Caption Contest 96: Squeeze me, Seymour!

With hearty thanks once again to Glenn3's "Say What? Pictures", your challenge this week is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this comics panel:

The best entry (as judged by yours truly) wins the author's choice of either any item they like or any portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3′s final release, or a custom black and white “Sketch of the Day” style illustration (you pick the subject, I draw it however I like).

All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post. Keep ‘em clean (appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show), but most importantly, keep ‘em funny! I anticipate a lot of plant puns this time around, so if you come with that, you better come strong.

This week we have a cap of no more than five (5) entries per person, so make 'em your best!

90 Responses to Caption Contest 96: Squeeze me, Seymour!

  1. Avatar McKnight57 says:

    1) Holy crapsicles! Poison Ivy’s got a thing for the ladies!

    2) Hey, didn’t I cut down that beanstalk?

    3) Must’ve miseed a spot with the RoundUp!

  2. Avatar The Fish says:

    1. “Go ahead, I swear she tastes like miracle-gro!”

    2. “OH MY GOD! One of the pod people! Can I get your autograph before you replicate my wife?”

    3. “Whoa! When susan said she was into weird stuff I didn’t think that was what she meant!”

  3. Avatar ajw says:

    alan, mr.moore!, the man thing is back again!

    wait! the chardonnay!, The flavors complement eachother perfectly!

    plant man! Why do bad knockoffs always go bad!?

  4. Avatar joel says:

    “Hey baby, what’s kraken?”

    “I knew we shouldn’t have taken our honeymoon in japan!”

    “Come on! give 200! 1! 2! 3!”

  5. Avatar Wierdrocks says:

    “Honey, I’m Ho-aahhh!”

    “Touch down!”

    “Help! Police! My wife is being asaulted by a pile of giant off-blue faded ties!”

    “First my face, and now my wife! Where will you stop!?”

  6. Avatar Jason says:

    “told you I could do”….next time my wife says she can get a bear hug from an octopus I’ll believe her……

  7. Avatar Hairwhip says:

    Wow, tentacle porn is wonderful when its live!

  8. Avatar Jason says:

    Never thought she would cheat on me….and with a human female,……ugh

  9. Avatar McKnight57 says:

    4) I’ve heard of a green thumb, but DAMN!!!

  10. Avatar McKnight57 says:

    5) Whoa! Who are you? Son of Swamp Thing?

  11. Avatar Jason says:

    I told you honey, smoking kills, well this smoker hating monster kills,…

    And so he came, the bringer of death.the ruler of despair.tickleocalypse

  12. Avatar Hammerknight says:

    “Wow! For me, I knew I planted you for a reason.”
    “Another DEA agent? Alright get rid of her.”
    “No! I said the blond one.”
    “I need to get rid of her before Ivy gets back.”
    “Damn! That’s one sweet tomato.”

  13. Avatar Hammerknight says:

    “Look at the tomatoes on that.”

  14. Avatar Black Griffin says:

    1-that’s dessert you know Audrey

  15. Avatar zombotron says:

    1. Um, no, I didn’t loose an unconscious lady. Try next door.

    2. Now that’s a real Girl Scout cookie!

  16. Avatar Jake says:

    1. Honey, where’s dinner?

  17. Avatar Gero says:

    1. “NO! Bad! Put that down! Put it down! DOWN!”
    2.”Honey I can’t find the re–oh, you’re…busy. I’ll just be going now…”
    3. “So it’s true. You ARE having an affair with the garden!”

  18. Avatar Gero says:

    4. “MY BEGONIAS!!”

  19. Avatar Mr.Chris says:

    Hey, leaf her alone

    For the last time, I’m not Saruman and she isn’t the Uruk Hai.

    I really wish it wasn’t Arbor Day

  20. Avatar Rui says:

    1) “The grassy knoll! I knew it!”
    2) “Take her! She won’t get a thing on the divorce!”
    3) “Would you kids keep it down? I’m trying to watch TV over here!”
    4) “Terry, how many times have I told you not to bring strangers into my house after your lawn parties!”
    5) “First men, then women and now petunias?! That’s it, our marriage is over Ann!”

