Caption Contest 78

Your greatest challenge with this week's Caption Contest will not be coming up with funny replacement dialog for the following panel, it will be keeping your entry clear of the censors:

As always, here's how the contest works:

  • Write a funny bit of replacement dialog for the blank balloon and leave it as a comment to this post;
  • Make sure you keep it clean, appropriate for inclusion on a late-night broadcast television show only, you know, actually funny;
  • Next Monday morning I will choose the ones I think are funniest and open a poll for the community to vote for the overall winner.

No limit on entries this week, so knock yourselves out. Not like the guy in the panel gets knocked out, because that's a horrible way to go, but ... well. You know what I mean.

Good luck everyone! Oh, and of course, the winner will receive their choice of any item they like, or a portrait, either of which will be included in the final HeroMachine 3 release.

135 Responses to Caption Contest 78

  1. Avatar Gero says:

    1. Feel the wrath of Captain Viagra!

    2. Donkey Punch Powers…ACTIVATE!

  2. Avatar Jake says:

    1. Go go gadget… fist?

  3. Avatar MLS says:

    “Go go gadget crotch!”

  4. Avatar Jake says:

    2. I’m pretty sure this is where boxing gloves go.

  5. Avatar MLS says:

    “Alright DP, they’re ready for you to… well, you know.”

  6. Kaldath Kaldath says:

    WOW !! Did you See her ? Oh! .. Umm Sorry Guys

  7. Avatar Tim says:

    “WOW, I’m sure glad to see you officers!”

  8. Avatar TopHat says:

    1. “Sorry. It’s a medical condition”

    2. “Comics Code Authority, eat your heart out!”

    3. “You should see what the backside can do!”

    4. “This is painful for me too you know!”

    5. “Err…This wasn’t in my original costume design”.

  9. Avatar thejay says:

    1. Ha! And she said she wasn’t blown away from my preformance.
    3. You punch my nuts; My nuts punch back.
    4. Hey, Plaster-faces! What’re you staring at you freaks?
    5. Think of Platinum Bomb! Think of Platinum Bomb! Think of Platinum Bomb!

  10. Avatar Cormac says:

    Nuts to you, suckers!

  11. Avatar Tim says:

    “Behold the first chastity belt for men!”

  12. Avatar Connor S. says:

    1. Super T-Bag, Initiate!

  13. Avatar Vampyrist says:

    1. In soviet Russia, nuts hit you.

  14. Avatar Trav says:

    Is this as good for you as it is for me?

  15. Avatar Gargoyle323 says:

    “Fear the awesomeness of Captain Crotchshot!!!

  16. Avatar Trav says:

    A quick wack to the face should keep you away!

    Say hello to my little friends!

  17. Avatar TL says:

    What? You don’t like boom boom?

  18. Avatar Gargoyle323 says:

    “Who else laughed at me in the shower back in high school?”

  19. Avatar Gargoyle323 says:

    “Let’s see the NFL ban my touchdown celebration!”

  20. Avatar Gargoyle323 says:


  21. Avatar Gargoyle323 says:

    “I got bored with Whack-a-Mole.”

  22. Avatar DJ says:

    1. Rock out with my knock out.

  23. Avatar NGpm says:

    1. “Wonder Twin” powers activate.
    2. “No, I’m not happy to see you.”
    3. “Schwing!”

  24. Avatar Me, Myself & I says:

    “Here’s the old ‘One, Two Punch’.”

    “Yes, there’s something in my pocket but I am still glad to see you”.

    “So, its not an appropriate display in front of my Mommy?”

    “You can knock a good man down but he’ll always get back up.”

    “This gives the song ‘Burn Baby Burn’ all new meanings”.

    “Keep it safe kids”.

  25. Avatar coyote says:

    1:kneel down be for the might of Hard knock

    2: maybe ill fight Apollo maybe i wont . yo Andree-an

    3: behold the new style of punch line kneel in fear

  26. Avatar Joshua says:

    1. “There’s no use blockin’ it when I’m cockin’ it!”

    2. “It might be ribbed for her pleasure, but it’s ribbed for your pain!”

    3. “I ain’t firing blanks this time!”

  27. Avatar Fabien says:

    Say cheese, the little bird will beat you.

  28. Avatar Me, Myself & I says:

    “you don’t want to see what these other buttons do.”

  29. Avatar Me, Myself & I says:

    “My Mummy’s will be so proud.”

  30. Avatar Jake says:

    3. It’s been eight hours. I think I need to call a doctor.

  31. Avatar Knitesoul says:

    – Double K.O.!!!

    – Whoops, wrong medicine…

    – Well that got me excited.

