The person who comes up with the funniest replacement dialog for this caption will win either a portrait of themselves or any item they choose for inclusion in HeroMachine 3! So get those funny caps on and start writing great lines for this:
The rules are simple:
- Keep it clean, appropriate for late-night broadcast television;
- No more than three entries per person;
- All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post.
That's it! Good luck everyone, and as usual I'll announce the winner next Tuesday.
This is not an entry, just a statement: That illustration makes my brain hurt.
“I didn’t even have to use the big gun this time.”
“Next time look me in the eyes when you talk to me.”
Yes, I braved the depths of my 1990’s Image Comics stack (via Half Price Books) to pull images for this contest. See how I suffer for you people!?
Sadly, this is the best pic out of the whole lot, some of them literally would turn your stomach. There’s one of a guy allegedly walking down some steps … ugh. And another one of this little person that literally looks sawed in half and stuffed into a tiny little Armani suit … and another one that … well, you get the picture. Or thankfully, you DON’T get the picture unless I post them, which if there’s any mercy in the universe, I will not.
“I hate being called Dolly.”
“It IS the size of your gun that matters!!”
1) I hold the big guns in this relationship
2)Don’t call me babe!!!!!
3)Yes this is a gun…..and no I am not happy to see you.
“Yeah! They’re real and so is this gun buddy!”
or
“Reach out and touch THIS!”
or
“Mind, Body and a smoken weapon that’s my motto.”
1) “Schwarzenegger’s got nothing on me!”
“Hey! The frozen pizza’s done!”
1) Damn! The crowds on Black Friday just get uglier every year.
(I know, that one is a little late)
2) The Liefeld 90001 Guaranteed to smoke the bad guys and give you a hernia!
3) And some guys still question the “Caution! Aim away from face!” warning on the barrel.
Mr. Q
Now who’s compensating, Freud!
WOW!!! This silicone holds!!!
I have what kind of envy now?!
1. I don’t CARE if there’s no way anyone could hold a gun like this or if my gun is angled oddly and is waaaay too heavy for one hand! I also don’t care about the ammo hanging out of my gun and the fact that it’s probably twice the height I am or that the rounds change position randomly! I also don’t give a shit about the fact that I sewed sleeves on my leather, skin tight jump-suit that has random pouches and odd shoulder pads and that I need to zip up more! I also happen to LIKE my glasses and hair thank you very much! Now if you make fun of me one more time, I will SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE!!!!!
(Boy that’s long)
1.they call me…physically impossible!
1) That’s for wiping snot on the side of my pool.
2.Is the mouse dead!?
2) Ohmigosh I’m SO sorry! I guess that teaches me not to wear sunglasses in the middle of the night.
“MY HEAD’S UP HERE!”
3.Now that’s what you call a bullet-bullet!
Now let’s kiss and make up.
I’m ready for my close up.
1. Ding! Chicken’s done
2. Well I’ve injected enough silicone, what do I do with the rest?
3. What do you mean “It’s too dark to wear sunglasses?” Can’t you see there’s welding to be done?
1. I’ll let these guns do the talking.
2. My guns are right here and yes they’re real.
1. Here at Walmart, we rollback not just our prices but your life expectancy as well.
2. BOOM-Shaka-laka!
3. Gun meet Bob, my cheating ex-husband. Bob, meet gun.
1. You should see my big gun.
2. Eyes up here!
I shoot and I shoot, but I’m still constipated!
This isn’t an entry, but why is the barrel of that thing about 10 times the size of the bullets its firing?
Next time, do a better job drawing me!
Or
Rob, you didn’t date much in high school, did you?
1) Alas poor Kermit! I knew him well, Horatio.
2) That’s not a hairdryer! THIS…is a hairdryer!
1)LEGGO MY EGGO!
2) i said you can have ONE muffin, not two!
3)when life hands you ammo, buy a bigger gun.
“I’ve come her to chew gum and kick some arse. And I’m all out of arse.”
1. I told you not to bother me this time of the month!
That might be pushing the line though…
1. WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL ME!
2. You kids stay off of my lawn!
3. Keep your “Watchtower” and give Jehovah my regards!
1) These are medical support kneepads, not THOSE kind of kneepads……pervert.
2) Launching souvenir t-shirts to the nosebleed section ain’t a problem with this little baby.
2) I’m sorry. What was that you said about my mamma?
Not for consideration, here are some I threw out:
Yes, it IS that time of the month!
You want to bury me,huh? Well, take this-oh, you said you wanted to MARRY me! Damn, always a bridesmaid, never a bride!
I am NOT doing your nails!
I’m not trying to intimidate people; I’m just exercising my Second Ammendment right! OBAMA’S A SOCIALIST!
Well, you WERE the father of my baby.
I love yardsales!
“It’s lucky this gun is so big, because I can’t see a damn thing!”
“That green stuff looks like blood. But then…oh God! That thing wasn’t a robot!”
1. I’m locked and loaded, now how about you big boy?
2. THEY CALL ME MISTER TIBBS!!!!
3. That’s mah Lunch money ya fool!
4. Oh man, I wanted a Beach-time Barbie and Ken for Christmas! Not this!
5. OMG!! Like this thingamajig is like totally rad!! I’ve got to tell my BFF Jill about this!!
3) “Who wants Toast?!”
