blades devastate that do like a "Slap Chop" gone rogue.

Setting that aside, just look at the aesthetics of this costume, starting with the strange muscle-shirt tunic. I imagine her flying in front of the criminal du jour, pronouncing "Check it out! I got two tickets to the gun show!" Then grunting as she flexes over and over.

What really throws me, though, aside from the bizarre haircut and useless metal spikes are the boots. If your footwear is so badly designed that you need two wide-ass metal bands to hold them up, then you have some bad footwear. It's a bizarre effect. She looks like some drug-addled refugee from a bad Eighties hair band, not a powerful super-heroine bent on saving the world.

Although, maybe this iteration of Supergirl had a secret identity as a hairdresser, and in fact she's in a towering rage because a) her arm blades have diced up her boots and hair and sleeves, and b) at least two crimes against coiffure are being committed in this room.

I'm sure someone will come along to tell us how this was really a master plan by DC to show how silly the excesses of the Nineties anti-hero fashion conventions were, but don't let them fool you -- this just flat-out sucks.

(Image and characters ©DC Comics. Thanks to X-Stacy for pointing this travesty out to us.)

23 Responses to In the land of bad haircuts, bad costumes are even worse

  1. Say it with me now:

    “NINETIES! EX! TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME!”

    Yo, dat’s jus’ how da 90’s roll, baby!

    (On a side note, it distresses me to know that Kerry Gammill did this cover. Great penciler, great guy. Got to know him when I lived in Ft. Worth. Surely this Supergirl costume design was foisted upon him most unwillingly…!)

  2. hate to nitpick but its not wwf anymore πŸ˜› its wwe, there was a court case, years back involving World Wildlife Fund and the then Vince’s WWF, the wrestling promotion then had the aptly named “get the F out” ad campaign in which they dropped the f for federation in exchange later for an e for entertainment. 1 part nitpicking, 1 part fact, 1 part just to give you a bit of hard time πŸ˜› , hahaha. that said it is a pretty bad cover though, wrist or fist spikes/blades would make more sense for combat, but then if can punch through someones head and/or body without them their pretty redundant.

  3. Sutter_Kaine

    I really felt sorry for Marvel and DC during the nineties. Their desperation to out-Image Image Comics (“Add more randomly places metal bands! And some spikes! You can’t have enough spikes! Oh, and a bunch of pouches even though this isn’t a gadget-type character! You can’t be a superhero without pouches!”) gave birth to so many abominations like the one above. It was like watching a train wreck. A train wreck wrapped in twelve alternate, gold-foil covers on which I spent my food money. Because I’m an idiot.

  4. Mullet Supes and Lv 3 Super Saiyan Supergirl with Xtra X-Pikes. All for the sake of Ninetiesness.

  5. I remember seeing this on a shelf in a comic store during the 90s. To this day I still regret not picking it up to find out what the actual story was.

  6. Jackal Xander

    On a side note, what, exactly, was Superman doing to Lex before Supergirl got there? And why is he flying in that twisted, legs-spread position (because there’s no way he’s standing)? If you look a bit closer, you can see his calf off to our left (Lex’s right), and… I’m sorry, I’m about ten kinds of double-jointed, and I’m not even sure I could pull that off.

  7. Yay! I now have DJ Porter’s Slap Chop remix competing with Lee Aaron’s Metal Queen to be the dominant song stuck in my head tonight. What fun!

    Oh yeah, and that costume is an assault on the eyes. Almost makes me want to shove one of Supergirl’s arm blades into my eyes so I never have to see it again.

  8. I seem to have developed a twitch to the corner of my eye.

    This is so like that Malice-possesses-Invisible-Girl storyline Byrne put together way back then. Even right down to the style of attire.

    Except someone twisted the knobs to northeast.

  9. Even Supes looks like he’s trying to avert his eyes from that costume.

    @Quark(4): I was wondering if I was the only one who had Dragonball Z flashbacks seeing that hair. She’s even got the constipated expression to match!

