Caption Contest 71

Once again, your biggest challenge in coming up with funny replacement dialog for this comics panel is going to be keeping it clean enough to pass the censors:


The rules are simple:

  • Keep it clean, appropriate for a late-night broadcast television program;
  • No more than three entries per person;
  • All entries must be left in a comment (or comments) to this post.

Good luck everyone! The funniest replacement dialog will win either a portrait of the writer, or any item they choose, for inclusion with HeroMachine 3. Entries close next Monday.

61 Responses to Caption Contest 71

  1. Avatar amathakathi says:

    1. Boy it’s gonna be hard to get this by the censors!

  2. Avatar MadhatteR says:

    Now no one will find that torpedo I stole!

  3. Avatar Tim says:

    1) “My wife will love this!”

  4. Avatar Worf says:

    1) YES! My Frankenstein DIY Kit finally came!

  5. Avatar Worf says:

    2) If THIS doesn’t impress Amber then nothing will!

  6. Avatar Tim says:

    2) “I shall call you, Eduardo!”

  7. Avatar Worf says:

    3) Oh boy! I hope they really mean it when they say “satisfaction guaranteed”!

  8. Avatar Tim says:

    3) “It’s amazing what you can find at Walmart these days.”

  9. Avatar Ben Trafford says:

    Look at the size of this tasty, wrapped sausage. I bet it will go nicely in between Bob’s hot-crossed buns!

  10. Avatar Connor S. says:

    1) “Wow! This is great! When I asked them for a implant, they satisfied! Now my wife won’t be dissapointed with me anymore!”

  11. Avatar Connor S. says:

    2) “What a beautiful new baby! The ambelical cord is awful hard to get off though.”

    (Probably spelled ambelical wrong lol)

  12. Avatar Connor S. says:

    3) Oh no! A mummy! Oh, you scared me for a second Jeff!”

  13. Avatar Danny Beaty says:

    1. At least we know which part of King Kong we shot!

    2. John Holmes remembered me in his will!

    3. Let me tuck you in…as deep as I can!

  14. Avatar CPrime says:

    1. “Man, the giant sure looked mad when I chopped off his… finger.”

    2. “And only $3.50 on e-bay!”

    3. “That dingo ate my baby! And left this… thing… What is this?”

  15. Avatar Joshua says:

    1). Thank you, Enzyte!

    2). Alright! My petrified dinosaur turd arrived!

    3). With this dummy in place, I can sneak out for a lap dance!

  16. Avatar Mr44 says:

    1) The boys will get a big surprise at breakfast.
    2) Boy, so glad the craigslist mods looked past this.
    3)Oh boy! My replacement legs came! Now I can’t stay in bed all day!

  17. Avatar haydnc95 says:

    ‘I shall call him Cheesy, and he shall be my Cheese Stick’

  18. Avatar Salvync says:

    “I wonder if it can fit in my closet”

  19. Avatar RJ mcd says:

    finally i can get rid of that idiot bucky

  20. Avatar Tim says:

    If it’s okay, I’d like to discard my 2nd entry “I shall call you, Eduardo!”

    In exchange for: “Don’t worry, baby. My wife won’t be home for HOURS!”

  21. Avatar Ian says:

    1. Guys, the mail-order bride is here!

    2. That’s funny…when I went to bed, I had legs!

    3. Hey, Sarge, what’s the ad say again about something lasting more than four hours?

  22. Avatar kyle says:

    1.hey beautiful, whats your name?

  23. Avatar Adam says:

    Wow after this one I’m gonna need a lot of cheetos!

  24. Avatar Adam says:

    That’s the last time I buy Insta-Viagra

  25. 1. You owe me for saving you from the J.V. linebackers.

    2. Come here, you big dummy! I love you!

    3. Now I shall serenade you, my sweet. “In the Navy…” *

    * The Village People (Ask your parents, kids!)

  26. Avatar Jason says:

    1- The things you’ll find in a cereal box these days.

    2- Is this the reason why my wife maxed out my credit card?

    3-That is the last time I go out drinking with the guys.

  27. Avatar coyote says:

    1: HA he can never turn to He_Man with out this !!!
    2: Now that i have recovered his body Bucky can be reborn!!!
    3: I better get this back to Tracy Lords be for she misses it.

  28. Avatar The Doomed Pixel says:

    What? Oh, it’s just my package.

    Just my package.

  29. Avatar MartianBlue says:

    1.) Rest Mr. Biggle Wiggles. Your time will come soon enough. For tomorrow we journey to… The Island of The Giant Amazons!

    2.) Who says the navy has all the fun?

    3.) By Zeus’ giant reproduction organ, I found it, I finally found it. After all the searching, all the lonesome nights, I’ll never let you go again. Private Big Willy Johnson is going to sleep in you so long and hard, bedroll, oh my bedroll.

    The way he holds that thing so lovingly, starring at it so obsessively, all the while lying it in his bed, is quite disturbing, to say the least.

  30. Avatar MartianBlue says:

    Not an entrant, but I just thought with last weeks it fits perfectly.

    “Jeepers, Casper is gonna love this!”

  31. Avatar pikirk says:

    “See! King Kong’s not so bad when you get to know him!”

  32. Avatar spidercow2010 says:

    “Wow, Dr. Erskine, it looks like the Super-Soldier Serum has a side-effect!”

  33. Avatar Jon DiCerbo says:

    Don’t ask, don’t tell!

  34. Avatar CPrime says:

    No, Tim. That was your best one. I loved that one. Its so random.

