Wonderfully bad

What if Amazons were actually Hell's Angels motorcycle gang members, and instead of being based on the Greeks they were modeled after S&M enthusiasts, and then their Princess Diana came to the Man's World to investigate new ways to use straps and bad leather clothing? Well then, my friend, you'd get this version of Wonder Woman:

Holy Minerva, that's a lot of useless costuming bits! My favorite is probably the ingenious use of the bra straps meeting at the sternum, where according to my vast engineering knowledge, they would offer approximately zero support. In fact, I bet wearing a bra like this would actually make the breasts sag more! But that's ok, because there isn't anything even remotely accurate about this woman's anatomy in the first place, including her unfortunately broken hips. Maybe that's the reason for the otherwise puzzling waist straps.

I mean, the reason other than "straps are hot" according to the fevered adolescent imagination of your average comics fanboy.

The painted-on biker shorts are just ... I don't have words for that. Wow.

Finally, I don't know why she bothers having the separated "=W=" logo on those jacketless sleeves, as there's no way in Hades she's ever going to get both sides of that thing to meet up over her chest. Maybe if there were a few more straps and a winch she could manage it, but otherwise, no. Which is probably by design, because clearly the last thing anyone working on that book would want would be to cover any more of her chest than absolutely necessary.

On a side note, I had no idea just how extensive Wonder Woman's costume history was until I stumbled upon Carol A. Strickland's impressively anal-retentive (her words, not mine!) index. If you can swing a few minutes to check it out, it's interesting reading. It makes me feel bad for the Amazons -- all those women on one island and so little fashion sense to go around. Pity.

(Image ©1995, DC Comics.)

9 Responses to Wonderfully bad

  1. Joshua says:

    I wasn’t the least surprised when I found out this concept dated from the 90’s. That whole decade should be given the tagline: What Were We Thinking?

  2. C. Baize says:

    Checked out that link…
    Maybe it’s just me, but I really like some of the pants and when she was wearing the leather skirted armor.

  3. John says:

    Uh, excuse me, Mr. Jim Lee? Your fetish is showing…

  4. Dan says:

    If I remember correctly, the midsection was filled in so it was a black body suit. This picture miscolored it to flesh. Not that it makes it any better.

  5. Jeff Hebert says:

    Dan (4): That doesn’t seem right, at least according to the other panels shown on this page. They all show the midriff as exposed.

  6. Hammerknight says:

    If you read the history of how Wonder Woman came to be, I think this outfit fits in perfect.

  7. Dan says:

    yup you are right. just checked some old covers, and it’s exposed. Maybe my mind was trying to minamize the horror. And just goes to show how bad the inker was.

  8. ajw says:

    it’s not nearly as bad as wonder woman’s creator he had her being tied up every other panel, leather is a lighter tone

  9. Dr. Shrinker says:

    Forget the costume, I’m trying to figure out when her nose disappeared.