Caption Contest 96: Squeeze me, Seymour!

With hearty thanks once again to Glenn3's "Say What? Pictures", your challenge this week is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this comics panel:

The best entry (as judged by yours truly) wins the author's choice of either any item they like or any portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3′s final release, or a custom black and white “Sketch of the Day” style illustration (you pick the subject, I draw it however I like).

All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post. Keep ‘em clean (appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show), but most importantly, keep ‘em funny! I anticipate a lot of plant puns this time around, so if you come with that, you better come strong.

This week we have a cap of no more than five (5) entries per person, so make 'em your best!

90 Responses to Caption Contest 96: Squeeze me, Seymour!

  1. 1) Holy crapsicles! Poison Ivy’s got a thing for the ladies!

    2) Hey, didn’t I cut down that beanstalk?

    3) Must’ve miseed a spot with the RoundUp!

  2. 1. “Go ahead, I swear she tastes like miracle-gro!”

    2. “OH MY GOD! One of the pod people! Can I get your autograph before you replicate my wife?”

    3. “Whoa! When susan said she was into weird stuff I didn’t think that was what she meant!”

  3. alan, mr.moore!, the man thing is back again!

    wait! the chardonnay!, The flavors complement eachother perfectly!

    plant man! Why do bad knockoffs always go bad!?

  4. “Hey baby, what’s kraken?”

    “I knew we shouldn’t have taken our honeymoon in japan!”

    “Come on! give 200! 1! 2! 3!”

  5. “Honey, I’m Ho-aahhh!”

    “Touch down!”

    “Help! Police! My wife is being asaulted by a pile of giant off-blue faded ties!”

    “First my face, and now my wife! Where will you stop!?”

  6. “told you I could do”….next time my wife says she can get a bear hug from an octopus I’ll believe her……

  7. Wow, tentacle porn is wonderful when its live!

  8. Never thought she would cheat on me….and with a human female,……ugh

  9. 4) I’ve heard of a green thumb, but DAMN!!!

  10. 5) Whoa! Who are you? Son of Swamp Thing?

  11. I told you honey, smoking kills, well this smoker hating monster kills,…

    And so he came, the bringer of death.the ruler of despair.tickleocalypse

  12. “Wow! For me, I knew I planted you for a reason.”
    “Another DEA agent? Alright get rid of her.”
    “No! I said the blond one.”
    “I need to get rid of her before Ivy gets back.”
    “Damn! That’s one sweet tomato.”

  13. “Look at the tomatoes on that.”

  14. Avatar Black Griffin

    1-that’s dessert you know Audrey

  15. 1. Um, no, I didn’t loose an unconscious lady. Try next door.

    2. Now that’s a real Girl Scout cookie!

  16. 1. Honey, where’s dinner?

  17. 1. “NO! Bad! Put that down! Put it down! DOWN!”
    2.”Honey I can’t find the re–oh, you’re…busy. I’ll just be going now…”
    3. “So it’s true. You ARE having an affair with the garden!”

  18. 4. “MY BEGONIAS!!”

  19. Hey, leaf her alone

    For the last time, I’m not Saruman and she isn’t the Uruk Hai.

    I really wish it wasn’t Arbor Day

  20. 1) “The grassy knoll! I knew it!”
    2) “Take her! She won’t get a thing on the divorce!”
    3) “Would you kids keep it down? I’m trying to watch TV over here!”
    4) “Terry, how many times have I told you not to bring strangers into my house after your lawn parties!”
    5) “First men, then women and now petunias?! That’s it, our marriage is over Ann!”

    (P.S. By the way, good work on that Allan Moore one ajw, that really made me laugh out loud!)

  21. Even my exclamation point is shocked!

  22. Avatar The Doomed Pixel

    1) So THIS is where CandleJack takes all of his-

  23. OH MY GOD, what did i do last night.

  24. If you’re going to fertilize that in here, you better lay down a tarp!

  25. What? My wife? and My favorite geranium? In my own house? How could you do this to me?

  26. The wall is detailed but my face isn’t?! I’m leaving!

  27. 1. Oh, I get it. My mere 5 appendages just ain’t enough for ya!

    2. And when you’re done with her I have some rotten kids out here waiting.

    3. Weirdest sex ed teacher. Ever.

    4. I think you and the garden are spending a little too much time together, Martha.

    5. 20,000 Leagues into my Wife. Get it? Ahem…squid joke.

