Bad non-costumes

For the first time, we at HeroMachine.com are proud to bring you the previously untold story of how Namor lost his "Worst Dressed Aquatic Hero" award:

stoner_ec_phantasmo

Look, ribbons may count as a "sport" in the eyes of the International Summer Olympic Committee, but in no way should they be considered as substitutes for an actual costume in the annals of super-heroic adventuring, a memo Phantasmo clearly missed. I just thank whatever deities may exist that we are exposed only to his dorsal view, because I have no desire to see what that ribbon is doing on the flipside.

20 Responses to Bad non-costumes

  1. The dude is nude! Jeff this is not pornmachine, mister!!! lol.
    I question how something, well “nothing” like that got published in the first place!?

  2. You know what? On a non-noncostume note, I don’t think this is Phantasmo. Given the submarine in the background, I suspect this may be Rex, King of the Deep. And also– hey, what the hell is wrong with his right forearm?

  3. Demented The Clown

    Is There A Female Version?

  4. Whoever it is, it’s wrong on so many levels. With the submarine in the background I’m tempted to, but won’t, make various off-color jokes.

    I will, however, make the comment ‘hello sailor!’

  5. Gentlemen, we are making much ado about nothing. In the 30’s and 40’s such displays of nudity were considered both art and graceful anatomy. Now…had this been published in the 50’s? Oh boy. Y’see, in the 50’s nudity and sex were banned from the American way of life, both public and private. Now you ask- skeptically- “How do you explain the Baby Boom?”. Glad you asked. Thanks to a massive political, religious, and scientific cover-up the truth was concealed. Are you ready for this? A cabal of Cthulu worshipers, on a secret government payroll, tried to spawn humanity from the dark arts. But.It.Failed!

    Instead of spawning from the briny deep, children cropped up everywhere in cabbage patches. And so, a massive conspiracy spread from our grandparents about GI’s coming back from the War with lovin’ on their mind and they called this lie “The Baby Boom”. After the fiasco of the ‘cabbage patch kid’ incident, humanity returned to the old fashioned way of makin’ babies. Now I must take my leave…I’ve revealed too much!

    🙂

  6. We’re off to the submarine races!

    …oops, the seventies called, and they want their euphamism back.

  7. I did not need to see that. I really did not need to see that. I’d like to thank whoever coined the term “Brain Bleach,” [TM] cuz I need some!

  8. …0.o…mommy…

  9. This is the funnies?!? Are there more featured players’ names below the bottom edge? “Also featuring Streak McNuttonon and Flesh Gordon!”

  10. Maybe there should be a character contest to give Phantasmo some clothes.

  11. I second Runt82’s motion to design Phantasmo a new costume!

  12. Calm down, folks- this is a coloring error. Phantasmo wore orange trunks and boots (OK, ONLY trunks and boots, but still…) There was a problem with the red, which probably also explains the “ribbons’ Here’s what he really looked like:
    http://www.internationalhero.co.uk/p/phantas.htm

    This apparently was not an uncommon problem- it is noted for the entry of the previous issue at:
    http://www.comics.org/issue/990/

    See? It’s not just Spider-Man!

  13. Is it just me or is he smiling and waving at the sub?

  14. What has been seen cannot be unseen.

    Captain “Nakie” likely is Phantasmo. It just might be “double cover” featuring the two most popular characters in the book. The sub pictured looks very similar to the one from the Rex book in this photo. http://www.ecrater.com/product.php?pid=6248747 One hero giving props to another? Although the previously mentioned “Hello Sailor” might a more correct interpretation. Submarines do get lonely at night…

  15. “LOOK! UP IN THE SKY! IT’S A BIRD! IT’S A PLANE! IT’S… Some guy exposing his junk to a submarine?!”

    “It’s raining, it’s poring, it’s… Whadya mean is this my first “Golden” shower?”

  16. All in all, this dude beat Namor hands down… over his crotch! Just don’t tell Sue Richards, though!

  17. Stop dissin Namor. Well classic namor sucked but Ultimate Namor looks good
    http://www.lubbockonline.net/blogs/slemmons/images/Land-SueNamor.jpg

  18. Except for his Ultimate Modular Shoulders.

    Just kiddin’.
    I love Ultimate FF.

  19. Dressed? That ribbon looks more like an attempt to tie him up than put a costume on him. The man’s naked! What was he, the Emperor from the old fairy tale The Emperor’s New Clothes?