Caption Contest 87

Welcome all my friends to the show that never ends! We’re so glad you could arrive, look inside, look inside!

Or failing that, come up with the funniest replacement dialog for this random comics panel from “Captain America”:

Otherwise, the rules are simple — as many entries as you like (within the bounds of good personal editing), appropriate for no worse than a late-night broadcast TV show, by next Monday. The winner receives their choice of a) any item they like to be included in HeroMachine 3; b) any portrait they like to be included in HM3; or c) any subject (within reason) for a Sketch of the Day style custom black and white drawing.

Good luck everyone!

(All of those various Captain America iterations, this specific image, the term “super-hero”, and any ideas you have ever had or might have in the future, along with the contents of your sock drawer, are all © Marvel Comics.)

112 Responses to Caption Contest 87

  1. We should have worn parachutes… but that’s ok I can fly (as he let’s go of the others hands and laughs)

  2. 1. One question: why is Batman here?

  3. 2.Wait, who are you guys?

  4. “Kumbaya my lord, Kumbaya”

  5. 1) Yeah, I’m free! Freefalling!

  6. 2. Um, guys, are our parachutes on backwards?

  7. 1) “…ashes, ashes. We all fall down!”

    2) “I’ll never let go Jack.”

    3) “I knew we should have upgraded to business class.”

    4) “I didn’t mean it when I said ‘you jump, I jump.'”

    5) “Damn superglue!”

  8. 3. But why did Bill Gates have to tag along, Batman?

  9. “Wonder Triplet Powers–Activate!
    …Activate!…
    ACTIVA-“

  10. Nick Hentschel

    The Ambiguously Gay… TRIO?!

    (Doesn’t fit in the balloon, I know… but it fits.)

  11. Z. Daniel Phoenix

    I vividly remember this comic from my early teens.

    Some of the Horsemen were in it.

    It was one of my favorites of all time.

    I have no catchy slogan to add sadly.

    D-Man, US Agent and Nomad iirc.

  12. The Doomed Pixel

    Admittedly, there are probably better ways to go about rescuing a cat from a tree.

  13. 1. Now let’s all hold hands boys. THINK POSITIVE! “We can stick this landing. We can stick this landing. We can stick…”

    2. Next stop…GAY CITY! (reference Superman Panel: http://bmj2k.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/gaytoon.jpg )

  14. Well…this is romantic.

  15. 1. “League of Second-Rate Knock-Offs…HO!”

    2. “I suppose now’s as good a time as any to come clean…”

    3. “Get it? I broke wind. C’mon on, it’s funny!”

  16. It WORKED! My Incontinence is cured!

  17. “Seriously can we just drive next time?”

    “Parachute roulette? I wonder who has the fake.”

    “Hey I really can see my house!”

  18. 1-I wanna hold your haaaaaaaand, i wanna hold your hand.
    2-Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts, think happ…awww shit
    3-[Announcer] and now were back to Extreme-Gay-Weddings on Fox

  19. “Must we do this every time we want to hold hands?”

    “Wait, I forgot my bag!”

    “Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

  20. Nick Hentschel

    “Hold tight! If we land on the bottle, we get a stuffed animal!”

  21. “so, we hit the side of the rainbow, we WILL be tasting it, no matter what.”

    “and the winner for the worst dressed heroes are…Wait, here the come now!”

    “I swear to god, if Northstar rams one of us from behind at this speed, we will all be pasted…”

  22. “Ummm, did either of you guys bring an extra chute?”

  23. Is that Hiroshima down there? What’s that mushroom cloud coming out of-“

  24. Guy: Liiike tottally what about terry?! We just left him there…

  25. Uh… this might be the right time to tell you that I’m not the parachute instructor.

  26. Wait, if the three of us are here, who’s flying the plane?

  27. I call this meeting of the Steven Slater Society!

    That joke is about 14 minutes and 59 seconds late. ;9

    http://news.travel.aol.com/2010/08/10/flight-attendant-blows-his-top-yells-at-passengers-and-bolts-do/

  28. 1) I TOLD you not to look down!

    2) We all ready for the first synchronized sky-diving practice?