    6. Finally, my Elizabeth Taylor tree yields results.

    7. So you’re the plant where that date rape drug comes from.

    8. Okay, foreplay plant. You take care of her. I’ll be back after the game.

    9. Oh, you got a chick in here? K, bro. I’ll be back later on, just don’t use my bed, k?

    10. I saw this coming when she kept buying all those massive cucumbers.


  29. 3. Damn! I was told it was a money tree! This Hot-Woman tree is useless!

  30. 1. Umm, Jeff? This is NOT appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show!
    2. Jack, that sly dog. Women can’t keep their hands off his beanstalk.
    3. You can do this, but you can’t grow a tomato?!
    4. …And I want her back home before 11. Do you understand mister?!
    5. Can I get an extra side of corn with that?

  31. Take your hands off her you dam dirty squid

  32. Honey, I see you’ve already met Cthulhu

  33. I can’t believe you’re cheating on me… with Helen?

  34. 1. “I knew my vegan diet would come back to haunt me.”

  35. Hello Beastie

  36. (almost put the joke from 3 in 4 as well, but thought against it – last one)

    Tentacruel, constrict!

  37. 2. “Plants! Why did it have to be plants?”

    3. “Alice, are you okay? Your ragweed allergies!”

  38. Man, shes got one angry bush!
    Now where did i keep that weed killer?
    Sorry this is not where I parked my car.
    Can i have her when your done?
    Thats it Im giving up drinking, these halicinations are too much!

  39. “Oh. Hey.”

  40. Avatar Rabbidfoxx77

    1. Great now I don’t have to download Japanese anime porn

  41. Avatar Rabbidfoxx77

    2.I got seconds after you.

  42. Quick boy grab the round-up we got us a serious case of crab grass!!!

  43. “Leaf” my wife alone, creeper vine!

  44. No more weed-whacking! The weeds are whacking back!

  45. Drop her, or I’ll kick your grass!

  46. alphaalpharomeo alphaalpharomeo

    1)You promised it was over between you and the woman in red.

    2)Weirdest Hitman ever.

    3)Santa, how did you know? It’s just what I wanted

    4)Um….Am I interupting something?

    5)I lived up to my end of the bargain…now it’s your turn.

  47. EVEN PLANTS CAN GET LUCKY BEFORE ME?! I’m gonna be a virgin forever!

  48. “Get away from her, you BITCH!” (a la Ellen Ripley)

  49. “Whoops! There goes another rubber tree plant.”

  50. 1. STOP! This has to appropriate for daytime television!

    2. Hehe… Don’t mind me – carry on.

    3. Don’t worry, Alice! I’ll get to the ROOTS of the problem!

    4. OH MY GOD! Nancy! We’re out of sugar!

    5. Why, Lief?! You said you loved me!

  51. alphaalpharomeo alphaalpharomeo

    @Blue Blazer that’s a really good one

  52. 1. Harold! WHAT have I told you about playing with your life-size sex dolls in public?!

    2. Finnaly got someone to STICK it to the nagger. Criticize MY driving will she…

    3. Go ahead. I dare ya. Swear on my soul she tastes TERRIBLE. No, I’m not talking to you Rosey. (Hey, it’s called a bluff, no need to take it so seriously.)

  53. Avatar The Incredible Sulk

    1. Well, back in the closet with you. *sigh* I guess Ames, Iowa just isn’t ready for hentai tentacle-monster cosplay.

    2. I fell in the inda ink again.

    3. Didn’t I tell you it was the most relaxing massage you’d ever had?

  54. I guess Dad really did mean I needed to feed the plants and water the pets.

  55. Damn it! You’ll NEVER get the grass stains out of that dress!

  56. 4″Mmmm…Clever girl”

  57. Well, I’m stumped

  58. You were supposed to wait for me!

    I knew that salad had gone bad!

    Put that tramp down! You don’t know where she’s been!

  59. Go to Japan, she said…

  60. 1. Tentacles? Again?

    2. I thought our code was a sock on the door?!

    3. Good boy.

    4. I said Batman. Batman. Not lady in red.

    5. Guess I shouldn’t have waited to start weeding until the end of autumn.

  61. not an entry, i meant swamp thing, not man thing in my post #(3)

  62. 1. “Kudzu” two keep it down in here!

    2. I’ll huff and I’ll puff… sorry, wrong house.

    3. Aloe? Aloe? Wut ‘ave we ‘ere?

    4. Leaves off, Mistletoe! That’s my kiss.

    5. That look like a blonde in a blue dress to you?!?

  63. “You’ll never get away with this. Someday the TRUTH about you will come out, Big Tobacco.”