  32. Avatar Jason says:

    1) You two definitely got a rise out of me!
    2) Suck it!
    3) Rock’m Sock’m Jock strap!
    4) Why can’t I find a girlfriend again?
    5) Who knew you could get such great crime fighting tech at the local porn shop?
    6) Ah Nuts!
    7) Score!
    8) Beat it, just beat it, don’t you make me repeat it!
    9) Whoa, I have a second one?
    10) Two inches? I’ll show you two inches!

  33. Avatar Matt says:

    1. What’s the Capitol of Thailand?… BANGKOK!
    2. …and that Billy, is how you were born.

  34. Avatar Loki says:

    1.Pelvic Thrust!!

  35. Avatar Loki says:

    2.That’s not big, THIS is big!

  36. Avatar Loki says:

    3. No! I was surrendering, but it’s the morning!

  37. Avatar TopHat says:

    6. “Sorry! I was thinking about Megan Fox again!”

    7. “6 Million Dollar Man, Inspector Gadget, eat your heart out!”

    8. “You’re uh…You’re not gonna tell anyone else about this are you?”

  38. Avatar WhiteOleander90 says:

    It’s not polite to stare!

  39. Avatar Loki says:

    4. I bring a new meaning to the phrase…Cock Punch!

  40. Avatar Taylor says:

    2.And that’s why I use Extensis!
    3. Did you see the boob’s on her? oh, uh, oops?
    4.Hey mom! dad! look what I can do!

  41. Avatar Oquies says:

    “Wow! That plastic surgeon is amazing!”

    “Never felt better.”

  42. Avatar Me, Myself & I says:

    “There I go again, thinking with two heads”.

  43. Avatar Riddlerclue says:

    I know these won’t get past the censor but they need to be said…

    1. What a c*ck blcoker!


    2. THIS is your idea of a threesome.

    I know I’m a cheater. But I mean….C’mon!

  44. Avatar Decolda says:

    1. Glove’man does it again! Ooorah
    2. POP goes the weesel
    3. Fist of the extended groin – activate
    4. i think im gonna c…um
    5. What do you get with Gadget, Rocky and Viagra?
    6. Oi, stop watching you perverts!

  45. Avatar Fyzza says:

    1) Wonder Crotch ACTIVATE!
    2) I’d like to see wonderwoman handle THIS!
    3) Woops! I should DEFINATLY go out after my morning wood goes down next time!
    4) Well, what’ya know? A shot FROM below the belt doesn’t hurt at all!
    5) I’m ALWAYS happ to see you, cops!

  46. Avatar Gargoyle323 says:

    “I am Captain Bow-Chick-A-Wow-Wow!!!”

  47. Avatar Gargoyle323 says:

    “This is the best Swiss Army knife EVER!”

  48. Avatar DiCicatriz says:

    “I’ve created the most effective birth control EVER!”

    “I need an adult! I need an adult!”

    “… and after you remove those face wraps, we move on to the third phase of the treatment which you see here”

  49. Avatar remy says:

    1. I dunno guys. Your mothers certainly seemed to like it

  50. Avatar remy says:

    2. That’s what you get for causing a giant oil spill “DP”!

  51. Avatar Fyzza says:

    6) No, this ISN’T a gun in my pocket, nor am I happy to see you. For this, my friend, are two boxing gloves on my belt!

  52. Avatar Frank C says:

    1) Look Ma, no hands!

    2) Put up your dukes and fight me like real men.

    3) And to think…. the JLA turned me down.

    4) Why yes there’s a glove in my pocket but I am glad to see you.

    5) Meet the long are of the law.

    6) He sticks the landing and the crowd goes wild! AAAAAAHHH

  53. Avatar Frank C says:

    5) Meet the long arm of the law

  54. Avatar Gargoyle323 says:

    “Look,I switched from briefs to BOXERS!”

  55. Avatar Me, Myself & I says:

    “Well, I surrender, but sometimes its just got a mind of its own.”

  56. Avatar Deadeas says:

    “I’ve giving the term Crotch Rocket a whole new meaning!”

  57. Avatar Mr. Q says:

    I’m sorry but I can’t take part in this. I can only think of one line and it violates your censorship rule. ^^;

    Mr. Q

  58. Avatar Aeternus606 says:


  59. Avatar Myro says:

    Dude, I can beat them off with both fists!

  60. Avatar Mike says:

    1. So this is how Green Arrow does it!

    2. Sock it to you!

    3. Excuse me while I unload my weapon of mass destruction.

    4. Run, bandage men, I have saved your civilization from utter destruction!

    5. Boot to the FACE!

  61. Avatar Rick says:

    Ha! Cold-cocked ya!

  62. Avatar Frankie says:

    “o.k. mummy henchmen, now if you can just reload my fist-o-matics, I’ll see if I can blast away some of this rubble so we can make a clean getaway.”