    3) Wait . . . if Batman/Daredevil and Chuck Norris are here, then where are Bucky and Nick Fury?

  29. In the words of the 17th best character ever “captain hero”

    Guy: I can see a girl on donkey guys, LOOK riiiggght there!!
    ——
    Guy 2: Every time we hold hands you yell the same thing…
    ——
    guy 3: Wait when do we open our parach-

  30. I can see a girl on A donkey. F**KIN keybord…

  31. Cap?: Since when did Batman and Blue beetles gay(fab-u-lous) looka like join my goth parachuting club?!

  32. 1. umm… if are hands are glued together, who’s pullin the parachute

    2. AHHH, LET ME GO U CRAZY SON OF A SPLAT-!!!!!!!

    3. Is that your batarang in your pocket, or are u just happy 2 see me

  33. Come join Caps second rate knock off goth (fab-u-lous) parachuting club!!!! NOWWW!!!
    Arggh….my dignity!!! Jokes…sooo bad I gave some one dieabeitis….miss spelled, dieabeitis….ARGHH!!!

  34. 1. This is the LAST time I fly coach!

    2. I have to pee SO bad!

    3. Why are wearing bibs?

    4. Now for something completely different!

  35. “strange… parachutes shouldn’t be at our backs?”

  36. 1. OW! where did this window come from?

    2. when Harrison ford said “Get off my plane!” he really meant it huh?

    3. time to get the DROP on these smugglers.

    (My last one is so bad it could actually be the real one)

  37. Welcome to the…YMCA! YMCAA!

  38. Guys, you are absolutely cracking me up with these, absolutely awesome so far! Keep ‘em coming!

  39. “Guys in retrospect, this renenactment of the Power Rangers Movie Opening was a terrible idea.”

  40. 1) “Who’s bright idea was this again?!”

  41. 1. Captain America “Are we there yet?”

    2. Captain America ” Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to let Wolverine pack our chutes!”

    3. When in doubt whip it out.

    4. Captain America to Bucky ” if you pull it more then twice, your playing with it.”

  42. 1) Above whaaaaaaaaaaaat?
    2) Kumbayaaaaaa my lord…
    3) Wait, where are the parachutes?

  43. Hey who needs a parachute we’re superheros!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  44. “Does anybody have parachutes?”
    “Can’t we just walk next time?”
    “Maybe, just maybe, we’ll land in a garbage pile, on a couch.”

  45. 1- “…I feel very close to you two right now.”

    2- “Of course this will work. I saw it on TV once.”

    3- “No, my head-wings don’t let me fly. Why do you ask?”

  46. Crap! D-Man, why’d you let the ginger come with us. That was the whole point of jumping out

  47. http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/darth/images/8/88/Ashoka.jpg

    Hey Jeff, I’ve got your next caption contest right here!
    :D
    So many funny things that could be said…

  48. Guy: Hey! Why’s my parachute filled with dirty laundry?!

  49. Coulda had a v8…

  50. @ 47 Nicholas/GtaMythMaster43: Um that looks like it could be very funny but, crud or maybe I am just a pervert… :(

  51. “Wow, this is even worse then the in flight movie. Wake me up when we land.”

  52. 1. As you can see below us, Hiroshima is very populate-where did that glowing cloud come from?

    2. Is this a bad time to tell you that I slept your kids?

    3. For the last time, I’m not U.S. Agent!

    4. I just realized the princess is in another castle!

    5. Did I mention I use to be the Human Torch?

    6. Don’t be shy, D Man! I’m certain Wolverine and Daredevil are going to dig you!

    7. The bad news is one of you has the working parachute. But don’t worry, because I have good news; I just saved a lot of money on car insurance by switching to GIECO!

  53. 8. Mission? I thought we were skydiving to Cancun?

  54. 1: …above what? This does not look like the dropzone…

    2: Wh… -IF you die in the landing, can I get your stuff? …hypotetically?

    3: I’m moving at terminal velocity… with two sexy dudes holding my hands. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

    4: If one of you has any secret superpowers, this is the time to tell me. Especially if you can fly.