  64. “No, it’s off! it’s off! The feds are here!”

    “MY GOD, SARAH! your sleeping while we have a guest?”

  65. 4. “Note to self: No more growing your own weed in order to get ladies.”

  66. No, that’s wrong.

    5. “That’s the last time I grow my own weed in order to pick up women.”

  67. 1. “Ah sorry to disturbe you, Mr. Plant but have you seen my wife? No? Okay carry on then.”
    2. “Make it a threesome!”
    3. “Hey! What did I tell you about sharing the catch…?
    4. “Maybe teaching for a plant to evolve by watching Pokemon wasn’t such a good idea…”
    5. “Weed, the police is onto us! Dump that woman and let’s go to the next village!”

  68. Avatar spidercow2010

    Not an entry, because all I can think of so far is the quote from Algonquin Round Table wit Dorothy Parker who, when asked to use “horticulture” in a sentence, responded with “You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think.”

  69. Avatar Dionne Jinn

    “Maybe I should have read the ‘how to use’ instruction in that fertliser bottle before applying it. The grow-how has gone wild!”

  70. Blue Blazer Blue Blazer

    “Dude, Brad, you’re unbelievable. We’re two months late on rent and you’re bringing chicks home.”

  71. Avatar Sutter_Kaine

    1) In Russia, salad tosses us!
    2) I’m a talking exclamation point!
    3) Take your stinking paws off her, you damn dirty grape!
    4) No, don’t stop! Just pretend I’m not here.
    5) Is that a stamen in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

  72. “Will you two knock it off! How will I ever sell this bamboo, Tijuana shack, if you keep scaring the buyers away?”

  73. “Ugh! This will never work. The line is, ‘Dave’s not here, man.’ Damn, mindless plant.”

  74. Apparently I can’t read. Sorry for sending in more than 5 Captions. I just saw the image and jumped into captioning. Please use the following 5:

    1. Oh, I get it. My mere 5 appendages just ain’t enough for ya!

    2. I think you and the garden are spending a little too much time together, Martha.

    3. 20,000 Leagues into my Wife. Get it? Ahem…squid joke.

    6. Finally, my Elizabeth Taylor tree yields results.

    4. So you’re the plant where that date rape drug comes from.

    5. Okay, foreplay plant. You take care of her. I’ll be back after the game.

  75. What the? damn damn. Take off the “Foreplay plant” joke. I thought I deleted that one. I’m scattered today.

  76. 1) Ia! Ia! Shrub-Niggurath!

  77. 1. “Ok… I’m just going to pretend I didn’t see this.”
    2. “I’m sorry. I’m interupting, I’ll come back later.”
    3. “Oh my God! That’s why our son is green!”
    4. “Betty, I sincerly hope that’s an actual plant man.”
    5. “You can take my home and wife, Plant Man, but at least I still have my sanity!”

  78. Let her go! I’m the one who mowed your father!

  79. Avatar Me, Myself & I

    “Sorry, wrong door, don’t mind me.”

  80. Excellent! Delivery in 30 minutes or less! And she’s still hot!

  81. I knew that wife-hunting plant I ordered would do the trick! I should’ve never let her out of the kitchen.

  82. Oh come on! You’ve been in there for hours! When is it my turn!?

  83. Avatar Dionne Jinn

    #2 “Honey, this Harry Potter make-believe is going too far now. For the last time: the venomous tentacula does NOT exist.”

  84. Avatar khaledrocks

    1) hey,get your tentacles off her, this aint tokyo pal!!!!!
    2) so what,japan run out of cute nurses?

  85. 1) honey! how could you! and with a women too!

    2) ha ha ha Woman thats what you get for being a vegitarian!

    3) Oh hey! just set her on the table for now, we have more important things to worry about.

    4) Oops. I seemed to of accidently walked in on a japaness comic book. I better find my way back to marvel or DC.

    5) ummm. can you tell me how to get to the next gas station?

  86. abominal401 abominal401

    “Oh? I love hentai! Especially when tentacles are involved…”

  87. “The giant’s son came back for the goose. But, you….You want a wife for a life, don’t you.”

  88. Good lord! My college days have come back to haunt me!

  89. “For the last time, she doesn’t make your butt look big! Sheesh!”

  90. Dammit Shirley, your incessant need for interspecies experimentation better not give me another case of virulent crustations.