  35. Avatar TopHat says:

    1. “I don’t know why everyone makes a big deal out o me keeping a bazooka under my sheets”.


    3. “Well, this isn’t the worst phalic object I’ve found under my covers”.

  36. Avatar redvector says:

    Now it’s time for my major award!

  37. Avatar Jedy says:

    1. Got you! Damn, it’s a large salami decoy!

    2. Don’t panic, I’ve got the emergency tent.

    3. The old ‘kingsize cigar under the bed’ trick, eh?

  38. Avatar Aaron says:

    1) It’s a Magnum

    2) I hate being in the army…I have to hide the brownies my mom sent me with my guns.

    3) Allright it’s the new Nimbus 2000

  39. Avatar JWMan says:

    1. “What could possibly go wrong with stealing a mummy?!”

    2. “Michael Phelps must be stopped and this 6 foot long poison sandwich is the only way. Muahahahahaha!”

    3. “It’s gonna take the whole platoon to smoke this one.”

  40. Avatar Nancy says:

    “This soldier knows a good blanket roll when he sees one.”
    “Excellent, now I don’t have to sleep with Jim in the next bunk.”
    “War is hell, but you are my blanket of love and I will never leave you!”

  41. Avatar Fernando says:

    1) After this surgery I’m going home and it’s gonna be hot!

    2) Tell the girl who wants to make out with me, she’ll never walk again.

    3) Wow! After that I’ll just make out with a woman of 20 feet!

  42. Avatar Dudemeister says:

    1. This package just came to help the boys and I celebrate the end of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”.

    2. The new recruits just arrived. Time for some world class hazing,eh Private Johnson?

    3. You know, water-boarding didn’t work on Hussein, either. You know what did make him talk? We call it the “Saddam”-izer!

  43. Avatar JOJO65 says:

    Finally, the REAL American Dream….

  44. Avatar Job says:

    “I took the pills at 18:00, so it’s been 1-2-3-4-… crap.”

  45. Avatar kyle says:

    tonight its just johnny and his salami fun night

  46. Avatar mental joe says:

    haha. I SHALL chortle at Joker’s boner, I SHALL indeed!

  47. Blue Blazer Blue Blazer says:

    1) Finally, someone who will neither ask nor tell!
    2) Ah, the old “wrapped-up corpse in the bed” trick. Wait’ll I tell the fellas about this!
    3) Oh, I just KNEW the Enormous Eggroll Fairy was real!

  48. Avatar Jericho says:

    1. Hello, Mr. Giant Tootsie Roll. Oh what FUN we shall have!
    2. Who are you? What is your name? YOU ARE JIMMY PATERSON!
    3. It puts the lotion on its skin. IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN!

  49. Avatar superawesomecoolman says:

    1. hmm… well, i was thinking about using this as a decoy, but it’s so beautiful, i think i might take it with me!

    2. I’ve found it! The last of the ancient pointless manikins of Mashnir!

    3. you’re my only friend now, mr.giant cheese curd

  50. Avatar Jordan Banta says:

    I don’t remember ordering anything from “Big Willy’s Shipping Service”?

  51. Avatar Gero says:

    1. I’ll call you “Susie”!

  52. Vengeance Vengeance says:

    Well the old one got shot off

    Don’t open till christmas Oh boy I can’t wait

    Oh Boy will this make a great caption contest

  53. Avatar Al says:

    1. Is this supposed to come off?

    2. Peek-a-boo!

    3. My, you’ve grown since the last time I saw you!

  54. Avatar CPrime says:

    My favorites so far: (not including mine)

    “I shall call you, Eduardo!” by Tim.

    “Wow, Dr. Erskine, it looks like the Super-Soldier Serum has a side-effect!” by spidercow2010.

    “It puts the lotion on its skin. IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN!” by Jericho.

  55. Avatar SongBird says:

    1. When those guys said “We can rebuild him”, they really weren’t kidding!

    2. I better not hug it too tight while sleeping, unless I want to give these walls a new paint job.

    3. She didn’t like the size of my boat, so I went ahead and upgraded to the titanic.

  56. Avatar Frankie says:

    “Rock-a-bye potato with sour cream on top.
    When the crew gets hungry, we’ll put you in a pot.
    When the water boils, we’ll butter some dinner rolls.
    And serve you on a plate, potato skins and all.
    I love you ‘sweet potato’.”

  57. Avatar Frankie says:

    “O.K. Which one of you guys gave me the finger?”

  58. Avatar Frankie says:

    ‘Guess what old chum. They’re giving me a purple heart for pulling you out of that war zone.”

  59. Avatar Tim says:

    @CPrime: Really? crap. I actually got that from Family Guy hehe. I might just switch it back then…if you didn’t claim it in your #54 post that is lol.

    If you didn’t, then I’ll stick with my original 3 😀

    To reiterate:
    1) “My wife will love this!”
    2) “I shall call you, Eduardo!”
    3) “It’s amazing what you can find at Walmart these days.”

  60. Avatar CPrime says:

    See, the key is we have to be grown-ups. Yes, there are a million “large wiener” or “romantic aid” innuendos to be made, and we’ve heard most of them, but and some of them are great but let’s test our creativity by coming up with something else. For example, kudos to Frankie for his purple heart line and his finger line.

  61. Avatar spidercow2010 says:

    I see where you’re coming from, CPrime, and Frankie did indeed pull the funny out of the picture, but I can’t help thinking that, more often than not, people would see the grown-up response and wonder why the caption writer missed the astoundingly obvious phallic imagery. Sometimes the situation just demands juvenile smirkery.