    5: Do you think they have pizza?

  55. 1. Quick, think happy thoughts!

    2. Well I didn’t hear any better ideas from YOU Yellow Marvel Batman!

    3. Who says you can’t choreograph in battle?

    4. Batman?! We specifically ordered Superman!

    5. Anyone else’s tights riding up?

  56. 4) Wait, these are ACME parachutes?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

  57. 1. Oh no! I forgot my wallet!

    2. Wonder triplets, form of a triangle.

    3. I knew I shoul have ordered the fish instead of the chicken.

    4. Do you think we’ll ever see that stewardess again?

    5. Does this qualify us for the mile high club?

  58. Sean from Edwards

    I still say there are easier ways to get around unnoticed after our movies.

  59. Nick Hentschel

    Or just use the old standard:

    “WHEEEEE!!!!!”

  60. 1. Emmm… Guys, I don’t know If it’s the right time to say this, but i think i mixed up the parachutes with the backpacks filled with camping equipment…
    2. I just realized that we could have gotten there by car… Silly me!
    3. Oh crap! I just dropped my shield!
    4. This ain’t scary, this ain’t scary, this ain’t scary… Oh god, I pissed my pants…
    5. The rules are simple; the one without a parachute gets kicked out of the superheroes league…
    6. Don’t worry guys we are almost there! Do you see that beautiful river of lava near the volcano? That’s where we are heading…
    7. Oops… Wrong dropzone guys… We have to get back on that plane and do it again!
    8. I know you are not a big fan of holding hands Wolverine, but this is how proper skydivers do it…
    9. I said, let go off my hands NOW!!!
    10. This sure isn’t what I signed up for… let me back on that plane!!!
    11. All we are is dust in the wind…
    12. Follow my lead and open your chutes only when i say so! Otherwise you’ll end up like Spiderman… They call him Splattered-man now…

  61. “This the last time we take advice from the group therapist”

  62. I am not a professional skydiver but I did stay the night at a Holiday Inn Express!

  63. Me, Myself & I

    Remember, the secret to flying is to forget to fall . . . Oh darn, I just ruined it didn’t I?

  64. I swear, Hydra will totally crap themselves when we skydive into their place. I mean, when they see Captain America, Bucky, and red-suited Daredevil…hey, wait a second!

  65. 1. You Know, I’m beginning to think this was a bad idea…
    2. Hey…Guys, I think we put our parachutes on the wrong way.
    3.Batman, one question? How is this going to stop The Deadly Bee Weapon?

  66. 4. NOW WE SHALL PROVE WHO IS THE REAL PETER PAN!!

  67. [52]Oquies: Don’t worry aren’t we all a little?
    :p

  68. Joke re-cap. (Get it? Captain America? Re-CAP? Shut up…)

    1: Look a little girl on a donkey! See I told you this would work!!!!

    2:I hate it when we hit giant glass windows! Kinda ruins the “2,000 feet ‘falling’ thing”.

    3. When did Batman and the gay looking second rate knock off of the blue beetle join my goth parachuting club!?!!?!

    4. *Dear diary, Today Batman AND Blue Bettles gay looka like held my hand as we fell to our deaths*

    5. Why do you always yell: AHHHH AM GONNA DIE!!!!! When WE hold hands?

    6. Our drug cartel fighting ideas are getting a little silly now fellas, don’tcha think?

  69. (Music from “Dirty Dancing”)
    ♪♫ Now I’ve had the time of my life…♫♪

    …don’t look at me like that, my wife made me watch it.

  70. 1. Isn’t this heroshima? Waits are those bombers? Is that a glowing clou—

    2. Batman what are you doing here!
    I thought I told you last time….GO f**k yourself!!!
    Batman: But that’s why I’m falling! Super tights wedgee!

    3. Batman and blue beetle?! I f**king hate you guys! I specifically ordered SuperMan, and IronMan!!! Damn you ACME call service!!!!

