Caption Contest 88

I thought it was about time we returned to some good old-fashioned monkey violence in these Caption Contests. And that we throw in some robots, too, because super-heroes dammit! So your challenge is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this comics panel:

The rules are simple — submit as many entries as you like (within the bounds of good personal editing), appropriate for no worse than a late-night broadcast TV show, by next Monday. The winner receives their choice of a) any item they like to be included in HeroMachine 3; b) any portrait they like to be included in HM3; or c) any subject (within reason) for a Sketch of the Day style custom black and white drawing.

Good luck everyone!

(Original panel from “Agents of Atlas” number 1, ©2006, Marvel Comics.)

99 thoughts on “Caption Contest 88

  1. Z. Daniel Phoenix says:

    It’s time to bust caps like banana’s!

  2. Joshua says:

    1. It was either this or poop–and I’m all outta’ poop!!

    2. That’s right! I AM badder than ol’ King Kong!

    3. This is the new face of “monkey business”!!

    4. Ain’t no one spankin’ this monkey!

  3. rogue says:

    “MONKEY BOY?!? i’ll show you!”

  4. bookaddict1978 says:

    Now look what you made me do! Stop Grabbin my Ass!!!!!!!

  5. MLS says:

    “You’re right! This IS a great way to collect brass for the recycling program!”

  6. Patrick says:

    Hey Chuck Heston! From this damn dirty ape’s cold dead hands!

  7. Cormac says:

    I told you not to put your hand up there!

  8. Oquies says:

    “You can keep your shoes!”

  9. BenK22 says:

    1. You damn, dirty humans!

    2. Four times the kill rate! I love pwning n00bs!

    3. Hold me steady, Inspector Gadget.

    4. Bring me all your bananas!

    5. Don’t tell me you’re out of bananas.

  10. Me, Myself & I says:

    “Help, I’m being spanked and he’s taking my shoes away!”

  11. Me, Myself & I says:

    “Enema’s make me VERY ANGRY!”

  12. Me, Myself & I says:

    “Sure I can fire a lot of rounds but I can’t hit anything.”

  13. count libido says:

    This is what happens when you pay peanuts!

  14. Me, Myself & I says:

    “Yes I have 4 different guns and none of the ammo is interchangeable. So what?”

  15. Nick Hentschel says:

    “Yes, we have no bananas!”

    “You spin me right ’round, baby!”

    “FEAR the Deadly Muppet!”

    “The Ventriloquist has upgraded!” [Gotham City only]

    And the ever-popular:
    “Look, ma! No hands!”

  16. Runt82 says:

    1. Take this, Dancing With The Stars!
    2. Curious George grew up and found 4 fully automatic AK-47s! Don’t ask me what happened to The Man in the Yellow Hat.

  17. Runt82 says:

    3. I’m Donkey’s 3rd cousin half-removed, Brakka Kong!

  18. 1. Last time I go to a cut-rate proctologist!
    2. Mine is tapped, but yours is gettin’ capped!
    3. Colonoscopy!
    4. Nothin’ but monkey!
    5. You’d think all this recoil would shatter my bones, but this… is… Marvel!

  19. Loki says:

    1. “Monkey!? I’LL SHOW YOU MONKEY!”
    2. “Yeah, I’m a gun welding ape held aloft by a robot, what of it?”
    3. “GOODALL!”

  20. Loki says:

    4. “DAMN YOU JANE GOODALL! DAAMN YOU TO HEEEEELLLLLL!

  21. remy says:

    1. Now THIS is Guerrilla warfare!

  22. ajw says:

    1. “Evolution my ass this is called adaption!”

  23. goku069 says:

    1.feel the wrath of my poop you humans
    2 holy crap a monkey with a gun
    3.here king Kong smashing some banana
    4.Curious George was Curious so he pick up a gun
    5.holy crap king kong gone banana
    6.chuck Norris [ape mode]
    7.this what happen to the ape when chuck Norris hits him

  24. joel says:

    “Screw the barrels, Take this Mario!”

  25. Tim says:

    1) “Say hello to my little friends!!!”

    2) “I AM NOT OVERREACTING!!!”

    3) “You need more cowbell!!!”

  26. TheNate says:

    Watch those pinchers, RoboCop-a-feel!

  27. TheNate says:

    Oppose the thumb!

  28. Razhwurz says:

    “Denzel ain’t got ^%$# on me!”

  29. Shakakahn says:

    BANANA SLAMMA!!

    I love playing Terrorist!

    Go go Gadget Lethal Ape.