“THAT Was a Warning Shot!”
3. That is NOT how you finger paint!
Try leaving the toilet seat up now!
1. What a smell of sulfur! (quoting The Wizard of Oz)
2. That’s one robo-lobster down.
3. At least my boobs will stop bumping into things if I have this giant gun protruding out in front of me!
1 “NINETIES!”
I have PMS and a big gun..Any Questions?
This plastic-surgery-guy who messed up my body gonna wish he’d never been born!
“Who the hell drew this? I’m gonna shoot him!”
“Actually I don’t think this unnatural way of holding a gun thats way to heavy will help the US-military to gain new recruits. Also I think I just broke my hand AND my arm.”
3) I have the ability to phase through bullets. Why do you ask?
“America, f*** yah!”
“As a woman, you have to go to extremes to compensate for a small phallus.”
1) “Give up! My boobs will give me more Ammo!”
1) Suck it, Cable!
1. Happiness, is a warm gun mama.
2. Just what do you mean by “You’re very Spathic”?
3. That is how I deal with sexual harassment in the workplace
1.Sarah Palin has nothing on me.
2.everything is big in Texas.
“Does my butt look in this”
“Chamber bigger than the bullets. Typical!”
2. “I am…PALM-TREE HEAD WOMAN!”
3. “Christ, these bulging veins on my neck are cutting off my circulation!”
I knew I shouldn’t have bought this from a Chinese arms dealer with a bad Texas accent. Well borken ammo belts aside, it does get the job done.
Repalce my first with “my breasts challenge you to a gunfight!”
Not an entry but doggonit if some people simply defy the effects of gravity. I’d love to have her perspicacious elasticity but unfortunately I’m a victim of the laws of physics on the human form. LOL.
2. Why am I wearing sunglasses at this hour? Because my gun just kills anything in its path! I don’t NEED to see.
3. Dammit. I was expecting the blast from the gun to break the fourth wall, literally of course, and then kill Robbie for drawing me like this.
3) Just testing my new portable microwave.
“Who said you can’t weaponize an E-Z bake oven?”
1. and this is my BOOM STICK!!!!!!
2. say hello to my special friend.
I Don’t Want To Go Out With You, Stop Asking!
need a smoke!
I’ll show you who should be in the kitchen!
Why yes, it does give me a manicure while I’m killing things.
Try the new Gunbunny support bra! With maximum sport style support and recoil compensation*.
*Warning may distort the female figure.
I wanted a Rachel haircut ***hole!!!!!
Do you wanna end up like that guy? Then remember my name is Sally not “sweater-meat”!
1. “Jeff, I’ve been sent from the future by Liefeld-Net to destroy Heromachine!” [insert Terminator music here]
2. “Damnit! I knew ‘this gun’ looked like it had no way of actually working.”
3. “That’s for sneezing on my space ship.”
2) “They thought they could kill me? Michael Jackson never dies! He just gets bad surgeons…”
(Nobody else thinks she looks like MJ?)
‘If you look real hard…You may notice I have a gun!’
1. Think loooong and hard before you decide to break up with me.
2. That’s what SHE said!
3. Actually the gun is the distraction….not the other way around.
clean version: NO ONE STEALS MY DOOOUUUUGGGGHHHHNNNNUUUUUUTTTTTT! *BANG!!!!* MWAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!
wooo i’m pooped, wanna go to the movies with a nice bag of popcorn…. no? I DIDN’T THINK SO!!!!!! *BANG!!!!*
3)I’m not bad. I’m just drawn that way.
@ Hakoon: Actually, she reminds me more of Sideshow Bob.
Pop Tarts are ready! Hope you like ’em well done!
Not an entry but (37)danny and (40)darth you guys went over the 3 per person limit
Very funny entries so far, thanks guys!
As far as >3 entries go, my policy is to stop reading them after the third one. They just don’t get considered. So for all intents and purposes, the first three a given person submits are it.
Hasta manana, darlin’.
The next one of you assholes who calls me the ‘Second Amendment MILF’ gets it.
How dare you insult my boob job!
“My suit is not edible!”
1) Like oh my god did you see that?
2) You know the deal. I am for real.
3) Wow doctor you were right! This thearopy stuff really works!
Let’s see if he will betray me with that bitch now!
1)Let’s see if he will betray me with that bitch now!
2)Say hello to my little friend!
3)Ah, well let’s see if you like it!
Please Enjoy.
1. “Did I get him?”
2. “That’s for making fun of my feet.”
@berserker & Jeff: About No.37, I clearly stated “Not for consideration, these are some I threw out.” They’re just for the fun of it, hoping others would get a kick out of them.
500 RPS belt fed and I didnt even chip a nail!
I blow away you and all your friends, and your still reaching out to cop a feel?
Size 50? Are you asking about bullets or bras?
No, it’s not heavy, why do you ask?
“Good Lord! I DO have feet…and I shot one off!”
Oh, hell, I think I’ve ruptured a disc.