    4. Don’t cry Marvel BatMan and Blue Beetle knock offs….it will all be over SOON…..

  71. Wait, are those bombers?*
    Curse you keybord!!!

  72. 1) “Suddenly Reenacting ‘Man Vs Wild’ seems like a bad idea ”
    2) “What the…Wolverine!? This is a DC Comic!”
    3) “Oh no! I left my sheild!”
    4) “Perhaps we should have dressed more covertly…”

  73. All this just for a copy of Black Ops?

  74. Are you sure this record store we are jumping into has the last Bieber cd my 12 year old girl wants for Christmas?!

  75. 2) “If cats can land on their feet, so can we!”

    3) “YEAH! Real men wear TIGHTS!”

    4) “I swear, I better get my Klondike Bar after this!”

    5) “Two thousand feet above WHAT? Finish the narration quick!”

  76. Very nice power rangers reference. it made me lol myself

  77. 1. Vertigo be damned!

    2. Ha! Jokes on you, I’m tired of living!

    3. separately we are weak, but together, we are the unstoppable human Frisbee!

  78. 1. Are you sure you left your car keys up here somewhere?
    2. I know they said ‘black’ fridays were bad, but this is ridiculous!!!!
    3. What the hell? One minute I was offered a happy ending and now THIS happens?!
    4. Is this the right place? We faught a giant cloud monster in the sky last week!
    5. Aren’t you Batman and “trying really hard to be” Blue beetle? Marvel you disapoint me, I wanted the Superman!!
    6 Ok, seriously, we look like a gay goth parachuting club! Why Marvel?! WHY???!!!?!?!

  79. Your contests are addictive, Jeff.

    1. On the count of three: SCREAM!
    2. And we will all come together in a better place, a better place than this . . .
    3. Quick–is it a barrel roll or a split S next?
    4. I believe I can fly . . . I believe I can touch the sky . . .
    5. Out of the way, birds! We’re coming through!
    6. . . . And since we have all primary colors moving at great speed, all they’ll see is a white light . . .

  80. - “I realized none of us have flying powers!”

    – “I already regret this!”

    – “I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky!”

    – “Who was steering the plane?!”

  81. 1) Swan dive!…To the best night of your life
    2) (Birds in the background) “It’s a brightly colored star”
    3) Capes are not shoots! Even if you did tangle them together

  82. “If we can dodge air traffic we can dodge a ball!”

    “Maybe mid-air synchronized swimming pratice wasn’t one of our better ideas…….”

  83. If you guys don’t stop with the covert insertion jokes, I’m gonna just let go.

  84. “Hey guys, I lost the game.”

  85. “Hey, I found Waldo!”

  86. “Wait, i can’t tell the difference between Hobgoblin’s HQ and the gay bar.”

  87. 3. So, where are you two headed?

  88. 4. Oh God, the hat wings do nothing!

  89. “with our powers combind…”

  90. “Color Blind Superhero Imposters Unite!”

  91. 1. Damn you winged hat! You do nooootttthhinnggg!!!!

    2. I regret nothingggggg!!!!

    3. Last time I got a sea horse! I’m aiming for the 360 this time!

    4. I thought we had to toss a ring? Why are WE the ring?!

    5. *This time I’ll be rid of Batman…ONCE and for all!!!*

    6. I gotta pee! Oh! Never mind…..

    7. Good thing we really “jumped” out of that mess! Get it? Jump?

    8. My mother will be so supprised! I told her I wasn’t going!

    9. No, we aren’t there yet!!!

    10. Sooooo?? Guess who filled YOUR chutes with laundry? I did!

  92. 1. I really, really hope no one has to go to the bathroom again.

    2. Did anyone pack parachutes this time?

    3. Are we there yet?

    4. Okay the next person who hands me an anvil is getting shot.

  93. Okay, you were right, it was a perfectly good airplane.

  94. Everyone remember where we parked!

  95. “So… Why Bucky?”

  96. correction:

    1)So… why “Bucky”?

    2)Thats the last Time I drink with you Guys!

    3)’Join the Army they said…’

  97. Hey 100th comment! Also I can’t comment again. WTF.
    Oh and….
    Cap: Bucky! You’re dating batman too!?

  98. 1. “Ok,who left the chutes?!”