  63. Avatar Frankie says:

    “The two hit wonder strikes again!”

  64. Avatar LargeFormat says:

    ‘And if you think THIS looks funny, you should watch me weightlift!’

  65. Avatar Phil-H says:

    1 – Don’t whine, you know you liked it.
    2 – guess where my dick is
    3 – these french mechanics there weird…

  66. Avatar MScat says:

    Is that a boxing glove or am I happy to see you?

  67. Avatar SlimJimGrimm says:

    1.Can you say “BOOOOING”?!
    2.Ok, maybe I should’ve touched gloves with them a tiny bit softer.
    3.Two for one!
    4.Ahhh, good morning everyone. Oh! Uhh…my bad.
    5.Sooo…I guess the boxing gloves attached to my crotch wasn’t the smartest thing to do.

  68. Avatar joel says:

    -Talk about a wang to the head

  69. Avatar joel says:

    how do you like the stiff competition?

    hows this for a junk shot?

    is anyone else as confused as i am?

  70. Avatar remy says:

    3. Everybody buy the NEWEST Trojan —the Trojan Fist! Trojan Fists—“Fits like a glove, hits like a glove!”

  71. Avatar X-stacy says:

    …too much?

  72. Avatar joel says:

    Remember kids, support your local strip clubs

    I always rise to the occasion

  73. Avatar Tim K. says:

    That was my rifle, this is my gun, that was killing, this is for fun!

  74. Avatar Tim K. says:

    ..for killing..rather

  75. Avatar X-stacy says:

    Two for flinching!

  76. Avatar Fyzza says:

    7) Man.. I’m soo tired! Morning, cops… Oops…

  77. Avatar DJ says:

    2. My other codpiece is a gun.

    3. Ladies pay for this and you’re getting it for free.

    4. This is what I call the money shot.

    5. What was that you said about “over compensating” ?

    6. Don’t ever mention high school!

    7. And boom goes to the dynamite.

  78. Avatar LargeFormat says:

    ‘I believe it was Fellini who once said…CROTCHALLINI!’

  79. Avatar John D says:

    You don’t give the love unless you wear the glove.

  80. Avatar knighthawk says:

    1) Look ma, no hands!
    2) THIS is my hands free headset!
    3) Don’t fight guys, I got enough to go around!

  81. Avatar Worf says:

    1) Double your pleasure, double your fun!
    2) Let’s see who’s emasculated now!
    3) YAY! I can finally go back to the lucrative porn business!
    4) Guaranteed to bring her pleasure. Even IF she’s a dead mummy!

  82. Avatar Me, Myself & I says:

    “Two cops trying to arrest me… inconvenient.
    Two dead Mummies watching along… kinda creepy.
    The look on your faces… priceless!”

  83. Avatar Gregg says:

    1. It’s a boxing glove in my pants AND I’m happy to see you!
    2. Look mummy, no hands!

  84. Avatar kingmonkey says:

    “Even thinking about baseball cannot stop… Erector!”

  85. Avatar BangYourHead says:

    “In soviet Russia, crotch punches you!”
    “I know no law! I am… crotch punch!”

  86. Avatar ChrisN. says:

    “With his Alcoholic beverages and E.D. medication combined, he is… ROCK’EM-SOCK’EM!”

    “Why is Bob so happy?”

    “Ha! With this rubber suit, I’m immune to cold showers!”

    “That’s what I call a SUCKer punch!”

  87. Avatar BenK22 says:

    1. “Now I know how Nightcrawler feels!”

    2. “It’s fun to stay at the Y…MCA!”

  88. Avatar Oquies says:

    “Its only a prosthetic.”

  89. Avatar redvector says:

    1.”Ron Jeremy eat your heart out!”

    2.”Behold the power of Iron Crotch.”

    3.”To Infinity and Beyond!”

  90. 1. Go, go, Gadget Penis!
    2. Wonder Penis powers activate!
    3. Ron Jeremy, eat your heart out!
    4. Feel the power of my Crimson Crotch Attack!

  91. Avatar MartianBlue says:

    That is the funniest and yet most disturbing thing I think I’ve ever seen. lol. The stretching pose, just fits perfectly with the dual extension.
    Obviously another failed doublement commercial

    Ok time for some entrants

    1. GYRO Thhrrrust
    2. Yay! I did it mummy!
    3. Oops! I did it again!
    4. Oh yeah! That!? That just happened.
    5. Lorena! I will have my revenge!!!

    *five is lorena bobbit reference*

  92. Avatar MartianBlue says:

    6. It also works great against catholic priests!

  93. Avatar MartianBlue says:

    7. Well, that about WRAPS things up.

  94. Avatar Frankie says:

    “Punch buggy red, punch buggy blue. A fire’s a’coming, and mummies are too.”

