Poll Position: Unwitting minion

In the spirit of last week's question, which generated some great ideas and discussion, once again we bring ourselves to wonder what happens if we're not who we think we are:

{democracy:148}

Discussion to follow! And since last week the suggestions were all actual good ideas and not inappropriate in any way, I've left it open this time as well for you to put in your own answers. Make them good though!

You've been a sleeper agent for a while, and now you've been "activated" to regain your memories and identity and have been brought back to the main group to retake your rightful place.


"We surrender! Can we take off these ridiculous outfits now please?"
  • HYDRA: On the positive side, you have a shot at acquiring super powers of some sort. On the down side, they'd be based on a snake, and the odds are good your outfit would look fairly ridiculous.
  • Intergang: If you're going to be in a villain organization, DC isn't a bad universe to do it it, as most heroes not named "Punisher" have a code versus killing of some sort. If you end up as a regular minion that's a Good Thing. And if you're going to be in the DC Universe, you can't do better than having Superman as your main adversary. They don't call him the Big Blue Boy Scout for nothing. However, Intergang is ultimately backed by Darkseid, and Apokolips has a terrible dental plan. And health plan. And retirement plan. Also they tend to punish failure not with a swift merciful death, but an eternity of unimaginable torment.
  • League of Assassins: Most of the League of Assassins don't have super powers per se, but rather tend to be just all-around ruthless bastards with legions of ninja minions to fling about. Would that make them ninjions? Also, you're probably going up against Batman, and even though you probably won't end up dead because of it you probably WILL get a severe beating every time you leave HQ.
  • A.I.M.: Like HYDRA, you have to wear a ridiculous outfit even if you're just a grunt. Maybe it's having the group name in all caps or something, I don't know, but these guys have got to get a new tailor. But, you get neat toys to play with and I bet they have a good retirement plan.
  • Brotherhood of Evil Mutants: Your odds of actually having a super power are pretty good, as most Evil Mutants can't join up unless they can prove to Magneto (or whoever the hell runs this thing nowadays) that they can take out an X-Man or two. But let's get real, who puts "Evil" right in their group name, you know? Most evil people don't think of themselves as evil, after all, and it makes getting a reservation at Appleby's for your company lunch really hard.
  • Cobra: They're set up for soldiering, which means they know how to take care of the troops. Like, you. Steady chow, a decent paycheck, and perhaps the chance to meet The Baroness. Of course you might end up having to be the guy who cleans up her leather combat suits, which would suck. But still, you can do worse than facing adversaries whose guns or lasers or whatever appear to be completely non-lethal.
  • LexCorp: The nice thing about working for LexCorp is that you can tell your family and friends about it, as Lex goes to some lengths to keep his business at least looking legitimate. You'd probably have benefits, too. Plus you get to be all sinister and evil during the day, and still go home at night to suburbia and have dinner with the nice couple down the street without people trying to arrest you or hide their kids. Nice.

Practically speaking the best choice is probably LexCorp, but I admit I think it would be cool to be an Evil Mutant. There's something to be said for just putting it out there that you're evil and you don't care who knows it. Plus I think it would be neat to have a mutant super power.

What about you, what would you pick?

15 Responses to Poll Position: Unwitting minion

  1. Fo rthe LEAST disturbance I added “The Evil Un-People” from the show Between the Lions. They totally count.

  2. …hmph… There’s a glitch. But I stand by my choice. πŸ™‚

  3. I kinda want to throw up The Hand, although that’s not the organization that would cause me the least unease. Also, with the recent rampage in the Shadowlands arc in Daredevil, there’s a good chance I’d be killed by Bullseye by now.

  4. Also, I think the Brotherhood actually refers to itself as the Brotherhood or the Brotherhood of Mutants nowadays. Don’t have to deal with that pesky “Evil” adjective in the moniker. That’s the direction I’m going.

  5. AIM. Three words: cool yellow hats.

    ‘Nuff said.

  6. I added SPECTRE. Come on, who wouldn’t want to work for a bald, scarred dude with a freaky white cat who can dump you into a pool of piranha whenever he feels like it? πŸ™‚

  7. I’m going with Imp’s SPECTRE. In the novels they are the epitome of professionalism. None of that ‘killed because the boss is mad’ type of thing. Quiet, discrete, and run business-like.

  8. Cobra, because cleaning the Baroness’ boots… *ahem*

    Somebody added the Guild of Calamitous Intent. If anything, just for the sheer hilarity of my demise.

  9. William A. Peterson

    Gotta go with AIM…
    Yeah, the costumes kind of suck, but after I retire I can use it to keep Bees…
    And, hey, they’re the one to answer that famous question asked by the Joker:
    “Where does he get all those wonderful TOYS?” πŸ˜€
    Okay, Bruce doesn’t go shopping in their Mall, but, come on…
    Gatling Lasers? Super Adaptoids? Cosmic Cubes?
    Nobody gets to play with cool stuff like AIM!
    And, AIM has a much lower percentage of “dead-flunky-itis” than most of these!

  10. i would defiently choose the GOCI, because i would arch Venture and gloat in monach’s face

  11. Damn, I clicked the Brotherhood before the Guild of Calamitous Intent was added. David Bowie can by my Sovereign anyday.

  12. I have to ask– what, pray tell, is the Guild of Calamitous Intent? And what do they have to do with David Bowie?

  13. Joshua the guild of calmitous intent is one of the villian groups in Venture Bros
    and David bowie is their leader,
    why not just use google if you dont know something?

  14. Because sometimes it’s more fun to ask!

    After all, Google very rarely gives a sarcastic or amusingly phrased answer, which other posters on a forum might provide.

  15. X-stacy is right– it IS more fun to ask. Besides, I asked because Google and I were having an off day; that and laziness. πŸ™‚