Caption Contest 69: Monkey business

Come up with the best replacement dialog for this random comic book panel and you'll win your choice of either any item or a portrait of your beautiful face to go into the final HeroMachine 3 program!


The rules are simple:

  • No more than three entries per person;
  • Each entry must be left as a comment (or all three in one comment, whatever) to this post;
  • Keep it clean, appropriate for a late-night broadcast television show.

That's it! Good luck everyone, we'll run this contest for a week and next Monday I'll post the finalists for you to vote on.

(Image from "Day of Vengeance" number 1, ©2005, DC Comics, Inc. Having realized this was contest 69, I declined the opportunity for mass chaos this panel would've generated.)

70 Responses to Caption Contest 69: Monkey business

  1. amathakathi says:

    1: Wait right there, Hellboy is taking a leak

    2: Yeah these kids thought it would be real funny to teach me to smoke. That was 20 years ago, I still ain’t laughing.

    3: Rats everywhere, weak beer, no service… And you should see the clientele!

  2. Montana Player says:

    1. I’m gonna make ’em an offer they can’t refuse.
    2. What happened in Vegas best damn well stay there.
    3. Monkey see, monkey do, eh?

  3. Mr. Q says:

    1) Yeah, I’m drunk but you’re ugly. The difference is that I’ll be sober tomorrow.

  4. Loki says:

    1.what!? I’m a monkey!?

  5. Loki says: what do ya mean what happened to my pupils?

  6. thor1066 says:

    “What, you never saw ‘Planet Of The Apes”?

  7. gero says:

    1. What are YOU looking at?

  8. gero says:

    2. I AM the manager…

  9. Loki says:

    3. Yes, yes; I am a talking monkey, If I had a banana for every time…

  10. Danny Beaty says:

    1. Stay thirsty my friend.

    2. I’s like a banana daiquiri.

    3. Who’s your chimp-daddy?

  11. Danny Beaty says:

    Please replace entry #2 (of #9) with:

    2. I’d like a banana daiquiri.

  12. Jacques LeMur says:

    1: 10 million years of evolution, and THIS is the best God can do? No wonder I’m an atheist.

    2: So, Catwoman, can I buy you a drink? Dinner perhaps? (*mouse squeaks*)

    3: Monkey fighting style? Yeah, I invented it…Drunken style too…

  13. The Atomic Punk says:

    No, I ain’t Tom Waits…

  14. Cybertourk says:

    1. Please don’t tell me your my blind date. I’m not into ugly chicks.

    2. I will tell you everything you want to know about the secret life of Mr. Jackson. But the pay better be good.

  15. metalhead666 says:

    I ain’t monkeyin’ around, i’m on my break

  16. Wolff says:

    What… not human enough for ya?

  17. Hammerknight says:

    1. Welcome to Monkey Shine’s, Would you like to see the girls now?
    2. Grape Ape nothing, I’m a smoking Monkey.
    3. Psst, would you like to see my banana?

  18. Demented The Clown says:

    1. Eeeeee Eeeeeee Eeeeeee

    2. I came for the banana nut muffins, I stayed for the booze.

    3. I don’t want any monkey business from you, comprende?

  19. William A. Peterson says:

    “You think I’m in bad shape, you ought to see what happened to the Phantom Stranger!
    He’s the one on the table, next to my beer…”

  20. Matt says:

    1.What do you mean ‘There’s no more bannanas’?
    2.I know what you’re thinking, lay off the monkey suits.

  21. superawesomecoolman says:

    and sometimes, if you listen carefully enough on a night with a full moon, you can still hear old monkey-man yelling “GIMME BACK MAH LUCKY BOTTLE!!!”

  22. Patrick says:

    Evolution my ass!

  23. Jericho says:

    1. Yes, Mr. Cat. I will give you the mouse for your hat.
    2. So there I was in New York, and this fat guy comes up to me with a music box…
    3. Toto, I don’t think we’re in Gorilla City anymore.

  24. Kaldath says:

    1) What? Oh the cigarette and the booze, yeah they’re a real human on my back if you know what i mean.

    2) C’mon baby! You know what they say, “what Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas!”

  25. Tim says:

    1) Yeah I blew up the Statue of Liberty! What of it?!

  26. Tim says:

    2) Sex appeal? Yeah I got it.

  27. TopHat says:

    1.’So you found where the smell of poop is coming from in here, good for you’.
    2.’I know you’re mad that I’m cooler then you could ever hope to be, but man up and accept it’.
    3.’One banana split please. Extra vodka’.

  28. Tim says:

    3) Yeah I used to live in this kid’s closet. I think his name was Chris Griffin or something.

  29. spidercow2010 says:

    1. Screw Peter Jackson n’ that CGI crap! I had to play Kong ONE FRAME AT A TIME!!
    2. Yeah, I’m Frank Cho. Who’re you?
    3. Yeah, I was the President of the United States. Wait ’til Cheney gets back and I’ll tell you all about it.

  30. Mr.Vampire says:

    1. Yes, that IS a banana in my pocket.

    2. No, I’m not kidding. Davy Jones is my real name.

    3. Not with you honey. I’ve got standards.

  31. Matt says:

    3.Is that a banana in your pants, or are you just happy to see me? ‘Cos I really just want a banana.