    (P.S. By the way, good work on that Allan Moore one ajw, that really made me laugh out loud!)

  21. Avatar TheNate says:

    Even my exclamation point is shocked!

  22. Avatar The Doomed Pixel says:

    1) So THIS is where CandleJack takes all of his-

  23. Avatar pyrodude760 says:

    OH MY GOD, what did i do last night.

  24. Avatar X-stacy says:

    If you’re going to fertilize that in here, you better lay down a tarp!

  25. Avatar Alan Bates says:

    What? My wife? and My favorite geranium? In my own house? How could you do this to me?

  26. Avatar Al says:

    The wall is detailed but my face isn’t?! I’m leaving!

  27. Avatar B. Clouser says:

    1. Oh, I get it. My mere 5 appendages just ain’t enough for ya!

    2. And when you’re done with her I have some rotten kids out here waiting.

    3. Weirdest sex ed teacher. Ever.

    4. I think you and the garden are spending a little too much time together, Martha.

    5. 20,000 Leagues into my Wife. Get it? Ahem…squid joke.

    6. Finally, my Elizabeth Taylor tree yields results.

    7. So you’re the plant where that date rape drug comes from.

    8. Okay, foreplay plant. You take care of her. I’ll be back after the game.

    9. Oh, you got a chick in here? K, bro. I’ll be back later on, just don’t use my bed, k?

    10. I saw this coming when she kept buying all those massive cucumbers.

  28. Avatar Loki says:

    1. WAIT! THAT’S NOT A JAPANESE SCHOOL GIRL!
    2. Honey I’m ho-AUDREY 2 I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND!

  29. Avatar Loki says:

    3. Damn! I was told it was a money tree! This Hot-Woman tree is useless!

  30. Avatar Fishsticks says:

    1. Umm, Jeff? This is NOT appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show!
    2. Jack, that sly dog. Women can’t keep their hands off his beanstalk.
    3. You can do this, but you can’t grow a tomato?!
    4. …And I want her back home before 11. Do you understand mister?!
    5. Can I get an extra side of corn with that?

  31. Avatar Frevoli says:

    Take your hands off her you dam dirty squid

  32. Avatar Frevoli says:

    Honey, I see you’ve already met Cthulhu

  33. Avatar Frevoli says:

    I can’t believe you’re cheating on me… with Helen?

  34. Avatar Myro says:

    1. “I knew my vegan diet would come back to haunt me.”

  35. Avatar Frevoli says:

    Hello Beastie

  36. Avatar Frevoli says:

    (almost put the joke from 3 in 4 as well, but thought against it – last one)

    Tentacruel, constrict!

  37. Avatar Myro says:

    2. “Plants! Why did it have to be plants?”

    3. “Alice, are you okay? Your ragweed allergies!”

  38. Avatar Tool says:

    Man, shes got one angry bush!
    Now where did i keep that weed killer?
    Sorry this is not where I parked my car.
    Can i have her when your done?
    Thats it Im giving up drinking, these halicinations are too much!

  39. Avatar Swarmer80 says:

    “Oh. Hey.”

  40. Avatar Rabbidfoxx77 says:

    1. Great now I don’t have to download Japanese anime porn

  41. Avatar Rabbidfoxx77 says:

    2.I got seconds after you.

  42. Avatar pnkjay says:

    Quick boy grab the round-up we got us a serious case of crab grass!!!

  43. Avatar TheNate says:

    “Leaf” my wife alone, creeper vine!

  44. Avatar TheNate says:

    No more weed-whacking! The weeds are whacking back!

  45. Avatar TheNate says:

    Drop her, or I’ll kick your grass!

  46. alphaalpharomeo alphaalpharomeo says:

    1)You promised it was over between you and the woman in red.

    2)Weirdest Hitman ever.

    3)Santa, how did you know? It’s just what I wanted

    4)Um….Am I interupting something?