  95. Avatar connor says:

    This is why you should always use “protection!!!”

  96. Avatar Loki says:

    4.what? Of course it’s a giant phallic symbol. What did you think it is?

  97. Avatar Loki says:

    5.Insert Innuendo Here!

  98. Avatar Metaceryn says:

    “Take THAT, Comics Code Authority!”
    (could be considered a repeat of TopHat’s entry, so eh…)

  99. Avatar Aaron says:

    Ha! Beat that Spiderman. My web shooters are better and in a more accurate place!!

  100. Avatar Sivad says:

    Hey, they don’t call ’em “Boxers” for nothing.

  101. Avatar Knitesoul says:

    – “Now its hands free!”

    – “No KA-POW! this time?”

    – “It also slices & dices.”

  102. Avatar Hazza says:

    Ka-pow baby

  103. @Jeff: What twisted, bizarre comic is this from? When you post the winner, please include a picture with the original caption.

    I have no entries because I’m still shivering with the willies (ha!).

  104. Avatar X-stacy says:

    Atomic Punk: Hephaestian says it’s from Doom Patrol, but she no longer has the original unblanked panel.

  105. Avatar Loki says:


  106. Avatar UesugiWarrior says:

    1. TKO From Below!!
    2. There’s really something to be said for goin’ off half cocked!!
    3. My hands free kit is really something!!

  107. Avatar redvector says:

    “My bad I was try to activate my jet boots.”

  108. Avatar Joshua says:

    4. “You’ll never know what you’ll find at Tony Stark’s yardsale!”

    5. “Goonies never say die!”
    *Warning: Dated reference about “Data” and the Goonies, but you 80’s kids will get it.

    6. “These balls pack a lot of punch!”

  109. Avatar Fyzza says:

    8) Anyone got a tape measure? It seems longer than before.

  110. Avatar UesugiWarrior says:

    Another one: POW! Right in your kissers!!

  111. Avatar UesugiWarrior says:

    And Again: That’s what I call a stiff straight!!

  112. Avatar Loki says:

    7.Apply directly to the forehead!

  113. Avatar Larry says:

    “I, Disgusto, had a hand for everything!”

  114. Avatar Larry says:

    “I, Disgusto, have a hand for everything!”

  115. Avatar Galactic Ketchup says:

    My wife always said I packed a punch in the bedroom!

  116. Avatar John says:

    WOOT!! Nutshot! Oh, well…

  117. Avatar Alexander G. says:

    1) POW! right in the kisser
    2) yes I am excited to see you

  118. Avatar dementedtheclown says:

    1)Boom Head Shot
    2)Boom Money Shot

  119. Avatar Jacob346 says:


  120. Avatar BNE says:

    “Look Ma! No hands!”

  121. Avatar Anthony says:

    1) ULTIMATE T-BAG!!!!!!
    2) Falcon PUNCH!!11

  122. Avatar song_bird says:

    1. GO-go gadget CROTCH GLOVE!
    2. ♪I’m so excited…and I just can’t hide it!♪
    3. Simon says: ON YOUR KNEES!!!
    4. Say, “AHHHH!”
    5. Your PRIDE is NO MORE!!!
    6. You’ve got me by the [i]what[/i]?

  123. Avatar song_bird says:

    7. GIGGITY!!! (Quagmire reference)
    8. “These aren’t guns, nor am I happy to see you!”

  124. Avatar songbird says:

    1. “No, they AREN’T guns and I most certainly am NOT happy to see you!”
    2. “DP for the WIN!”
    3. Your pride is MINE!!!

  125. Avatar joel says:

    Marvel may have Dr Strabge, but UGO has Dr Stranger Danger!

  126. Avatar rancid says:

    1. look ma no hands
    2. FAME! im gonna live forever, your gonna remember my name
    3. yeah yeah i read the instruction manual…my bad
    4. its the eye of the tiger la la la
    5. mom dad i can explain
    6. look out world here i come
    7. spirit fingers!
    8. did i do that
    9. its from e-bay what could go wrong?
    10. everybody do the saftey dance

  127. Avatar rancid says:

    safety dance

  128. Avatar Tim says:

    “DOUBLE TAP!!!”

  129. Avatar Grip says:

    1) 2 KO!!!

    2) Feel the pow-ah of my PUNCH!!

    3) Testing 1…2…pwned!!

    4) My invention blew you 2 away!!

    5) Sideway slammer!!

    6) Neck to Neck battle!!!

  130. Avatar Grip says:

    8) My lending hand may get me banned!!

  131. Avatar Tim says:

    “Remember kids! Blunt force always trumps roofies!”

  132. Avatar Al says:

    “No means NO!”

  133. Avatar Bloodwarp95 says:

    Here I come