  32. Pyrate Hyena says:

    Yes, I’m a chimp, yes I can remember more than 3 numbers and that’s exactly why i own Microsoft.

  33. TheNate says:

    A rabbi and a lawyer just walked in? Okay, let’s get this joke started.

  34. Legatus says:

    I’ve tried everything, but Jane Goodall just never did call me back.

  35. Nancy says:

    “I need a computer mouse you idiot.”

  36. 1. Welcome to the jungle we got smoking chimps.
    2. I’m sorry for your loss mamma kong.
    3. So where’s the bannanas.

  37. Nancy says:

    “Is the cigarette too much? I can pose without it. Or the mouse? It was just a last minute improv on my part…”

  38. Joshua says:

    1). Keep your hands off ME, you damn dirty human!

    2). I’m not wasting my immortality in front of a typewriter re-writing Shakespeare.

    3). Yeah, I’m bitter– Tarzan left me for another chimp!

  39. PCFDPGrey says:

    1. “Laugh while you can, Monkey-boy.”
    2. “And this one time, at band camp…”
    3. “Welcome to the jungle
    We got fun ‘n’ games
    We got everything you want
    Honey we know the names
    We are the people that can find
    Whatever you may need
    If you got the money honey
    We got your disease”

  40. Nancy says:

    “Put the drinks on my tab and bring me a to-go-box for the mouse.”

  41. Mr. Q says:

    2) Tell Cheetah if she doesn’t claim this mouse in one hour, she’s S.O.L.

  42. kyle says:

    1.where’s my banana daiquiri? you damn dirty human!

  43. Matt says:

    @Kyle: Lol, That instantly reminds me of Planet of the Apes…

    “Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!”

  44. Matt says:

    Same with Joshua, Your quotes keep me happy for the evening.

  45. Frankie says:

    “So, I here you want to know how I can drink out of a mug without opposable thumbs.”

  46. Frankie says:

    “Why don’t you tell me what my t-shirt says.”

  47. TJ says:

    I tell you dogs can’t look up!

  48. Fishpants says:

    1. Yo, I got an empty glass an’ a full diaper over here. Chop chop!
    2. Hey cat! Yer drink got a banana in it? Yeah, she switched ’em again.
    3. Whoa, buddy. You ain’t gettin’ on the wheel in your shape. Gimme your keys.

  49. Frankie says:

    “What? No banana jokes, Frankie? What are you? You’re nothing. Frankie says relaaaaax. See? I can be funny too.”

  50. the creator says:

    Tom cat, i caught that stupid mouse, i hope you have the cash…

  51. Brad says:

    1. Just happy to see I wanted a banana.

  52. chase says:

    1) I think those banannas made me high

  53. Niall Mor says:

    Of all the gin joints in all the jungles in all the world, she swings into mine.

  54. PsyckoSama says:

    1) I’ll warn ya now. The first one of you pillocks to tell me to “stop monkeying around” gets shanked.

    2) Yes, this is a banana in my pocket, and no I am not happy to see you.

    3) I swear to God, if I don’t get some bloody service around here soon, I’m going to start flinging poo.

  55. knight1192 says:

    1. “Get out of my face, you damn dirty humans!”

    2. “What do you mean by that zoo crack?”

    3. “So what if it will give me cancer! You think I care after that doctor made me look like this?”

  56. jhonny says:

    yeah i was the first chimp on the moon,singing with Elvis,star in a movie with Reagan,and even dance with Jackson…is that good enough for you

  57. jhonny says:

    yeah i was the first chimp on the moon,singing with Elvis,star in a movie with Reagan,and even dance with Jackson…is that good enough for you?

  58. jhonny says:

    sorry about the repeat

  59. jhonny says:

    2. so we have a rat in the monkey business huh

  60. Bael says:

    1) Don’t ask. You really don’t want to know.

  61. Oquies says:

    1. “I don’t know what your talking about. My palms are not hairy.”

    2. “What the hell is this crap. You think just because I am a monkey I like bananas?”

    3. “I am only filling in for Mr. Camel.”

  62. D says:

    1. Geez! I don’t know about these banana broads! All I asked her to do was peel off!

    2. What’ya gonna do for a face once the human wants his bum back?

    3. Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him well, Horatio.

  63. NGpm says:

    1. The Surgeon General says what?!? … well, I’ll be a monkey’s — never mind.

    2. Come to where flavor is, come to Marlboro Monkey country.

    3. The secret to my looks? Clean living my friend.

  64. Aaron says:

    1) You think smokings good for you? I’m 12.

    2)Yeah I’m John Constantine. This is what I look like without magic concealing my true looks

    3)The good news is I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurence by switching to Geico.

  65. PRiegel says:

    1. “No, I ain’t gotta light. Do I look like Rex the freakin’ Wonder Dog?”

    2. “I SAW it. I HEARD it. But it was… unspeakable…”

    3. “Good? Bad? I’m the guy with the rat.”

  66. jhonny says:

    re-do 59: so we have a rat in the Monkey business.

  67. Lawrence says:

    They shot me into space and I saw things man. Terrible things.

  68. Lawrence says:

    Um Bongo? Yeah, we drink it in the congo.

  69. Lawrence says:

    and tell Mario if he doesn’t get my money by next week, Yoshi gets it.

  70. jhonny says:

    3.this is what happen to me after diddy Kong country.