    5)I lived up to my end of the bargain…now it’s your turn.

  47. Avatar Joe says:

    EVEN PLANTS CAN GET LUCKY BEFORE ME?! I’m gonna be a virgin forever!

  48. Avatar Wulf says:

    “Get away from her, you BITCH!” (a la Ellen Ripley)

  49. Blue Blazer Blue Blazer says:

    “Whoops! There goes another rubber tree plant.”

  50. Avatar Jester says:

    1. STOP! This has to appropriate for daytime television!

    2. Hehe… Don’t mind me – carry on.

    3. Don’t worry, Alice! I’ll get to the ROOTS of the problem!

    4. OH MY GOD! Nancy! We’re out of sugar!

    5. Why, Lief?! You said you loved me!

  51. alphaalpharomeo alphaalpharomeo says:

    @Blue Blazer that’s a really good one

  52. Avatar Tuldabar says:

    1. Harold! WHAT have I told you about playing with your life-size sex dolls in public?!

    2. Finnaly got someone to STICK it to the nagger. Criticize MY driving will she…

    3. Go ahead. I dare ya. Swear on my soul she tastes TERRIBLE. No, I’m not talking to you Rosey. (Hey, it’s called a bluff, no need to take it so seriously.)

  53. Avatar The Incredible Sulk says:

    1. Well, back in the closet with you. *sigh* I guess Ames, Iowa just isn’t ready for hentai tentacle-monster cosplay.

    2. I fell in the inda ink again.

    3. Didn’t I tell you it was the most relaxing massage you’d ever had?

  54. Avatar X-stacy says:

    I guess Dad really did mean I needed to feed the plants and water the pets.

  55. Avatar X-stacy says:

    Damn it! You’ll NEVER get the grass stains out of that dress!

  56. Avatar Loki says:

    4″Mmmm…Clever girl”

  57. Avatar Mr.MikeK says:

    Well, I’m stumped

  58. Avatar Mr.MikeK says:

    You were supposed to wait for me!

    I knew that salad had gone bad!

    Put that tramp down! You don’t know where she’s been!

  59. Avatar MangaBotte says:

    Go to Japan, she said…

  60. Avatar BenK22 says:

    1. Tentacles? Again?

    2. I thought our code was a sock on the door?!

    3. Good boy.

    4. I said Batman. Batman. Not lady in red.

    5. Guess I shouldn’t have waited to start weeding until the end of autumn.

  61. Avatar ajw says:

    not an entry, i meant swamp thing, not man thing in my post #(3)

  62. 1. “Kudzu” two keep it down in here!

    2. I’ll huff and I’ll puff… sorry, wrong house.

    3. Aloe? Aloe? Wut ‘ave we ‘ere?

    4. Leaves off, Mistletoe! That’s my kiss.

    5. That look like a blonde in a blue dress to you?!?

  63. Avatar frankie says:

    “You’ll never get away with this. Someday the TRUTH about you will come out, Big Tobacco.”

  64. Avatar joel says:

    “No, it’s off! it’s off! The feds are here!”

    “MY GOD, SARAH! your sleeping while we have a guest?”

  65. Avatar Myro says:

    4. “Note to self: No more growing your own weed in order to get ladies.”

  66. Avatar Myro says:

    No, that’s wrong.

    5. “That’s the last time I grow my own weed in order to pick up women.”

  67. Avatar Rapthama says:

    1. “Ah sorry to disturbe you, Mr. Plant but have you seen my wife? No? Okay carry on then.”
    2. “Make it a threesome!”
    3. “Hey! What did I tell you about sharing the catch…?
    4. “Maybe teaching for a plant to evolve by watching Pokemon wasn’t such a good idea…”
    5. “Weed, the police is onto us! Dump that woman and let’s go to the next village!”

  68. Avatar spidercow2010 says:

    Not an entry, because all I can think of so far is the quote from Algonquin Round Table wit Dorothy Parker who, when asked to use “horticulture” in a sentence, responded with “You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think.”

