Holy Slow Strip Tease, Batman!

Sometimes a little self-awareness is just an excuse to deluding yourself completely in every other way:

For instance, it's good that "Mr. Polka-Dot" admits his nom de guerre is odd. (Although were he even more honest, he'd probably just go ahead and call it "stupid".) But that moment of honesty probably left him blind to the fact that he was going to be wandering out in his stained PJs, flicking old grape jam splotches at Batman. I can see him now, filling out his Batman Bat-Villain Application Document, having successfully navigated the "Prefix" box ("Aha, I shall be MISTER whatever I become! It's right there on the form.") and then stumbling on the "Super Powers" list.

"Let's see, no super riddling, no super penguin powers, no hideous clown makeup, and definitely no 'Breakfast Stain Flinging' entry, oh bother! Ooo, look, 'Polka Dots', let's go with that!" Thereby proving both that Bat-Form-Writing-Machine has a sense of humor and that Mr. Polka-Dot does not. Thus, a failure of self-awareness destined to echo through the ages. With dots.

The best part about fighting this guy is watching him do a slow, unintentional strip-tease as he rips away his costume one dot at a time. At least then we won't have to look at his outfit for too long, for which we can only be thankful.

(Many thanks as well to frequent commenter Myro for bringing Mr. Polka Dot to my attention!)

22 Responses to Holy Slow Strip Tease, Batman!

  1. That is pure, undiluted Awesomeness.

    So potent, so powerful is the Awesomeness that is Mr. Polka-Dot, that his mere presence threatens the very fabric of Space/Time. I’m certain that is why Mr. Polka-Dot has only been seen so very infrequently, so as to safeguard the integrity of Existence itself.

  2. For more super-suit-bashing goodness, check out Chris Sims at Comics Alliance today on Spidey’s looks over the years.

  3. What I found funny was after I stumbled across this guy, I showed him to a couple friends who don’t come to the blog, and I mentioned that he’s even made an appearance on The Brave and the Bold. http://images.wikia.com/marvel_dc/images/d/de/Mister_Polka_Dot_bb.jpg So my one friend snidely asks, “Why? Because he was such a popular character in the comics?”

    Jeff (2): That was some demented fun going through that.

  4. Yeah, Sims is one of the best.

  5. Never let it be said that even a bad idea can be stolen. I give you, The Spot:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spot_%28comics%29

    Easily on the list of Marvel’s worst costumes ever.

  6. Oops. That should be “can’t be stolen.”

  7. Nice find. Also makes me think of the terrible Hawkeye villian Oddball. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oddball_(comics)

  8. Me, Myself & I

    How can someone have thought this was a good idea? I don’t think I would have thought that costume was cool even when I was five years old.

  9. The Spot: Cool concept, pathetic execution.

  10. I would love to see a contest Jeff where people pick bad super hero costumes like this one and improve them

  11. punkjay, we’ve done that a few times with public domain Golden Age characters like the Black Terror, but someone like Mr. Polka-Dot is copyrighted and owned by DC so we couldn’t do him.

    Actually, do you think maybe his first idea was to just be “Mister Polka!”, a fast-stepping musical villain, only his wife Dot said “That’s too lame even for you, Henry” so he got huffy and said, “Fine, then I’ll be Mister Polka-DOT, Dot, see how you like it then!”?

    I need to get a life, seriously.

  12. @Whit – I agree. How many of us have ever wanted to create holes in the fabric of time space like a cartoon character? That’s basically what The Spot does. I kinda like the idea of doing it myself. I just hate the costume.

  13. Mr. Polka-Dot sees his opportunity to branch out into cyber-crime and identity theft. He changes his villainous moniker to the more appropriate “Mr. Polka-Dot-Com.”

    Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week.

  14. @punkjay–Besides, there’s nothing you can do with polka dots. Polka dots are dippy no matter how you slice them. I can think of no motif LESS likely to strike terror into your enemies.

  15. @ Reader Kate: Since today is St. Patrick’s Day I think someone should create a plaid superhero, couldn’t be more horrible than polka- dots right?!?

  16. @Jeff, last week you said you were running low on bad costumes. Have you thought of doing a worst costume contest?
    Even if it was a one time thing, that would fill you up for a while.

  17. Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43

    I don’t know if this is low brow but that guy screams….
    “So walked in ‘Mr. Rainbow herpes guy’ with a jolt in his walk he confronted The BatMan!”

  18. Try Anime, or bad Image comic crap that is less know, maybe even Dark Horse fail costumes, or personal OC’s on DA. There, you now have fuel for two life times.

  19. Three comments? Really? (Sorry bout’ that)
    St. Patties is today? Huh….the local pub hasn’t got out all it’s crud yet…Wierd.

  20. Just stick his polka-dotted butt into Arkham Asylum already! What the hell’s in the Gotham city-juice, anyway??

  21. On the contrary, Reader Kate, I’d absolutely find this guy terrifying. Mostly it would be fear that I’d become known as the hero with Mr Polka Dot in her rogues gallery, but it’s still fear, right?

  22. I think we should have a funniest or goofiest costume contest