  10. I agree with Quark… looks like she’s going Super Saiyan 3. In fact when I first saw the pic I thought there was some sort of Goku vs. Superman thing that happened that I didn’t know about. But then I saw the spikes and boobs and was confused.

    Oh, and Super Mullet ftw lol….

  11. Here’s a question: Did she actually wear that costume in the issue or was this yet another “covers always lie” incident?

  12. @Quark(4): Really? I got more of a Yugi-Oh vibe here. Maybe that’s because Dragon Ball Z was a few years before my time πŸ™‚

  13. Vorpal Laugh

    I think everyone has it all wrong. Those spikes aren’t for combat but as a way ward off any social contact. Would talk to someone wearing those things. Super girl just wanted to be left alone, but superman took her hair dryer and styling gel, so she’s looking for her stuff.

  14. And, in another ’90s hallmark, Supergirl’s feet and ankles look two narrow to support her weight. Did the guys who drew these things play with Barbie dolls when they were kids or something?

  15. Wow! Are you sure that’s Supergirl and not Dee Shnider from Twisted Sister!?!? Her feet look like when the Chinese women bound thier feet! Lexes’ hands are just as badly porportioned as her feet!

  16. The best part is even Supes doesn’t want to look at it. Look at his hand placement. He’s holding it out straight out in his line of sight, to block out the horror.

  17. I’m sorry, but the part that’s getting to me is the anklet spikes. I can see the point about the rest but, well, I can think of about three ways to kick someone from the position she’s in. NONE of them put any force behind those spikes whatsoever.

    Of course, alongside that title…

    “That’s it, Lex! I am SICK and TIRED of this blasted costume you’re forcing me to wear! BRING IT!”

  18. @Zaheelee (12)
    Even Yu-Gi-Oh! characters (minus Yami Marik and Yubel) have their standarts! And to think I started liking Dragon Ball when I was still a toddler…
    @Dan (16)
    ItΒ΄s Superman AND Lex! “No! My eyes burn!!”

  19. Ethan Shuster

    I don’t think this really became her real outfit at any point though. Probably only in that storyline. Maybe there was an attack by an insane super villain stylist?

  20. The sad thing for me is, I recognize what storyline/timeframe this came from. This was during the whole “Matrix Supergirl” timeframe. Ah, the Nineties. She was a “protoplasmic shapeshifter from a pocket dimension.” So, as a shapeshifter, she could literally choose what she wanted to look like, AT ANY GIVEN TIME! And she chose THAT! Of course, she also had a history of being somewhat mentally unstable, and had just found out that Lex, whom she was dating at the time, had cloned her. But I don’t think that excuses the design one bit.

  21. Steve M. (20)

    So she was dressed in that ridiculous costume with that ridiculous haircut because she was literally insane?

    It’s like the 90s was trying to do a parody of itself.

  22. Here’s some quotes from the DC Wiki that sum it up better than I can:
    “Lex made a red-headed woman who resembled his true love, the deceased alternate reality Lana Lang, even having Lana’s memories due to her synaptic pathways being copied into the creature.”

    “Upon arrival on the mainstream Earth, Matrix was taken to live with Superman’s parents, the Kents. Jonathan and Martha Kent did a fine job raising their new “daughter”, but Matrix (or “Mae” as the Kents named her) became delusional for a time, believing she was Clark, even assuming his form.”

    “But her biggest shock came when she learned that Lex had cloned her, making thousands of his own personal “Supergirls”. She went berserk, and destroyed his lab, his clones, and almost killed Lex before he fell into a coma. ” (Note: this would be the atrocious cover above)

    So, yeah, stark raving mad, bonkers, looney, off her rocker, out of her gourd, whichever euphemism you want to use for insane and cognitively impaired.

  23. (22) Steve: Wow every single time I see a clone angle not only are they in the 90’s (thanks to Dolly the sheep), but it always end up convoluted! I mean look at the dreadful spider-man clone saga if you don’t believe me!!!