    2. “Damn you 2nd rate Bue Beetle!!!! I told you, you where
    banned for life!”

    3. “I’ll be damned! There really are avionic people(s) up here! You won the bet Batman…”

    4. “If there’s a Batman imposter here, where’s Batman, you fiend!”

  99. Another joke re-cap.(Lots of bad jokes in a bundle!:))
    (Get it? Captain America? Re-CAP? Shut up…)

    1: Look a little girl on a donkey! See I told you this would work!!!!

    2:I hate it when we hit giant glass windows! Kinda ruins the “2,000 feet ‘falling’ thing”.

    3. When did Batman and the gay looking second rate knock off of the blue beetle join my goth parachuting club!?!!?!

    4. *Dear diary, Today Batman AND Blue Bettles gay looka like held my hand as we fell to our deaths*

    5. Why do you always yell: AHHHH AM GONNA DIE!!!!! When WE hold hands?

    6. Our drug cartel fighting ideas are getting a little silly now fellas, don’tcha think?

    7. Isn’t this heroshima? Wait, are those…bombers? Is that a glowing clou—

    8. Batman what are you doing here!
    I thought I told you last time….GO f**k yourself!!!
    Batman: But that’s why I’m falling! Super tights wedgee!

    9. Batman and blue beetle?! I f**king hate you guys! I specifically ordered SuperMan, and IronMan!!! Damn you ACME call service!!!!

    10. Don’t cry Marvel BatMan and Blue Beetle knock offs….it will all be over SOON…..

    11. Are you sure you left your car keys up here somewhere?

    12. I know they said ‘black’ fridays were bad, but this is ridiculous!!!!

    13. What the hell? One minute I was offered a happy ending and now THIS happens?!

    14. Is this the right place? We faught a giant cloud monster in the sky last week!

    15. Aren’t you Batman and “trying really hard to be” Blue beetle? Marvel you disapoint me, I wanted the Superman!!

    16 Ok, seriously, we look like a gay goth parachuting club! Why Marvel?! WHY???!!!?!?!

    17. Damn you winged hat! You do nooootttthhinnggg!!!!

    18. I regret nothingggggg!!!!

    19. Last time I got a sea horse! I’m aiming for the 360 this time!

    20. I thought we had to toss a ring? Why are WE the ring?!

    21. *This time I’ll be rid of Batman…ONCE and for all!!!*

    22. I gotta pee! Oh! Never mind…..

    23. Good thing we really “jumped” out of that mess! Get it? Jump?

    24. My mother will be so supprised! I told her I wasn’t going!

    25. No, we aren’t there yet!!!

    26. Sooooo?? Guess who filled YOUR chutes with laundry? I did!

    27. “Ok,who left the chutes?!”

    28. “Damn you 2nd rate Bue Beetle!!!! I told you, you where
    banned for life!”

    29. “I’ll be damned! There really are avionic people(s) up here! You won the bet Batman…”

    30. “If there’s a Batman imposter here, where’s Batman, you fiend!”

  100. “Okay,so maybe synchronized air-diving wasn’t one of out better ideas.”

    Just thought it made a little more sense then the other one

  101. Wow this is not the gay speed dating adventure i signed up for!!!

  102. Damn you Mario!!! A winged hat doesn’t make you fly!!! I suppose hitting a brick with your head doesn’t give you money either.

  103. Quick! Batman/Wolverine hybrid guy! Hand me your anti-gravity spray!

  104. “O.K., I’ll tell you one more time. Off Mount Everest, off Superman’s ass, off that plane and nothing but net.”

  105. Has anyone done a Hiroshima joke yet? Okay, here it goes:

    “Excellant! It worked! The Whizzer, Speedball and the Spot just blew up Hiroshima! Now it’s our turn!”

  106. “Okay, Proto-Wolverine, I’m calling your bluff. Everyone, show your hands.”

  107. “Parachutes? Where we’re going, we don’t need any parachutes.”

  108. “I know how you feel. But it will only look like we’ve died. In ten, fifteen years, we’ll be back. And this will all be just a bad dream.”

  109. “Never had to do this **** when Bucky was my sidekick…