    Whoops I pooped!

  30. Iago_Valentine says:

    HESTOOOOOON!

    Toss this ya metal moron!

    Where the crap am I aiming?!?

  31. Mat says:

    Get your hands off of me you damn dirty robots!!!

  32. Mat says:

    Donkey Kong ain’t got shit on me!

  33. Mat says:

    Shooting with my feet talk about multitasking!

  34. Jester says:

    1. “Monkey? I’m an ape, dammit! An AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!”

    2. THIS IS FOR DIDDY!

    3. You don’t even wanna KNOW what’s gonna be flying atcha when I run outta bullets!

    4. Welcome to this week’s episode of Robots, Gorillas, and Machine Guns!

    5. My aim may suck, but with four of these things I’m bound to hit SOMETHING!

    6. THIS is my CRANKY face!

  35. Jester says:

    7. Change my Pampers before I shoot someone important!

  36. Mat says:

    This is what happens when Donkey Kong plays to much Call Of Duty!

  37. Mat says:

    These are way better than some coconut shooter.

  38. Mat says:

    WOW I thought they were going to shoot coconuts.

  39. Mat says:

    DIE you stupid Crocodiles!

  40. Watson Bradshaw says:

    “no one expects the heavily armed monkey firing robot!”

    “what kind of farmer is Dr Zaius? A lead farmer Mother F*%#@r!!!!”

    “Aim me towards that group of Creationists!”

    “CANNONBALL!”

  41. o/~ I did it my way! o/~

  42. TheNate says:

    Monkey see, monkey shoot!

  43. pdubbs says:

    Wolverine and Colossus make this look so much easier.

  44. remy says:

    2. Donkey Kong, eat your heart out!
    3. THIS is how I’D kidnap princess Peach
    4. Quick, if we hurry, we can still make a clean getaway with Batman’s utility belt!

  45. The Imp says:

    1. You ought to see what I use my tail for!
    2. Evolution in action, boys! Poop to bullets!

  46. Mat says:

    I would do sign language but my hands are full.

  47. LoneWolf6155 says:

    I don’t care if I’ve seen too many John Woo movies!!!

  48. X-stacy says:

    Gotta get that thing fixed.

  49. MangaBotte says:

    This one’s for Dian Fossey!

  50. Dawn says:

    “You could help me better if you were with some guns!”

    “Mokey are still less evolved?”

    “Primate RAGE!”

  51. Runt82 says:

    4. They took Koko’s kitty! Koko want blood!

    5. Robot got Kitty, Puppy, Fishy, and ice cream. Now, Robot got Gorilla and is kicking ass.

    [Look up “Robot wants Kitty” games on Newgrounds.com for reference. Fun games.]

  52. Master Batman says:

    And THIS is what happens when DIDDY KONG gets the fire flower!

  53. Jack Zelger says:

    “Feet, don’t fail me now!”

  54. Jack Zelger says:

    “Monkey Ball Special!”

  55. Jack Zelger says:

    “Grape Ape! Grape Ape!”

  56. abominal401 abominal401 says:

    WHO ATE MY BANANA?!?!?!?!!?

  57. abominal401 abominal401 says:

    GET TO DA CHOPAAAA!!!!

  58. Dr. Shrinker says:

    The name is Furious George!

  59. joel says:

    “I’ve got your second amendment right here!”

  60. joel says:

    “Welcome to the gun show! this time, it’s for real!”

  61. Nancy says:

    “I said, no more elevator muzak at work!!”
    “Tropic Thunder sucked! Take that Netflix”!
    “What? More fb changes”??

  62. Runt82 says:

    6. [sings] You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains. You raise me up, to blow out all their knees.

  63. PCFDPGrey says:

    1. GUNS!!! WE NEED MORE GUNS!!!
    2. They laughed at me when I said to prepare for the Zombie Apocolypse. WELL WHO’S LAUGHING NOW?!
    3. There is strength in numbers, and I am threee or four at least!
    4. Jesus Saves! But Satan scores on the rebound!
    5. I told you that if you played that Owl City Fireflies song one more time that I’d fill you so full of lead you’d be using your prick for a pencil. Well, guess what?!

  64. Jake says:

    1. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil? What about shoot all evil?

    2. Should have went with that tail gun too!

    3. How do I reload?

    4. Robot, stop calling me Simba!

    5. Don’t hold me up so high. I’ll crash right into the “BRAKA”.

  65. Captain Evil says:

    Not a word about my weight, or I’m pointing these AT YOU, tiny robot.

