Caption Contest 80

A little different direction this week, but if you can come up with the best, funniest dialog in this Archie panel, you'll win your choice of any item or portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3's full release:

The rules are simple:

  • Your entry or entries must be left in a comment (or comments) to this post;
  • Keep it clean, appropriate for late-night broadcast television;
  • Get your entry in by next Monday, when I will pick the finalists for everyone to vote on.

That's it! So put on your Jughead-style thinking cap and let the jokes fly! No limit on entries this week, but please be a good self-editor and don't post everything that crosses your mind -- only put up the good ones!

66 Responses to Caption Contest 80

  1. 1. My penis is a superhero!

    2. These Uruguayan throat lozenges are made of ants!

    3. I use a motion kind of like this!

    4. SPERM SHARK!!
    (sorry, couldn’t resist that one)

    5. I brought you a section of Justin Bieber’s spinal column!

    6. This snot extractor is THE BOMB! Want to have a go with it?

  2. 1.Here is the top of the swim suit you’ll be wearing.
    2. I was the masked pirate last night.
    3.I swear there wasn’t a hole in it when we started.

  3. 1. And better yet: It’s a suppository!

    2. Something to consider: We’re in the backseat of my car…alone…with no one else around. If you want your earring back, I’m sure you know what to do.

    3. Good news: I found the part of your DNA that holds all the estrogen. Bad news: Your legs are already hairy and there’s a “third leg” sprouting from under your skirt. Too late!

  4. 1. So thats the truth, I’m actually the green hornet.

    2. The catalog assured me it was a ‘for her pleasure’ device!

    3. I proposed to Betty, but here’s your runners up earring!

  5. There was a contract dispute, now I am taking Ryan Renolds place as the Guy Gardner green lantern!

    Will you stop screaming, its only weird the first few dozen times.

  6. 1. Want to see a magic trick… and behind your ear… or in your ear… woops!

    2. I punched Green Lantern in the crotch and look what I found.

    3. And this is what would happen if you combine the gender symbols.

  7. 1. “Hey Veronica, guess which orifice this shiny little guy is going in!”

  8. 2. “Don’t worry, it’s just a little prick.”

  9. Oh no I think it broke!!

  10. 3. “Check out the size of my schwartz!”

    {Reference to Spaceballs :D}

  11. – “Yes, it’s that small…”

    – “…And there we go, the linking chain trick.”

    – “This is 100% safe.”

  12. 1. “You wouldn’t beieve how hard it is to get a condom shaped like this”

    2. “And that’s the story of how I became the 5th Robin”

    3. “I always knew you were kryptonian! Eat Kryptonite!”

    4. “Fear the might of my radioactive condom!”

  13. Mmmm… Gummy Venus de Milo.

    (Well, it could be.)

  14. 1) Hey I found your cervical implant!

    2) Veronica, this weird earring fell out from under your skirt.

    3) Uh oh! I think I divided by zero!

  15. “and that’s how I met the Punisher!”

    “It isn’t that small a bikini..”

  16. And it was with this radiated pea that I gained my powers!

  17. 2). I thought a visual of how many STDs I had would be easier to take.

    3). There’s always room for Jell-O jigglers.

    4). See? My new fecal preservative works!

  18. 1) conragulations… your pregnant
    2) look the first ever condom
    3) this used to be part of micheal jackson
    4) look what i found
    5) it was all a lie, i used this to trick you
    6) i have no penis
    7) will you marry me
    8) i bought this for you
    9) thats whats left of your cat
    10) …and it makes my penis grow

  19. When Veronica saw what was left of her favorite chenille sweater, she decided that she had better do her own laundry from now on.

  20. Don’t be such a prude, baby. What you call “a skimpy costume”, Rob Liefeld calls “cutting edge”.

  21. “I think after 30 years of dating,I’m ready for more than a kiss!”

  22. “Gee whiz,Ronnie! Betty was all excited when I used it last night!”

  23. “Reggie said after he took it,he imagined he was riding a giant wiener with legs!”

  24. “I know! I can’t believe they still call him Moose,either!”

  25. Sean From Edwards

    “Oh Look I had one after all!”
    “Here’s my proof that I have your father.”

  26. Betty said it’s one size fits all!

  27. Dr. Shrinker

    “What did you think I meant when I told you about my 10 inch champion?

  28. 1)Say Hello To My Little Friend!
    2)No it isn’t for my face!
    3)That’s right I ate the boy wonder!
    4)Do I look fat in this mask!
    5)What…bad fashion choice?
    6)I’m gonna look bad-ass with my new mask shaped earrings!

  29. One..two..THREE! Now ‘thats’ a Brazilian!

    see! Its proof our parent are keeping us minors for 30 years!

    Well its either this or another visit to the midnight doctor behind the Chok’lit Shoppe.

  30. TerminusVitae

    1. *deep creepy stalker voice* “I’ve chosen…”

    2. “it was over here the whole time! Surprise! you’re on Candid Comic Creampie Camera!”

  31. And now you know the secret identity of the “Purple Mamba the 9 Inch Avenger!”

  32. Thrashbrowns

    “You mean this isn’t the key to your chastity belt?”

