Caption Contest 64: Headliner!

We're going to do something a little different for this week's caption contest. Usually I put up a comic book panel with the words whited out, and you have to try to come up with the funniest or best replacement dialog. But this week, you're going to do what I do with the Daily Random Panels -- come up with the best headline to make the comic book panel below perfect:


So for instance, some possibilities I thought of for this one were "This is the worst fantasy ever!"; "How can I with all this pressure and shouting?!"; "Bad days to forget your thumbtacks"; "Bob's Last Day as the Green Masked Bulletin Poster"; etc.

The rules are simple:

  1. All entries must be left as a comment or comments to this post;
  2. Only three entries per person;
  3. Keep it appropriate for a general audience, which I usually describe as something that would pass network censors for a prime-time broadcast television program.

The winner will receive either a portrait of their head or any one item they like to be included in the HeroMachine 3 final version. You have one week, so good luck everyone!

46 Responses to Caption Contest 64: Headliner!

  1. 1. What the new guy in prison should never say.

    2. Followed by “Squeal like a pig!”

    3. How can I when you’re pointing a loaded gun at me!

  2. Tonight on Larry Flint Radio Theater!

  3. Three little words to make an conversation awkward.

  4. Three little words to make a conversation awkward.

    ^^^ Grammar fix 🙂

  5. 1.You know the Economy is bad when heroes read for parts in porn movies.

    2.While posting fliers for Hair Club for Men.

  6. 1. I know there’s something wrong with this announcement but…

    2. I know there’s something wrong with this ad but…

  7. 1) Death threats at the tax offices getting more common
    2) Busting a communist undercover agent redhanded – A McCarthy story
    3) So you made the photocopier run out of paper?

  8. The amazing Compliant Man!

  9. 1. I think you mean “give”…

    2. Another hero succumbs to the powers of Dr. Cialis

    3. “I’m too busy reading the script to my new movie”

  10. All arguments must be preceded by form ARG250ez to be filed in triplicate.

  11. Someone always has to ruin it by not wearing a hat.

  12. why employers cancel casual fridays

  13. 3 big pieces of toilet paper…

  14. I’ve heard of shotgun weddings, but this is getting ridiculous.

  15. a hero forgetting his lines

  16. Just a typical day at the Glenn Beck Show on Fox News.

  17. Meanwhile, at the Corleone Sperm Bank…

  18. 3.A day at the office with Jeff.

  19. Just a typical day at the Keith olbermann show msnbc.

  20. with the revolver in the alley

  21. Still waiting for the Viagra to kick in.

  22. Study: 99 Percent of Superheroes Not Bullet-Proof

  23. Avatar PhoenixTalion

    Deep down, the Green Bandit knew someone was going to try to make a political joke out of this.

  24. Avatar PhoenixTalion

    They really were ugly recruiting posters. But who was he to argue with the Mob?

  25. 1. Jack’s latest adult film adopted a new style of shoot and run, though Jack didn’t intend for it to be so literal.

  26. Why superheroes shouldn’t play “Simon Says.”

  27. Avatar Montana Player

    1. Inner monolouges gone wrong.
    2. And the number one thing a super hero doesn’t want to hear in the bedroom…!
    3. 24 goes porn

  28. Ahh, super-porn, good times, good times.

  29. When Saying Things Out Loud is Horrid Thing to Do.

  30. 2. Freud would say that he is also attracted to his mother.

  31. 1. Awkward Moments in Gun Robberies
    2. Priorities, Priorities
    3. Things You Never Want to Hear when Holding a Guy’s Hand.

  32. “Hey,that’s what my wife said last night.”

  33. “Book Publisher’s Gone Bad”

  34. This advertisement is brought to you by GlueGoo Paper.
    “Don’t let your Office Hero be without it!”

  35. That’s What She Said

  36. 1.) Failed Bat-Signal Projectioist

  37. 2.) Failed Self-Kidnapping Attempts

  38. Baw-chica-chica-wa-wa!

  39. Random Panel: When buying a drink beforehand would’ve helped the situation.

  40. When ‘Superheroes’ soil themselves.

  41. Avatar Jesterthegreat

    1. Great Moments in Two-Sided Negotiations

    2. Eleven-and-a-Half Reasons Why You Should Surrender

    3. It’s the [I]Perfect[/I] Time for an Argument!

  42. Hey Jeff, since I peg you for the kind of guy who gets a laugh out of Tom Waits (or at least someone old enough to know about him in his heyday), here’s another one:

    Random Panel: It looks like the Piano isn’t the only one that’s been drinking around here.

    For the rest to make sense of that, just watch the amusing song at this link:

  43. Avatar song_bird2103

    1. What heroes have to do if they want to survive in Hollywood.

  44. 1. Great moments in subtle diversions.

    2. For everyone who wondered why Mr. Anderson got fired as the debate coach.

    3. Although he tried his best, Gay Charlie just couldn’t get into the gangster racket.

  45. “Pimp my Zoro discusses viewer ratings.”

  46. 3. Johnny the Hampster starts arguments about poster placement with his gun.