  69. Avatar Dionne Jinn says:

    “Maybe I should have read the ‘how to use’ instruction in that fertliser bottle before applying it. The grow-how has gone wild!”

  70. Blue Blazer Blue Blazer says:

    “Dude, Brad, you’re unbelievable. We’re two months late on rent and you’re bringing chicks home.”

  71. Avatar Sutter_Kaine says:

    1) In Russia, salad tosses us!
    2) I’m a talking exclamation point!
    3) Take your stinking paws off her, you damn dirty grape!
    4) No, don’t stop! Just pretend I’m not here.
    5) Is that a stamen in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

  72. Avatar frankie says:

    “Will you two knock it off! How will I ever sell this bamboo, Tijuana shack, if you keep scaring the buyers away?”

  73. Avatar frankie says:

    “Ugh! This will never work. The line is, ‘Dave’s not here, man.’ Damn, mindless plant.”

  74. Avatar B. Clouser says:

    Apparently I can’t read. Sorry for sending in more than 5 Captions. I just saw the image and jumped into captioning. Please use the following 5:

    1. Oh, I get it. My mere 5 appendages just ain’t enough for ya!

    2. I think you and the garden are spending a little too much time together, Martha.

    3. 20,000 Leagues into my Wife. Get it? Ahem…squid joke.

    6. Finally, my Elizabeth Taylor tree yields results.

    4. So you’re the plant where that date rape drug comes from.

    5. Okay, foreplay plant. You take care of her. I’ll be back after the game.

  75. Avatar B. Clouser says:

    What the? damn damn. Take off the “Foreplay plant” joke. I thought I deleted that one. I’m scattered today.

  76. Avatar Bael says:

    1) Ia! Ia! Shrub-Niggurath!

  77. Avatar Razhwurz says:

    1. “Ok… I’m just going to pretend I didn’t see this.”
    2. “I’m sorry. I’m interupting, I’ll come back later.”
    3. “Oh my God! That’s why our son is green!”
    4. “Betty, I sincerly hope that’s an actual plant man.”
    5. “You can take my home and wife, Plant Man, but at least I still have my sanity!”

  78. Avatar Khymera says:

    Let her go! I’m the one who mowed your father!

  79. Avatar Me, Myself & I says:

    “Sorry, wrong door, don’t mind me.”

  80. Avatar MajorBOB says:

    Excellent! Delivery in 30 minutes or less! And she’s still hot!

  81. Avatar MajorBOB says:

    I knew that wife-hunting plant I ordered would do the trick! I should’ve never let her out of the kitchen.

  82. Avatar MajorBOB says:

    Oh come on! You’ve been in there for hours! When is it my turn!?

  83. Avatar Dionne Jinn says:

    #2 “Honey, this Harry Potter make-believe is going too far now. For the last time: the venomous tentacula does NOT exist.”

  84. Avatar khaledrocks says:

    1) hey,get your tentacles off her, this aint tokyo pal!!!!!
    2) so what,japan run out of cute nurses?

  85. Avatar nakiato says:

    1) honey! how could you! and with a women too!

    2) ha ha ha Woman thats what you get for being a vegitarian!

    3) Oh hey! just set her on the table for now, we have more important things to worry about.

    4) Oops. I seemed to of accidently walked in on a japaness comic book. I better find my way back to marvel or DC.

    5) ummm. can you tell me how to get to the next gas station?

  86. Avatar abominal401 says:

    “Oh? I love hentai! Especially when tentacles are involved…”

  87. Avatar frankie says:

    “The giant’s son came back for the goose. But, you….You want a wife for a life, don’t you.”

  88. Avatar X-stacy says:

    Good lord! My college days have come back to haunt me!

  89. Avatar dblade says:

    “For the last time, she doesn’t make your butt look big! Sheesh!”

  90. Avatar PapaKrok says:

    Dammit Shirley, your incessant need for interspecies experimentation better not give me another case of virulent crustations.