  33. 1. “Damn these braces! …Sorry, here’s your IUD.”

    2. “Do you like this teeny-weeny bra? I fashioned it out of the one I stole from your laundry.”

    3. “Relax Veronica, open your eyes and follow the pendulum… you are feeling sleeeepyyyy…”

    4. “If you scream, you will only die out of breath.”

    5. “So I stepped on him and he went squish, but when the Indian rode off on the white horse, he said I could take the mask as a souvenir.”

    ( Anyone know who the Lone Ranger/Tonto are? ::grimace:: )

    6. “I’ve been collecting movie replicas for a while–look, I just got Tom Cruise’s mask from ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ right here!”

    7. “I bet this little bugger right here is why you had that headache, Veronica!”

    8. “I know we just met, but my love for you is infinite–please accept this AND MY HEART…”

  34. “What did you think I meant when I asked if you wanted to meet my Masked Marvel?”

  35. “Do you think this mask goes with the “red cape” on “Little Archie”?”

  36. “Sugar,ah,honey,honey/ You are my candy girl/ And you got me wanting you….”

  37. “Do you have any heels I can wear with my new earrings?”

  38. 1. “I found this in your underwear drawer. Is there something you’re not telling me?”

    2. “Don’t let appearances fool you, this is a deadly weapon of torture.”

    3. “Doc says if I wear this 3 times a day the checkerboard on my head will go away.”

    4. “No, I didn’t steal any money from that pink house over there, but I did steal this little earring. What do ya think?”

    5. “Hahaha! You thought I was leaning in to kiss you, but then I ripped your earring out of your ear! Betcha didn’t see that coming!”

  39. You ever use one of THESE?

  40. “The box said it was shaped this way for YOUR pleasure!”

  41. “Who wants a Scooby-Snack???”

  42. “O.K.,I got the RIDE and the TEABAGS but I still don’t understand any of this”.

  43. Me, Myself & I

    “Wow, that’s some earwax! Even Shrek would be proud of that.”

  44. Wanna see what comes out of the other nostril?

    So anyways, after I ran over the midget….

    that’s right, I am your father!

    of all the women I’ve strangled, you’re by far the cutest.

    you think THIS is small…..

  45. Me, Myself & I

    “To infinity and beyond!”

  46. wow even with the condoms you’re picky

    hey i know Betty’s earring seems like damning evidence but if you act fast my expirement could become your pleasure

    if you take one and i take one we can both see pretty colors

    and hey off topic but we should have a sith lords contest

  47. Hey, check this out! I got a new growth coming out of my hand! You think it might be a tumor?

  48. this intercourse is brought to you by the number 8

  49. What? I’m just offering her some candy.

    (Something about this makes Ronnie look foreground–like she’s in the front seat–and Archie look background, like he’s looking out the window instead of talking to her. Maybe it’s just me, though.)

  50. 1.This holds the awesome power of the double rainbow!!!

    2. Jeez Victoria, it’s just a radioactive number 8 that will make your hair fall out, nothing to be ‘EEEEEKed’ at.

    3.What!? no I said ‘sometimes YOUR anal.’ what did you think I say!?

  51. Me, Myself & I

    @ X-stacy

    I think its that fact that she is larger than him. it kind of messes with the perspective a bit.

  52. We’re going to the beach – And this is your bikini top!

  53. When I wear this, I call it “A Stranger.”

  54. Oh… and

    And that’s why yours is now trimmed like a “Z.”

  55. 1) This Blocks Some of Your Face so I Don’t Need to See It

    2) Happy Anniversary!! Here is Something I got in The Trashcan for a great price…$0.50!!

  56. 1)Look!I found this eight in the bottom of my bed next to my socks i never washed for a year…. well its yours!Aren’t you happy!

    2)Hey look I found this gum under the car seat or is it snot?Well who cares lets start chewing!

    3)I smashed a bug and look what splattered on my fingers!

  57. 1) The washing machine had created the worst of all possible worlds. Not only had Robin, Boy Wonder been exposed, but now she didn’t even have a mask anymore!

  58. Hey, look what I found! The Green “8” of Death! Shiny, ain’t it?

  59. “Good news! Your not a virgin! Bad news it broke….”

  60. “So, we’ll just slip this on my little sidekick and call him Rubbin.”

  61. “O.K. Shut up already. I got your earring loose. See?”

  62. Danny Beaty

    Ah, another caption contest!

    1. I was trying to find your G-Spot but found this instead!

    2. [deleted by moderator.]

    3. [deleted by moderator.]

    4. If it glows, you’re pregnant!

    5. I saved the foreskin from my circumcision!

  63. Danny, I had to remove #2 and #3, I felt they were over the line. Sorry man.

  64. Me, Myself & I

    “Maybe these prosthetic nostrils will make you look like you have a real nose. Then again, mayble you’ll just look like Michael Jackson”.

  65. It’s only radioactive enough to glow, Ronnie. It won’t hurt you!

  66. “Look at this cool exclusive Green Lantern Mask I got at the San Diego Comic Con.”