  66. Captain Evil says:

    They told me “do not run with a gun”. But I found a loophole.

  67. Tuldabar says:

    “Hey, watch the fingers tin can!!! You’re riding up my simien undergarment!!!!”

    “Madam, I knew Jane Goodall, and you are NO Jane Goodall.”

    “Oh, hey robo I forgot to mention I HATE HEIGHTS!!!!!”

  68. Chisoph says:

    I programmed you to hold me up, not to run while doing it! Messes up my aim!

  69. Oquies says:

    “I got one!”

  70. Loki says:

    5. “I don’t need barrels anymore you sonofabitch!”

  71. frankie says:

    “Keep running. We’re almost at the front of the line. I LOVE Black Friday.”

  72. frankie says:

    ‘You think these pouches are useless, Jeff Herbert? They’re full of extra bullets!”

  73. frankie says:

    “I’d like to see you Weismuller your way out of this one, Tarzan.

  74. 6. Full-autofire wedgie!
    7. Stupid robot, that’s not the safety! That’s my trigger!

  75. Loki says:

    6.”Help me! I’m stuck in a pouch on a insane monkey!”

  76. MontanaPlayer says:

    1. Worst cheat code. Ever.
    2. This does not make me your sock monkey, ya hear me!
    3. I warned you about the Gorilla Grodd jokes, damnit!

  77. Blue Blazer Blue Blazer says:

    1: Monkey see, monkey shoot!
    2: TAKE OFF THAT DAMN YELLOW HAT!!!!!!

  78. Mercury says:

    1. You want to call me chimpanzee again ?!
    2. Give me back my bananaaa !!
    3. This is a stick up folks, hand over your bananas
    4. U have just been Gorillafied !! HUOAH !!

  79. Danny Beaty says:

    1. I said “RoboCop”, not “RoboColonic”!

    2. I’m getting carried away!

    3. I came here to kick ass and eat bananas and I’m all out of bananas!

    4. Who put blanks in my guns?!

    5. No, to the left! I said “LEFT”!

    6. SCREW YOU TIM BURTON!

  80. Brad says:

    THIS is what happens when you steal my Wheaties!

  81. Fyzza says:

    1 “CAN YOU DIG IT, SUCKAAAAAAA?!?!?

    2 “GETCHO HANDS OFF MY BUTT!”

    3 “I wanted a BANANA, not STUPID PLANTAIN!”

    4 “WHERE’S MARIO?!? I’MMA KILL THAT BITCH!!”

  82. Galahad says:

    “And now for my next trick, I’ll make the monkey talk and shoot guns while I drink a glass of water!”

  83. ChoclateSoda says:

    1. This is what happens when you let the creators of Rambo make the new King Kong movie.

    2. The first evolution of man, and the first to use a gun.

    3. This is the new actor for Chewbacca?

    4. I won the Nobel Peace Prize, but this is how it turned out.

  84. jay says:

    ENDANGERED!!!! I’ll show you who’s “ENDANGERED”!!!!

  85. jay says:

    This is soooo more lethal than flinging poo!!!

  86. joel says:

    “That’s right, I’M the one who blew it up!

  87. Myro says:

    Do you really think climbing the Empire State Building is more impressive than what I can do? Well, DO YOU?

  88. JonnyDemon says:

    Monkey see,Monkey do,Monkey unleash hot automatic death on you!!!

  89. JonnyDemon says:

    Monkey pinwheel of death,GO!!

  90. alphaalpharomeo says:

    1)Ring Ring…Banana phone….It’s for you
    2)I am a God fearing ape and say no to the theory evolution…Death to all the non-believers

  91. Brad says:

    “Would someone explain the significance of ‘Brakaka’ overhead?”

  92. Keep running! I’ll clear the buffet line!

  93. jglenn says:

    I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad
    I got sunshine, in a bag
    I’m useless, but not for long
    The future is coming on
    It’s coming on
    It’s coming on
    It’s coming on

  94. Knitesoul says:

    – “Name’s not DONKEY!”

    – “I’m going Primal!”

  95. Kidpool says:

    Oh **** i forgot to pu the bins out

  96. Kidpool says:

    apologies i meant ‘Oh **** I forgot to put the bins out’

  97. jay says:

    “I told all you jerks ‘one more Donkey Kong refrance i’m going postal!'”

  98. MistaMasta says:

    This scene is to awesome to be disgraced by a caption.

  99. Rose says:

    “WHERE’S MARIO?!?! LET’S SEE HIM JUMP OVER THIS!!!!!”

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